How do I tell my spouse that I want a divorce
The issue has been weighing on your mind, it has been causing you sleepless nights and mindless drifts. The time has now come for you to spill the beans and to face what might be one of the biggest challenge in your life. It is not going to be easy, that’s for sure. But here are some points which you should be aware of when you are letting the cat out of that bag which you’ve been clenching onto tightly behind your back:
No blindsiding
Before you break the news to your partner, always ensure that parties have somehow saw this coming. If there has been marital therapies or several discussions about this unfortunate event, or if the feelings are clearly mutual, you will have more options. However, never ever drop the bomb on your partner all of a sudden. Whilst it may the easier way out, note that this is only for the beginning - by blindsiding your partner about this issue, you are only attracting more complexities in the divorce process: you would be expecting the stages of grief, denial and anger from your partner. Ideally, you would want to tell your spouse about your consideration for a divorce as soon as you realise you want to end your marriage.
With that said, one should never make known your intentions through text messages or phone calls. Also, never skip on the conversation and serve the divorce papers directly.
Practice your speech
When it comes to finding the right words to say, it is much more powerful to state your feelings about the relationship clearly, honestly and as kindly as possible, than calling your spouse on all the things you think he or she has done wrong in the marriage. It is not an easy topic to discuss about. Thus, try to run some speeches in your head or better still, write it down before you say it. Try to use a neutral language and avoid giving any false hope.
The setting
The venue where you will be breaking the news and the timing of it should never be underestimated. Always find a safe place where you can have your private space. If your partner is known to be violent, find a neutral third party to be around when you are breaking the news. Otherwise, you might want to inform your partner about your decision in a public setting where there are people around.
Keep your emotions in check
Whilst you are spilling the beans, always ensure that you are calm and kind. Try not to beat around the bush and be as compassionate as you can. After all, this is someone whom you’ve once loved deeply. Parting in a respectful and cordial way goes a long way. Of course, be serious as you are saying it and make sure that you are not hurling the “d” word out of momentary anger.
Give and let live
Never expect an immediate answer from your partner. Even if that is given, always ensure that some time has passed and both parties have had a reasonable amount of time to think things through before moving on to the divorce procedure. As you have been considering and mulling over this issue, you are ahead of your spouse in the grieving process that comes along with divorce. Do not expect your partner to sit well with it right from the beginning.
About Author: Henry Tan is an expert writer, he writes on various topics related to legal procedure in Singapore. Currently he is writing for on family law divorce and divorce lawyers in Singapore.