New Years Message 2014!
Post date: Jan 5, 2014 9:28:08 PM
Hi Everybody! :)
A new year has begun, and much has fallen and been realized….so…I decided to share
As I am sure you are all aware of by now, my book and whole story have been published, another process of birth.
Today my parents left for Holland again, after having spent the holidays (2 weeks) here in Austria. My sister and her family left 2 days ago already.
It was a most interesting time for me.
As expected, my family was simply still who they always were, nothing much changed on their side of the veil…..except maybe that my sister has gone even further off the deep end with her yoga-practices and Ayurvedic food(- and other) -mania :D.
(Her family is very much outside of its comfort zone at times, with my sis enthusiastically dragging in each hopeless case for ‘therapy’, and also some Indian friends she made. Her husband carries the patient, observing, sometimes strictly correcting energy of the mother, closely watching her child as it makes its wild playful caprioles….Yet her husband also carries the rigid old male conservative unmoving energy she challenges to come out of its old pattern bit by bit…it is very interesting this process they chose to create together).
Having gone through such deep changes, transmutations and realisations during this past year of 2013, the time spent with my family took place on a whole other level of experience.
There they were, happy to see me (at first anyway :D)…and still releasing an endless flood of ‘good advice’ in my direction. …
My big sis wanted me to stick out my tongue, to project her ayurvedic ideas of ‘diagnoses’ on me, and tell me everything ‘wrong’ with me, from her perspective. (When, to be quite honest, her diet has pretty much turned her into a bone-warehouse, covered by a pale greyish wrinkled skin…So if the outside reflects the inside…well…no need to say much, quite a barren landscape in there it must be). She, like a puppy dog that’s discovered its tail for the very first time, and like an avalanche raging downhill, keeps on waltzing over everybody, ‘offering’, or rather forcing her (unsolicited) so called ‘spiritual wisdom’ and ‘healing techniques’ upon everyone in sight (duck!).
Beware of the Yoga/spiritual-Gestapo! :D It wants to stuff you full with illusions of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ food, exercises to take, life-styles to adapt to, daily routines to uphold, mantras to sing (or to be let ‘blown’ into your ear/head), herbs to use, yucky mixtures to drink, etc. They say eggs are bad for ya, so is meat, must eat that for your digestion, no eating of raw this, no mixing that with that, endless rows of BS, and more old energy dogma and delusion. (The truly advanced and enlightened souls will not be found on a mountain top, living in an Ashram, wearing an orange dress, and living in a rigid structure/institute with suitable practices...The truly advanced will be living right next door from you (with all due respect to the people who find solace in such places and practices. They are, after all, all God' creations and children...No judgement here).
I thought it rather funny and cute :D
All I heard for 2 whole weeks was basically a truckload of do’s and don’ts, endless remarks and criticism of my being, my appearance, lifestyle etc ….Not even for one moment was there any true contact from them to me, no one ever truly saw or heard me, and no one asked me how my year had been, where I asked them the egg out of their asses, as I am simply really, truly, honestly interested in people and their experiences, and open to hearing it all without judgement. My sisters’ visits to India were very good stories full of new experiences, discoveries and new friendships for her, and I just love a good story. Yet, as they kept projecting their own limitations on me, could not see from behind it and themselves, they were simply unable to truly connect, with each other as well as me. Not a clue they have about who I truly am now, all the things I learned and experienced, buried as they are beneath endless old stories, fears, traditions, practices and opinions.
So, all I did was simply smile, joke around, and change the direction of those heavy-energy conversations (and no, I did not stick out my tongue for my sisters’ convenience, that BS she may kindly keep to herself, thank you :D).
Useful to mention here is that my family also kept complaining about me talking too much, so I will explain this for those of you who also notice the same response in themselves: The urge to talk a lot and quickly. You must understand that the energy in the old world, with all its blockages, limitations, pains and frustrations is a very sluggish slow moving, basically unpleasant, stagnant boxed-in energy, to those of a high vibration anyways. So the natural response of a higher vibrating system is to immediately start moving fast, to uphold its’ own high energy. So the fast moving/motion of words and a lot of humour, is basically intended as a neutralisation, or balancing out of sorts. It keeps the energy vibration highest possible. So don’t hit yourself over the head if you too experience the urge to talk a lot and fast when in the company of old energies, it is simply a very useful automated response in service of your protection, as it creates a field of fast moving energy. Needless to say I was quite exhausted each time I had visited the relatives, and slept like a baby :)
A higher vibrating/advanced being can only visit such lower vibrating worlds for so long, so when after a while you feel the urge to withdraw from such surroundings, or/and notice you are getting angry, simply do so, as it is for your own good. Your anger comes from your soul, and merely tells you (sometimes also accompanied of an adrenalin rush of rage through your body), that this is an old energy trying to suck you in, and that this is no longer who you are, you have already integrated this and are done with it. The old energy challenges you to mirror its own behaviour, yet you are already done with it. Your system, by means of anger, is simply a red flag signalling you what is going on. Anger is fire, and fire cleanses/purifies.
I used to think I should be able to spend much time with my family, as they are my family, and that is what one is supposed to do with family. Through the years I learned to withdraw whenever I needed it, no matter what the comments/opinions were. In the beginning I tried to explain it to them, but be it that in the old world everything is taken as a personal insult or rejection, it never really worked. Although in time they kind of learned to simply accept it as something belonging to me, and nothing to do with them or the love I hold for them.
This year everything was different for me, and oh so easy and simple. I have come so incredibly far now, I can just simply sit with them, be in their presence, let them bombard me with old energy critique, uninvited advice etc, it never broke my inner peace and neutral balance. All I felt was love, forgiveness and acceptance of who they are, and who they are obviously simply supposed to be, by their choice.
After the first week, Christmas had passed, my system was slowly letting me know we had about reached the end of the time we could spend in the old world. So I simply wrote the family an e-mail, without further explanation, saying I would come to see them once again before they left, and with my parents spend their last day here together (which was just yesterday).
It had been very good and joyful seeing them all again, and I had made them all some small gifts: necklaces with a little angel for my sisters’ little girls, wrapped in a little heart-shaped gift box I decorated myself. For my yoga sister a box I decorated in Indian style magic, for keeping her incenses and oils in. And both my sis and my parents got a copy of my book (which they have actually even started reading!). My 2 sisters back in Holland, whom I haven’t seen in years, and their grown up daughters, get to freely pick a drawing (or more) of mine, and so do my parents and yoga sister. It simply felt like the right thing to do, leave some very personal gifts behind, in total honour and respect of who they are…and as a gift of gratitude and appreciation.
Because…as I had already felt after finishing my book, and before the family arrived here end of December, something has ended, and change is on the near horizon. The fact that my parents are in the process of selling their house, which I grew up in, and they lived in for half a century, is a clear sign of times changing, and a different/new life-stage making its entrance.
Also the message I got from an old friend I had not seen or heard from in years, informing me of her current underway pregnancy (yay! She had been so longing for a life-partner and family for so many years!), alongside more stories people shared with me of their life-changing circumstances, were clear indicators times are indeed changing for many.
The last bit of breakthrough for me happened when visiting my family one evening, and being bombarded with the usual stuff, without anyone being truly aware of each other, or me…they never notice much of each other, all they did was play their own ‘music’, stubbornly projecting/forcing their own opinions and views upon each other, no one truly connecting, hearing or seeing,…A lot of the time each also withdrawing/hiding behind its own I-pad, I-phone or laptop screen, loads of tension and distance/separation/removal hanging in the room…And all of a sudden I simply burst into tears, just like that, feeling totally at peace and fine one moment, the next simply totally breaking down…I kept it to myself best as I could, as I had not made any sense of it yet anyway, and whatever the reason, it could not be explained to anyone, as they were unable to hear and see me from behind their opinionated rubble…
So I came home, exhausted, and cried me a River…Deeply cleansing, releasing, relieving tears...
And I saw how my time visiting the old world/family was simply coming to an end, and I realised how I was no longer mad, sad or disappointed when engaging in these types of old bonds, there was simply no more pain in me that could be triggered, as I healed it all….and all I felt was a very deep sense of love and forgiveness….And yes, there was grief….not the old heavy painful grief, but simply a very natural light yet deep grieving for the limitations and harshness they choose to live in, the according treatment of themselves and each other, and the total non-communication despite of many words spoken…..My soul wept for them, how I would wish them something much more loving…The energies they choose to reside in are so controlling, unfree and thus loveless…..blind and deaf….drunken with ego re-activity…
But…there was also a feeling of very deep gratitude spreading its relaxing warmth through me…not only did I realise how incredibly far I’d come….but also something else….a far deeper truth and awareness…
My family chooses to reside in those old harsh energies not only for their own freely chosen earth-experience….but also for me…..to serve me…
Because as I kept looking at that old image, that old family situation, into that old unchanged mirror, it became more and more clear to me that none of it had anything to do with me anymore… Their ‘unloving’ behaviour, deafness and criticism, no longer triggered any pain or pain-response in me, as I have none left….Nor did it trigger any urge to re-act or respond to it….all of this has been neutralised in me…it has been cleansed, the separation healed, the gap closed….Now there is nothing anyone can say or do to break my peace and love…..as I am whole within myself, and thus also with them….My love and peace are a constant….I just kept on loving them, no pain, no unpleasantness….They are now all fragments of myself I integrated and reconciled with each other.
You must understand that the God that resides in me, and also in them (and you), from behind the veil, very lovingly offered me this old image/mirror….Because looking into it, helped me realise all these things….and more…My family stayed in the old energy, so I could be served by this image….(Of course, they are unaware of this fact).
(Recently on TV, I saw the image of a 6 year old child in Afghanistan…laying all worn out and sick on a dirty piece of tapestry outside, and the mother in the background was saying how due to the ongoing war/terror-ism, it was too dangerous, and everyone was poor, and therefore there was no help for sick people, especially children suffered because of it…And as I watched that image, I saw how this child (and many others with her) served/serves as a mirror to her people…Because she is showing them who they are currently being, what they create(d)…And as she offers them this mirror-image to look into, she is also asking them a very big question: “This is who you currently are, is this who you want to be? Is this truly the life you choose for your people and yourself? If not, then change it! Create differently! Look at it, see it, see yourself, acknowledge who you are, look into yourself!”)
I saw how I now had nothing left to solve or clear in/through these relationships, I saw how I was all healed….and that I was now so ready to go out into the world, a new life, and BE LOVE…The mirror/image they offered me, let me know that that was no longer who I am….nor what I now need or choose….It simply showed who they (still) were….I had nothing left to take or learn from it. In the old days their behaviour and comments would trigger pain in me, like a spotlight highlighting old wounds, showing me where I still had work to do. Now, there were no more old wounds to be healed. All gone. I now choose/live/am differently, a different new life/way of being…I choose LOVE.
These last years, or even a lifetime, I battled to get to love…Every day for the last 6,5 years, since Michael left me, I fought hard to break through all the illusions, and choose love and trust and healing over and over again, an ongoing, relentless, exhausting battle, for this earth, as well as myself…for love.
After my big cry I realised I had no obligation to go see them again, I had nothing left to prove to no one, no facade to uphold, nor was there any need left for me to look into that old mirror/image, it served no purpose anymore…It had nothing to do with rejection or spite….Just like having done all these years of ascension-processing: choosing love and trust over all else ( like fear etc), I could now simply choose to leave it all behind, and go out into the world and choose/create/draw in the mirror/image that fits who I am….I can mould reality as I choose, and in the process naturally bring my love to the world…I no longer need to visit old patterns and situations (over and over again) for learning and healing. If maybe I visit my old family in times to come, if God so desires it, then it will come from a place of pure love and actual desire to see them, and not from any old set patterns…I will no longer be where they expect me to be, in their old skiing village in Austria, I will have moved elsewhere, into a whole new space, and entering my space once a year will not be anything automatic anymore ….And it may so happen that I never see them again, now that the work is done, and those bonds have basically become obsolete… If indeed I visit them (or let them visit me), it will be of my own free will and choice…and if not, it will be okay as well, my love accompanies them always, wherever we may roam….And they all simply need to be right where/who they are…it is their free choice, their experience/interaction, and so perfect for them…It is the play they came to perform here….So no judgment here.
(My sister left a folded note in my door before she left, as a response to the e-mail I wrote her, in which I very neutrally and lovingly informed them of how I had experienced these past few weeks, basically the same things I am sharing with your right now (Spirit urged me to do so, in closure, as in a written message one can neither be interrupted, nor attacked/disrespected, and the written word has a much longer and bigger impact. Had Spirit not asked/urged me to, I would have simply kept my silence), and I didn’t need to even read it to know that it was more old energy spiritual BS (however well intended it may have been). So I chose not to read it and just simply burn it. The fact that my sis felt the need to re-act, already told me Spirits’ message to them had done its intended job, it triggered something. I had hugged them and said my goodbyes a day earlier already, so no need to allow in anything I did not need/desire, nor chose for myself, having learnt so well these past years how to keep my space clean, create my own reality, and not give away my creative power to energies that seek to enter my space, control my energy/space and force their reality on me)…And it felt cleansing and right…like burning a hole past life….freeing…..I am not taking any old garbage with me…She had also asked me if she could come and spend about a week at my place during the coming summer, bringing a friend from India to visit places in Austria. She basically did not really want to come visit me parse, but merely wanted a place to stay as they ventured out during the day….Knowing my sisters’ controlling intrusive wild puppy dog nature, I felt no desire whatsoever to sacrifice my peaceful space like that, so without any explanation I told her she’d better make other arrangements….I also told her she would be most welcome for a short visit/a drink, I would even go gather up some Camel piss, squeeze some donkey zits, or milk ant, if that’s what they liked and needed for their diet. (Some nights before I also had a very significant urgent dream, telling me of new beginnings, and probably not even being here by then anymore anyway…))
Anyway….Right after all these intensely loving realisations, my system was immediately catapulted into new heights….
After visiting the old family/energies/world, it is all too normal when your body immediately torches off every bit of sticky energy from your energy-field. When back in my own space at home, I would get flu-like symptoms right away, fever-like stuff, sweating, glowing, coughing and sneezing, shortness of breath etc….Your body will use any tool necessary to keep your system clean, like neutralising a virus. Your belly can blow up (mine sure got all bloated, like never before. Couldn’t even eat one bite, no room!), acting like a buffer-zone, and many other such occurrences can take place. I even woke up once, after just a few hours of sleep, crying, bathing in sweat, and also very angry.
This time there were all these well-known symptoms of cleansing/dropping density/dirty virus-energies/old reality-debris, but after realising all these ‘new’ things, I also I got very cold, the wind swirl that’s been accompanying me all these years, became freezing cold, and I got very dizzy again….like standing on a boat in the waves, trying to move forward….I was going ‘up’ again. Wheee, here I gooo! :D The dizziness still remains for now, and so do the other symptoms. My breathing is wiiiide open, some mucus also being released :D Also this morning I woke up with a huge throat ache (mostly left side of course :D), which subsided during the day. Some head ache as well…Another old reality is being left behind/released/dropped/washed away from my system/DNA.
…And of course, I should have known, I got my period…It is always amazing to see how the timing for these events is so perfect, my hormonal household/balance/release is always very much utilised and integrated into the process. So, more density gets neutralised/dropped off, and my system is moving up even higher again….After last summer I truly thought there was no higher place of love anymore, as I was up so ‘high’ already, I thought I’d turn into a true alien, or see-through shiny illuminated Jesus-fluffy-thingy when moving even further beyond…And what was to become of me then?! How, for the love of God, could I still reside on this earth plane when being soooo high up/out there already? By now my energy field must be lit up bright like a Christmas tree, or maybe I truly have become transparent/invisible… Which is obviously why my body wants to eat a lot of heavy stuff, and put on some weight to hold/anchor me down…Nothing out of the ordinary ;D
After lovingly having dinner with, and hugging my folks goodbye last night, I immediately afterward, back home alone, felt a deep sense of release/relief and relaxation….My period burst loose big time, thus things/energy/blood/life started flowing again… releasing…. washing away/clear…No more stagnant, old, locked in energies anywhere in sight :D
These last months there have been new people being naturally showing up, including other gifts such as money etc….these are all naturally attracted to me…as where the old family is more an old bond from times gone by, and old tradition (they simply always come over for their x-mas holiday…not really as a naturally flowing/evolving event, but as an old set pattern….And as such they also view me, their daughter/sister, one obsolete role, and nothing else)….No longer do they know who I am…
So…the pieces of the mirror have been glued back together now….the mirror is whole, the inner peace and love are restored, the scattered fragments of my being healed, integrated… and put to rest….
My family also talked about my big sister, who has met a man over the internet, whom she is meeting for the very first time on January 10th of this year, at 10 a.m, she is already quite smitten by him…My family mostly expressed their reservations and concerns about this, and predicted another big broken heart for my big sis, they expect a negative outcome…..Yet all I could think was: good for her! Falling in love is the most beautiful thing on this earth ever! She is young, she shouldn’t wither away behind the windows and walls of her house, looking out….she should go out there and smell the roses, dive into life, let herself be carried by the jet planes in her stomach, enjoy all it has to offer her, without reservations or fears, sing, dance and cheer, frolic and celebrate…and if maybe she falls and bruises a bit, or bleeds from the nose, maybe breaks a bone, then she at least had the chance to experience and learn something about herself, and truly live and experience life!
The whole old limiting mirror image my old family held up for me, made it all to clear that it is now time for me to break out of the cocoon I have been in for so many years (not just the last 6,5), and simply jump into life, go out there and do my thang (whatever that may be)…No longer will I stay in, the transmutation is over, I cannot be held down/small any longer….I will now break out, spread, and break through the shell/ceiling, like Alice in wonderland, or a sound wave breaking all windows in the vicinity, or a steam locomotive that steams clear a path to wherever….Not talking here about pushing against Gods flow, and controlling, but simply going out there and taking/creating what is naturally mine….No longer will I hold back my love, God will steer me to where I need to go, all I need do is follow….and God will follow me.
If the seeming void is the last illusion I need to break, then do so I will, with vigour…I will no longer wait and sit still, but move and go get my love, it is mine for the taking…whenever I summon it, it is ready for me….it is already all there…
I needed to truly come to the point where I had become love, in order to be ready for life, and love….. and to go out there and summon life….There is so much to celebrate, so much to share and enjoy! Nothing and no one can stop me now, and I will not hold back anything, I will jump in without hesitation or reservations….I will not fall….I am so much bigger than life itself even….So much bigger then the old, small, limiting patterns the old family/energy attempted to squeeze me into…That is simply a jacket I no longer fit into…grown all out of and past it :D
Yes…the world still has a long long way to go, you can see it out there, it is messy….But spirits such as mine and yours will be right there amongst them, amidst them, beside them, behind them and in front of them, to help us all see it through, and bring this Earth to peace.
Not because it is noble, right, or because we must ‘save’ humanity and earth or anything like that…No…Simply because it is what we decided to do….all of us together, even if it seems different and insane for some and at times….and we have the free choice to check out of this hotel at any time…It is/becomes whatever we make of it/want it to be…
So go get it! The coast is clear, and the road wide open and free! :D
I am all loving mellow mush right now :D
Love, love, love
Ilse
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