Twilight Preface

Chapter Summary: We haven’t even started with the story and it sucks. The prologue is incorrectly labeled as a “preface” and Bella Swan is talking about how selfless she is.

For my big sister, Emily, without whose enthusiasm this story might still be unfinished.

Ah, we know who to blame for this literary abomination.

But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil,

thou shalt not eat of it:

for in the day that thou eatest thereof

thou shalt surely die.

Genesis 2:17

This epigraph doesn’t fit with the story. The verse is when God tells Adam and Eve if they eat the forbidden fruit, they will die twice: physically and spiritually.

This is supposed to be a terrible thing. But in Twilight, humans are inferior beings while the sparklepires are better than mere mortals.

We haven’t even started with the story and Stephenie Meyer raped a thesaurus.

According to Merriam-Webster, the preface is defined as:

1) often capitalized : a variable doxology beginning with the Sursum Corda and ending with the Sanctus in traditional eucharistic liturgies

2): the introductory remarks of a speaker or author

3): approach, preliminary

The correct word would be prologue. Merriam-Webster defines it as:

1): the preface or introduction to a literary work

I’D NEVER GIVEN MUCH THOUGHT TO HOW I WOULD DIE—

The very second you found that Edward was a sparklepire, you have been hellbent heckbent on becoming a sparklepire.

THOUGH I’D had reason enough in the last few months—but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.

“I expected Eddy to take me like a kleptomaniac. But now, I’m going to be killed by a nomadic sparklepire.”

I stared without breathing across the long room, into the dark eyes of the hunter, and he looked pleasantly back at me.

At least he is being courteous while he tries to exterminate a Mary Sue.

Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something.

The suspense is killing me! Is it her douchey boyfriend?

I knew that if I’d never gone to Forks, I wouldn’t be facing death now. But, terrified as I was, I couldn’t bring myself to regret the decision. When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.

“Just kill me! If I can’t be a sparklepire, then I want to die!”

The hunter smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forward to kill me.

In a perfect world, the story would end with Bella being an aperitif for a thirsty sparklepire. But the world is not perfect.

Which is why we have three other books in the series along with a novella, a gender-flipped version of Twilight and an unfinished novel from sparkledouche’s perspective.