A Walk to Remember Chapter 2

Chapter Summary: After buying votes for class president, Landon begrudgingly asks Jamie to go to the homecoming dance with him. And there is even more asshattery.

After high school I planned to go to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

My father wanted me to go to Harvard or Princeton like some of the sons of other congressmen did, but with my grades it wasn’t possible.

1. Riiiiight.
2. Because 99.9% of the time, children of prominent politicians go to an Ivy League school because of their dizzying intellect.

Not that I was a bad student.

“Even though I’m supposed to be a bad boy, I can’t have lousy grades. My creator wouldn’t approve.”

I just didn’t focus on my studies,

1. Just admit it, Landon.
2. You are a slacker.

and my grades weren’t exactly up to snuff for the Ivy Leagues.

Translation: I did stupid shit instead of focusing on my schoolwork.

By my senior year it was pretty much touch and go whether I’d even get accepted at UNC,

I don’t care about the woes of a douchebag.

and this was my father’s alma mater, a place where he could pull some strings.

“Attending college because of one’s own merit is for losers! Winners use Daddy Dearest to get into a university.”

Daddy Dearest is home for Labor Day weekend.

During dinner, Worth suggests that Landon run for student body president. He says that it would look good on Landon’s record.

Mom nods her head in agreement.

She didn’t speak much when my father had the floor, though she winked at me.

Because all women in the 1950’s were smiling and submissive housewives who rarely talked!

Sometimes I think my mother liked to see me squirm, even though she was sweet.

1. Landon, your mother is either a Stepford housewife.
2. Or a sadistic bitch.
3. She can’t be both at the same time.

“I don’t think I’d have a chance at winning,” I said.

1. Quit playing coy, Landon.
2. We all know that you are going to win.
3. In order to try and convince the reader that Landon is a cool guy and a winner.

Though I was probably the richest kid in school, I was by no means the most popular.

For a dude that isn’t popular, he acts like Regina George.

That honor belonged to Eric Hunter, my best friend.

1. You ALREADY told us this!
2. Why is this book constantly repeating stuff that the reader already knows?

He could throw a baseball at almost ninety miles an hour, and he’d led the football team to back-to-back state titles as the star quarterback.

Translation: Eric was a BADASS!

He was a stud.

1. I don’t look through rainbow-colored glasses and immediately interpret any character interaction as being potentially queer.
2. When a man says that another man is attractive doesn’t make him automatically bi/gay/pan/or ply.
3. But when a man is gushing over another guy…
4. And calls him a “stud”...
5. He is DEFINITELY not heterosexual.

Even his name sounded cool.

1. We get it, Landon.
2. You want to fuck him.
3. You want us to think that your buddy is awesome.

“Of course you can win,” my father said quickly. “We Carters always win.”

“And if not, then we give people cement shoes.”

That’s another one of the reasons I didn’t like spending time with my father. During those few times he was home, I think he wanted to mold me into a miniature version of himself.

1. Well, both of you are self-absorbed assholes.
2. Which proves that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Since I’d grown up pretty much without him, I’d come to resent having him around.

Landon mentions how his dad “rarely talked to me on the phone” and how this was “the first conversation we’d had in weeks.”

Landon asks if he doesn’t want to be class president. Dad puts down his fork and glares at Landon.

He was wearing a suit even though it was over eighty degrees in the house,

1. If the house is that warm, then why aren’t they turning on a window fan?
2. Or air conditioning?
3. In the 1950’s (especially in ‘53), over one million air conditioning units are sold.
4. And since the Carter family is super rich, they could easily afford air conditioning.

and it made him even more intimidating.

1. Why SHOW the readers that Worth Carter is intimidating when you can TELL them?
2. Because following basic writing rules are for squares!

My father always wore a suit, by the way.

1. Even when he is going to bed?
2. Or when swimming in a pool?
3. This sentence sounded better in Nicholas Sparks’ head than it does on paper.

So Worth Carter insists that it would be “a good idea.”

Here’s a multiple choice question:

Does our “rebel”:

A) Storm out of the room?

B) Tells his dad to go and pound salt?

C) Agrees with his father and then starts bitching and moaning?

The correct answer is C!

So Landon whines because he doesn’t want to be class president but says that his “father’s word was law.”

Every week for the rest of the year, dreaming up themes for school dances or trying to decide what colors the streamers should be. [..] It wasn’t like students had the power to actually decide anything meaningful.

Because a guy who is “sort of aimless” (author’s own words can be found under Book FAQ’s question “Why didn’t Hegbert like Landon?”) would do anything meaningful.

And this is Sparks oh so subtle way of saying “Landon is deep because I say so. Now adore him. ”

But then again, I knew my father had a point. If I wanted to go to UNC, I had to do something.

1. Don’t you fret, Landon.
2. Word of God says that you become a minister. (This can be found under Book FAQ question "Did Landon become a minister?")

I didn’t play football or basketball, I didn’t play an instrument, I wasn’t in the chess club or the bowling club or anything else.

“If I had normal hobbies, then I would be like the rest of the sheeple.”

I didn’t excel in the classroom—hell, I didn’t excel at much of anything.

1. To be perfectly frank…
2. Landon being a useless waste of fucking life isn’t surprising.

Growing despondent, I started listing the things I actually could do, but to be honest, there really wasn’t that much.

1. Because a “smart-alecky 17 year old kid” would use the word “despondent” and know what it means.
2. Especially if said kid “doesn’t focus on my [his] studies.”
3. Makes perfect sense.

I could tie eight different types of sailing knots, I could walk barefoot across hot asphalt farther than anyone I knew, I could balance a pencil vertically on my finger for thirty seconds …

“These quirky talents makes me special and proves that I’m better than everyone else.”

but I didn’t think that any of those things would really stand out on a college application.

1. You mean that these skills won’t dazzle the people reading college applications?
2. Thanks for letting me know Nicholas Sparks!

So there I was, lying in bed all night long, slowly coming to the sinking realization that I was a loser. Thanks, Dad.

1. Dad is a lowlife…
2. But Daddy Dearest helped his son realize that he is a loser.
3. Even though everybody and their mother knows that.

The next day, Landon goes to the principal’s office and adds his name to the list of candidates.

There were two other people running—John Foreman and Maggie Brown.

1. I shall put on my bejeweled turban and gaze into my crystal ball.
2. Landon will bash these two people and use his friend to help him get elected.

Now, John didn’t stand a chance, I knew that right off.

“I’ll get someone to break his legs.”

He was the kind of guy who’d pick lint off your clothes while he talked to you.

Translation: He’s a LOSER! While I’m a CHAMPION!

It turns out that John is a good student and always raises his hand everytime the teacher asked a question.

If he was called to give the answer, he would almost always give the right one, and he’d turn his head from side to side with a smug look on his face, as if proving how superior his intellect was when compared with those of the other peons in the room.

Eric and I used to shoot spitballs at him when the teacher’s back was turned.

Landon explains that Maggie Brown is a good student who “served on the student council for the first three years and had been the junior class president the year before.”

The only real strike against her was the fact that she wasn’t very attractive, and she’d put on twenty pounds that summer.

I knew that not a single guy would vote for her.

…..

…..

…..

1. Why is the book so obsessed with outer beauty?
2. Why is the main character a superficial asshole?
3. And why is book highly praised?

After seeing the competition, I figured that I might have a chance after all.

“Because who would vote for those dweebs? It’s painfully obvious that I’m the best thing since sliced bread.”

My entire future was on the line here, so I formulated my strategy.

“I asked myself what would Tony Soprano do?”

Eric was the first to agree.

And Eric has a promising career as being a henchman for the mafia.

“Sure, I’ll get all the guys on the team to vote for you, no problem. If that’s what you really want.”

“How about their girlfriends, too?” I asked.

That was pretty much my entire campaign.

Landon has the kind of imagination that the mafia gives scholarships for.

Landon says that he went to the debates and handed out the fliers. But it was his crush buddy Eric who got him “where I needed to be.”

So Landon got the athletic vote which was “critical.”

In the end it worked out just the way I planned. I was voted student body president with a fairly large majority of the vote.

I had no idea what trouble it would eventually lead me to.

1. You know what they say, Landon…
2. Karma is a bitch.

When I was a junior I went steady with a girl named Angela Clark. She was my first real girl-friend, though it lasted for only a few months.

1. According to Nicholas Sparks, both Landon and Jamie are virgins.
2. He says that “there was just no way morally that I could write that and have them fornicate.”
3. It makes sense that Jamie was chaste.
4. But not for Landon.
5. He is not very religious and he is supposed to be “a bit of a rebel.”
6. And a rebel would not conform to social norms or believe in religious values.

Angela dumps him for a greaser named Lew who had “a really nice car.”

He always wore a white T-shirt with a pack of Camels folded into the sleeve, and he’d lean against the hood of his Thunderbird, looking back and forth, saying things like “Hey, baby” whenever a girl walked by. He was a real winner, if you know what I mean.

Apparently, Nicholas Sparks doesn’t know that “if you know what I mean”can be a double entendre.

Well, anyway, the homecoming dance was coming up, and because of the whole Angela situation, I still didn’t have a date.

Not everyone that goes to homecoming will have a date.

Everyone on the student council had to attend—it was mandatory.

Because a high school would have the ability to force students to attend the homecoming dance.

Landon complains that he has to help decorate the gym and then clean it up the next day.

He also whines that all the girls that he called already had dates.

By the final week the pickings were getting pretty slim. The pool was down to the kinds of girls who had thick glasses and talked with lisps.

1. For a wholesome book that is filled with Christian values…
2. It is obsessed with beauty and has a douchebag protagonist.

Beaufort was never exactly a hotbed for beauties anyway, but then again I had to find somebody.

You could always declare your undying love for Eric and hope that he will run away with you to San Franciso.

I didn’t want to go to the dance without a date—what would that look like?

“Mongo Landon straight!”

I’d be the only student body president ever to attend the homecoming dance alone.

“And that would suck! Because like as a designated protagonist, I’m like supposed to have at least one girl draped on my arm.”

I’d end up being the guy scooping punch all night long or mopping up the barf in the bathroom. That’s what people without dates usually did.

“And I’m not a loser! I’m a winner!”

Landon is wigging out and starts flipping through the yearbook. He then starts calling more people including some of the seniors.

He bitches and moans that he “couldn’t find anyone, at least not anyone who would go with me.”

I was getting pretty good at handling rejection,

Your bitching is loud as a fire siren.

I’ll tell you, though that’s not the sort of thing you brag about to your grandkids.

“But I would brag about being an asshole.”

Landon’s mom says that she can go to prom with him if he can’t get a date. This makes Landon even more emo.

Even my mom didn’t think I could find somebody.

She is probably thinking that if only Eric was a girl, so you could take them to homecoming.

And if I showed up with her? If I lived a hundred years, I’d never live that down.

Carey Dennison had been elected treasurer, and he still didn’t have a date, either.

Even more douchebaggery is about to commence.

Carey was the kind of guy no one wanted to spend time with at all,

“While I dazzle people with my great personality and rapier wit.”

and the only reason he’d been elected was because he’d run un-opposed. Even then I think the vote was fairly close.

1. If you are elected unopposed…
2. Then it can’t be a close vote, you DUMBASS.
3. And like other writers, Nicholas Sparks thinks that he has Wildean wit.
4. But in order to funny, the comment or the joke has to be humorous and the person needs to have comedic timing.

He played the tuba in the marching band,

“Because everybody knows that only dweebs are in a marching band!”

He had a great big stomach and gangly arms and legs, like the Hoos in Hooville, if you know what I mean.

……..

……….

………………………

1. Somewhere in heaven, Dr. Seuss is pissed off.
2. And apparently, Nicholas Sparks writes with the TV on.
3. Which accounts for the weird The Grinch Who Stole Christmas reference.

Carey also has a high pitched voice and is constantly asking people questions.

I swear he was probably the most annoying person I’d ever met.

1. Oh, Landon…
2. The same can be said about you.

If I didn’t get a date, he’d stand off on one side with me all night long, firing questions like some deranged prosecutor.

Landon is looking at the junior class section of the yearbook and sees Jamie’s picture.

I paused for just a second, then turned the page, cursing myself for even thinking about it.

1. A character using foul language??
2. In this bastion of morality and Christian values????

I spent the next hour searching for anyone halfway decent looking,

1. Wow.
2. If that wasn’t an insult, I don’t know what is.

but I slowly came to the realization that there wasn’t anyone left.

“I only date beautiful women!”

Landon reluctantly looks at Jamie’s picture again.

She wasn’t bad looking, I told myself,

1. Isn’t Landon a catch?
2. If you aren’t his type, he will begrudgingly ask you out if he doesn’t have anyone left.
3. And he wouldn’t touch you with a fifty-foot barge poll.

and she’s really sweet.

Translation: she is not attractive.

Landon thinks she would “probably say yes” and then closes the yearbook.

Jamie Sullivan?

Is there anyone else with the same first and last name?

Hegbert’s daughter?

1. He is her father.
2. Unless Hegbert’s wife was having an affair.
3. Or there was a second Immaculate Conception.

No way. Absolutely not.

My friends would roast me alive.

If they do, please tell them to add salt and pepper.

But compared with dating your mother

1. No psychologically normal person would nonchalantly talk about dating their mother.
2. EVER!
3. If this book suddenly turns into YA version of Deliverance…
4. I’m going to chuck my Kindle across the room.

or cleaning up puke

1. Because cleaning up vomit is MORE repulsive than dating your mom.
2. Glad this book has its priorities straight!

or even, God forbid … Carey Dennison?

I spent the rest of the evening debating the pros and cons of my dilemma.

“If I date Carey Dennison, that would make me a nancy boy. But if I date Mama, then I’m Norman Bates. What should I do???”

Believe me, I went back and forth for a while, but in the end the choice was obvious, even to me.

“I guess I have to date Bigfoot I mean Jamie Sullivan.”

I had to ask Jamie to the dance, and I paced around the room thinking of the best way to ask her.

“Should I kick down her door and demand that she comes with the dance with me? Or should I offer her flowers?”

It was then that I realized something terrible,

You?

something absolutely frightening.

The fact that this book about 1,355 five star reviews on Amazon?

Landon thinks that Carey will probably plan on asking Jamie to homecoming.

He was weird,

“Unlike me who is practically perfect in every way.”

but he wasn’t the kind of guy who liked cleaning up puke, either,

1. Because most people LOVE cleaning up barf.
2. I’m seriously hoping that there won’t be a creepy vomit fetish in this book.

and if you’d seen his mother, you’d know that his choice was even worse than mine.

Because normal teenage boys love talking about how their mother is sexually attractive.

Jamie wouldn’t say no to him,

Because unlike you, Carey isn’t a douchebag.

and realistically she was the only option he had.

No one besides her would be caught dead with him.

“While I’m awesome!”

Jamie helped every-one—she was one of those equal opportunity saints.

1. We get it, Landon.
2. Jamie is a Purity Sue.

She’d probably listen to Carey’s squeaky voice, see the goodness radiating from his heart, and accept right off the bat.

1. “Tee-hee-hee! Only a saint would spend time with a pathetic loser.”
2. FUCK YOU LANDON!

Landon is so worried that he was unable to get a good night’s sleep.

I don’t think anyone ever fretted about asking Jamie out before.

“Because only a desperate person would date a goody-two-shoes.”

The next day, Landon planned on asking Jamie but she wasn’t in school. He realizes that she must be at the orphanage.

Landon repeats the fact that Jamie spends time with orphans every month.

Also, my head is throbbing with all this subtle “Jamie is a paragon of virtue” crap.

And because Landon is a sadist, we have even more descriptions on how Jamie is saintly.

A few of us had tried to get out of school using that excuse, too,

“But for some strange reason, they didn’t believe a rebel would do charity work.”

but Jamie was the only one who ever got away with it.

“And that is so unfair!”

The principal knew she was reading to them or doing crafts or just sitting around playing games with them.

“She is so holy that she cries bloody tears and has a Stigmata.”

Landon thinks that someone that does not cut class is a “ludicrous” concept.

Eric asks if Landon has a date.

He knew very well that I didn’t, but even though he was my best friend, he liked to stick it to me once in a while.

“Because being a good friend means that you have to be a douchebag. That’s like the rule of friendship.”

Landon says no but he is “working on it.”

Down the hall, Carey Denison was reaching into his locker. I swear he shot me a beady glare when he thought I wasn’t looking.

….

….

1. Wow.
2. Landon Carter is delusional as Bella Swan.

That’s the kind of day it was.

“My life sucks! Pity me you fools!”

Landon whines that “minutes ticked by slowly” until school was over.

The way I figured it—if Carey and I got out at the same time, I’d be able to get to her house first, what with those gawky legs and all.

“Because I’m more physically fit than the nerd.”

I started to psych myself up,

“You are the protagonist. You are destined to get the girl.”

and when the bell rang, I took off from school running at a full clip.

I was flying for about a hundred yards or so,

“I was flying through the air with the greatest of ease…”

Suddenly, Landon gets tired and has a cramp.

As I made my way down the streets of Beaufort, I looked like a wheezing version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

…

………

…………………….

1. I’m just going to say five words:
2. Karma is a bitch, Landon!

Behind me I thought I heard Carey’s high-pitched laughter.

So Carey sounds like Woody the Woodpecker?

I turned around, digging my fingers into my gut to stifle the pain, but I couldn’t see him.

Maybe it’s because you are hallucinating?

Maybe he was cutting through someone’s backyard! He was a sneaky bastard, that guy. You couldn’t trust him even for a minute.

1. Wow.
2. Landon has gone cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

Landon is sweating like a pig and stumbles along until he reaches Jamie’s house. He then knocks on the front door.

Despite my fevered rush to her house, my pessimistic side assumed that Carey would be the one who opened the door for me.

1. Even though we, the readers are NEVER SHOWN that Carey plans on asking Jamie out.
2. Instead, we are supposed to take everything that Landon says as gospel.

I imagined him smiling at me with a victorious look in his eye, one that essentially meant “Sorry, partner, you’re too late.”

Not only has Landon boarded the crazy train but he is now the conductor.

But it wasn’t Carey who answered, it was Jamie,

Who else could it be beside Jamie or Hegbert?

and for the first time in my life I saw what she’d look like if she were an ordinary person.

Landon can’t open his mouth without saying something nasty.

Landon says that Jamie’s hair is still pulled up into a bun but she is now wearing jeans and a red blouse.

I realized she could actually be cute if she gave herself the opportunity.

It is not a woman’s job in life to look and dress a certain way in order for men to find her sexually attractive.

Jamie is surprised to see Landon.

Jamie was always glad to see everyone,

Which isn’t surprising since she acts like Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony.

including me, though I think my appearance startled her.

1. Most people would be taken aback that a guy who ridicules them on a regular basis is suddenly at their front door…
2. And he is huffing and puffing like Big Bad Wolf along with sweating like a pig.

“You look like you’ve been exercising,” she said. “Not really,” I lied, wiping my brow. Luckily the cramp was fading fast. “You’ve sweat clean through your shirt.” “Oh, that?” I looked at my shirt. “That’s nothing. I just sweat a lot sometimes.” “Maybe you should have it checked by a doctor.” “I’ll be okay, I’m sure.”

1. Why does Nicholas Sparks love writing bland dialogue and pointless scenes?
2. And why are his novels are so tedious?!

“I’ll say a prayer for you anyway,” she offered as she smiled.

“This is the creator’s subtle way of telling everyone how virtuous I am.”

Jamie was always praying for someone.

1. Don’t get me wrong…
2. I think praying for someone is a nice gesture so long as the person is being sincere.
3. But this reeks of virtue signaling.

I might as well join the club.

“Perhaps she can convince the Big Guy Upstairs to not send me to Hell when I die.”

Landon thanks her and there is an awkward silence for a couple of seconds.

Jamie tells Landon that she would invite him inside but she can’t have men in the house when her father isn’t home.

Landon says “that’s okay” but isn’t pleased.

If I’d had my way, I would have done this inside.

1. FUCK YOU, LANDON!
2. You showed up at someone’s house uninvited.
3. You DON’T dictate what someone does in their own house.
4. Instead, you are supposed to be polite and follow the house rules.

Jamie offers Landon some lemonade. He says yes and Jamie goes to get the lemonade.

She walked back into the house, but she left the door open and I took a quick glance around.

1. Why is this disrespectful prick the protagonist?
2. How come no one calls Landon out on his douchebaggery?
3. And why is chapter so fucking tiresome?

Landon remarks how the room is small and it has a piano, a sofa, and a small fan.

On the coffee table, there were books with names like Listening to Jesus and Faith Is the Answer.

1. Translation: “Because without Jesus, you are seriously fucked. So either convert to Christianity or enjoy burning in the flames of Hell!”
2. In case anyone thinks that Nicholas Sparks wasn’t trying to be preachy…
3. Here is what Nicholas Sparks had to say about the theme of faith in A Walk to Remember:
4. “I also wanted the novel to show the power of faith. Ironically, in setting out to write about first love (which I did), I created a strong redemptive element that came from Jamie’s faith, and though it wasn’t intended, I think by the end, redemption was one of the more powerful elements.”

Jamie returns with the lemonade and they sit in the porch chairs.

I knew she and her father sat there in the evenings because I passed by their house now and then.

So Jamie’s neighbor is walking down the street and waves at Jamie and Landon.

Jamie waved back while I sort of scooted my chair so that Mrs. Hastings couldn’t see my face.

Nothing says tru luv like being afraid to be seen with someone in broad daylight.

It was one thing to actually go with Jamie,

“And let me tell you, it is simply dreadful.”

it was another thing to be rejected by her in favor of a guy like Carey.

“I don’t want to lose to a wimp.”

And because Nicholas Sparks is a sadist, we have MORE boring dialogue.

Jamie reveals that she didn’t go to the orphanage today.

“No. My father and I were at the doctor’s office.” “Is he okay?“ She smiled. “Healthy as can be.”

1. I love how Nicholas Sparks thinks he is a master of mystery and suspense.
2. Even though he has revealed in the previous chapter that Jamie has "two new bumps on her chest.”
3. And now we know that she was at the doctor’s office.
4. So if her father is fine, then logically she was the one that had a doctor’s appointment.
5. In conclusion?
6. Nicholas Sparks is no Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

Mrs. Hastings had gone back inside, and I couldn’t see anyone else in the vicinity. The coast was finally clear, but I still wasn’t ready.

“Sure is a beautiful day,” I said, stalling. “Yes, it is.” “Warm, too.”

1. Really Sparks?
2. We have two characters talk about the weather?
3. And this is supposed to be proof that Jamie and Landon have romantic chemistry?

After they finished blithering on about the weather, Jamie asks why Landon is here.

He asks if Jamie is going to the homecoming dance.

“Oh,” she said.

“I thought you wanted to repent and find Jesus Christ.”

Her tone made it seem as if she were unaware that such a thing existed.

1. Jamie Sullivan is going to a public high school.
2. At some point, she would have heard about it.
3. As a public high school would be promoting it through banners, flyers, or announcements over the intercom.
4. It is not as if Jamie was homeschooled her entire life and is hearing about a homecoming for the first time.

Landon is fidgeting in his seat like a little kid that has to go potty until Jamie admits that she wasn’t planning on going to the homecoming dance.

“But if someone asked you to go, you might?”

1. When a woman says no, she means no.
2. It does not mean “yes” or “maybe”, you pushy douchebag.

It took a moment for her to answer.

Jamie suddenly says “I suppose I might go, if I got the chance. I’ve never been to a homecoming dance before.”

Landon quickly adds that “They’re fun. Not too much fun, but fun.”

Especially when compared to my other options, I didn’t add.

"And it won’t be about sex! So get your head out of the gutter, you filthy fornicator!”

She smiled at my turn of phrase.

“Because if someone is a lot of fun, then it must be wicked and sinful!”

Jamie explains that “I’d have to talk to my father, of course, but if he said it was okay, then I guess I could.”

In the tree beside the porch, a bird started to chirp noisily, as if he knew I wasn’t supposed to be here.

Landon is nervous and muses that he “Just two days ago I couldn’t have imagined myself even thinking about it.”

And by thinking about it, he means asking Jamie to go to the dance with him.

He asks if she would go to the homecoming dance with him.

I could tell she was surprised.

I think she believed that the little lead-up to the question probably had to do with someone else asking her.

1. You mean when a guy asks if a girl is going to a dance, he’s trying to see if she is going with someone else?
2. Thanks for letting me know Nicholas Sparks!

Sometimes teenagers sent their friends out to “scout the terrain,” so to speak, so as not to face possible rejection. Even though Jamie wasn’t much like other teenagers, I’m sure she was familiar with the concept, at least in theory.

1. You can’t have it both ways, Nicholas Sparks.
2. She is a special snowflake that is clueless about social interactions or concepts.
3. Or she knows about social interactions or concepts.

When Jamie doesn’t give him an answer immediately, Landon is upset.

Visions of my mother, puke, and Carey flooded through my mind, and all of a sudden I regretted the way I’d behaved toward her all these years. I kept remembering all the times I’d teased her or called her father a fornicator or simply made fun of her behind her back.

1. It’s important to make the following distinction:
2. Landon isn’t upset because he realized that he has been a horrible human being and is truly remorseful for his actions.
3. He’s just afraid that karma is going to come and collect his debt.

Just when I was feeling awful about the whole thing and imagining how I would ever be able to avoid Carey for five hours,

Landon is a vile douchebag who has zero remorse for his actions and words.

Jamie gives Landon and small smile and says “I’d love to on one condition.”

I steadied myself, hoping it wasn’t something too awful.

“Don’t make me become a missionary. Don’t make me become a missionary. ”

Landon asks her what the condition is.

“You have to promise that you won’t fall in love with me.”

And this is the part where we, the readers, are supposed to be tee-heeing because it is going to happen since this is a “love” story.

Landon knows that Jamie was totally “kidding by the way she laughed” and sighs with relief.

Sometimes, I had to admit, Jamie had a pretty good sense of humor.

1. Since when?!?
2. So far, we haven’t seen Jamie saying anything funny.
3. She has been a bubbly girl who is too nice and constantly talks about God, Jesus or the Lord’s plan.
4. 'Ello Plot Mixing!

Landon smiles and gives her his word.

1. And halle-fucking-lujah!
2. This chapter is finally over!