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LESSON 34
GOD MADE MARRIAGE
“Marriage honorable in all, and the bed undefiled.” (Hebrews 13:4)
Marriage difficulties are the biggest reason why new Catholics fall away from the Church. Sometimes these difficulties start with a poor understanding of the state and Sacrament of Marriage. Unfortunately, too many Americans have no code of marriage morality except the lax laws of the government. In this first lesson on marriage you will learn one important thing: GOD MADE MARRIAGE AN!) THE LAWS OF MARRIAGE. You must convince yourself that your principles of marriage from now on will be the laws of God and not the laws of man. You will not be a Christian unless you clearly realize that the marriage morality of many people around you is very wrong. After you study this lesson, you must destroy any false ideas you have about divorce and other evils.
Suppose tonight as you kneel down to say your night prayers an angel appears to you. The angel tells you God is going to give you a great power, the power of giving life back to the dead. How carefully you would have to use this power!
God has actually given you a greater power: the power of giving life for the first time, the power of becoming apparent. Husband and wife cooperate with God in the creation of a new person. They share in the same power by which God created the world.
There is nothing dirty or shameful about the sexual power in man. It becomes dirty and shameful — sinful — when misused or abused. This sacred power gave us the Blessed Virgin Mary. Her mother and father performed the sacred marriage act and the result of that act was the conception of the Virgin Mary.
When God created Adam and Eve, He made them husband and wife. “Male and female he created them. And God blessed them, saying: Increase and multiply, and fill the earth.” (Genesis 1:2 7-28)
There were no lawyers or judges then. MARRIAGE WAS NOT MADE BY THE GOVERNMENT. We must go to God to learn about marriage and the laws of marriage.
The Bible says the first and main purpose of marriage is children. “Increase and multiply.” (Genesis 1:28) “I will, therefore. that the younger should marry, bear children, be mistresses of families.” (I Timothy 5:14)
Common sense teaches the same truth— the purpose of marriage is children. There is a difference in the male and the female body. ‘the man’s body is tall and strong so that he*can protect his family and provide food, clothing and shelter. The woman’s body is delicate and made to bear and nurse children,
There is a difference in the male and female nature. The man’s nature is colder more logical. The woman is more gentle, more sympathetic, patient, emotional. She needs these qualities to raise her children. She is made to be a mother. A man by his nature could not equal the generosity and self sacrifice for children that a woman has as a mother.
The Bible teaches us that the second purpose of marriage is mutual love and help. “And the Lord God said: It is not good for man to be alone, let us make him a help like unto himself.. .for Adam there was not found a helper like himself.. . and the Lord God built the rib which he took from Adam into a woman: and brought her to Adam.” (Genesis 2 :18-20-22) Common sense teaches us that the second purpose of marriage is mutual love and help. In a way a man is incomplete without a wife. It is more difficult for him to stand failure; he is more easily discouraged; a man needs sympathy, understanding, and encouragement. And a wife can best give these to her husband. In a way, a woman too is incomplete without a husband; she finds it hard to bear loneliness; she needs affection, attention, and companionship; she needs someone on whom to depend.
Man and woman find their completion in marriage. Notice how an old couple depend on one another.
The God-given purpose of the sex pleasure is primarily to attract husband and wife to have children. There are difficulties in having children — the expense, the restriction of your freedom, and the need of patience. God placed a very great pleasure in the very organs by which children are conceived. As God knew that people wouldn’t eat if everything tasted like cardboard, so He placed a great pleasure in the organs with which we eat in order to attract us to eat. Sex pleasure exists first of all to attract husband and wife to continue the life of the human race, just as pleasure of taste exists first of all to attract us to continue the life of the body. The secondary or minor purpose of the sex pleasure is to foster and deepen mutual love between husband and wife. The pleasure experienced comes as a secondary purpose for marriage. If a man and woman place the pleasure of sex before the responsibilities of the sexual act, then they re-arrange the plan of God, placing the wrong purpose for sex in the first place. When this is done, then the couple can easily justify any method of birth control --even abortion -- because they place pleasure ahead of responsibility.
H. THE RIGHT USE OF SEX
Only a husband and wife who are validly married may use the power of sex. All use of sex outside of marriage is a mortal sin, because the reason for sex is so sacred, namely to attract husband and wife to bring new life into the world.
“Now the works of the flesh are manifest: which are fornication, uncleanness, immodesty, luxury,.. they who do such things shall not obtain the kingdom of God.” (Galatians 5:19-21)
I. ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN
God created only one wife for Adam and only one husband for Eve. This was to be the model marriage for all time. If God wanted to create a dozen wives for Adam, He could have done so, but it did not fit into the nature of man as created by God. Note that when God made the laws for marriage, there were no courts, no lawyers, just God and Adam and Eve. Marriage and the laws of marriage come from God, not from the Government. The natural law and the laws of the Church are God’s laws concerning marriage. All Catholics are bound to observe them.
J.UNTIL DEATH
Husband and wife are married until death. No words of a priest could be so clear and definite as the words of the Bible.
“A woman is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth: but if her husband die she is at liberty. Let her marry to whom she will: only in the Lord.” (I Corinthians 7:39)
“But from the beginning of the creation, God made them male and female. For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife. And they two shall be in one flesh. Therefore now they are not two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.. . Whosever shall put away his wife and marry another committeth adultery against her. And ~f the wife shall put away her husband and be married to another, she committeth adultery.” (Mark 10:6-12)
“For the woman that bath an husband, whilst her husband liveth is bound to the law. Therefore, whilst her husband liveth, she shall be called an adulteress, if she be with another man: but if her husband be dead, she is delivered from the law of her husband; so that she is not an adulteress, if she be with another man.” (Romans 7:2-3)
“But to them that are married, not!, but the Lord, commandeth that the wife depart not from her husband. And if she depart, that she remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And let not the husband put away his wife.” (I Corinthians 10:11)
God wants husbands and wives to stay together until death, because a mother cannot raise her children properly without a husband’s help and support. One of the greatest evils afflicting society today is the division of families due to divorce.
Animals mature quickly; the instinct for animal parents to stay together ceases to function when the young offspring are able to take care of themselves. Human children are not able to live apart from their parents until they are about twenty-one years old. That means that human parents have to stay together for at least twenty or thirty years. By that time, they are fifty or sixty years old — and this is a lifetime. To make sure that they would stay together that long God made a law that they must stay together until death.
K. GOD MADE NO EXCEPTIONS
God does not permit even childless couples to break the marriage bond, because He knew that if He made only one exception people would find all kinds of excuses. God made no exception because He knew that if couples entered marriage with the idea that they could separate if the marriage didn’t work out, they wouldn’t try to solve their difficulties. Experience proves this.
L. GOD’S LAWS ARE FOR THE COMMON GOOD
God made His laws for the common good of all men. But every law sometimes causes hardship for an individual, for example—speed laws. So also God’s laws on marriage cause hardship for some couples. But remember that God did not make these laws blindly; He foresaw the difficulties they would cause for some couples; still He had His own good reasons for making His marriage laws binding on these couples too. He made these laws and demands that they be obeyed.
M. GOD’S RECIPE FOR HAPPINESS
This is God’s recipe for happiness in marriage: the first purpose of marriage is children; the second purpose is mutual love and help. Sex pleasure is made for these two purposes. One man and one woman until death is the law, add plenty of prayer, common sense and unselfishness to your married life. If you follow God’s recipe, you can expect the greatest measure of happiness possible on this earth. If you do not follow God’s law, you have a mess.
N. THE CONDITION OF MARRIAGE AT THE TIME OF CHRIST
For the most part the beauty and holiness of marriage was destroyed because man changed God’s plan to suit his own selfish desires. Sexual pleasure was worshipped; children were not wanted; mothers often killed their unborn babies; babies were left on garbage piles to die of exposure. And the police could not put the parents in jail for these crimes.
The woman was her husband’s slave, a plaything, someone to satisfy his sexual desires, someone to take care of any children that might be born. Women were bought and sold like cattle. A husband could exchange his wife for another, could kill her ii he wanted to do so and the police could not put him in jail.
0. BIBLICAL DESCRIPTION OF MARRIAGE CONDITIONS AT THE TIME OF CHRIST
A Saviour was needed badly. The Bible tells us of the terrible condition of marriage before Christ came. “They became vain in their thoughts. And their foolish heart was darkened... Wherefore, God gave them up to the desires of their heart, unto uncleaness: to dishonor their own bodies among themselves. . . God delivered them up to shameful affections. For their women have changed the natural use into that use which is against nature. And, in like manner, the men also, leaving the natural use of the women, have burned in their lusts, one towards another: men with men, working that which is filthy and receiving in themselves the recompense which was due to their error.” (Romans 1:21-24-26-2 7)
P. CHRIST BROUGHT BACK GOD’S PLAN
The sacredness of marriage was restored by the God-man Jesus Christ. Christ condemned those who broke God’s laws on marriage. He raised marriage to the dignity of a Sacrament. He placed marriage on the same level as Baptism, Holy Communion and the other Sacraments. He made marriage a source of grace.
Q. WHAT JESUS CHRIST DID FOR THE FAMILY
Christ held up His own Family as the model. He made Mary the model of all Christian women, wives, and mothers. He made Joseph the model of all Christian men, husbands, and fathers. Jesus was the model of all Christian children. The Apostles preached this model to the pagans. The Catholic Church changed the sex attitudes and habits of nations, and gained a great victory over the evil lusts of the flesh. Families following these Christian examples contribute the greatest benefits to society.
R. THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY CAME WITH THE CATHOLIC CHURCH
The Catholic Church gave the world the Christian family. Real happiness came to all who followed God’s plan. A husband loved and respected his wife. He supported his family and gave good example to his children. His wife could trust him when he was away from home. The Christian wife was a woman respected and loved by all, a queen in her household. She took care of her husband and her children. The children of the Christian family respected the authority of their parents; they obeyed their parents as Jesus obeyed Mary and Joseph. The nations of the world bowed to the laws of Christ and became Catholic, they accepted God’s plan for marriage. This is the history of Christian marriage until the sixteenth century.
S. HENRY VIII
Henry VIII, King of England, was Catholic and married a Catholic. He asked the Pope to let him divorce his wife and marry Anne Boleyn. The Pope told him this was impossible. Henry broke away from the Catholic Church and started his own church. He made himself head of the new church. Then he granted himself a divorce and married Anne.
T. DIVORCE COMES TO THE U.S.A.
Various unchristian influences in the United States have made it possible for an American to get a decree of divorce from the civil courts. Many Americans are now reared in an atmosphere that approves divorce and remarriage after divorce. Actually the Government and the civil courts have no power to break a valid marriage. A valid marriage contract binds man and wife even after a civil court grants a decree of divorce. God made marriage and the laws of marriage.
U. THE CATHOLIC CHURCH ALONE STANDS FOR THE SACREDNESS OF MARRIAGE
Because of God’s law, the Pope couldn’t give Henry VIII a divorce even though he foresaw that all of England would go Protestant. The Church cannot back down on God’s laws even to let you enter the Church. It’s very difficult to convince Americans that divorce, birth control, and so forth, are wrong, and that God’s laws on marriage must be obeyed.
V. THE CONDITION OF MARRIAGE TODAY
Now marriage is almost as it was before the coming of Jesus. Divorce is accepted as normal. Marry as often as you want; there is no shame to it—but really it is legalized adultery. From divorce come thousands of broken homes. Another evil accepted today is birth control. People want the pleasure of sex, but not children. Children are too much trouble, too expensive. People want costly vacations, expensive cars, electronic conveniences, liquor, and so forth.
They want to be free from care and responsibility. And abortion, the killing of an unborn child, is cold-blooded murder. Just think of the large number of abortions in this country! Even when performed legally by doctors, they are legalized murder.
Today pregnancy is often considered shameful. Motherhood the crowning glory of women, is laughed at, sneered at, considered ignorant. Large families are often the subject of jokes. Even unfaithfulness does not produce shame.
Consider your own reaction to the adultery of movie stars. Pagan morality describes the marriage conduct of many Americans. This is to say nothing of the moral shame to be found in unmarried couples living together as well as the laxity in our opinions regarding homosexuality.
On the other hand we have millions of fine people living up to the laws of God. Practical Catholics marry once and remain married for life. There are many, many families who remain together unaffected by divorce.
W. THE FUTURE OF THE U.S.A.
The foundation of a nation is the family. When the foundation is weak, the whole structure falls. Family life in America is gradually being destroyed, because of divorce, separation and other pagan practices. Even though today we are the greatest nation on earth, three hundred years from now we might not even exist; just as Rome fell, we also may fall like a house built on sand because our foundation was weak.
X. YOUR MARRIAGE
Perhaps your life has been “fouled up” by a wrecked marriage. If so, don’t quit coming to these instructions. Let us pick up the pieces and try to patch up your life. Don’t try to make a decision on your marriage case; you haven’t had the training. Let the priest in charge of you try to figure it out for you. Tell him the whole story.
EXAMPLE OF PRUDENCE
A story comes from the annals of a parish about a young woman preparing for marriage.
Susan was on the point of contracting a brilliant marriage when she learned that her intended husband not only did not approach the Sacraments, but even allowed himself, at times, to ridicule religion. She turned to God in prayer for guidance. Feeling sure she knew the will of God, she announced to her family that the marriage would not take place.
She hastened to return the valuable presents she had received, and all the efforts of her friends to make her change her mind were of no use.
When all had settled down, she met another man. He had little fortune but great virtue. She married him within due time, and her marriage proved to be a most happy one.
QUESTIONS FOR REVIEW
From Lessons 33 & 34
1. What is the Sacrament of Holy Orders?
2. What is a priest?
3. Was Jesus Christ a priest?
4. Who were the first Catholic priests?
5. What are the principal powers your parish priest has?
6. Who made marriage?
7. Who made the laws and purpose of marriage?
8. What are the purposes of marriage?
9. What are the two principal laws of marriage?
NOTES
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LESSON 35
THE SINS AGAINST MARRIAGE
“For they who in such manner receive matrimony, as to shut out God from themselves, and from their mind, and give themselves to their lust. . . over them the devil hath power.” (Tobias 6:17)
DIRECTIONS TO THE STUDENT
Too many convert to the Catholic Faith have sought out unlawful separations, even divorces. Some in good faith even practice birth control, The reason is that they did not understand these sins when they received instructions.
Every sin talked about mi lesson is a mortal sin. Please understand your Christian obligations before you enter the Catholic Church!
You must speak with a priest about your particular obligations before you become a Catholic. He wants to examine with) your marriage status and explain to you your obligations. He will tell you whether your marriage is valid or invalid. Are you separated or divorced from your spouse? Tell the priest so that he can explain your obligations to you. Are you keeping company now? Be sure to tell Father and find out if it is all right or all wrong to go on with your company keeping. Was your married ever married to another? Were you ever married before?
Were you or was your partner a Catholic before you married? Are you getting along well with your wife (husband), or are you contemplating a separation? These are most important matters that you must bring to the attention of the priest privately. Everything you tell him will be kept in strict confidence.
A. REFUSING THE MARRIAGE DUTY
The marriage duty means that a married person is obliged to give intercourse to his (or her) partner whenever it is reasonably asked for (if the marriage is valid of course). It is usually a mortal sin to refuse when the request is reasonable. To refuse the marriage debt is in many cases just as serious as adultery. It is a sin against justice because the married partner has a right to intercourse. You gave him (her) this right on your wedding day. The Bible clearly teaches this duty:
“Let the husband render the debt to his wjfe: and the wife also in like manner to the husband. The wjfe hath not power of her own body: but the husband. And like manner the husband also hath not power of his own body: but the wjfe. Defraud not on another, except, perhaps, by consent, for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer, and return together again, lest Satan, tempt you for your incontinency”. (I Cor. 7:3-5)
The refusal gives rise to other sins or severe temptations, for example to adultery, self-abuse, separation, divorce, anger, an drunkenness, Sometimes a married person has a right to refuse the marriage duty, for example when the person asking is drunk or insane, when the husband is guilty of non-support, when there is a case of sickness or when there is danger to the unborn child
However, a married person should not be always insisting on his (her) rights but should be thoughtful of the other person, A marriage, to be successful, must be based on self-sacrifice and mutual love and esteem.
God intended that both husband and wife should get complete satisfaction from intercourse. If you have a difficulty, see a good Catholic doctor. Intercourse is a holy action between husband and wife, made by God fora very holy purpose, the conception of children.
B. ADULTERY
Adultery is sexual intercourse, which a married person has with someone to whom he (or she) is not married. Fornication is intercourse between two unmarried persons. Both adultery and fornication are mortal sins, but adultery is worse because besides being a sin against God, it is also a sin against your married partner. It is a sin against justice as well as a sin against chastity. Read what that Bible says. Because a great number of people commit adultery doesn’t make it all right. God tells us in the Bible that adultery is wrong.
“Fornicators and adulterers God will punish.” (Heb. 13:4) “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” (Ex. 20:14) “Know you not that the unjust shall not possess the kingdom of God.” (I Cor. 6:9-10)
Adultery was punished by death in the Old Testament: “If any man commit adultery with the wife of another and defile his neighbor’s wife: let them be put to death both the adulterer and the adulteress.” (Lev. 20:10) “He that is an adulterer, for the folly of his heart shall destroy his own soul.” (Prov. 6:32)
C. UNLAWFUL SEPARATION
It is a mortal sin to separate from your wife or husband without permission of the Church. It is a mortal sin for three reasons:
(1) God clearly forbids it: “But to them that are married, not l, but the Lord, commandeth that the wife depart not from her husband. And ~,f she depart, that she remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband. And let not the husband put away his wjfe.” (I Cor 7:10-11)
(2) To separate means to refuse the marriage duty. This puts a person in danger of adultery or some other sin against chastity.
(3) The children are the ones who suffer most from a separation. Separation is permitted only for a very serious reason and only with the permission of the bishop.
A separated person is not allowed to keep company with another person. A separated person is just as much married as if he (she) were living with his (her) spouse. (Invalidly married couples, however, must separate until the marriage is made valid, that is possible.) On your wedding day you promised to stay together for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, until death.
If you have trouble in your married life, come to the rectory and talk it over with one of the priests. You can prevent separation by facing your problems as an adult. In most cases separation is not the solution.
Only the Church can grant a separation. The case must go to the matrimonial court of the Catholic Church. You must n separate on your own authority, or just after a decision of a civil court. Don’t go to a lawyer. See the parish priest!
A Catholic will be in serious trouble in the Catholic Church if he seeks a divorce through lawyers and the civil courts without bringing his case to the Separation Court of the Catholic Church!
D. DIVORCE
There is no such thing as a divorce which allows remarriage. It is very clear in the Bible that God does not recognize divorce.
“A woman is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth: but if her husband die, she is at liberty: Let her many to whom she will: only in the Lord.” (I Cor 7:39)
“What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder... Whosoever shall put away his wife and marry another committeth adultery against her. And if the wife shall put away her husband and be married to another, she committeth adultery) (Mark 10.9-11-12)
“For the woman that hath a husband, whilst he liveth is bound to the law. But if her husband be dead, she is loosed from law of her husband. Therefore, whilst her husband liveth, she shall be called an adulteress, if she be with another man: but if her husband be dead, she is delivered from the law of her husband, so that she is not an adulteress if she be with another man”. (Ro
7:2-3)
Divorce and remarriage is a mortal sin because it is clearly against the law of God. A divorced person is not even permitted to keep company with another.
Here we are speaking only of valid marriages, not invalid marriages. But do not judge whether your marriage is valid or n talk to the priest who is giving you instructions. Remember that no law court can break a valid marriage.
“What God hath joined together let no man put asunder.”
When you seek a civil divorce with the intent to remarry, you are wasting your money because God has never given any authority to break a marriage.
Let’s consider the case of a very good wife and mother. She has many children. She has a drunken husband who beats h runs around with other women perhaps and does not support the family. Suppose that she meets a fine man who would b wonderful husband and father; yet not even in this case does God make an exception. Even if your partner is in an insane asylum or if he marries again — you cannot marry again.
Why is God so strict? God knew that if he made one exception the lid would be off. He knew that couples would enter marriage with their fingers crossed, knowing that there was an “out” if something went wrong. They wouldn’t face their problems as adults but would run away from them in divorce. Experience shows that divorce, instead of solving a problem, opens the door to great problems: children are the ones who suffer. Few men want to marry a divorced woman with children. It is difficult for children to be raised in a single parent home. It takes great vigilance, insight and love to be both father and mother to children of such home. All too often juvenile delinquency copes from broken homes.
Divorce with the intent to remarry makes a mockery of the sacredness of marriage. The marriage promises are empty who among people with no religion. It makes of marriage nothing more than a con tract that promises a monogamous relationship. Every partner promises only one sex partner. But such a marriage lasts only as long as the “magic” does. Even the use of “pre-nuptial agreements” is wrong because it anticipates the possibility of divorce. Divorce has left a trail of broken hearts and homes in wake. The possibility of divorce leads to unfaithfulness, suspicion, jealousy, anxiety, and an uncertain future.
The main thing: divorce is against God’s Law. Please remember God didn’t make two sets of laws, one for Catholics and one for non-Catholics. Everyone must obey God’s laws—Protestants and Catholics.
E. BIRTH CONTROL
Birth Control is doing anything before, during or immediately after sexual intercourse to keep a woman from becoming pregnant. The use of male withdrawal, condoms, diaphragms, spermicidal jellies, medicines, birth control and/or abortion pi is always a mortal sin. It is a violation of the natural law to prevent birth. The primary purpose of the sexual powers is to co-create with God a child. The secondary purpose for sex is the pleasure it brings. By resorting to birth control a couple reverses purposes for sex putting pleasure ahead of responsibility -- a very selfish motive.
The wife may douche only one hour after intercourse. To do so before that time is a mortal sin, because it is the same as bi control.
Birth control is never allowed for health, money, or any other reason. Even if doctors warn about the health dangers of future pregnancy, there can be no justification to practice birth control. The Bible clearly forbids it:
“Judas therefore said to Onan, his son: Go into thy brother’s wife and marry her, that thou mayest raise seed to thy brother. He knowing that the children should not be his, when he went into his brother’s wife, spilled his seed upon the ground, lest child should be born in his brother’s name. And therefore the Lord slew him because he did a detestable thing.” Birth Control leads to promiscuity, adultery, suspicion, and jealousy. It causes love to grow cold.
Sterility is an issue today. A couple might say, “We’ll wait until we have more money.” But any doctor knows that the longer they wait the less chance they have of becoming parents, and the more difficult it becomes for the wife to give birth. Too many couples realize too late that in cheating God they rob themselves of one of life’s greatest treasures — children.
Birth control is a selfish sin; people who practice it want the pleasure of marriage but not the burden of children. They want the material benefits their money will buy by not having children. The look forward to advancing their careers rather than adding to their joy by having children. If you practice birth control you can expect a lonely old age. Just ask any elderly couple with many children and grandchildren what their happiest days were and are.
If lack of money or poor health make it difficult for you to have children, then this is the cross Jesus wants you to carry — self-control. But remember with each cross, He gives you the strength to carry it.
F. ABORTION
Abortion is willfully causing the death of an unborn baby in anyway. It is always a mortal sin. It is never allowed in any case whatsoever, not even to save the mother’s life. The unborn baby is a human being and has the right to life. God has given no one the right to take away its life. To do so is murder, no matter what the doctor or some other atheistic scientists might say. You read in the newspaper of people killing little children. To kill an innocent child is a horrible crime. But there is no difference between this and abortion — both are murder. Worst of all, the baby dies without Baptism and cannot go to heaven. Abortion is worse than murdering an adult. The adult at least had a chance to get to heaven. The baby does not get this chance.
Excommunication from the Church is the penalty for any Catholic who knowingly and willingly causes or helps cause an abortion. Excommunication means that he cannot receive the Sacraments; he cannot have a Catholic funeral. In most dioceses, abortion is called a “reserved” sin. It will take special permission by the priest from his bishop to forgive this sin.
An excommunicated person can get back into the Church if he is truly sorry for having committed the crime and if he is sincerely promises not to do it again. The ordinary priest cannot take away the excommunication but must get special power from the bishop. Expectant mothers should be very careful about signing papers in the hospital. If you think the surgeon is suggesting an abortion, phone for a priest.
G. STERILIZATION
Sterilization is the sin of making the reproductive organs unfruitful — that is, making it impossible for the wife to become pregnant or for the husband’s sperm not to come forth during sex. For the woman, it is usually done by tying or cutting the Fallopian tubes or seminal vesicles, or by removing the womb or ovaries. For the man, it is a surgical method of stopping the flow of sperm.
Sterilization with the intent prevent birth is always a mortal sin. Women having abdominal operations should tell the doctor not to tie the tubes because some non-Catholic doctors do this as a matter of course. Don’t let the doctor talk you into being sterilized by describing what will happen if you are not sterilized. If you have already been sterilized, you must be sorry for the sin, but you don’t have to be operated on again to have the surgery reversed.
H. CONCLUSION
If you have committed any of these sins, then tell God how sorry you are for them. Do not be discouraged and say you can’t be a Catholic because you have been married more than once or because you have sinned in any other way. Speak to the priest who has charge of you; you will find him kind and sympathetic.
QUESTIONS FOR REVIEW OF THIS LESSON
1. Is it alright for unmarried people to have sex outside of marriage?
2. What is adultery?
3. What is fornication?
4. Is it a sin to refuse your married partner sexual intercourse?
5. Is it permissible for a Protestant to receive a divorce?
6. Should a separated or divorced person date others?
7. Is it a sin to leave your spouse?
8. Is a separation ever allowed?
9. Is birth control ever permitted?
10.Is abortion allowed to save the mother’s life?
THE INFLUENCE OF SOCIETY
This lesson is very important. The sanctity of marriage is attacked on every side. For the good of society, all who are married must understand God’s laws regarding the rights and privileges of so sacred a state. When a society refuses to acknowledge God’s laws about marriage and family life, then that society is doomed to destruction.
No amount of science and its research figures can make matters that are against God’s law and the natural law approved and “legal” in God’s sight. Moral laws are not based on the selfishness of man in serving God. Don’t ever allow your understanding of the sacredness of marriage to be distorted by the influence of the news and daytime television arid radio programs.
LESSON 36
THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
“Have mercy on us, 0 Lord, have mercy on us: and let us grow old both together in health.” (Tobias 8:10)
DIRECTIONS TO THE STUDENT
Try to learn in this lesson of the beautiful state of earthly happiness that can be yours by making your marriage a truly Christian marriage. As you study the lesson, have your children in mind too. You have spent many years in sacrificing yourself for future happiness. Realize that their future happiness can come only from correct ideas about a Christian marriage. Learn what the Christian marriage is, and start preparing yourself and your children now so that your marriage and your children’s marriages will be holy and happy.
A. THE SACRAMENT OF MATRIMONY
Marriage is a Sacrament made by Our Lord Jesus Christ to make the lawful union of a Christian man and woman holy. Marriage was always a sacred union, but not always a Sacrament. It was raised to the dignity of a Sacrament by Jesus Christ. The Sacrament of Marriage makes grace grow in the soul, like the other Sacraments. It gives husband and wife special helps, special graces, to perform their duties as married people and to overcome the difficulties of their married life.
Only baptized persons can receive this Sacrament. To receive it worthily, you must have no mortal sin on your soul. To receive Matrimony in the state of mortal sin is another mortal sin, a sacrilege. (The sacrilege does not make the marriage invalid.)
B. A CATHOLIC MUST BE MARRIED BEFORE A CATHOLIC PRIEST
A Catholic must be married in the presence of a Catholic priest and two Catholic witnesses. A Catholic must be married in this way no matter whom he is marrying — Protestant, Jew, or Moslem. A marriage before anyone but a priest is no marriage at all — it is a mortal sin! It sets up a state of mortal sin. The couple is not married; they are not husband and wife, they have no right to live together, and, they are living in sin. The children born of such a union are illegitimate.
A marriage ceremony by a Catholic before a Protestant minister is not only a mortal sin, but excommunication from the Church is incurred. An ordinary priest cannot remove the excommunication but must get special power from the bishop. Catholic parents should insist that their children get married by the priest. Catholics should have nothing to do with a marriage outside the Church.
Catholics are never allowed to take part in an invalid wedding, either as members of the wedding party or as spectators. You are never allowed to be bridesmaid or best man at a Protestant wedding even if bride and groom are both Protestant. You may be a spectator if both are Protestants and no scandal is given by your presence.
Marriages of non-Catholics among themselves are valid and therefore cannot be broken provided that all the laws of God concerning marriage are observed. You don’t have to be married all over again when you become Catholic, if your marriage was valid from the start. The priest in charge of you will tell you if yours is valid. You cannot many a non-Catholic who is separated or divorced, because he was not married before a priest. Non-Catholics do not have to be married before a priest.
C. SOME OTHER LAWS OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH
Catholics are forbidden to marry close relatives: first or second cousins, uncles, aunts, nieces, or nephews. All the children must be baptized and educated in the Catholic religion.
D. MIXED MARRIAGES
By a “mixed” marriage we mean a marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic. A mixed marriage is forbidden by the Church. Experience shows that mixed marriages are the greatest source of loss of the Catholic faith or loss of the practice of Christian morality. Moreover a mixed marriage is not very practical. Any great difference between the couple (age, education, wealth) always causes serious difficulty. Difference in religious beliefs brings arguments on important matters, such as divorce, Sunday Mass, meat on Friday, Catholic education.
Mixed marriages are forbidden in the Old Testament: “Neither shalt thou make marriages with them. Thou shalt not give thy daughter to his son, nor take his daughter for thy son: For she will turn away thy son from following Me, that he may rather serve strange gods: and the wrath of the Lord will be kindled, and will quickly destroy thee.” (Deuteronomy 7:3-4. SeealsoJosue23:12 and Malathias 2:11)
E. PERMISSION FOR A MIXED MARRIAGE
Only the bishop can give permission for a mixed marriage and he can give it only for a very serious reason. Such a reason occurs, for example, if the non-Catholic is taking instructions and he gives good reason for well-founded hope that he will be a good Catholic. When the bishop tolerates marriage with anon-Catholic, the non-Catholic must sign promises that he will not interfere with the Catholic’s practice of religion, that he will see to it that all the children are baptized and are brought up as Catholics, that he will observe all the laws of God and of the Catholic Church concerning marriage, and that he will not have any other ceremony after the marriage before the priest.
F. IN A MIXED MARRIAGE, THE NONCATHOLIC SHOULD TAKE INSTRUCTIONS
The average non-Catholic knows nothing about religion or morality because very few Protestant churches give religious instructions. The Catholic party has a serious obligation in charity to procure the conversion of the non-Catholic party by prayer and good example. The first step in this direction is to bring the non-Catholic to instructions before the marriage takes place.
Bring the non-Catholic up to the priest three or four months before the wedding so that he (or she) can take instruction. The non-Catholic is most generous before the wedding, so let him (or her) while he (or she) is generous. Tell him (her) that he (she) does not have to become a Catholic, but must learn about heaven, hell, grace, marriage and all the other Christian beliefs and laws. While he (she) is under instructions, pray for him (her).
G. PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE
Have the correct attitude toward marriage. Look upon it as a very holy union. It was founded by God and was raised to the dignity of a Sacrament by Jesus Christ. Have the correct purpose in seeking marriage. Look forward to having children and founding a Christian home. Marry fora selfish reason (money, beauty, fame, pleasure) and you won’t find happiness in marriage. Genuine happiness is attained only by completely generous souls who are ready to sacrifice their preference in all things.
Pray every day for a happy marriage because most probably you will save or lose your souls because of the kind of marriage you contract.
Study what marriage is and its duties and obligations because knowledge of these things does not come naturally. Marriage, like any other career, needs special preparation and instruction. Attend a Catholic marriage forum or Pre-Cana Conference and receive marriage instructions from your parish priest. Leading a truly Christian life is the best preparation. Go to Confession and Communion often and regularly; observe the sixth commandment strictly and pray. Follow the advice of your parents and parish priest.
H. DO NOT MARRY TOO YOUNG!
Immaturity (not being grown up) is one of the big causes of unhappiness in marriage. Court records show that youthful marriages generally do not last. Perhaps in times past young adults in their teens could withstand the responsibilities of marriage. Times have changed. Today a boy or girl under twenty-one may be capable of having children but are not usually developed enough mentally to accept the responsibilities of married life.
L. CHOOSING A PARTNER
Choose the right partner and your marriage will be a happy one. Choose a partner who is a good Catholic, one who is regular at Mass, Communion and Confession. He (she) must be really serious about having children and founding a home. Be sure he (she) is not selfish or immature. Does he (she) have any serious bad habits such as drinking, flirting, impurity? Is he (she) sincere, truthful and dependable?
J. MAKING ARRANGEMENTS WITH THJ~ PRIEST FOR THE MARRIAGE
If you are marrying a Catholic, it is necessary to inform your parish priest at least one month before the wedding. The priest must publicly announce this promise of marriage three times on Sunday. Catholics should be married at a special wedding Mass called a Nuptial Mass (though there is no law forbidding a marriage before a priest outside of Mass).
If you are contemplating marriage with a non-Catholic it is necessary to see your parish priest three or four months before the date of the marriage to learn if such a marriage is possible and to provide instructions for the non-Catholic, if the Church permits this mixed marriage.
K. CHILDREN, THE GREATEST BLESSING OF MARRIAGE
Children are the greatest source of happiness in marriage. Court records show there are fewer marriage break-ups among couples with large families. We priests feel sorry for childless couples. If possible, they wish to adopt children.
L. CONCLUSION
When a couple marries in the Catholic Church the priest reads to them this beautiful passage: “May this love with which you have joined your hands and hearts together never fail, but grow deeper and stronger as the years go on. And if true love and the spirit of perfect sacrifice guide your every action, you can expect the GREATEST MEASUREOF EARTHLY HAPPINESS that can be allotted to man in this vale of tears. The rest is in the hands of God. Nor will God be wanting in your needs. He will pledge you the life-long support Of His graces in the Holy Sacrament which you are about to receive.”
How beautiful it will be when your wife is on her deathbed and will say to you as she hands back the wedding ring to you:
“To this ring and its signification I have never been disloyal, not in thought or desire. Since you gave it to me before the Altar of God I have loved no other man but you. You controlled all the affection and devotion of my heart, all the warmth and glow of my imagination, and all the feelings and emotions of my being. Receive this ring, then, as pure and as hallowed as it was when I received it from you on our wedding day.” Happy you, if you can then respond with the same declaration of untarnished and unwavering loyalty.