Epibrator

A humorists description of a calculating disk

Simon Carmiggelt

While searching for information about a Starfighter calculating disk[1]  I came across a very unexpected source: a Kronkel[2]  by Simon Carmiggelt, a famous Dutch columnist, writer and journalist. In this column Carmiggelt describes a calculator “for aviation ... to determine the take-off length in relation to weight, airport altitude and temperature, the average costs per nautical mile and some other such trifles”.

The calculator was made by “a Dutch industry that produces equipment for aviation” and was called Twin Turbo Fan Performance and Cost Epibrator. This name surprised Simon, because fifteen years earlier he had dedicated a Kronkel to the verb epibreren (which would translate into English as to epibrate). He had come across that word when he had to pick something up in an office and was told: “It's almost ready, sir. If you come back in about nine days, you can have it. It just needs to be epibrated”. When he asked what to epibrate means, he received an extensive answer that you can best read in the original Kronkel.[2] 

Genootschap Onze Taal

The word epibreren is included in the Language Desk of the Genootschap Onze Taal, a society aimed at preserving the Dutch language. It gives the following meaning[3]  “pretending that you are doing or going to do something very important, while you are actually not doing or will not be doing anything (useful)”.

In his Kronkel, Carmiggelt gives the new meaning: “working with a calculating disk that is internationally known in aviation”. This new meaning involves a useful activity and is therefore in a sense the opposite of the first. I asked the Genootschap Onze Taal to include this meaning (as well) in their Language Desk, but I received a negative response[4]  within two days. So apparently they did not have to epibrate for that answer.

The Epibrator

One question remains: who made the Twin Turbo Fan Performance and Cost Epibrator, and for which aircraft?

Herman's Catalog includes a calculator disk for a Fokker F28. See figure 1. The Fokker F28 was equipped with two Rolls-Royce Spey RB-183 turbofan engines. These engines were introduced[5]  in 1964, so very close to the publication date of the Kronkel. The Fokker F28 Fellowship was announced in 1962 and first flew in 1967.[6]   The scales of the disk match Carmiggelt's description, but Herman's Catalog does not mention the word Epibrator anywhere.

References

1.  MIR91, December 2023, page 31 and MIR94, January 2025, page 14-18

2. “Carrière”, Het Parool, April  18, 1964, page 3 

3. Genootschap Onze Taal, “Wat betekent het werkwoord epibreren?” consulted December 16 , 2023

4. e-mail conversation Taaladviesdienst Onze Taal (Language Advisory Service Our Language), December 16 and 18, 2023 

5. Wikipedia, “Rolls-Royce Spey”, consulted May 18, 2024 

6. Wikipedia, “Fokker F28 Fellowship”, consulted May 18, 2024 

7. Fokker F 28 disk, Herman's Slide Rule Catalog Lite Nr.1221 

A Dutch version of this paper is published in  MIR92, July 2024