Sahar Abdulaziz

An interview with author Sahar Abdulaziz

Sahar Abdulaziz is author of But You LOOK Just Fine, As One Door Closes, The Broken Half, Secrets That Find Us, Tight Rope, Expendable, Unlikely Friends, and her newest novel, The Gatekeeper’s Notebook. Abdulaziz demonstrates that those who have suffered are not victims, but survivors.

Interview by BWG member Ralph Hieb

Bethlehem Writers Group: Where did you find time to write while raising six children?

Sahar Abdulaziz: Ha! That’s funny. I didn’t.

I started my writing career in earnest after my youngest entered high school. Up to that point, I barely had time to digest a hot meal, no less write a book. However, throughout the years, I would periodically announce to my family that publishing a book was in my future, and they, of course, found these sporadic proclamations amusing, often placating me with, “Sure, Mom, go for it,” or “That would be cool.”

‘Cool’ it is. Nine books and counting …

BWG: When did you start writing, and why?

SA: In many ways, the pen is my form of resistance.

I made the concrete decision to write in 2009 and co-authored a non-fiction, user-friendly resource, But You LOOK Just Fine: Unmasking Depression, Anxiety, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Obsessive Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Seasonal Affective Disorder. The book, published in 2013, features coping tools and profiles of individuals who live with depression and anxiety disorders. After the publication, I decided to write contemporary fiction, with a concentration on psychological thrillers and suspense. I felt writing fiction would provide a viable platform to write high impact stories about complicated, often easily dismissed topics concerning real-life social incongruities deeply embedded in our society in desperate need of exposure. At the same time, allowing me to intertwine fictional worlds with factual experiences. My objective is to provide the reader with a thought-provoking, page-turning story laden with valuable and useful insight.

BWG: Do you find it easier to write during the day or night, and why?

SA: For me, always the day. Specifically, early morning, when the house is knocked-out asleep. I find the quiet stillness of the early hours offers the noise in my brain refuge, allowing creativity to take center stage.

BWG: Are you a plotter or a pantser when writing?

SA: I’m a pantser who strategizes as she writes. Scenes reveal themselves in my head, much like watching a movie equipped with subtitles floating across the screen. I tried in the beginning to be a plotter, but that turned into a stifling disaster. My mind doesn’t work that way. Matter of fact, most of my less than impressive ‘note-taking’ ––if one can even call it that –– takes place on the back of used envelopes, napkins, random slips of paper, or sticky notes. Occasionally, also sloppily sprinkled inside a lined notebook or writing tablet.

But even as a pantser, I dive into every new book project with a semi-clear sense about which character I wish to center, and most importantly––why. Most of the time, I come to the table with an ending in mind, but how exactly my characters get from one point to the next remains as much of a mystery to me as to my readers. However, that can all change during the writing process and has, especially when the characters begin to materialize on paper, and their personalities inform me otherwise. This is probably one of the main reasons why I love writing psychological thrillers/suspense as much as I do. The adrenaline rush in the creative process forces me to remain hooked to the story, in the minute and watching it as it evolves and progresses.

BWG: Most of your stories are psychological thrillers. What made you decide to write in a different genre, such as “Unlikely Friends”?

SA: Honestly, I had just finished writing three heavy, dark psychological thrillers and felt spent and disillusioned. While conversing with a librarian friend of mine one evening, our discussion centered around our mutual disappointment and sheer bewilderment with society, and the apparent growing lack of civility among people — most of all, increasing loneliness. We discussed the irony of living in a world where communicating to those near and far is at its all-time most accessible, yet still, as a society, where we are at our most disengaged.

Anyway, it had been a hard week for the both of us, in jest, I remembered blurting out something stupid like, ‘You know what? I should write a thriller about a librarian who hates people so much that he starts killing off annoying patrons and hiding their bodies behind stacks of books.’ Then, of course, we shared a marathon volley of nonsensical funny memes, and that, I thought, was that. Off to sleep I went, until the next morning when I got up to do some work on my upcoming thriller and found that I couldn’t. My mind wasn’t in it. So, instead of throwing cereal across the room or banging my body against the floor while holding my breath until I turned blue, I began writing whatever ridiculousness came into my head. My way of cleansing. However, soon enough, I found myself at my desk, dying from laughter. More surprisingly, I had the first chapter of Unlikely Friends written, and the rest of the story pretty much mapped out in my head.

It turns out the grumpy librarian of my subconscious wasn’t some serial killer hellbent on destroying innocent book readers after all, but a lonely, life-pummeled curmudgeon who just wanted to be left alone––free to read his books and eat his nightly chicken pot pie in peace. Oh, how I could relate––

Perhaps Unlikely Friends came out of a need to emotionally recharge from all the sadness and angst I had stored up inside from writing about heavy subjects like domestic violence, sexual assault, mood disorders, racism, and bigotry. Writing satire allowed me to discover another side to the human experience––that indomitable, brave part of the human psyche which has learned by trial and error to sequester the pain and frustration dumped on them by life, and still show up to do the heavy lifting anyway. This change of genre also provided an opportunity for me to write about personalities who, despite far too many disappointments and personal setbacks, remain steadfastly loyal, trustworthy, and kind––not necessarily to be seen by others or to collect public accolades, but because it’s the right thing to do.

Writing Unlikely Friends shows what happens when kind, hurting, broken, lonely souls are thrust into a situation that demands they not only show up, open up, and trust again, but finally allow themselves the possibility to heal. In all honesty, I never had so much fun writing as I did on this book, and subsequently, fell madly-crazy-in-love with the characters.

BWG: What genres do you prefer to write in?

SA: I prefer writing character-focused fiction based on real-life scenarios, whether in the form of thriller, suspense, general fiction, or satire.

BWG: What do you do to research your books, the internet, public library, personal home library, or some other form?

SA: Yes, without a doubt, all of what you mentioned above, plus countless hours of reading, and observing human behavior [fancy for: I watch people being people] and listening. I listen — a lot. I listen to what is being said, but mostly, to what isn’t because where the human experience is concerned, nothing ever remains stagnant or fixed. My job as a writer is to recognize these complexities and disclose the inexplicable and hidden.

BWG: Do you find it difficult to put your ideas on paper the way you see them in your mind?

SA: Not at all. I am much more comfortable writing down my ideas than speaking them into existence. I prefer the brilliance of the written word any day over my conversational mumblings and stumbling. In truth, I am convinced when people who have read my work meet me for the first time, they walk [run] away thinking, “That woman is a blithering idiot. How does she write books?”

And, if honest, I don’t blame them. I often think the same thing, especially after hearing myself on a recorded interview, which I don’t do particularly well.

BWG: Do you have any tips or suggestions for someone starting in the writing field?

SA: Where’s my soapbox?

Climbs up — almost trips.

Oh gosh, here I go.

Read.

Read everything you can get your hands on.

Read to breathe. To create. To mind travel to places no wo/man has gone before. Permit yourself the luxury and blessing of absorbing and appreciating other creatives’ beautiful proses and insights, and then plant your butt in the chair and write––without reserve––without apology. Be brave, and don’t be afraid to write the unpopular. One’s creativity should never be conditional on the comfort of others.

For me, writing is about showing up, ditching perfection, and remaining unrelentingly authentic. It’s about never allowing anybody else’s skewed expectations of what I should or shouldn’t be writing to dictate my direction. Most of all, it’s about learning to respect the journey and make peace with the process.

Writing is about owning your voice and your story, and then, with that same level of energy and commitment, protect and defend the rights of others to do the same. ––Trust and believe, the world can’t afford to pay homage to any more subjective gatekeepers.