Betty's Tips Winter 2022

Happy winter, dear readers!

It’s wintertime, which means my garden is sleeping for the season. I wouldn’t mind hibernating myself, but before I put this old seed to bed, it’s time for my quarterly column of writing advice.

Several years ago, maybe . . . mumble, mumble—all right; yes, I’m old. Okay, who cares how many years ago it was? Starting again . . .

Several years ago, I lost a job I really cared about. I was fired by my passive aggressive eggplant-brained jerk of a boss. Illegally fired. Can you say: incompetent, sneaky, lying—starting again . . .

Several years ago, when I was fired from a job, I began making my own bread. After I updated my resume and submitted multiple job applications, while I was waiting and waiting for all of those first phone screening interviews, I perused recipes—sour dough, Sally Lunn, challah, rye, ciabatta with stiff biga. I added warm water to yeast, salt, and flour. Then I kneaded. As I slapped the dough down on the counter and thrust my fist into its yielding belly, the anger left my soul. I gave the dough my rage, kneading away my need for revenge. And the bread, absorbing my violent treatment of it, only got better.

Don’t try this with vegetables, by the way, dear readers, unless you want to end up with a not-so-delicious mash. Unless you’re mashing potatoes, in which case, pass the gravy!

So, how will your character channel her fury? What will he do when his world comes crashing down around him? Hopefully, it’ll be something more read-worthy than knead-worthy.

She could take up rock-climbing: https://www.lydiascapes.com/,

or sailing: http://www.windtraveler.net/p/about.html,

or meditate with yoga and Tai Chi: https://www.yoqi.com/meditation.

He could soothe his soul surfing: https://barefootsurftravel.com/

or hibernate in the garage with a log and some hand tools: https://www.youtube.com/c/RexKrueger.

Maybe he’s a nerd and got dumped and in desperation turns to Aaron Marino to tell him what NOT TO WEAR!: https://alpham.com/

Of course, some people don’t ‘do’ when they’re upset. Nope! Some people eat. Did someone say candy? https://www.candygurus.com/, or beer? Gotta be micro brewed. https://brewpublic.com/about/

And finally, when life isn’t worth living anymore, people try to kill themselves. I mean what else is base jumping? https://stephdavis.co/blog/how-to-start-base-jumping/ Instead of parachuting from a plane these people jump from fixed objects like mountains and hope they’ve got enough height for that little, itty-bitty parachute strapped to their back to slow them down. Then there is cave diving: https://cavediving.com/blog/. Better not get lost because you’ve only got two hours of air!

Here’s to desperate characters and the stuff—hurricanes and parachutes that fail to open—that keep us up all night reading,