Poem for Chuck
Poem for Randy
A Knock at the Door
A Talk with Friends
At the Beach
Ennis' Birthday
The Deer
Gallstones
George
It's Halloween
It's Halloween 2
It's Halloween 2008
Letter to Tim
A Choice
Birthday
Questions: A Heart-to-Heart Talk
Quinley
Thinking About Race
June 8 2001
Poem for Chuck
I'm beginning to know you better, my friend
From the things I've heard you tell.
From all the e-mail that we've shared,
I'm beginning to know you well.
Chuck, I don't know how to say this
I'm not sure where to start.
But I know the very warm feeling I have
Right here inside my heart.
That warm feeling is my friendship
And caring for a very special guy.
A guy I'm learning more about
As weeks and years go by.
I hope that we shall always see
The beauty in each other,
The beauty in our families,
The beauty in our brother.
Where, my friend, have you been all my life
Is what I seek to know.
And then the answer comes to me,
I needed time to grow.
The Chuck you know has been through a lot
Of life down through the years.
And he has gown into a man
Through joys and sorrows, laughter and tears.
I hope the guy that you now know
Has risen above so many things
Prejudice and hate that he may show
The world the joys love brings.
Through you I know
Suzanne and Tom and Ruth.
I think of them often as family
If you want to know the truth.
And I see the kind, loving way
That you speak of Marsha, your wife.
May God bless you both,
as you walk hand in hand,
And share some time in this life.
How good it is to be married
To Marsha, your very best friend.
Someone to hold and hug
and kiss and love,
And bring to you joy without end.
Treasure the good marriage you have.
Many people wish that they had it.
But acceptance and trust
they just haven't learned
Nor walking each day in God's Spirit.
The Bible says it's something to treasure --
A marriage that works fairly well.
Its value is far above measure
It's blessing more than we can tell.
My thanks to you for listening
To words wrung from my soul.
I am your friend, dear Chuck
And friends are worth far more than gold.
My thanks to you for listening
As I have rambled on.
May God grant your dreams and your wishes,
And keep you safe from all harm.
To Randy Basically same poem as above
I'm beginning to know you better, my friend
From the things I've heard you tell.
From all the e-mail that we've shared,
I'm beginning to know you well.
Randy, I don't know how to say this
I'm not sure where to start.
But I know the very warm feeling I have
Right here inside my heart.
That warm feeling is my friendship
And caring for a very special guy
A guy I'm learning more about
As days and weeks go by.
I hope that we shall always see
The beauty in each other
The beauty in our families
The beauty in our brother.
Where, oh where have you been all my life
Is what I seek to know.
And then the answer comes to me,
I needed time to grow.
The guy you know has been through a lot
Of life down through the years.
And he has gown into a man
Through joys and sorrows, laughter and tears.
I hope the guy that you now know
Has risen above so many things
Prejudice and hate that he may show
The world the joys love brings.
My thanks to you for listening
To words wrung from my soul.
I am your friend, dear Randy
And friends are worth far more than gold.
A Knock at the Door
Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, then I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me. (Revelation 3:20)
I stood at your door
And knocked one day.
You opened the door,
And I heard you say.
“Come in, my friend”
You spoke with a smile.
“Come in and visit,
We’ll talk for a while.”
You moved back
And I walked in.
I closed the door,
Gave you my card then.
“I’m Don you remember.
We met at the church.
I have a card for you.
We’ve missed you so much.”
Yes, I came back in December
And enjoyed the worship there.
You played the piano, as I remember
I came in my wheelchair.
My old truck has been on the blink
I’ve missed you all and wanted to come
But getting there, I’ve had to rethink
A wheelchair’s a bother to some.
I don’t want to be a bother at all
To get a ride each week.
There is someone whom I could call
To get the ride I seek.
I don’t want people to say
It’s Lamar again, he needs a ride.
I won’t be a burden or bother
Though wheelchair bound, I do have my pride.
I’m generally independent
But my truck’s out now.
I don’t have money to fix it.
Perhaps I can come somehow.
You reached out and took my hand
And seemed happy to see
This library man.
“I’m glad that you found me,
I’m glad that you came.”
You showed me your dogs
And told me their names.
We talked and shared
A big hug, too
And before I left
I knew I liked you.
Two guys met
As strangers one day
And became fast friends
Along life’s way.
A cloudy day
No longer gray
My friend, we’ve met
I know I can say,
My friend, I’ve come
I won’t walk away
No one night stand
I’m here to stay.
My friend, I hope
To get to know you
The things that you like
The things that you do.
The size of your shirt
The size of your shoe
There’s so much I want
To learn about you.
Yes, I’ve been searching
I need a friend, too
The guy that I need
Lamar, is you.
We have been good friends. Thanks for the friendship.
©Don Bell. January 1-15, 2011.
A Talk With Friends
Joe and Dan are talking:
Is our friendship stronger
Than sexual prefer - ence?
Or shoe size or shirt size
Or Mother’s “two cents”?
Yes, stronger than Mom’s “two cents” –
Her eternal advice.
Yet, I think if she knew you,
She’d think you were nice.
Would she ever love you
As much as I do?
(Perhaps not as much as I do.)
But love and accept you
As part of our family, too.
Steven walks up:
What’s the news, Steven,
What’s happening today?
You seem a bit down.
Are you, Steven, okay?
I admit, Dan, I’m thinking
About something you said.
How MCC helps you
When you have been sad.
But I’m afraid to go there
To worship with you.
What if I’m seen there,
What would I do?
Steven, God loves you –
I really believe.
You’d find Him very real there
And blessings receive.
You’d feel a real comfort
You’ve never felt before
Worshipping with family –
Sisters, brothers – once more.
These friends will accept you
And not think it strange
If you share that you love
A guy named Bill Grange.
And God will not leave you
Or go on detours.
Because this human
Has genitals like yours.
Steven leaves, and Dan turns and says to Joe:
Companionship and love
This son of God needs.
And you can provide that –
Just love as God leads.
My personal prayer as we leave:
My Father, I thank you
For Joe, my dear friend.
Please bless him and keep him
‘Till we meet again.
Don Bell, December 1997.
At the Beach
Outdoor guys
in rainbow trunks
chewing gum,
all rainbow hunks.
Rainbow bears
were also there
trying out
their new swimwear.
Yes, underbears
and overbears –
they were all swimming
there somewhere.
Having fun
without a care.
Sounds of laughter
in the air.
All comfortable,
all fully relaxed,
listening to music
from one sexy sax.
Others listening
to five ducks quack.
Some were watching
a surfer named Max.
One guy was sipping
a can of cold Jax
while cleaning his car
and buffing the wax.
Some wore trunks
and some were bare.
Nudists beach
without a care.
Sun all over
that’s the way
to good health
some guys say.
Words by Don Bell, 2004.
Ennis’ Birthday
Another birthday.
But a different one this year.
For you see, I am alone.
My lover isn't here.
I am a guy who is hurting
for this guy who was so dear,
as I face this and other occasions
each and every year.
I am a guy who feels an emptiness
over and over again,
because I miss THIS guy
and all that could have been.
I am a guy who cared
as I watched our friendship grow.
I truly loved him more
than anyone will ever know.
I am a guy who has memories
and many tears to cry
over regrets I'll have to live with
until the day I die.
I am a guy who is thankful
for the miracle of birth
and all my guy has taught me
about life and my self-worth.
I just can't stop being and living
because my guy isn't here.
The love we had for each other
will continue for years.
And so . . .
on this "happy" birth day
I will feel within my heart
all the pride, love and joy
of which he was a part.
I am who I am
in large part
because he is still
here within my heart.
Don Bell, May 2005
adapted from a poem by
Judy A. Sittner.
Tuscaloosa Compassionate Friends newsletter, May 2005
Title given in August 2006, suggested by the character, Ennis Del Mar, in the movie, Brokeback Mountain.
30 rhyming words ending in ite. The Deer
Morning light, dimming night
Naked body rising tight
Rested body rising bright.
Very male, slender, slight
Masculine guy for their eyesight.
Last night’s coffee--taste delight
More cold beans—that just might
Satisfy my appetite
Open door and step out back
Cool today, the fahrenheit
Morning closer, more daylight
Here out back, perfect place
Take a leak—I just might
Water the ground here in plain sight.
Water the ground with last night’s beer
In this morning atmosphere
While the deer watch me in spite
Of the times they’ve seen this sight.
Maleness now is hanging slight
Bladder empty, feeling right.
My scent they know here out back
I’m often in their wild eyesight.
Good morning deer, time is slight
Hide and sleep and rest ignite
(Hide and sleep and rest—goodnight)
While I go work and labor quite.
You, my friends, I’ll see tonight
As once again we all unite
At this house, this back step site
Trusting more, with new insight
Learning how to be polite.
It’s about the deer I write
Seeing them does me excite.
Beauty, grace, and energy--
God’s creation – perfect, right
The deer and me – a friendship tight.
© Don Bell, Sep 8 2006
Gallstones
Why do gallstones form
And cause such pain?
Remove them and they may
Reappear again.
Some may be small
About the size of a pea
Others may be larger
The size of a fresh cranberry
Gallstones may be hiding
You may not know they’re there
Until a gallstone attack happens
And causes you despair
Why do they form?
My doctor told me
High cholesterol may cause them
Most assuredly
He also said
It’s a crystalline formation
Caused by components in the bile
Concentrations build up
And become solid after a while
And some doctors think
Heredity has a say
As to whether you get them
Or keep them at bay
Why do gallstones form?
Why do they grow?
I really don’t know
I just don’t know
©Don Bell. January 9, 2011
George
Watching, waiting
For your return
Watching from
Beneath a bush
Waiting there
‘Neath holly and fern
Watching the house
And looking stern
When your car
Turns in the drive
George then stirs
And comes alive
Running toward you
Without care
Tall tail waving
In the air
Running to greet you
As if to say
I’ve been here waiting
For you today
I’ve been running
And playing outside
And chasing the birds
And squirrels away
As you move the car closer
To park in its place
You’ll see a tall tail
Waving in space
George runs to greet
As you open the door
Walks near your feet
Across the floor
Headed inside
For an afternoon treat
George is a rugged
Outdoor type cat
Shiny black coat
Black as a bat
Fur that is sprinkled
With a hint of rust brown
Neighborhood cat
Of long renown
Curious cat
Who likes to explore
Anything, everything
Out-of-doors
George came to us
Years ago
Why she chose us
We’ll never know
But choose us she did
O’er all on the street
Found her a place
To sleep and to eat
She came hanging
Around our door
As if to say, “I’ll be your cat
Forevermore.”
I’ve been looking
All over this town
Now you and your home
At last I have found
George, the hunter
Climbing our tree
Catching a bird
For all to see
Laying her catch
On kitchen doorsteps
Strutting around
Taking proud steps
Catch lying on steps
At the side of the house
Sometimes a bird
Or maybe a mouse
Displayed by George
For all to see
Her hunting skill
Admiringly
Yes, George is
A she, not a he
Named years ago
Assumedly
After a time
The cat knew her name
And everyone else
Called her the same
Established cat name
No need to change
Accepted by all
Remains the same
Intelligent cat
Tells us her need
Sits by the door
‘Til we concede
She needs to go out
For fresh air and such
She likes to go out
In the yard very much
And when it is time
For her to come in
She scratches the screen
On window or door
To tell me she’s waiting
And wants in once more
George, my cat
Of gentle strength
This is your home
We’re happy with that
Loyal cat, friendly, too
We admire
So much about you
©Don Bell. January 21-22, 2011.
It’s Halloween
It’s Halloween
It’s time to ask
Who’s the guy
Behind the mask?
There are some guys or There are some guys
Who must wear their mask who wear their mask
All year round. All year round.
“Why?” you may ask. “But why?” you ask.
Many must wear masks
In their lives each day.
Because of sexual preference,
Society requires it that way.
It’s Mike, it’s Dwaine
It’s Jim, it’s Joe
Wearing required masks
Because they know.
They are gay guys
And their feelings mus’nt show.
Who’s the guy
Behind the mask?
It may be Jim
Or Bill or Trask.
Would that we
Had no need or pretense or masks.
But could be accepted.
That’s all that we ask.
Our Heavenly Parent
Creates, loves, and accepts
Us guys here
Each day, each step.
Would that I were free
To tell all that I know
How very much I love
My handsome friend, Joe.
But I must pretend
To those around me
That I’m really quite fond
Of that female, Rosa Lee.
Yes . . .
It’s Halloween
It’s time to ask.
Who’s the guy
Behind the mask?
It may be you
It may be me
With mask still there
We’re not yet free.
Free to be you
Free to be me
Free to be all
God meant us to be.
My Michael or My dear friend, Michael
I love you I really love you.
And Simon’s And Simon, dear friend,
Loved, too. You are loved, too.
These above are doodles from my desk on this Halloween Eve night,
October 30, 1997. Just rhyming and having fun.
More doodles on October 31, 1997 below.
It’s Halloween
It’s time to ask.
Who’s the guy
Behind the mask?
Approving nods and warm smiles
Come whenever there’s talk
Of Carole and Glen
And their son, Jonas Salk.
Whose chubby, small legs
Are learning to walk.
Is their love, their commitment
Any more God’s will
Than my love and commitment
To a guy named Bill?
Not an easy question
Not an easy mental feat.
For people still blinded
By lies and deceit.
Don Bell, October 1997.
It’s Halloween 2
Can I help it or change it
If Jim is non-gay?
No, I really can’t help it,
God made him that way.
O Lord, help us both
To love and appreciate the other
What ‘ere his sexual orientation
He is your son, my brother.
It’s Halloween
But should we ask
Is that dear Tom
Behind that mask?
Tom and I’ve been friends
For many a year and day.
Should I like him less
Now that I know he is gay?
No, Tom, my friend
You can be free.
You can be honest –
A REAL Tom around me.
Does sexual preference
Change his great smile?
Or skill at cataloging,
Or decorating style?
Does sexual preference
Really matter at all?
‘Tell anything about a person?
How kind, or loving, or tall?
No, sexual preference
Will only be
A stumbling block
For those who won’t see.
or (For those who allow it to be.)
That sexual preference
Like hair or eye color,
Is one of God’s gifts
For earth’s sisters and brothers.
How should I feel
About my friend, Buck,
Who isn’t really gay?
Just his poor luck?
O Abba, my God
Please help me to see
Buck needs to be Buck
And I need to be me.
His liking a woman’s
Not really a bad thing.
Maybe he needs a woman
Like a bird needs a wing.
Perhaps he would be unhappy
Trying to relate to a guy.
When genetically You made him
Heterosexual hereby.
or (A handsome Gemini.)
or (So women would satisfy.)
or (Just a little bit shy.)
or (Non-gay, so no use to try.)
or (Non-gay, so he need not try.)
Yes, Buck might be awkward
In bed with a guy.
He might be frustrated
Withdrawn and quite shy.
Please God, may you lead him
To find the right one.
And bless them and keep them,
And grant them a son.
Don Bell, November-December 1997.
It’s Halloween 2008
It’s Halloween
It’s time to ask
Who’s the guy
Behind the mask?
A fun time for most
One night of the year
A way of life for others
For many we hold dear.
There are many folks
Who must wear a mask
All year round.
“But why?” you may ask.
Many must wear masks
In their lives each day.
Because of sexual preference,
Society requires it that way.
Society and religion
Often act just the same
Spreading prejudice and lies
Both play the same game.
It’s Mike, it’s Dwaine
It’s Jim, it’s Joe
Wearing required masks
Because they know.
They are gay guys
And their feelings mus’nt show.
Who’s the guy
Behind the mask?
It may be Jim
Or Bill or Trask.
Would that all had no need
Of pretense or masks.
But all could be accepted.
That’s all people ask.
Our Heavenly Parent
Creates, loves, and accepts
All people on earth,
Each day, each step.
Would that Sue were free
To tell those she knows
How very much she loves
Her beautiful friend, Rose.
But she must pretend
To those around her
That she’s really quite fond
Of that guy, Joe Barber.
Yes . . .
It’s Halloween
It’s time to ask.
Who’s the one
Behind the mask?
It may be Jill
It may be Lee
With masks still there
They’re not yet free.
Free to be Jill
Free to be Lee
Free to be all
God meant them to be.
Approving nods and warm smiles
Come whenever there’s talk
Of Tyler and Sue
And their son, Jonas Salk.
Whose chubby, small legs
Are learning to walk.
Is their love, their commitment
Any more God’s will
Than Lee’s love and commitment
To a guy named Bill?
Not an easy question
Not an easy mental feat.
For people still blinded
By lies and deceit.
Don Bell, Original: October 1997. Revision: November 16, 2008.
Letter to Tim
An HIV patient living at Bryce Hospital.
Tim, my friend
What do you say?
What will you read
Or say or imagine today?
When you are sick
And not your best
Maybe you should just
Read and rest.
Talk to a friend,
Watch some tv,
Look at a magazine
And sip some iced tea.
Perhaps keep a diary
And write a little or much.
A place to write your feelings
And ideas, thoughts, and such.
And today might be a good day
To give a smile away.
There may be someone who
Needs your smile
To help him on his way.
Perhaps he has nothing
To give back to you.
Maybe looking into your eyes.
Or a touch or a handshake
Is all he really can do.
I’ve been told
And I believe it’s true.
The smile you give away
Comes back to bless you.
Tim, my dear friend,
Keep thinking about getting better.
That’s our earnest prayer at MCC,
Our hope with each card and letter.
A belief that you can
And will get better
Is just as important
As any card or letter.
Tim, keep believing in yourself –
Believing in your doctor
And in the medical care.
And you will improve,
You will get better.
And one day be ready
To leave there.
But if you get better and leave,
You need some place to go.
You really need the care of your family,
Or friends, or someone you know.
The doctors and nurses at Bryce
Are doing their best for you now.
Please pray for them
As they care for you
And give you their best know-how.
Tim, God is by your side
He really loves you so.
He wanted me to write this
Just to let you know.
So be aware of His presence
And talk with Him as you would a friend.
God would really like to hear your thoughts
And share your life through thick and thin.
His Loving Spirit He’ll send
To give you peace and dwell within.
Don Bell, 1998?
A Choice
To wear, to wear
or not to wear
underwear?
That is the question.
Why do you wear
underwear
in every season?
Is there a reason?
Folklore and myths
are really the reason
men sometimes wear it
in every season.
In the summer
it's sweaty.
In the summer
it's hot.
So then should I wear it?
I really think not.
For comfort
and coolness
and cleanliness
throughout,
you really can't beat
going without.
Males are healthier,
more virile without.
It's fertility
and sperm count
I'm talking about.
It really is better
to have things suspended,
and let them move freely
as nature intended.
Your pants will cover
your body quite well.
You don't need two layers
of heat to dispel.
So, now, go without.
Yes, give it a try.
You really will be
a happier guy.
db May 2005
Birthday
Another birthday.
But a different one this year.
For you see, I am alone.
My lover isn't here.
I am a guy who is hurting
for this guy who was so dear,
as I face this and other occasions
each and every year.
I am a guy who feels an emptiness
over and over again,
because I miss THIS guy
and all that could have been.
I am a guy who cared
as I watched our friendship grow.
I truly loved him more
than anyone will ever know.
I am a guy who has memories
and many tears to cry
over regrets I'll have to live with
until the day I die.
I am a guy who is thankful
for the miracle of birth
and all my guy has taught me
about life and my self-worth.
I just can't stop being and living
because my guy isn't here.
The love we had for each other
will continue for years.
And so . . .
on this "happy" birth day
I will feel within my heart
all the pride, love and joy
of which he was a part.
I am who I am
in large part
because he is still
here within my heart.
db May 2005
adapted from a poem by Judy A. Sittner.
Tuscaloosa Compassionate Friends newsletter, May 2005
Questions:
A Heart-to-Heart Talk
Buck: Ron, may I ask you something?
Now, I’m not being critical in any way.
But I saw the books on your shelf.
Ron, my friend, are you gay?
Ron: Buck, my friend, would it make any difference?
What do you really want me to say?
Would such news change our friendship
If you suddenly learned I was gay?
Would you now be afraid to work around me?
Would you now shy away?
Would you wonder if I desire you as a partner?
Actually, I’ve never thought of you that way.
Before I answer, maybe you
Should examine your own motives for asking.
Why do you want to know this?
Is this just an interest in passing?
Would you really like to know me better?
Or just find fuel for your fears?
If I were gay, would you shy away
Or continue to be my friend for years?
Buck: Ron, I’m not sure why I asked this.
Perhaps I’m just out of line.
I don’t think it would matter to me.
I really like you just fine.
Perhaps I’m a victim of society,
Upbringing, family and peers.
Their myths, prejudices, and lies
(Their ignorance and hatred and fears.)
I’ve assumed to be true now for years.
Maybe I’ve never really thought about it.
Why do we label people anyway?
Why should sexual preference matter?
I guess it’s because
We really don’t pause
To examine our values
And watch what we say.
Ron: We blindly accept old prejudices.
That’s the way it’s always been done.
Whether it’s right or wrong
We were raised: like father, like son.
or (We ignorantly continue to shun.)
On matters of right and wrong
Heterosexuals play their own song.
They are right about everything
And others just don’t belong.
Others are always wrong.
God loves heterosexuals
And everyone must be
Carbon copies of each other
With this you “must” agree.
Whether it’s right or wrong
Whether it helps or hurts others.
Heterosexuals often move forward
Hurting gay sisters, hurting gay brothers.
Is it right for heterosexuals to choose
What is “natural” for all?
To claim “divine wisdom” and
Prejudice in others install?
It’s not natural they say
For Bill and Rick
And Susie to be gay.
“We” know how all should be
As a heterosexual, you’d really be free.
Free to do what?
Act like them?
Are they an example?
Failing at every whim.
Divorce? For sure.
Abuse children?
The cases are ample.
Abuse your spouse?
Should we follow this example?
Buck: Ron, I agree with what you just said.
The lives of some people are really a dread.
They neither know Christ
Nor live what he said.
What I really want to say now is
Your personal life is none of my stead.
Nor how you express love to someone in bed.
It doesn’t matter to me
Whom God guides you to love.
Whether you love a she or a he.
You be Ron and I’ll be me.
If you suddenly changed
To be something you are not
You wouldn’t be my Ron
Whom I really like a lot.
The most precious gift we have
Is our friendship.
Ron, may we be friends always.
Always.
God be with you.
Ron: And also with you.
Don Bell, October-December 1997
Updated August 2006.
Quinley
Quinley B., it’s cold outside
There’s snow and sleet
You’ll slip and slide
Fall off your feet
I really think you
Should stay inside
Where it is warm.
But you decide.
Inside there’s food
And water and such
Yet you don’t seem
Concerned very much
I know no matter
What I say
You’ll want to go out
Anyway
You’ll run to the door
And pout and whine
And paw on the window
And rattle the blind
You have a strong will
You want your own way
You whine and still
Ignore what I say
Okay, Miss Quin
Just have it your way
You may get cold
On this snowy day
The door is open
Just run on your way
There’s snow outside
And you want to play
©Don Bell. January 18, 2011.
Thinking About Race
What do you think about race, my friend?
Is race important to you?
Do you find life is best, a blend
Of various people and views?
We know the dangers of sameness
Inbreeding may lead to decline
Obsession with race may limit success
But ideas may broaden our mind
I’m sure God meant race to enhance
Your beauty, your wonder, your life
To give you a unique identity
From rocks and trees and wildlife
Race wasn’t meant to give you heartache
To cause you misery or strife
God meant it to be an advantage
To add interest and richness to life
But, you say, look around you
How race may restrict us today
Race makes us all appear different
And some don’t think that’s okay
Some want us all to be black
Or white or red or such
They’re afraid that those who are different
Surely don’t know very much
But God’s mind and wisdom
Are greater than man’s narrowness
While race is a hindrance for some
Others find strength and success
Yes, race is a stumbling block danger
For some minds restricted and blind
Who only obsess over skin tone
And miss God’s creation divine
Race is a trait of great beauty
Of interest, of wonder divine
Just open your eyes and you’ll see
The beauty of all humankind
When you consider a person
Look beyond the outside
A heart of pure gold may be hiding
In this timid soul deep inside
If you can get beyond race
A great reward may be yours
A new friend you may embrace
A friendship that may endure
We return to our original question
What does race mean to you?
Do you find it a beauty enhancement?
A blessing or curse your life through
Our skin is an outer fabric
That comes in colors, designs
It does add wonder and beauty
But doesn’t the person define
This outer fabric now speaking
Here I am, take my hand
Get to know me and we together
As brothers will walk this great land
Race should add a rare beauty
To both your life and mine
And friendship and love of humans
Are part of God’s design
©Don Bell. January 16, 2011