The first task of a counsellor is to really listen and to rise to the challenge of being able understand your difficulties in your terms, not anyone else’s. The counsellor may at some stage challenge your existing ways of dealing with your issues, and may invite you to look at things differently, perhaps to experiment with different ways of responding. However, it should always feel supportive, and you should never feel pressurised or ‘directed’ to work in a way which does not feel helpful or safe.
Not many counsellors give direct advice. The emphasis is on helping you to explore and develop solutions that make sense to you in your own life. After all, it’s your life, and you should be the acknowledged expert. This reluctance to give ‘ready made solutions’ can be experienced as rather annoying, especially at first. “Why can’t you tell me what I should do, if I knew already I wouldn’t be coming here to see you!” This can be a creative tension from which your own solutions can emerge, which are not only more likely to be right for you (rather than what I think might work) but also show you what resources you have within you when you are able to access them.
Counsellors are very careful about boundaries, particularly confidentiality. Whatever you talk about with your counsellor is strictly confidential. Breaking (usually called ‘breaching’) someone’s confidentiality is always a serious matter, and is regarded as highly unethical unless under very specific circumstances. These usually relate to someone being at risk of serious physical harm, when your counsellor may feel it necessary to inform your GP, or even the police. These very rare circumstances would normally be set out in the contract you would agree with your counsellor when you first started working with them, so that you know exactly where you stand.
Even the fact that you are coming to counselling would not be shared with anyone else without your express agreement. This explains why, in the unlikely event that you bump into your counsellor outside the therapy, they would not usually acknowledge you unless you had previously discussed and agreed this!
Counsellors keep notes after sessions, to help them remember important details, and to think about how best to help you in the next session. Such notes are kept securely, and separate from any identifying information about you. All counsellors are required to meet regularly with a suitable qualified supervisor, who will oversee their work and ensure high standards of practice. Issues you and the client are working with may be discussed in supervision, but only after identifying details have been removed. Supervisors will not be told individual client details.
It is very rare that a counsellor would have another role in your personal or professional life. This is known as a ‘dual relationship’ and can be confusing at best and can be unethical. How can you feel safe if your counsellor is also your manager, a friend of your partner, or indeed anyone you regularly came into contact with in another capacity? Counselling often involves sharing some of your most intimate and personal thoughts and feelings, and you need to know they are being safely held by a professional who is not otherwise involved in your life.
It should also be said that there are no circumstances in which it is acceptable for a counsellor to ever become involved in a physical relationship with a client. Strong feelings can sometimes arise during counselling, and the client is due a duty of care that the counsellor will always remain safely in their professional role. There are no exceptions to this, and should you ever have concerns about a counsellor in this regard this should be reported immediately.
In conclusion
I hope the information I have given here has been useful to you. Whether or not we meet as client and counsellor, I wish you success with your journey in life, wherever that may take you.
You will find my professional counsellor information below: