"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road. So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof.
I pulled in to the side of the road because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
I left my car unattended for a minute, when by accident or design, it ran away.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
I misjudged a lady crossing the street.
The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:
Q: What warning was given by you?
A: Horn.
Q: What warning was given by the other party?
A: Moo.
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
I ran into a shop window, and sustained injuries to my wife.
My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the woman behind.
On the 405 freeway, I moved from the centre lane to the fast lane but the other car didn't give way.
I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control.
I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight.
Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably voodoo.
We had completed the turn and had just straightened the car when Miss X put her foot down hard and headed for the ladies' loo.
I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
I saw the slow moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off my car.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact.
When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.
The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.
The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.
The car in front of me stopped for a yellow light, so I had no choice but to hit him. (She pushed him through the intersection)
I blew my horn, but it would not work as it had been stolen.
I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian, and the old gentleman was taken to hospital, much regretting the circumstances.
A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.
A bull was standing nearby, and a fly must have tickled him, as he gored my car.
She suddenly saw me, lost her head, and we met.
No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened.
Mr. X is in hospital and says I can use his car and take his wife while he is there. What shall I do about it?
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
A: Travelled by bus?
1. Broadcaster (No Date) <On-Line> Funny Extracts From Insurance Claim Forms. Available at:
http://www.broadcaster.org.uk/section2/jokes/funnyinsurance.html last accessed 30 January 2010.
2. BarricksInsurance (1995) <On-Line> ACTUAL CLAIM Insurance Jokes. Available at:
http://www.barricksinsurance.com/insurance_jokes4.html last accessed 30 January 2010.