Kneel to the rising sun

Hands clasped in prayer;

Hands tied behind you

Reveal your suffocating thoughts,

Your helplessness,

Your sense of foreboding,

Your glimmer of hope

Your channel of communication

Projected only through the power of your mind

But questions are too heavy

To be asked,

Feelings too complex to convey

Lock these feelings inside of you.

Look in your mirror

Trust the reflected image

To be your own.

Be fearful of the transition it represents.

I could hear my heart pounding over the silence of the streets, the boom, boomb boom bothered me.

Have you ever heard of white noise? That’s what it is, a god damn boom boom boom but a slow and soft boom boom boom.

I wiggled around in bed. I played the Beatles. I jumped up and down AND BOOM BOOM BOOM. Why god, why do this to me now.

I’m standing on a cliff in my mind, it’s terrifying but peaceful. The heartbeat sound feels like I’m going to jump, but the only reason I stand on the cliff is that I create distractions. What if I just stopped? What if everything just stopped, just like the world has? What if I stopped breathing? What if I drowned? What if I left the house?

No, wait, no, I know what if I just said to hell with it and walked out? The virus doesn’t scare me. This life isn’t good anyway so if I died, I mean it would do the job for me, right? But, I’ll get arrested. Mama said I will get arrested, arrested, arrested, arrested...... damn it! Did I take my pill? Boom, I’m starting to cry again. I don’t know why. Mama what’s wrong, why am I at home all the damn time?

I CAN'T STOP HEARING: BOOM, BOOOM, BOOM, FLIPPING BOOM.

“Baby we are in lockdown that’s why we are home so you’re safe.”

“Mama I am not safe, if I hear boom again I’m gonna cut my ears off...”

“Shhhhhhh just go to bed it will go soon.”

Mama said sleep, so time to sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.

I found a rope by the garage..... I can’t handle this sound anymore. Tie it, my mind said to tie it around the neck. I’ll make a noose and jump off the chair.

Mama said go to bed, this is how I can sleep forever.

No more boom boom boom.

Bye, mama.

“Mommy, what’s this picture?” My future daughter asks

It’s a time of lockdown where everyone wore masks

I’ll let you in on a story about my generation’s past

But I could tell you one thing, it wasn't such a blast

We were living our lives with no concerns

But with the blink of an eye the tables turned

You would never expect what’s to happen next

Now let’s tuck you in tight so you can learn

A global pandemic hit us quick

Suddenly the world started to panic

We all got into lockdown happy and fine

But one by one our buttons clicked

The virus spread

And people were dead

Though it wasn’t the only thing

That put us on the edge

A black man was accused

Next, his life was to lose

But we just sat there

And kept hitting snooze

“Black Lives Matter” they said

Making sure the word was spread

But how come they only spoke up

After this innocent man was already dead

People used to complain

About how things weren’t the same

But I don’t think they should’ve been

Because our days were a shame

We kept making jokes about it

Until reality hit

In order for things to get better

We all must commit

A memory never to be forgotten in deed

Though now as our life proceeds

I know that all together

We may heal those cuts and bleeds.

It is near the end of the day for school, and my mind is racing with thoughts,

What am I to do, once I get home? Play on the laptop? Oh no! Even better, watch on NETFLIX or Youtube!!!

But then, a thought I could not refuse crossed my mind; No, you can not! You have got homework to do!

There was a “war of ideas” in my head, the “enjoyable” against the “tiresome.” I felt like the “tiresome” won today, as I needed some homework done, or I would have “tiresome” week.

The clock was ticking...30 more minutes till the end of the day. The teacher was strolling forth and back through the aisle formed by the parted desks. She came, peering over my classmates one by one. I dared not move. I dared not make her come near, as I still had time until she reached me. I needed time! I had only written one paragraph. My thoughts were slowing me down- the ticking of the clock and the scraping of the pencils and pens brushing the lined paper in our exercise books, clearly not doing anything to help. I felt more pressure, as the others were doing much better than me.

25 minutes left….10 minutes to go….until it would be over and it time to pack and get ready to go home. Well, not yet. My teacher was looking around and saying: “That is it class, time to pack up, but before you go I would like to tell you all something.”

A moment of relief passed over me, as I watched my colleagues closing their textbooks, pushing back their chairs and heading for their bags. However, I was more curious about what my teacher had to say. It wasn’t that usual that she said something at the end, before we left.

There was mumbling, here and there, of curious kids like me, who wanted to hear what our teacher had to say. Moments later the class was seated, all waiting for our teacher to speak. She stood up and moved to the front of the class.

“ As you know, there is this COVID-19 panademic around, and the rumors of the school closing might happen. Well, that day has come.” She took a large sigh and continued. “This school is going to go into a sort of lockdown.”

That was the word that awoke the class: Lockdown!!

It stunned and excited us, it was the unexpected!...

“Lockdown?” Some of the students mumbled surprised.

“Lockdown?” Some fired back, like it was the end of the world.

“Lockdown?” Some said like it happened before.

“Lockdown?” Some said, like it was a new word to them.

“Lockdown?” I said, thinking of all the possibilities, how may ways I could have fun at home.

No more school!!!

“Starting by today you will stay home and Zoom. I will send you tomorrow's work by email. But I still expect today's piece of writing!” the teacher continued.

I gave a long hard sigh, it was like the teacher was sipping all the fun out of my life. Then, I thought that maybe school being on lockdown was not that much of a fun idea, no more entertaining thoughts on how I would end my school day, no more NETFLIX or Youtube. I just would sit at home finishing, and then starting off new work from my irksome teacher.

Then it came to me, like light in the night, or warm in cold, or black and white, or, or………

I still have the weekends, I still have 2 days of rest, of amusement in my life! At that thought, I gave a smirk and a grin at the same time, and left home all jolly at the thought of me having to be at home all day, during the weekends. But the weekend is not here, not yet, so I rolled my eyes, as I still have all the work I had to finish all alone, at home, tomorrow, on my first day of lockdown.

Oh well....

Lockdown, something people are witnessing. These are the Corona times and everyone’s favorite slogan is “Stay home and stay safe.” This slogan isn’t wrong rather it is right. It’s crazy not to go outside….. After all, we are all locked up in the lockdown!

Zoom meetings are preferred more than normal. This is the irony of life that zoom meetings are now considered normal. It feels weird now to see and greet the teacher. Sometimes, it feels sad to see that the teacher greets us all and we have locked up ourselves in the sweet blanket that has become more important than anyone else. These are the corona times...

On the other hand, I do enjoy Lockdown as all I have with me are my loved ones, home, and a new experience called e-learning. For once, I feel lucky to go outside for a drive yet not free but with a mask!! I saw that we are all indeed in a lockdown. All the shops and restaurants shut down. These are now the empty places that were once filled up with beautiful smiles!

But, where are these people currently?

Now dreams don’t have lockdown in them but a time when it will end.

The mind subconsciously speaks, “This shall pass” and dreams prove it that this shall definitely pass someday.

But my conscious tells me that we are still in the lockdown!

And he appears in my dreams and tells me, “I’ll be seeing you soon.”

Finally, I mustered up the courage to say these words, “Maybe that day might never come”

He asks me, “Why?”

I reply, “Because we are in a LOCKDOWN!”

Because of Covid people are dying.

We are all stressed of what can happen next.

Everbody is fighting over supplies that we need.

Few companies are happy and few companies are sad.

People are losing their jobs and businesses.

Shops are running low on daily needs and supplies.

Everybody is in lockdown and can't go out and have fun.

Why Covid Why?

Journal entry: 3rd March 2020

Found out about a new virus of some sort. It is called the Coronavirus, and comes from China I think. I guess I found out at the right time, because it had recently hit the country we were living in. There have already been about fifty thousand cases across the world. It was frightening, since it suddenly wasn’t safe to travel, or go outside for that matter.

What is more, we have been told we will have to enter a state of lockdown. No leaving homes until we are told otherwise.

At least school has been cancelled; is that a good thing? Oh well, I just hope this blows over soon...

------

Journal entry: 3rd June 2020

Today marks the3 months since the beginning of quarantine. It has not been enjoyable at all, and I have come to realise how many things I had taken for granted. Simple things like ease of communication face-to-face, going outside, and just hanging out with friends in general are gone and we probably will not be getting them back for a while.

My mum is not doing so well with quarantine though, and I am getting worried. She has not been alone for this long, and it is getting to her head. She barely sleeps at night, and is stressed during the day all the time. I don’t know what to do. I just hope I don’t start going crazy as well.

------

Journal entry: 3rd March 2021

It has been over exactly one year since quarantine started. Mum went mad today. People were sent from Frontline Support and have taken her away to an ICF(Isolation Care Facility). I am now taken care of by a virtual caretaker with the generic name - Bot.com.

The whole situation with the virus worsened a lot. The are currently over a hundred million cases, and dozens of millions dead.We are all really scared. We just want it all to be over. It is getting to my head, the hate. I do not know how muh longer I can stand it! I just want to get out. What has the government been doing? The cases just keep going up…

------

Journal entry: 15th June 2025

The government announced today that the lockdown is over. It is over at long last! Over five years of waiting. I thought I was going to go insane, but I pulled through. I am told my poor mother passed away due to a sudden increase of cortisol. I am alone now in the world; no family, no friends.

Bot.com advised me to go out for a bit and check out what’s going on, but to return soon. I pulled the front door open and stepped outside. The sunlight washed over my face and I smiled. While yes, I was occasionally permitted to step outside in the back and soak up some sun, this felt a whole world better.

I stretched my pale arms and looked around. I was surrounded by colours everywhere: green, grey, red, yellow and blue. It was wonderful to finally be outside again! I looked around at the houses and the road. There was nobody to be seen. Funny. I was expecting many more to be outside since it was the end of the pandemic.

The road was in a pretty bad state, cracked with plants growing through. Clearly, nobody had come around to maintain it. Oh well, that was by far the least of my concerns and I headed back home to Bot.com

------

Journal entry: 16th June 2025

Bot.com let me go out again today. I was glad of that, and today I was going to stay out a little longer. I arrive at the end of my cul-de-sac. The day is nice and sunny, yet there still is no-body outside. I am mildly surprised, but trudged on. The air is crisp and clean; it’s as if there hasn’t been a car driving around for ages.

I make for the main road, to see what else I can find and see what has changed. Just as I reach the end, I see… somebody. The person is on a porch, rocking on a chair. I creeped up closer to examine. It’s an old woman. I walked up to her and uttered a simple greeting. She looked at me with empty eyes.

Her gaunt face cracked into a smile and she told me how it was great to see somebody after so long. I felt the same. I then asked her if she knew why there wasn’t anyone out there. She did know, to my surprise, or at least had an idea. She said that the lockdown was over months ago, but the government hadn’t told anybody. For whatever reason, they had kept us locked in.

I conversed with her for a while, before returning home at sundown.

------

Journal entry: 17th June 2025

Today, I decided to head to the town hall to ask the people there what was going on. I got permission to do so from Bot.com and headed out. The old lady was once again on her porch, rocking on the chair. Even as I left my neighbourhood, I could find no-body outside; the cars were still sat, parked in front of the homes.

The town hall was in the middle of the square. As I arrived, I noticed once again the absence of people. Abandoned shops lined the streets, with cars parked perfectly in front. I pushed the stiff doors open and walked inside. A musty smell rolled over my face and I grimaced. Surprisingly, by the help desk there was a droid sitting unmoved.

I approached the droid, ecstatic at the fact that I could finally get some reliable information. I asked it about what had happened to everyone; why there wasn’t anyone here. The response was chilling. Apparently all the people in the city had been evacuated, it said, something about space stations. I asked why I wasn’t taken, and it replied by telling me that I wasn’t accompanied by a ‘major’. I barely heard what it said next save that the voyage in space was to last another five years. I turned and looked at the world outside and wondered, how many others like me were there, alone?

As if in answer, an eagle wheeled in ever increasingly circles in the empty, blue sky , letting out a plaintive screech.

There was no reply.

I have been sitting here watching raindrops race

to the bottom of the window pane

for what feels like for ever

now

They seem to be the only things that move.

The tv is dead to me

I cannot bring myself to watch it more:

More lies

More tragedies

More stuff to cram my brain

In a manenr I do not want

Or need.

I want to get outside-

Outside of my brain no more to be trapped within:

Baking banana bread

Learning new languages

This is our time

B…b…b…balderdash!

It is just time

Endless reams of it

If time were toilet paper - I would be a millionaire

That should be a meme

I should be a meme

I should be anything rather than this pathetic

hunched up figure

racing raindrops

in a place where there is no rain.

I don’t know when it slipped into my speech

that soft word meaning, “if God wills it.”

Insha’Allah I will see you next summer.

The baby will come in spring, insha’Allah.

Insha’Allah this year we will have enough rain.

So many plans I’ve laid have unraveled

easily as braids beneath my mother’s quick fingers.

Every language must have a word for this. A word

our grandmothers uttered under their breath

as they pinned the whites, soaked in lemon,

hung them to dry in the sun, or peeled potatoes,

dropping the discarded skins into a bowl.

Our sons will return next month, insha’Allah.

Insha’Allah this war will end, soon. Insha’Allah

the rice will be enough to last through winter.

How lightly we learn to hold hope,

as if it were an animal that could turn around

and bite your hand. And still we carry it

the way a mother would, carefully,

from one day to the next.

Dad on bench, looking at his phone

Son on bank, sitting on his own

Little daughter riding her bike

up and down

up and down

up and down