Words to Use
When facing the topic of death, all children are going to respond differently. Common reactions could be; sadness, increased separation anxiety, thumb sucking, using humor to cheer up themselves and those around them, confusion, acting out behaviorally, withdrawing from others. We all process differently, and if you need any help or have questions about your child’s reaction, please reach out and we can help.
When talking to a child about death, especially one so young, it is important to try and steer clear of using euphemisms (sleeping, departed, passed away) as children at this age are more concrete thinkers and may not be able to developmentally understand. It is ok to say “death” or “died” and to explain what
that means.
What to Avoid
Many people are scared of saying the wrong thing to a child, but the good news is, as long as you are there for them and validate their feelings, you will probably be perfectly ok. The main thing we want to avoid is trying to immediately cheer them up. If you find yourself saying “at least...” reconsider the sentence and try reflecting their own feelings instead. “I can see you are sad right now and that’s ok, I am here for you.”
Common Reactions
When facing the topic of death, all children are going to respond differently. Common reactions could be; sadness, increased separation anxiety, thumb sucking, using humor to cheer up themselves and those around them, confusion, acting out behaviorally, withdrawing from others. We all process differently, and if you need any help or have questions about your child’s reaction, please reach out and we can
help. When talking to a child about death, especially one so young, it is important to try and steer clear of using euphemisms (sleeping, departed, passed away) as children at this age are more concrete thinkers and may not be able to developmentally understand. It is ok to say “death” or “died” and to explain what
that means.
Resources:
The New York Life Foundation put together an incredible resource titled, "After a Loved One Dies - How Children Grieve and How Parents and Other Adults Can Support Them".
https://4.files.edl.io/7559/06/06/24/192705-5ae0a382-87bd-46b6-a072-736f7fd90db7.pdf
Telling a child someone has died
Helping children cope with frightening news
Children's books: