Egoistic People

I think it is safe for me to assume that we all know egoistic people or people whose ego has to turn sideways in order to fit through whatever door they enter. To be truthful, most of us have probably exhibited some degree of egoism at some point in our lives, however minor, but we manage to keep it in check or learn not to exhibit it in order to successfully interact with others in our society. This writing is about those who live in an ego state wherever they are. People who feel they are never wrong, know it all, and you can’t teach them anything. They don’t allow a person to finish a statement because they feel they know where everyone is going after the first few words. They often interrupt people whether in a one on one setting or a meeting. Egoistic people are overconfident. Most people don’t like confrontations and choose not to check or interrupt the person exhibiting an outsized ego.    The person exhibiting the egoism may be a narcissist. An egoistic person is not always a narcissist, but a narcissist is always an egoistic person. Narcissistic people thrive on ego. Egoism can be a sign of many things, including a lack of self confidence, people not sure of themselves, people who have been ridiculed at some point in their lives, people who have had to depend on themselves because others have let them down over time. These people build a high and almost impenetrable wall around them and sometimes it is difficult or nearly impossible to get through or above the wall. The ego is a protective mechanism. These people have been emotionally hurt or bruised, whether growing up or after. 

What should we do when interacting with such a person? Should we confront - whether immediately or later and whether publicly or privately? Should we say nothing? Should we ignore the person? Should we inform the person holding the meeting when in a business setting? Should we fight fire with fire? How can we successfully work as a team with such a person. 

Much has been written on the topic. Confrontation is not the preferred answer. It is suggested that we first check our own ego. We subordinate our own ego. What is it about the person that is creating conflict in our minds? How do we respond with compassion? How do we move forward successfully in a team, business environment, or family setting? Compassion, communication, and active listening are  key. We  allow them space. We validate them as persons and value their contributions. We compliment when appropriate. We make sure that we exhibit the behaviors we want to see in others. We mentor them when possible. We don’t directly challenge them. We don’t add to the conflict. Become aware of the situation and let your jackal go for a run (model the correct behavior, but it is not necessarily your responsibility to fix people). Empathize with the other person. Live in a share humanity. 

Respectfully and Semper Fi,

F. Phil Torres

Colonel of Marines, Retired

Security Management Consultant

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