To myself, I’m writing about the feeling of anxiousness and the effect it has on the body and the mind. In terms of personal feeling and struggle to understand. It’s not always easy to pinpoint what is making me feel anxious, and sometimes it gets blended together, creating a mess or things, so really it’s not about anything, but yet everything. But when the feeling of anxiety comes up, I get very tense and hot, and I start breathing really fast, or when it’s in public, I stop breathing to try and stop everything. It feels like I'm dissociated from the situation and I feel like I am surrounded and suffocating, and I feel like I have less control over myself and my actions. Like a statue, but I'm moving.
Anxiety is very common, and there are so many people who have so many variations of it and people can react differently when anxious, so it’s important to keep in mind that all people have that struggle, I just don’t have to respect the ways they handle it.
Usually, after a little time post anxiety attack, I don’t even really remember being there or what I actually did in the situation. I view them in a third person perspective afterwards or like through a window of vision that's kind of narrow, and there is usually a lingering feeling of dissociation and a zombie-like feeling. The attacks also drain your body and mind heavily, at least in my experience.
In the poetry book called “Citizen” the narrator says “Where is the safest place when that place must be someplace other than in the body” (143). The quote resonated with that idea of dissociation and the idea behind it. When the body feels unsafe, the mind doesn't want to stay there, It travels sort of. It painted a sort of picture in my mind that I thought meaningful in ways I’d never before thought about.