Literary Highlights

“k.”

She stared at the glare of her phone screen in the dimly lit room, wondering what would happen if she had actually ended it. It was 2:00am. Her head drifted to one of the walls of the room. There was one picture hung on the wall: a photobooth picture of her and her friend from elementary school, the day before he moved across the world. Separated by seas.

They promised each other to stay in contact, but they drifted apart as they grew older. He made new friends in the new country. She didn’t. 

No one in her middle school bothered to speak to her. No one offered a “good morning,” not even a friendly expression when people accidentally made eye-contact with her, only a forced smile from teachers in the halls. Maybe it could’ve been better if he was there. But alas, he wasn’t.

“y.”

Now she was in high school. She had a small community with her 3rd period class. A simple group chat with 8 people. They talked about simple things, like homework, and more convivial topics, like whether a store in Flushing was worth going to when they were hanging out. But they never hung out with her. She was the placeholder. A ghost in the background, always lurking.

She stood up from her bed, looking at the glow of moonlight coming in through her cracked window. She walked over, staring at the abyss below, wondering how long it would take for her to reach the bottom. The streets were deserted. It was the dead of night. No one would know if another soul died tonight. How long would it take for someone to know she was missing? How long would it take for a hospital to try and save her before they declared her dead?

Maybe they’d call out one day, begging for her to either stay or give them answers. Maybe, just maybe, they’d wonder how she’s doing. They would wonder what went wrong in her life, or what they could’ve done to prevent something, anything. Maybe they would’ve done something about it. Maybe they wouldn’t have, and thought that it wasn’t “about them” and that someone else should deal with it. Maybe they would think someone else would “take care of it” and they wouldn’t act.

Maybe there was a chance that someone would stop her. Right now. 

“s.”

She’d made her decision. She was 6 stories high above the sidewalk; there was no way she’d survive. Hopefully not. That’d be embarrassing to explain. 

Once she opened the window, there was just enough space for her to fit through the gap. She felt the cool breeze of the night air as she stuck her head out. For one last time, she checked her phone. Radio silence. No one was awake at this time, and even if, they’d be studying. Not caring or thinking about her, and that it could be her last day. 

Except one person, who she’d been texting an hour ago but ghosted her. He’d been asking for answers to the biology homework because he had plans the entire weekend and didn’t want to take up his Friday doing it, but she refused. The last text rang in through her ears loud and clear: “kys.” She stared at it for a good minute before throwing her phone behind her and crawling out the window, her back turned to the cityscape. She looked at her room one last time, holding on to the windowsill. He’d told her to do it, right? 

She gazed up at the night sky, and let go.