Conflict Resolution
Battle Creek Conflict Resolution
Knowing how to resolve conflicts in a respectful way is an important skill. At Battle Creek, we begin teaching conflict resolution to our students in kindergarten, and building on the lessons each year. Here's the scoop on what we teach our students!
Size of the Problem
Types of Conflict
Tattling Versus Reporting
Trusted Adults
Kelso's Choices
What is the size of the Problem?
Kindergarteners learn about the difference between small and big problems. Small problems are things that are kind of frustrating or annoying, but no one is in danger, and it's a problem a kid can solve. Big problems are when something is dangerous, and kids should tell a trusted grownup right away. First through fifth graders learn about windy, rainy, stormy, and tornado problems.
Windy Problems
These problems are very small. They are "no biggie!" You can let them float away like the wind, or solve them very easily.
Example: The cafeteria is out of chocolate milk.
Example: Your teacher asked you to please stop talking to your friend at carpet time.
Rainy Problems
Rainy problems are small. Kids can be problem solvers! They can take a deep breath and use Kelso's Choices!
Example: You and your friend had a disagreement at recess.
Example: Your brother is hogging the iPad.
Stormy Problems
Stormy problems are medium sized. They may have started out as small but keep happening, even after trying Kelso's Choices. Other medium problems include having really big feelings.
Medium problems need to be reported to a trusted adult so they can help you problem solve.
Tornado Problems
Tornado problems are BIG problems! This means that a you or someone you know is, has been, or could be hurt or in some kind of danger.
Big problems need to be reported to a trusted adult right away!
Types of Conflict
Second through fifth graders learn about the four types of conflict: disagreement, rude moment, mean moment, and bullying.
Disagreement
A disagreement is when people have different ideas about something, but usually no one's feelings are hurt.
Rude Moment
A rude moment is when someone hurts someone's body or feelings by accident. They were not careful with their body or thinking about the other person.
Mean Moment
A mean moment is hurting someone's body or feelings on purpose, but it happens just one or two times, usually because someone is mad (does not excuse behavior!)
Bullying
Bullying is hurting someone's body or feelings on purpose, more than once, and the person doing the hurting has more power, and the person being hurt is afraid of them.
A Note About Bullying
At Battle Creek, we talk with older students about the A, B, C, and D of bullying, as well as other important terms.
A - Aggressive: An attack on someone physically, socially, and/or emotionally.
B - Balance of Power is Unequal: The meanness does not go back and forth, it is one sided. The person being mean has more power somehow (older, bigger, etc.)
C - Consistent: The bullying happens more than once over a period of time.
D - Deliberate: There is an intent to hurt or harm someone. It's not an accident.
Person Doing the Bullying - See the A, B, C, and D of bullying.
Target - The person the bullying is geared toward.
Bystander - A person who stands by when there is meanness going on and doesn't say or do anything. They may be afraid to say something, or may not know what to say or do.
Upstander - An upstander is someone who stands up for someone. If it's safe and they feel brave, they may tell the person doing the bullying to stop. They may tell a trusted adult about what happened. They might also support the kid by talking with them and inviting them to play. Check out the video below to learn how to be an upstander!
If you're looking for some great books about bullying and upstanders, check out the Anti-Bullying Book Nook below!
Tattle versus Report.mp4Tattling Versus Reporting
Kindergartners and first graders learn about the difference between tattling and reporting. Second through fifth graders review what it means. Tattling is when there is a small problem (windy or rainy problem) that you have not tried to resolve on your own and you tell a grownup about it to get the other person in trouble. Reporting is when there is a big problem (someone is, was, or could be in danger, is hurt, or is very upset) and you tell a trusted grownup to get the person help. If there is a smaller problem that you've tried solving and it isn't getting better, it's not tattling, it's just asking for help with the problem.
Big Problems Need Big Help
We teach our children that "big problems need big help" and that means help from a grownup that they trust. It's important for our students to know multiple trusted adults at home and at school.
Kelso's Choices 101
Battle Creek Elementary uses the Kelso's Choices Conflict Management program. The program features Kelso the Frog, who helps us teach 9 choices that kids can use if they have a small problem with a peer (kid their age). Kids are to think about what might help with the problem and try 2 Kelso's Choices. If they tried their best to solve the problem, and it did not help, they can ask a grownup for help. If it's a BIG problem, they need to talk with a trusted grownup. Kelso's Choices include:
Wait and Cool Off
Go to Another Game
Talk it Out
Share and Take Turns
Ignore It
Walk Away
Tell Them To Stop
Apologize
Make a Deal (Compromise)
For more information about Kelso's Choices, check out their website!
KC for Website.mp4The 411 on Kelso's Choices
Curious about who Kelso is, what his nine choices are, and what the deal with that wheel is? Check out this video!
Kelso's Choices at Home.mp4Kelso's Choices in action
If you'd like to see Kelso's Choices in action, check out this video with Ms. Benson, Marcus, and Scout the Cat!
Conflict To Resolution in 4 Easy Steps
In this video, Elvis from RocketKids explains how to resolve a conflict.
Just stop. Stop arguing before it gets worse. Take a break if you are upset and need to Wait and Cool Off.
Watch your words. When you Talk it Out, use a calm voice and kind words. No putdowns and don't blame. Use an I-Message to share how you feel and what you need. "I feel...when... Can you please...?"
Listen up. Take turns talking and sharing how you feel about the problem and listening without interrupting.
Find a solution. Work together to brainstorm solutions (use Kelso's Wheel if you need help) and pick one you can both agree on.
Looking for some videos and stories about solving conflicts in a peaceful way? Check out my Conflict Resolution Room below!
Be a Problem Solver
Looking for more ideas on how to help your child develop their problem solving skills? These blogposts from Big Life Journal have tips for how to help children become great problem solvers!
