Book III: Homecomings

...and the deathless gods will make a poem to delight all those on earth about intelligent Penelope.

Where this Chapter Comes to a Close

Completing this project was nowhere near as resounding as Book 24 of the Iliad or as triumphant as Book 22 of the Odyssey, but it was incredibly rewarding to finally glimpse the culmination of this year's work (and very cathartic to toss my notecards in the nearest garbage bin as soon as I completed my final presentation). I'm rather at ease now that my world no longer revolves around final deadlines and College Board submissions, but now I feel as though I'm using my time to ensure things neatly come to a close. For a moment, though, I'd like to reminisce. I'll play the part of the Muse one more time---I'll end this chapter here.

A (Somewhat) Well-Won War

The Presentation

To say the least, completing my final presentation and paper was... slightly tumultuous. I'll admit, it involved many sleepless nights, many long days spent at coffee shops, and many walks to and from my car and around the school with all four poems cradled in my arms. And even still, I'm not entirely sure how proud I am of the work I completed, since much feels as though it was left unfinished. Allow me to explain.

The remainder of my data collection went rather smoothly, and I completed the Odysseys in a very timely manner; however, data analysis, the final presentation, and the final paper were each lumped together in the three-week period of time that remained before I was expected to present first thing in the morning on April 2, which left me disoriented and stressed as I struggled to determine what should be my first priority. As spring break rolled around, my data analysis was completed only for Fagles's Iliad; I had not developed any graphs; and I had not begun developing my final presentation, although it was due for rehearsal the day we were expected back at school. However, I spent every day of break at my desk, inputting my final data for Emily Wilson's Iliad and looking up each evaluative term or phrase in Merriam-Webster's and Oxford Learner's dictionaries. I cannot overstate the tedium that process involved, but nonetheless, it was done by the next Saturday. However, that left me with two Odysseys to input and a final presentation to complete, so I settled on a compromise: leave out the final data for the Odysseys so I could complete the presentation in time. Still, I couldn't even manage that, though all of that Sunday was utterly devoted to it. And amidst the myriad trivial issues of my own making, I celebrated my 18th birthday and the beginning of true spring---good old dread Persephone's return to the mortal world in Homer's terms, I suppose.

As April 2 drew closer, more of my classes introduced cumbersome assignments and heavily-weighted exams, and, foremost of all, the yearbook was due the Friday before. So, the week prior to our final presentation, I was at school most every day from 7:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m., though I was supposed to be rehearsing and practicing and refining the research I had been developing since August---I thought to put being an Editor-in-Chief first for a few days, then focus my efforts on my research over the weekend.

On May 28 and the night of April 1, I attended a presentation workshop in order to receive feedback from Mrs. Dobos and Mr. McBride prior to my final presentation on April 2. However, I put off practicing my presentation for feedback until the night before, and the advice I received from Mrs. Dobos had me cutting and rearranging content and altering the script of my presentation the night before I was to present (which I am immensely grateful for, but it caused me a lot of stress!). I'm an incredibly anxious presenter, so needless to say, waiting until the final hours to alter everything because I procrastinated giving my presentation to others did not help. In fact, I was up all night. Literally. 

I lugged my poems around the school building for half an hour on the morning of my presentation, searching for a place away from prying eyes and ears that I could practice. Even then, I remained heavily reliant on my notecards, I still shook, and I hadn't realized I cut my finger on the corner of one of my books and got blood on my clothes until I was walking into the library to set up.

I may not have given the wondrous performance I would have expected. It was far from it, actually: I shook behind the podium, though I gripped onto it and my notecards for dear life, I spoke far too fast, and I forgot what one of my oral defense questions was halfway through answering it. Nonetheless, Mrs. Dobos, Mr. McBride, and the teachers I had invited to attend, Mrs. Rathbun and Mrs. Kubina, were incredibly supportive and offered me kind words and helpful feedback to involve in my final paper. Following the presentation, it felt like a simple conversation about a topic I enjoyed, and that was a relief I found myself incredibly grateful for, not to mention the fact that I was halfway done with the final products of my research. Actually, though it was something we discussed briefly as I was leaving, it was suggested that I involve only the Iliads in my final paper---that way, I could limit the word count with more ease and develop my findings in a more in-depth manner. Not only that, but I would have a basis to continue my research about the Odysseys. So, I did exactly that.

The Academic Paper

While I would not count myself as a good public speaker in any circumstance, I do have a penchant for writing immensely long-winded papers and essays. So, where the final presentation felt as though I was crossing rough seas and enduring vast storms like Odysseus---constantly thwarted by the gods themselves---or battling through a warring field of Greeks and Trojans like Achilles, the process of composing my final paper felt more as though I was meandering across a rolling field of soft grass.

In large part, completing the final paper was merely a matter of reassembling the script of my final presentation into a more formal, thorough version of what I had already laid out about the findings of my research. There was the matter of rewriting parts of the first half of my paper discussing an analysis of both the Iliad and the Odyssey because in the end---though I had originally intended to include both---I only discussed the results I obtained from my analysis of the Iliads. However, that was a simple process that mostly involved rearranging words and, to my delight, cutting some out (since I'm notorious for exceeding word limits). The hours I sat at my desk, typing away, were not a burden, and I was excited to see what I would have composed by the end.

The Friday that the paper was due, I was ambling through downtown Seattle, crossing between hotels to attend a journalism convention. I completed the final draft at around 9:00 a.m. that day after teaching myself how to make graphs in Google Sheets the night before, then reading and re-reading my paper, trying to find words I could take out to ensure I wasn't exceeding the maximum word limit. I had been eager to submit it, as soon as I could find a place to sit down that had some decent wifi. Of course, that was where the problems arose. Throughout the day, I tried four different wifi networks at two different hotels, The Seattle Convention center, and T-Mobile Stadium, and I even tried it without one on a ferry cruising through the Puget Sound; I used three different browsers on my phone, none of which worked, and tried my laptop whenever I could; and I panicked and emailed Mrs. Dobos and Mr. McBride explaining that College Board would not work properly---again. Dobos, to my delight, picked up my call from Pikes Place Market, and she informed me that others were having the same issue. So, since we were on our way to a Mariners game that evening, I just had to be patient. I tried to submit it a few times while the Mariners lost to the Marlins---badly---but it still wouldn't work. Of course, at 11:54 p.m. PT, I tried Safari back at our hotel, and it finally submitted.

A Learning Experience

I had expected to endure some life lessons to do with time management when we discussed the schedules of our projects in August, but little did I expect that I would have to omit two of my poems from my analysis due to the time constraints posed by the academic year. Not only that, but developing an effective way to manage my research alongside the work of five other college-level courses and the production of the yearbook proved to be extremely difficult. I know for certain that if I hadn't selected a topic that I have been enthralled with since childhood, I would likely have collapsed. However, I've completed the final products of my project, even though they may not live up to the expectations I originally held. In future research, I hope to begin where I left off with this project by conducting an analysis on the Odysseys in the same manner, and since I've already done the reading, I'm practically halfway done. Perhaps a college setting will provide me with more time to focus wholeheartedly on my research, but regardless, I will employ all that I have learned about effectively managing the time I am given in all aspects of my life---not only academics, as I often have been. I understand the impact that pacing oneself over a long period of time has on the overall quality of a piece of work, as well as the producer's well-being, and I hope to employ that knowledge in the next four years, hopefully longer.

What I've Learned from Homer... and his Translators

The Content

My personal introduction to Homeric poetry was similar, I would wager, to many women who have encountered it. I first read the Odyssey, and I was rather concerned by the way women were regarded---Penelope in particular. Reading the Iliad was much the same, though Penelope's role became Helen's, and I was confused as to why even the goddesses were looked upon with hatred. So, I began this project with the hope that Emily Wilson's translations would alter the manner in which women were portrayed so as to limit the dichotomization that renders them as either passive or dangerous.

My findings confirmed my original hypothesis that male-authored translations would contain a majority negative portrayal of women in comparison to female-authored translations, but what I did not expect to find was that Emily Wilson's portrayals of women are largely neutral and thus non-evaluative. However, I learned later why that was the case: Wilson indicated in her note on the translation that she intended for all characters to be portrayed in a manner that allowed for them to be understood with complexity and ambiguity, not the simplicity that many female characters have long been awarded. So, if Wilson's translations were to be employed in scholarly settings, all would benefit from her neutral translations because they are left up to the reader's interpretation. My hope is that in particular, Wilson's translations enable women to view their Homeric counterparts in a manner that does not victimize, objectify, or degrade them, but one that makes the women appear meaningful, no matter their actions, feelings, appearance, intellect, or otherwise.

When referring back to my preliminary research, there were three claims I sought to ensure my findings corroborate: first, that the role of women in Athenian society was caused by male fear of them, largely catered to and kindled by Homeric epic poetry; second, that there exists a historiographical tautology between Victorian women and their Athenian counterparts; and third, that there is a misogyny model consistently employed in the reading and analysis of Ancient Greek literature. While I cannot confirm that Homer's original text had any negative influence on Athenian society, I can say that male-authored translations containing negative evaluations of women have long been employed since then. So, as a result, the fear Homer originally catered has likely persisted and pervaded beyond scholarly conversation alone. As for the historiographical tautology, I hoped to indicate that the role of Athenian women and the discussions of their lives in Victorian society exact a similar influence on women's roles today, indicated by their continued portrayal in male-authored translations of Homeric epic poetry. I cannot say with certainty that the historiographical tautology is upheld, but women's roles in contemporary society seem to be similarly affected by translations of Ancient Greek literature in the same way Victorian women and their Athenian predecessors were by earlier translations and the original text, respectively. Marilyn Katz's misogyny model was evidently upheld in male-authored translations, and although Emily Wilson attempted to provide ambiguity to each character in her translations, there remains many negative portrayals of women that are likely integral to Homer's original story. So, while the negative portrayal of women cannot yet be altogether limited due to the manner in which the story must be preserved, I find that Emily Wilson's translations serve as an important example of what must be done to limit their influence on the historical understanding of women in Ancient Greece and the lives and roles of women today.

While female-authored translations are still extremely limited, I hope to expand my research beyond the Homeric epics after completing research regarding the portrayal of women in the Odyssey. I hope to explore the influence of their portrayal in Roman poetry as well, or perhaps I could test the influence of Greek texts on Roman societal values. There are a plethora of epics and philosophies yet to be explored and evaluated for their portrayal of women on an individual and collective scale, so as more female classicists endeavor to translate the Ancient Greek and Roman texts, I will continue my analyses.

A Hero's Journey of My Own

The Process

As a whole, this research process has wholeheartedly affirmed that public speaking is not something I have a future in. It's rather fitting, honestly---I'd prefer to remain hidden behind my books anyways. Nonetheless, I'm fairly proud of the work I have accomplished, and I look forward to what I next endeavor to research. Hopefully then, I'll get to stick with the writing and skip the presentations.

While I wouldn't say my time management skills were lacking prior to taking AP Research, I'm glad for the rather tumultuous experiences it has provided me because the manner in which deadlines operate in college is likely similar to how they have in this class. In that sense, I'll enter university in the fall with a little prior knowledge on the stress of managing work from various classes over long periods of time and limiting the extent of my procrastination, and I'm incredibly grateful for that. On the other hand, even when the workload I had to bear was at its greatest, this class taught me how to balance my work with the things I enjoy. As much as I enjoyed reading the Iliad and the Odyssey and look forward to re-reading them soon (I have a bad habit of re-reading books I enjoy), I greatly missed reading books for my own pleasure rather than a grade for a class. Even amid the data collection period, I made time for some short books of my own, mostly so I could rest and do something that felt like nothing for a while. I was able to make room for my friends and family amid even the busiest periods of the year, and I managed to effectively schedule my time so I could enjoy some of it with the people I care about---whether I was going to hockey games with friends, traveling 13 hours to see Pemberley in the 2005 Pride and Prejudice film with my mom, skiing and snowboarding with my brother, getting dinner with my dad, or just watching movies on my own. I'll admit, granting myself the opportunity to rest, sleep, and exercise throughout the year has proved incredibly difficult, and I suspect it will remain that way, but I'm still learning.

I'm grateful for all that this research process has taught me, and I look forward to seeing how all I've learned contributes to my success in the future, though I'm still largely uncertain of what direction I wish to travel. I'll probably sail aimlessly for a while yet, trying to find my own Ithaca.

So I'll Continue to Wander...

"There is a stranger outside your house. He is old, ragged, and dirty. He is tired. He has been wandering, homeless, for a long time, perhaps many years."

In many ways, I have found myself resonating with Emily Wilson's descriptions of this unnamed ascetic wanderer in the past few years. I was unsure as to who I was, where I was to go, and who I was to become. And even now, I'm still unsure. I've been wandering, chasing myths and stories and anything that reminds me remotely of my incessant daydreams, and to a great extent, those adventures have been fruitless thus far. But I will not devalue them---I have seen a great many places and learned a great many things in a very short time.

"Invite him inside. You do not know his name. He may be a thief. He may be a murderer. He may be a god. He may remind you of your husband, your father, or yourself."

I've spent countless hours this year applying to immensely prestigious colleges, believing myself to be worthy of their acceptance. And while I've felt the weight of rejections and endured the waitlists of many of those schools, I'm proud of where I plan to go. I look forward to spending the next four years in the rain and gloom, living in the shadow of Mount Rainier. Actually, as luck would have it, I quite like the rain and wind and snow. I'll remain among the mountains and always be near the sea, so it's a rather fitting place for the next chapter of my life to begin. Perhaps I'll discover something new, or find whatever it is I've been unconsciously looking for. I'll only have mountains and oceans to cross to find it.

"Do not ask questions. Wait. Let him sit on a comfortable chair and warm himself beside your fire. Bring him some food, the best you have, and a cup of wine. Let him eat and drink until he is satisfied."

I know there will be plenty of trials to endure and games to play, but I think whatever wiles I possess will allow me to do just fine. I look forward to gathering many stories of my own that I'll be able to tell beside the fire when I've wandered for years on end. But for now, there are more journeys for me to embark upon.

"Be patient. When he is finished, he will tell his story. Listen carefully. It may not be as you expect."

Acknowledgements

First and foremost, thank you to Mrs. Dobos and Mr. McBride for your incredible instruction and for ensuring that every step of this process went as smoothly as possible. You never lost confidence, even in times that you had rightful reasons to worry (and there were plenty of those throughout the year, that's for sure!). You were consistently hopeful, even when I was not, and offered well wishes for me in the future, no matter where I thought I would end up. I assure you that your unending support meant everything to me this year, and I will not soon forget all that your class has taught me. Thank you both for everything you do! 

Thank you to my mom for your unceasing interest and support, and thank you for allowing me to have so many late nights and quiet hours to work on my research proposal, presentation, and final paper. You gave me the time and patience I so greatly needed and were someone I could always rely on for support, even when you didn't understand whatever it was I was talking about. It means the world to me that you show up, always, no matter how busy you are.

Thank you to my dad for constantly reassuring me with your interest and demonstrating your support, no matter the circumstance. Every time I had my books, you told me how impressed you were with the work I was doing, and that meant the world. Even when I sent you emails at two in the morning with an explanation of this very website for an assignment, you told me how proud you were. I'm so grateful for your support, no matter how close or far you are.

Thank you to Mrs. Rathbun for introducing me to the AP Capstone program. I'll never forget that you were the one to tell me that I should sign up for AP Seminar and AP Research; because of you, these classes have introduced me to life skills and subject matter that will be crucial to my success in the future. Not only that, I've made friends and connections that I will not soon forget. Thank you for allowing me the time to focus on my project, even when being a yearbook EIC should have taken priority. You gave me grace when it mattered most, and I will always appreciate you for that. Your support means the world to me.

Thank you to Mrs. Kubina for rekindling my interest in Ancient Greek mythology, and thank you for introducing to me the manner in which women of the Odyssey played such a prominent role, though they were often portrayed in a manner that made them seem passive or dangerous. Your instruction brought me here, and I'm so glad to have brought my high school education full-circle, right back to the Odyssey again---all because of you.

Thank you to my peers for your feedback on all of my work---especially to Amelia Solano, Cleo Melville, and Liat Hernandez for talking with me, laughing with me, and sharing a table with me this year. I've enjoyed watching you and your projects grow and flourish, and I'm grateful to have known you all. I hope CU Boulder provides you with the most incredible opportunities!

Thank you again to Mrs. Rathbun, as well as Mrs. Martinez and Mr. Geist, for bearing with my agony each and every time I tried and failed to submit my paper in Seattle, and thank you to Mrs. Dobos for offering your help and reassuring me that I wasn't the only one having issues with College Board (again).

Thank you to Mrs. Rathbun and Mrs. Kubina for attending my presentation and showing me such glowing praise after a performance I believed to be far less than extraordinary. You never showed me any doubt, and to Mrs. Kubina, I hope especially that my research aids you in your Honors English I unit on the Odyssey.

Thank you to all my friends, family, peers, and teachers who demonstrated interest and showed me support throughout this research process. You all mean the world to me, and I'm so glad to have you as a part of my own story.