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How do I help my friend out of a toxic relationship? (Written by: Phoenix Bamford)

These situations are complicated and hard to deal with for all parties involved. Keeping this in mind, you want to make sure you're not pushing them hard. I know you want what's best for your friend, and the fact that they are staying in that situation is upsetting, but pushing can make them feel uneasy and ultimately distance themselves from you.

Toxic relationships make the person feel like they can’t leave or that they're in the wrong for even considering leaving. There are phrases to avoid when bringing up the topic of leaving, such as: Why don't you just leave? That person is toxic, leave their butt! Why is it so hard for you to leave them? They are not good for you. These phrases don't seem like much, but to the person who's in the relationship, it can make them feel bad about themselves, because they find it difficult to simply get up and leave.

Here are steps you can take. The first step is to be there for your friend and listen to what they are saying. Try to remind them that they deserve love, respect, honesty and open communication. Let them know that you're there for them and that you are right beside them in whatever they choose.

If the toxic relationship is physical in any way, tell a trusted adult as soon as you can. I understand that it can feel like you're betraying your friend’s trust, but it is better for you to tell someone who can help them, than them ending up in the hospital or feeling more isolated. If you know your friend is in a physically toxic relationship and they start isolating themselves and stop talking to you, this is a sign that the physical abuse is getting worse.

If you or someone you know is dealing with a physical toxic relationship, please call this number for the 24/7 helpline: 1-800-315-5579. There is also a local organization which helps with this very matter. https://www.nextstepdvproject.org/ This link will bring you to a page that can help you out of a toxic relationship and help you find the signs in an abusive relationship, because not all abuse is physical.

Signs of Verbal Abuse

Unlike physical abuse, verbal abuse can be hard to identify. Like most abuse cases, the abuse is normalized in the relationship, making people feel like it is either normal or that it was their fault for making the abuser angry.

In cases of verbal abuse, more people are likely to experience it and be more susceptible to it. *This is in no means saying that physical abuse doesn’t affect people; all it means is that verbal abuse is slightly more common and easier to miss.*

This is because of a few different reasons, including: generational trauma, no visible wounds, and being a fairly newly understood concept.

Throughout the generations we've all heard the rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” These kinds of tales made kids think they should simply brush off words and that if they feel hurt by them, then they were ‘weak’. This is simply not true. It doesn't help that in the older generations, talking about certain topics, including their feelings, was stigmatized.

So through generations of being told to ‘suck it up’, kids who become adults have learned to bottle emotions up and keep it to themselves. This is extremely unhealthy and dangerous. Verbal abuse has been seen to have the same traits of PTSD that one might see in soldiers, usually in cases with a person who grows up with a verbally abusive parent.

Verbal abuse is very easy to trigger. Saying something in a certain tone can bring a lot of people distress and memories of when they were in a traumatic situation. This can cause a panic attack induced by PTSD. These kinds of panic attacks can be harmful to the person or others. Though verbal abuse has no visible, physical wounds, they are there inside the mind and soul. So, if you see any signs of verbal abuse happening to you or anyone you know, be sure to get the help you deserve, because everyone deserves to be treated well.

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