PARENT INFORMATION
Our Values
At Mercy College, we seek to instil students with faith, values and knowledge to guide and support them in their lives. Inspired by the Charism of Venerable Catherine McAuley and the Catholic tradition, we build foundations of Compassion, Hope and Justice.
Compassion, by encouraging positive change through learning, service, concern for the poor and care for all creation
Hope, by building intellectual, spiritual and emotional capacity to achieve our greatest potential
Justice for all, by establishing respectful relationships and treating all people with fairness and equality.
Our values underpin our practices.
The experiences gained throughout a student's life both inside and outside the school must provide them with the life skills required to equip them to participate safely, purposefully and positively in an increasingly complex world. The Responsible Thinking Process enables students to do this by encouraging students to participate and take ownership of their learning, develop self management and problem solving skills and develop mutually respectful relationships that are both collaborative and empowering. Our values of Compassion, Hope and Justice provide a foundation on which The Responsible Thinking Process is built.
Parents play an integral role in the development of these skills and are encouraged to use the Responsible Thinking Process at home. The questioning process fosters respect between parents and children, since parents are no longer "telling" their children what to do and how to do it. Instead, children learn to think about their actions and the effects of those actions. This helps to keep the important lines of communication open.
Confidence is built as children experience success from making their own responsible decisions.
Parent Responsibilities:
It is important that parents understand the theory behind the program, the mechanics of the program, and that it is a process. Many students are accustomed to being told what to do and, at first, will find the thinking process difficult and uncomfortable.
In addition, many adults are more familiar with “telling” rather than using questions to stimulate problem solving in children. Therefore, proficiency in the Responsible Thinking Process requires teaching and learning by parents, teachers and students.
Parental support and understanding is vital to its success and ultimately to the success of our students.
1. Diary Stamp
The student’s diary will be stamped each time they attend the RTC and is required to be signed by a parent each time. If the diary has not been signed the student is asked to call home and notify a parent. This is done to give the student an opportunity to take responsibility for their behaviour and to ensure parents or guardians are aware of the time their child is spending in the RTC.
2. Support Meetings
A parent or guardian will be contacted and required to attend a support meeting when the student has had multiple visits to the RTC and has shown no commitment to their plans.
The support meeting is held between the student, parent or guardian and the RTP Coordinator in order to identify ways to further support the student whilst in the school environment.
With mutual understanding, appropriate planning can take place to ensure students have the opportunity for success, achievement and responsible thinking.
3. Communication
It is important to keep the communication lines open so please contact the RTP Coordinator via the College Office if you have any concerns at all. We are here to support you as parents in the best possible way.
Below are some tips on implementing the Responsible Thinking Process at home:
*click on the down arrow to expand content
How do you role model positive behaviour?
Do you use encouraging words?
How do you respond when you feel angry or excited? Do you hear yourself using ultimatums or excuses?
Do you take responsibility for your choices regardless of the other person involved?
Do you listen or interrupt conversations?
Do you respond with negative words or action?
Do you call out to your partner or children from another room?
How you behave sends a signal to your child that this is the sort of behaviour you approve of. If what children observe from your behaviour is different from what they are being told, then your child is likely to become confused, and possibly resentful. It may also blur expectations and boundaries, leading to conflict and frustration between you and your child.
Role modelling works in relation to virtually everything – from how you handle emotions such as frustration and anger, to how you respect and relate to other people, to how you respond to stress and cope with difficulties. It also influences patterns such as eating, exercise, how you look after yourself, and problem solving.
Here are some things you could model:
Positive relationships. Including your child in family discussions is a good way for them to understand how people can get along with others and work together. A child’s family is their first training ground for relationships, and usually one of the strongest influences.
The importance of learning. A positive approach to education and knowledge can help your child value the process of discovery and learning. An optimistic outlook generally supports positive outcomes.
Taking responsibility for your mistakes. Openly admitting your mistakes, and talking about how you can correct them, will show your child how to be accountable for their own actions. It also teaches them that it’s okay to make mistakes and that you can always bounce back.
Respect. Showing respect to others and trying to problem solve conflicts that arise, rather than simply getting angry and upset, will show them what respect and problem solving looks like.
Take time to consider how you will word / explain the consequences.
A consequence is a non-emotive logical response as a result of an unwanted behaviour.
By using the Responsible Thinking Process parents are able to remove any anger or insult from the situation and calmly apply the process to help the student to redirect the way they think in order to choose different consequences (positive or negative) in the future.
The way in which we word or explain a consequence generally sounds like a threat or a bribe ‘you will get a lolly’ or ‘I will ban you.’
Allow your child an opportunity to explain the choice they made that resulted in them going to the RTC and the plan that they made. Take some time to celebrate the great ideas that they have come up with.
Next, take time to consider how you will word/explain the consequence.
By using The Responsible Thinking Process we aim to focus the child’s brain power on the behaviours we want them to learn. These behaviours then refocus the child academically and allow them to make positive choices about their own learning goals.
Focus the wording on the positive behaviour.
If you choose to have consequences at home the wording used to explain why the consequence is being applied is very important.
The key is to focus the wording on the positive behaviour rather than the consequence.
This is specifically important when referring to the Responsible Thinking Process, students who are constantly encouraged to think of RTC as a negative environment are more likely to be fearful and shut down when they are referred.
Fear equally results in the student being unable to focus on the new skills being taught.
In short, fear may motivate a response, but seldom does it motivate long term positive change.
Alternative: When you pick up your child from school allow them an opportunity to explain the choice they made that resulted in them going to the RTC and the plan that they made.
Take some time to celebrate the great ideas that they have come up with.
Next, take time to consider how you will word/explain the consequence of not going to the movies.
For example you might say; ‘I'm pleased you have come up with a suitable plan for tomorrow, however the result of your choices today will mean that there is no football this afternoon’.
Taking Responsibility
Taking responsibility doesn’t come naturally for many people; this is true both for adults and children alike.
We tend to want to focus our attention on other people’s behaviour in an attempt to take the attention off of our own.
The Responsible Thinking Process specifically teaches children to focus on what they were responsible for during the incident.
This task is equally difficult and important for parents as well. When speaking with your child or even other adults does your language reflect the principle of taking responsibility or do you notice yourself shifting the blame?
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens
Talk to your child about the 7 Habits - students at Mercy College are directly taught these habits in Years 7, 8 and 9 and are a solid foundation for developing responsibility and leadership.
Problem Solving
Solving problems is a big part of adult life. But if a teenager is used to their parents making decisions for them, then approaching problems can be seriously daunting and they may not know where to start.
The good news is that problem solving is a skill that can be learnt. As a parent, you are in the best position to help your child develop these skills and learn how to tackle problems head-on, as well as knowing when they should get support from others.
By developing problem solving skills your child will be empowered to:
sort out conflict
be independent
achieve challenging goals
make decisions on their own.
Self-determination and Mastery
Self-determination is described as thinking for oneself and taking action that is consistent with that thought.
Young people who are self-determined tend to be:
autonomous
independent thinking
self-advocates
empowered
able to live according to their values and standards.
Remove negative emotional responses
One of the goals of using The Responsible Thinking Process is to remove the negative emotional response from the situation.
WHAT you say and do depends on your unique situation, your child, and what the problem is. There may be ‘magic’ words that work for your child but not others. You’ll want to experiment and modify them over time because your child naturally changes. It’s up to you to thoughtfully choose which responses below fit your child’s behavior and improve the relationship.
HOW you say it may be as important as what you say, because you must control your tone. It is a skill you need to be successful. Pulling this off means getting an iron grip on your own feelings and behavior, and stop using words you’ve come to use habitually.
When talking to your child, mentally take off your parent hat and become a neutral observer without emotions or bias from bad memories. This is absolutely critical because you must be able to remove any negative tone in your voice. Your child reacts to tone of voice more than what is said.
How you talk to your child needs to be healthy, which is not necessarily comfortable.
A healthy conversation means both parties:
Feel heard and understood even if there’s disagreement
Feel safe because they expect no emotional assaults
Feel enough trust and to talk again later
Ask your child questions that encourage them to talk
The key ingredients to a quality conversation are:
1. Questioning
2. Actively Listening – allowing your child to share their thoughts
Active listening is an important skill in any relationship and is all about building rapport, understanding and trust. When you actively listen to your child, you will hear what they are actually saying, not what you think they are saying.
When you are having a conversation with your child, encourage them to open up and talk by asking questions such as:
'How did that make you feel?
''It sounds as if you were (angry/frustrated/excited), were you?'
Let them know that you understand by summarising the situation as you’ve heard it. This also takes the emotion out of the situation and allows them to see the facts.
'So let me see if I’ve got this right. You …Is that how it happened?'
Your child isn’t always looking for you to fix a situation or solve a problem for them.
Avoid jumping in with advice, such as: ‘Well, just do this or that.’ Instead, help them move towards finding a resolution themselves by asking:
'What do you think is best thing to do now?'
Later, ask them how the situation played out. In this way, they’ll learn about how to process situations for themselves.
There is always more than one way to work through things.
Having these sorts of conversations helps your child explore how they manage their relationships and gives them clues about how to communicate well with others. If you are still wondering how to get your teenager to talk to you, see the links below.
Below are some tips on Quality Time and Using RTP on Ourselves:
QUALITY TIME
The real key to building a strong, lasting, and enjoyable relationship between two people is quality time. This type of interactive time alone together on a daily basis will not only build and maintain confidence in their mutual ability to resolve differences but, more importantly, it will help raise the level of importance each individual ascribes to the other when reflecting on which priorities are most important.
In many schools, chronically disruptive students lack quality time with anyone. There are many programs bringing volunteers into schools to spend time with such students that have had remarkable results in helping those students turn their lives around. For the first time, there are others who really care enough to show an interest and spend interactive time with them on a regular basis. As a parent, it is important that quality time is prioritised with all children to help foster a positive and trusting relationship.
USING RTP ON OURSELVES
All of our life decisions and behaviours come down to what our priorities are. When we forget what is important to us or get our priorities mixed up, we can make poor decisions that affect not only ourselves but also the people most important to us.
To know what your true priorities are, you can simply list five or so things that are most important to you. These might include friends, spouse, children, education, sobriety, health, job, God, faith, and so forth. Then prioritise the items you have listed. This activity helps reflect on your life and what is really important to you and whether there are conflicts among the items you have selected and the decisions you are making. Once you have your priorities in order and have an understanding of the person you want to be (values and beliefs) true responsibility for your life will be taken.