Sarabia Freeman

Could you please share when you first learned that you were expecting a child? Where were you and where did you find out this news? Who did you tell?

When I first found out I was pregnant, actually, I had felt like something was off, so I assumed that I was pregnant. And I had told my mom. I want to say actually, January 25, I took a picture of my belly and sent it to my mom. I was like, "Mom, I think I'm pregnant." And I had actually a hair competition coming up. So I was like, I'm going to wait until afterwards to figure it out because I didn't want to be stressed. But then I went to visit my mom and was watching -- it was like, Black History Month -- and this commercial came on, and it was like a black family. And I was just like, "oh, this is so cute. I want to cry". And my mom was like, "what did you say?" And I got scared thinking I had, like, cursed at her or something. And then I was like, "what do you think I said?" And then she repeated exactly what I said, and I was like, "yeah, that's what I said". And she's like, "you're pregnant". I'm like "girl, bye." 

And then the next day, she had made me a breakfast sandwich, and I'm like, a lover of egg sandwiches. So she made it with the egg in it, and I didn't even get through half of it. And I ran to the bathroom and threw up. And my mom was like, "you're pregnant." And she was about to take my little brother to the store to get him something to eat. So she snuck and bought me a pregnancy test. And when she came back to the house, I was actually asleep on the couch, and she snuck it underneath the pillow. And so when I woke up, I was like, "you want to take it with me? I don't want to do it wrong." And we took the test, and before the test even finished loading, it was like showing the plus sign. And I was just like, "oh, crap." It was like excitement. But then it was like, still felt unreal at the same time. So I didn't really know exactly how to feel because it was like -- I suspected it, but then it was like I never knew how I would react. All I remember is, I can't wait to get back home to tell dad. I had just went to visit Moms for the day.

And so dad was at home with his friends. And I got back home. He has, like, his whole gang of friends in there, and I didn't want him to announce it to everybody, so I decided to wait until I called myself waiting until they left, but 1:00 started to creep up. So I sent them a text message. I was like, "I got news to tell you, but I don't want to do it in front of everybody." He turned around and walked into the room like, "what?" And then I was just like, "I want to wait until everyone's gone." But then eventually I couldn't hold it in. So I ended up telling him, yeah, that was how I found out. We took our pregnancy test on the fifth and then we went on the 5 February and then the 15 February I had an actual doctor's appointment to confirm it and they were like, definitely.

What are some family traditions around welcoming a baby into the world?

I don't really know if we have traditions or if I'm following them, but I know for at least for a month, like try to keep the baby in the house for a month just to keep him away from the bacteria and stuff in the natural air. We decided as a family not to post pictures of him right away due to what I like to call the evil eye. Just to make sure that no one that we're not aware of is having any bad judgment on our baby and putting any bad negativity into the air for our baby before he's able to choose where he wants on his own. So we held off on posting pictures for now. Being a mother, we still parents, we still took in thousands of photos, we just haven't posted any.

What kind of support have you received or did not receive from your family and your community and from healthcare providers?

The help that we receive... I would say our parents -- mothers specifically were great support. I had lost my dad a little bit prior to having my baby, so when I had found out that I was pregnant, it was my mom and dad's first grandchild. So it really had my mom super excited. So as you can expect with the grandmother really excited first grandchild wanting to spoil him and buy him everything. We had one of our biggest supports where we caught ourselves having a paint party to repaint the house and stuff like that, to vamp it up for the baby. We had my mom and little brother and actually my boyfriend's best friend and his girlfriend. We all came over and repainted the whole entire room for the baby. 

Health care wise, I'm not sure if we had any specific help. I do remember having -- with our baby being born early -- we were in the NICU for three months before he was able to get home. And so we had favorite nurses and RTS. And I would say one of the biggest things that happened for us is I felt like we had experienced some racism in the NICU. There's this tube that they have in your baby's throat and they put like another tube in it, and they push it all the way down and they kind of like pull it up and it's to make them cough, quote unquote, but it really looks like they're choking. And one of the nurses walked by and was like, "come on," -- Our son's name Zonix -- And she was like, "come on, Zonix, cough up that chicken bone." And I was just like in awe and paused and I just looked around and everybody was staring at me. I felt like I was supposed to go up, but if I did, then, one, I could have gotten kicked off the hospital. Two, I could have left my baby in danger because now they're the ones that stare with my baby. So I just kind of like held myself together but just was just like in shock. And we actually had a primary nurse assigned and I told him about the situation, and that situation disgusted him. And he made sure he made a report to their charge manager and to their charge nurse and to their manager. So that was a great support to know that we had someone there that actually cared for our child's well being.

And then we had our favorite RT. I would say my favorite RT because our baby couldn't choose, but he was my favorite because I felt like he was actually attentive and when the RTS were the ones that were, like, changing the baby's equipment and stuff like that. And I felt like he was really gentle and then he just had a really all over positive spirit, it looked like, to me and seemed like to me. So when I seen that, it automatically drawed us to him. He was like there from when our baby was first born to when he got out. It was really great to actually have them a part of our baby's care team that was a huge support during the NICU stay and stuff like that right after birth. That was a great help.

Community wise, I would say I had probably expected more support being that I was a first time mother and a lover of babies anyways. I felt like I would have just had more people reaching out and checking up on me. But I came to realize that everybody else has their own life going on as well. Not that they don't support, but support has sometimes has to be from a distance when it came to more of the community.

If you're breastfeeding, how does this experience impact your relationship with your baby and your family?

So actually at the moment, I am not actually fully breastfeeding. I like to call it giving him dessert. I don't produce enough milk to actually fully get him fed, so he has to do formula to actually feed him. And I'm producing a little bit, but it's like little small droplets at a time being that as soon as I had my baby, I wasn't able to breastfeed him because he was premature. He was born at five months, so I wasn't able to get him to latch on. I had to pump all the time, and my pump schedules became off. Being that I ended up having to go back to normal society after having my baby. So I'm not able to fully produce enough to pump, but I have enough to, like I said, to give what I call dessert.

From your experience, why is breastfeeding important in the black community?

I believe that it is important because it is a bonding experience. It is the best for the baby. I know with having my baby and him being on formula most than breastfeeding, it's a scare, especially with being a mom. I'm sure a lot of other mothers have these advertisements that pop up, but I've been getting advertisements about Simulacs and Infamils being recalled, and a lot of that stuff is the stuff that they prescribe for the baby as soon as they get out the hospital. So going through that panic of making sure we're feeding our baby the right things and not causing any other damage because of things that we can't control. I believe that breastfeeding is the best because we know it's healthy. It's also getting the baby immune to everything that we're immune to without having to get all of the immunities because they're getting it through the nutrition of our breast milk.

What wishes or intentions do you have for your child you'd like to share?

I just -- I intend to be his biggest supporter and to let him know that he's never alone. And my baby from the get has always been like little strong, little man. I always call him my little mighty mouth because he's so strong but so small. But I want him to know that he can do anything he puts his mind to. And I've been watching these kids cartoons that try to prep for him and stuff like that, and a lot of them are going through the racial things that go on through society. And with him being a black young man, I want him to know that not always the world's against you, but even when the world is at odds with you, can still rise above. And I just want to know that, like I said, he could be the best. He's going to be everything he sets his mind to, and he's going to be the best at it all.

Do you have any advice for other black families?

I would advise just loving your kid and being the best mother you can be. Everyone has advice and pointers on how you should do certain things. But as a mother, you know what your child wants and is needing at the same time. I remember when my baby was in the NICU, I would pat my baby bottom like anybody else would, and the nurses would actually come by and be like, oh, no, babies don't like that. But my baby was chilling for a whole hour and a half. So I'm like even though they think babies like a certain thing, you as the baby's parent, you have that intuition to know what your baby is needing and wanting at the time. And like they would say in the regular life, follow your gut. Follow your intuition and follow your gut when it comes to your baby. Because you know at the same time more than anybody else.