Reflection

Deciding to do a Capstone project was probably one of the most impulsive decisions I have ever made, and following through and completing it was definitely one of the most difficult decisions. I am proud of the fact that throughout this project, while going through some difficult challenges in life, I asked for help and advice instead of giving up. I know for a fact that if I had refused to ask for help and tried to take the whole thing on by myself, I wouldn't have succeeded. I know I’m not a master music composer, so I was not ashamed to ask my mentor, Connor Sullivan, to help me write my piece. What we did was I would go home and write, and then I would bring it in once a week and Connor would help me figure out what didn’t make logistical sense, what was incorrectly written, and what could be made better. I learned so much more about music composition from this project than I expected I ever would have, and so I am proud of that achievement, especially as someone who is really bad at understanding music theory. If I were to do this project again, I would have gone to ask for help sooner than I did. Because of all the obstacles that were occuring in my life throughout the past few months, I kind of put my Capstone on a back burner of sorts. Then, as I got behind, I let it go a long time without working on it because of how worried I was that I wouldn’t finish, and somehow, not working on it made me feel better. I wish I could go back in time and smack myself in the back of the head and tell myself to go tell Connor and Mr. Davenport where I was at, so that I wouldn’t be finishing my project in the last two weeks of time we were allotted.

My original plan for my composition was to tell two stories, one where I admire someone, put them on a pedestal, and get disappointed, and another where I am picked back up by someone else: a new person to admire. I scrapped the idea because I came to the realization that I did not want to give the person who let me down any more time occupying any space in my brain. They don’t deserve any kind of recognition or respect from me. Because of this, I decided to complete my piece by making it more about how I’ve gone through high school with the help from a few select individuals, and how now I am graduating and will be leaving them all behind. Admiration begins with the section titled ‘Frustration’, and it’s just a chunky, rhythmic, very angry and confused sounding segment representing my inner turmoil before the people who support me reassure me. It moves into ‘Hope’, which introduces new rhythmic patterns to represent my break free from the monotonous cycle of frustration. As this section plays out, the marimba (representing me) becomes more involved and confident in this new way of life. Lastly, it goes from a duet to ending as a solo with a melancholic yet uplifting chorale, which is intended to represent me moving on from the people who made me the person I am now to moving into a new stage of my life.

Every year I’ve been in high school, I’ve gone to band camp for marching band, which is a week of intense physical and mental work. It’s referred to as one of the hardest parts of the season, but is also considered to be the easiest way to weed out the people who really do not want to be there. The past four years have been full of me leading rehearsals every morning and maintaining a positive and upbeat attitude, no matter what else has happened through the day. I think going through all of those rehearsals and camps were a testament to my strength, and getting through all four of those camps really strengthened my mind and gave me a stronger sense of determination and perseverance, which I think was also represented in my refusal to give up on my Capstone.

By being in several music programs, I’ve been able to meet people totally different from myself and get to know them and their personalities. It’s beautiful being able to become friends with people who you never thought you would because you share a common passion. I have had the same two best friends since 5th grade, and I can say that what kept us together was music. Even though we got split up in different schools, our middle schools joined together for a big concert once, which was an incredible experience. My group of friends has grown and prospered over the years, and I owe it all to being able to spend time with a large group of people. We also all chose to follow a path of leadership, and it really taught us how to become responsible people. The opportunities that have been presented to me have really strengthened my abilities to take on challenges and adapt to unfavorable situations, and I am sure that this will help me throughout the rest of my life.

Though I don’t plan on following as hectic of a music schedule as I currently am and have, I do intend to keep a few music classes in my life throughout college. I want to join the Steel drum ensemble that is presented at ASU, because it is something new and exciting that I can learn while applying all of my previously obtained knowledge. Some of my friends who graduated before me were a part of that ensemble, and when I watched them perform I was blown away. I would love to be able to have that effect on someone else in turn. I also plan to keep my marimba with me when I move out so that I may be able to play it whenever I wish. It has really become an outlet for me, and something I can do naturally without having to focus so hard on the technical aspect.

I would tell a freshman to think long and hard about every decision they make regarding pursuing a challenge. I would love to tell them to do everything that they possibly can cram into their schedule, but I know that sometimes it can be very overwhelming and end up degrading your mental health. Therefore, I want them to instead of thinking about the “would so-and-so be proud of me for doing this,” to instead think of “will I be just as excited to do this in 6 months,” and “Is this something that I really want to pursue for myself?” I know throughout my high school career I got caught up in the expectations that other people had for me instead of the goals I wanted to set for myself, and that can be a really difficult mindset to change. It involves changing how you value yourself, and that should never be based on other people’s opinions of you. Know your limits, and never make decisions based on what people expect of you, or what would make someone else’s life easier. Your goals should come from your mind and your heart, nobody else’s.