Getting everyone out the door in the morning is a challenge for lots of families. For kids with mental health or learning difficulties, it can be even harder. Kids with ADHD or behavior issues may have trouble following instructions or focusing on what needs to get done. Kids with anxiety or depression may have a hard time getting out of bed or managing their worries about school. And for children on the autism spectrum, small changes in routine can lead to conflict.

But whether or not your child has a mental health diagnosis, there are ways to make mornings easier and avoid conflict. First, plan ahead.

Plan ahead

First, regardless of a child’s age, think about what can be done the night before such as making lunches, organizing backpacks, and laying out clothes. Talk with your kids as to what needs to get done in the morning. “It’s great to have these discussions when cooler heads are prevailing and we can really problem solve about how to get things done in an efficient way,” Dr. Anderson says.

Parents of younger kids need to focus on being clear about what needs to get done, helping them develop this list into good habits. This can be accomplished by noticing when a child is successful, then praising him for those successes. It’s also helpful to break tasks down into very small steps and then noting how well the child is trying to comply or do things independently.

Those with older kids could help them develop an organizational plan—a list they could check back on to make sure each step is completed. “We’re all more effective when we’re very clear with ourselves about what steps we might need to take and realistic about what we actually have time to get done,” he says.

It also helps to focus on just the essential tasks, like getting dressed and brushing teeth. For example, you might want your child to make their bed in the morning, but they can still have a good day at school if that doesn’t happen. Once kids have mastered the basics, you can try adding more tasks to the routine. Small rewards, like a special cereal for breakfast, can motivate them to stick to the plan.

Create incentives

When it comes to making mornings better, rewards are also key. They can be either short term, involving some kind of immediate treat or, because of the time crunch, earned privileges to be enjoyed later.

Dr. Anderson offers one of his favorite examples of a short-term reward, involving a teenager and her mother. “They talked about what specific behaviors they were going to focus on,” he says. “The idea was she gets up by a certain time, gets all of her things together and leaves by a certain time for school. If those three things happened without too many prompts, then they would stop for a special breakfast like Starbucks and walk rather than take the subway.” Not only did this motivate the teen, it improved the mother-daughter relationship, since they had more time to talk.

Younger kids can be motivated by a more defined behavioral plan with meaningful rewards. Dr. Anderson cites the example of a fourth grader: As long as he gets up, eats a breakfast from among a few healthy choices, gets dressed quickly, and brushes his teeth without too many parental prompts, he earns points for each of those behaviors. These points translate into 30 minutes of screen time that evening

Finally, it helps a lot for parents to stay calm.

Stay calm

When parents hit bumps in the road and tempers are flaring, they need to think about ways to de-escalate the situation, since arguing is a distraction and can damage their relationship with their kids, as well as slow things down even more. There are several ways parents can try to de-escalate a situation, such as:

• Speaking in a calm tone

• Being clear about expectations

• Continuing to praise even small efforts rather than focusing on what the child might not be doing

• Focusing on the next step in the process

• Keeping one’s eye on the prize, both in the short and long terms.

And if your child consistently has trouble even getting out of bed or throws a tantrum every morning, getting professional support can help.

If you have any concerns about your child's socio-emotional wellbeing in school, please feel free to get in touch with our School Counsellors.