The Koala Kid

The Koala Kid

He rode in from the west

On a pony of white

And I have to admit

He was quite a sight

His boots they were purple

A hat that was yellow

And with polka dot vest

He was a strange lookin’ fellow

He smiled and then said

I’m the Koala Kid

And I’ve come to your town

To do what I did

This didn’t make sense

How could this be?

The Koala Kid

Had done nothing, you see

He looked ‘cross the street

At bad guy Black Bart

And said to himself

That’s right where I’ll start

His pony strolled over

To the Sidewinder Saloon

And he stared at Black Bart

On that hot day in June

Stop robbing those banks

Said the Koala Kid

Or I’ll get off my pony

And do what I did

Black Bart he was worried

If only he knew

Exactly what it was

Koala did do

But the Kid just kept staring

And Bart started shakin’

He knew that this guy

Was for real and not fakin’

Bart pleaded and cried

Then began to confess

Of all the bad things

In his life – what a mess!

Bart ran and he got

All of his stolen loot

And even the dollar

Kept in his left boot

Then he raised his right hand

And swore to be good

And only do things

He knew that he should

You’re one lucky fella

Said the Koala Kid

That you didn’t make me

Do what I did

Then the Koala Kid

Rode all over town

Straightening out people

Never once getting down

He straightened up Ringo

And Crooked Creek Jack

Who was trying to hide

In the outhouse out back

Then into the sunset

The Kid rode away

And I’ll never forget

That strange summer day

But one thing’s for certain

About the Koala Kid

I’m sure glad that he didn’t

Do what he did

Makin' No Sense

Whistle Booger Blues

The Whistle Booger Blues

The kids are all gone

Staff’s working from home

And now here I sit

At my desk all alone

The doors are all locked

Not a soul to be found

It was deathly quiet

When I heard the sound

A whistle so loud

It gave me a scare

It came from close by

But I couldn’t tell where

It happened again

Very close to my ear

So I drew my gun

It had to be near

Then I held my breath

Not a sound anywhere

But I heard it again

When I exhaled air

The fourth time it happened

That’s right when I knew

I had me a case of

The Whistle Booger Blues

I laughed at myself

And holstered my gun

A whistling booger

Why this could be fun

I whistled The Stroke

That’s from Billy Squier

If I had more guys

We’d make quite a choir

I whistled a love song

But that isn’t all

Should have heard my rendition

Of Wabash Cannonball

Too bad I’m alone

No students, no staff

I’d whistle a tune

And make them all laugh

Then quick as it started

It stopped just like that

While I serenaded

A fluffy white cat

With pollen so thick

Adrift on the breeze

When I took a breath

It caused me to sneeze

My whistling booger

Flew out of my nose

Oh what rotten luck

You know how that goes

All’s quiet once more

The campus at peace

Since I lost that whistler

The fun had to cease

Still here at my desk

And I’m bored it is true

I’m wishing I had

The Whistle Booger Blues

Willie Bill

I bought a duckbill platypus

He was used, but that’s okay

I won him in a bidding war

He was listed on eBay

I had to outbid Ranger5

And Chuckles99

To be the last bid posted there

I did it just in time

I had a chance for a wombat

And also an emu

But I chose the platypus

Because of what he knew

A platypus is good at math

And they can sing and dance

They will mow your yard for you

But they will not wear pants

They’ll bake a cake for your birthday

And balance your checkbook

Or wash your dirty underwear

Then bait your fishing hook

I gave my platypus a name

I call him Willie Bill

He’s outside flipping hamburgers

Upon the charcoal grill

He helped me fix the dishwasher

And paint our little house

He plowed a garden spot for me

And caught a pesky mouse

I made an error one sad day

And let him drive my car

I told him to drive round the town

But not to go too far

I haven’t seen him since that time

Don’t think I ever will

I miss that little platypus

Good-bye Willie Bill

Red Bowl

I told a friend I was feeling really tired and that I didn't think I would make it through the day without falling asleep. He told me to go to the store and buy a red bowl and that would help keep me awake. Yeah, that didn't work...

The Beaded Bangle Bam

The Beaded Bangle Bam

A monster show came on TV

I watched it late at night

But I kept several lights turned on

Cause it gave me a fright

The show had on it Frankenstein,

The Wolfman and Count Drac

An announcer paused the show and said

After this we’ll be right back

I left the room to get a drink

But then when I returned

A gal was holding something up

It sparkled when it turned

She said it would do something great

But I couldn’t make it out

Because my eyes were so transfixed

It made me want to shout

I had to have one, don’t know why

I just couldn’t believe it’s real

The lady smiled and said something

That really sealed the deal

She gave a price to buy the thing

Then said, “But wait!” to me

If you order this right now

We’ll send a second free

Just pay a separate handling charge

We’ll send these right to you

And there will be no shipping cost

If you order before I’m through

I found the cell phone in my hand

My fingers dialing

As I reached for my credit card

I could not stop my smiling

It’s called a Beaded Bangle Bam

I remember she said that

What it’s good for I don’t know

It might be a fancy hat

Or a fishing lure to help you catch

A giant fish or ten

Or something to scrub on your car

To make it look new again

My box arrived just today

And I opened it with glee

And held my Beaded Bangle Bam

For all my friends to see

It sparkled and it shimmered bright

And as long as it lasted

They couldn’t move or say a word

They were just flabbergasted

Now I’m the cool guy on the block

It makes me want to sing

So maybe I don’t know too much

But I know this one thing

I own a Beaded Bangle Bam

Don’t know what it will do

But I’ll enjoy it twice as much

Because they sent me two

The Hurdy Gurdy Birdy

The Hurdy Gurdy Birdy

I hiked upon the mountainside

To see an old, old man

He lived next to a creek up there

In a rustic old cabin

We called him Gramps and waved to him

When he would come to town

But only once a year he would

Leave and come on down

Now Gramps he is a famous guy

For one thing that is all

He saw a Hurdy Gurdy Bird

One year in the late fall

No one else could make this claim

This was very unique

We hear but do not see this bird

Not even one small peek

I found Gramps sitting in a chair

Under a tall oak tree

He smiled a toothless happy grin

As he shook hands with me

I asked Gramps just how old he was

When he saw the Hurdy Gurdy

Gramps replied with little thought

When I was the age of thirty

I asked him to describe for me

The face of this rare bird

And Gramps after a minute said

He looked just like a nerd

You’re telling me you saw

A nerdy Hurdy Gurdy Birdy

Yes that is exactly right

When I was the age of thirty

I asked old Gramps about the rest

Of the bird that he had seen

He said it was not very neat

And was not very clean

You’re telling me you saw

A dirty nerdy Hurdy Gurdy Birdy

Yes that is exactly right

When I was the age of thirty

So Gramps gave me some more tidbits

About this feathered beast

It was sturdy as a post

Not wobbly in the least

You’re telling me you saw

A sturdy dirty nerdy Hurdy Gurdy Birdy

Yes that is exactly right

When I was the age of thirty

Well did it run and try to hide

Or blend in with the dirt?

It was friendly, you could say

With me it tried to flirt

You’re telling me you saw

A flirty sturdy dirty nerdy Hurdy Gurdy Birdy

Yes that is exactly right

When I was the age of thirty

I thanked the old man for his time

And headed down the trail

Would my family back in town

Believe such a wild tale?

Now if you’re quiet in the fall

Upon this mountain you

Might see a flirty sturdy dirty

Nerdy Hurdy Gurdy Birdy too

The Kitty Cat 2-Step

The Kitty Cat 2-Step

The campus cats are a secret group

They’re full of mystery

They hide in places all around

Where no one else can see

But let me tell you something new

About this feline bunch

I know for sure this is a fact

And not some crazy hunch

When no one’s around late at night

Just after the end of day

You will find a cat or two

Begin to swirl and sway

They might waltz or polka dance

Alone or in a crowd

But they keep it decent here

No twerking is allowed

They may samba campus-wide

Or just stay in one spot

And you might catch the older ones

Doing disco, or maybe not

Some may dance so crazy fast

While others dance real slow

They might line dance to the song

That we call Cotton Eye Joe

This may all look all strange to you

Especially at first glance

But they’re just warming up for their

Fancy feline dance

It’s called the Kitty Cat 2-Step

It’s quite a thing to see

The cats they pair off two-by-two

Behind the library

They do not want to dance this slow

So they add a little pep

When they gather around to dance

The Kitty Cat 2-Step

They need a band that sounds just right

That’s lively and not stuffy

So they hire Skippy and his trio

Called The Newman Fluffys

The cats all start to dosey do then

Circle to the right

They can keep this up all day

Even if it’s night

Back and forth the cats they go

In their 2-step moves

Some are old but haven’t lost

Their younger kitty grooves

They dance around the campus grounds

Looking oh so cute

Especially when you see them wear

Their kitty cowboy boots

They 2-Step til their paws a tired

Even though they had a blast

They’d like to keep on dancing but

They know it will not last

And when the students start to stir

Upon the campus green

The band and dancers all pack up

Never to be seen

Then you find the cats meowing

Over by the Caf

Begging food or acting silly

They make you want to laugh

Sometimes you catch them practicing

Out in the public view

They’re working on their 2-Step moves

It’s the best that they can do

But their secret it stays safe with them

They keep their lips sealed tight

And wait to dance again the Kitty

Cat 2-Step tonight

Joyriding

Joyriding

Joyriding on campus

Is where I’ll be found

The challenge is keeping

All wheels on the ground

My golf cart is so fast

Since I tweaked it a bit

I can drive anywhere

Lickety split

Once I accidentally

Ran over a goose

He tried to avoid me

But tripped over his poop

I did a few donuts

To get turned about

The groundskeeper caught me

And put me in timeout!

I race to the north

And I race to the south

And if I’m not careful

Bugs will fly in my mouth

I did a whole lap

In 12 seconds flat

It could have been faster

If not for that cat

I have to try not to

Run over the Sisters

So I hold the wheel tight

My hands they get blisters

With the campus all empty

And me really bored

I drove into DeMatt

Then out the back door

But regardless how fast

My golf cart will fly

I’d rather have you here

Cause I sure miss you guys

Uncle Pickle's Lighthouse and Bubble Gum Factory

Uncle Pickle's Lighthouse and Bubble Gum Factory

Uncle Pickle was an odd little man

He lived by the rocky sea

He ran the lighthouse every night

Now hear my true, true story

Uncle Pickle was a pretty lean guy

He stood about five foot four

He had himself a very long beard

That would often get caught in the door

His lighthouse cap was rather worn

His teeth clinched an old pipe

His weathered coat made him look like

The lighthouse keeper type

When Pickle was not warning ships

‘Bout the dangers of the sea

You could find him mixing up a batch

Of gum in his factory

Now Pickle’s gum had funny flavors

Some you have never heard of

There’s bingo fruit and giggle berry

But carcarkle’s the one I love

He made his gum from secret things

That came from a magic place

Some said they’re from an arctic island

And others from outer space

His gum machine was very strange

When it mixed things round and round

It made the funniest noises like

‘Kaplooey!” and ‘Kapow!’

But if you asked Uncle Pickle

For his bubble gum recipe

He would not say and to this day

It remains a mystery

One day a giant storm blew in

And the lighthouse light went out

Pickle had to warn the ships

As the sea tossed them about

He grabbed some gum from the machine

And began to chew and chew

He blew a giant bubble

He had a plan this much was true

He blew a second, then a third

And then before too long

He tied string to a bunch of bubbles

And he made the string real long

Then Uncle Pickle started lighting

Tiny candles by the dozen

And called for help from Grumpy Fred

Who was his second cousin

Fred held onto the long, long string

As Pickle placed inside

A lighted candle in each one

Then headed for the tide

Out in the storm Uncle Pickle went

And stood in his soaking socks

He floated each and every bubble

Out over the dangerous rocks

Captains could see the bobbing lights

And knew to stay away

And that’s how Uncle Pickle’s gum

Truly saved the day

Now please don’t judge Uncle Pickle's

Weird and strange behavior

Because what came from all of this

Was his newest bubble gum flavor

He calls it stormy memory

And it might be hard to handle

Because it has an aftertaste

Of wet socks and burning candles

Things I Do Not Know

Things I Do Not Know

Do butterflies go out on dates

And romance one another?

Does a baby clam look like its dad

Or like its dear sweet mother?

Where did they find the flying monkeys

I saw in The Wizard of Oz?

Will we get more of Harry Potter

Or is that a lost cause?

How does an ostrich get a breath

With its head stuck in the sand?

And is there really such a thing

As a hillbilly xylophone band?

Why do so many dandelions

Show up in my front yard?

Are jellyfish made of real jelly?

These questions are much too hard

Did Moses have a ponytail?

How did T-Rex scratch his nose?

Do all birds speak the same language?

These are things I do not know

Why aren’t all the pretty flowers

Afraid of bumble bees?

Does a brown cow have four elbows

Or does it have four knees?

Who thought of putting maple sap

On pancakes long ago?

And where do all the moose hang out

In twenty feet of snow?

They cannot speak to one another

So do fish have ESP?

And when I watch the Stooges show

Why are there always three?

Which one of these is the very best

Is it Star Trek or Star Wars?

Will they ever get TP

In stock at the grocery store?

Why do circus clowns scare me?

What makes the south wind blow?

Where did I put my ring of keys?

These are things I do not know

Ordinary Day

Ordinary Day

Another day in college life

I’m stuck here in my room

Munching snacks in my PJs

So sick of watching Zoom

College life is not the same

Watched on a computer screen

I only dress from the waist up

My bottom part’s not seen

My schoolwork just keeps piling up

With lots of papers due

And a project I’ve not started yet

I turn in Monday at 2

To keep from getting very bored

I have myself some tricks

From shadow puppets on the wall

To binge-watching Netflix

But one thing they can’t quarantine

Can’t shut down or control

Or keep six feet away from me

It’s from my heart and soul

My attitude belongs to me

And I will have my way

I’ve decided to have an extra-happy

Ordinary day

I may not get to leave my house

And travel to far lands

To hike a mountain in the Alps

Or march in marching bands

I cannot go to the bookstore

I must order on Amazon

But that won’t keep this Newman Jet

From putting their happy face on

No NASCAR race to watch the wrecks

NFL draft was a mess

Many unused caps and gowns

And brand new red prom dress

No baseball games on the TV

No movie theater screen

No restaurant to sit and dine

Do you know what I mean?

They tell me it’s the new normal

I hope they’re wrong ‘bout that

But Normal would be a funny name

For one of the campus cats

Regardless of what the government

Or medical experts say

I’ve decided to have an extra-happy

Ordinary day

Fishin' For Squirrels

Fishin’ For Squirrels

The campus is quiet

And you’re very bored

Please give me a vision

You ask the dear Lord

That’s exactly what happened

He gave you a vision

Like a story from the Bible

He told you to go fishin’

But then there’s a problem

With you goin’ fishin’

You can’t use the ponds

Without written permission

But nothing’s too big

For the Lord boys and girls

He said forget about ponds

Go fishin’ for squirrels

Grab a bag full of nuts

And some 8 lb. test line

A bobber or two

You should be just fine

Find a good place to sit

Before you begin

Then grab onto your line

Tie a nut on the end

Cast high in the trees

Hold tight to your pole

If you have a bicycle

You could even troll

Now wait for a tug

Don’t yank it just yet

Make sure that he takes it

Or you’ll be upset

Keep an eye on that bobber

As it dances around

Wait for the right moment

When it starts to go down

Then start reeling in

With all of your might

These squirrels are not sissys

They’ll put up a fight

As your pole starts to bend

Like it might snap in two

The battle’s begun

Between that squirrel and you

You fight and you struggle

Just keep reeling in

And if you don’t quit

Then you might just win

And then comes the moment

When you reel in that critter

You’re such a great sportsman

You’re such a go-getter

But you must let it go

Thanks so much and please

Cause on this here campus

It’s catch and release

I Invented A New Letter

I was very bored today

So I invented a new letter

No longer am I very bored

In fact I feel much better

My letter sounds just like an 'f'

Mixed with ‘c’, ‘h’ and ‘v’

And looks a little like an ‘r’

But also like a ‘t’

I found new ways to spell old words

Like spoon and cuckoo clock

It absolutely changed the way

I say “I lost my sock”

Now when I go to gatherings

Out in the social world

I’ll use my letter with great flair

It might impress some girl

I’ll use it at assemblies

And in governments abroad

And they will be impressed with me

They’ll never think I’m odd

To say it in a restaurant

Would make the waitress stare

I could type it on an email

When spelling the word ‘hair’

But mostly I will go around

And say it loud and clear

Or maybe just to show it off

I’ll tattoo it on my rear

Some day when the new wears off

And life’s again a bummer

To keep myself from feeling bad

I’ll invent a brand new number

How Does It Feel to Be Released From Quarantine?

Delight: The Bazooka-totin' Hippopotamus Mermaid

Let me tell you all a story

About a seafaring renegade

She’s Delight, the Bazooka-totin’

Hippopotamus Mermaid

Some tried calling her a Hippomaid

But that didn’t sound right to us

She’s now referred to politely as

A Meropotamus

Her top part's like a hippo

Her tail is like a fish

She can dive in ocean water

And be gone in one big swish

She’s not a very pretty thing

With big head and tail too small

It's good she’s in the water ‘cause

She’s a buoyant as a ball

She wears a crown upon her head

Her bikini top's too tight

But do not think you’ll get away

When she’s got you in her sights

She doesn’t like the pirate ships

Or any bad guys on the sea

They kidnapped her poor daddy

Back when she was only three

She hunts down those darn criminals

With her squad of Meropotami

And carefully aims her bazooka

And blows them all sky high

The pirates and the bad guys

Are as scared as they can be

When they do their bad guy things

Out on the Seven Seas

They know that Delight might send

Their crew to a watery grave

When she fires her trusty bazooka

From underneath the waves

One day old Captain Dirk and crew

Were sneaky as could be

Pretending to sail to Bermuda

To commit armed robbery

But the real plan was to sail the ship

To Key Largo and to fight

And rob and plunder that poor isle

Without problems from Delight

Dirk sailed his ship one way all day

But at night he doubled back

And without interference

He began his sneak attack

Then as the first shot from his cannon

Landed on the village green

Delight’s bazooka fired a round

And blew his boat to smithereens

The mast fell down and Captain Dirk

Got covered by the sail

You can ask him all about it

He’s now in the pirate jail

So bad guys you have all been warned

There’s a price that must be paid

Don’t mess with Delight, the Bazooka-totin’

Hippopotamus Mermaid

Knock-kneed Nellie

It was Saturday night

And time for the dance

I was feeling pretty nervous

Left the house without my pants

That’s when the neighbor girls

They snickered and stared

As I paraded around

In just my underwear

Got that problem fixed

But now my shoes were dirty

So I got some bear grease

Shined ‘em up real purdy

I’m the luckiest guy

In the county or the state

And for the dance tonight

I don’t wanna be late

Cause I got me a date

With knocked-kneed Nellie

She’s not a rose flower

But she ain’t too smelly

She’s the prettiest girl

That I ever did see

In the hills of Kentucky

Or mountains of Tennessee

She’s kind of short

Now don’t you laugh

But she’s got a neck

Just like a giraffe

Her two lovely feet

Are as big as a boat

And she’s got some chin whiskers

Just like a Billy goat

Her fingers are as long

As a spider’s legs

And her arms as stout

As two wooden kegs

One eye looks east

And the other looks south

Her five good teeth

Look so perfect in her mouth

When I first saw her

She stole my heart

She was standin’ outside

Of the Quicky Mart

She slurped a cherry slushie

And ate chili dog

Carrying a 50 pound bag

Of pig food for her hog

I dreamed a dream

At that moment in time

One day I was gonna

Make that little girl mine

So if I don’t mess up

And all goes right

This might be the first

Of many blissful nights

How wonderful it’d be

To make that girl my wife

Then I’d be with knock-kneed Nellie

For the rest of my life

Buppy: The Bug-Stompin', Spider-Squishin', Fly-Swattin', Waffle-Eatin' Hound

I was walkin’ through the house

Just as cheerful as can be

When I saw a critter crawl

Across the floor in front of me

Oh my goodness and my gosh

How could this ever be?

That’s when I saw number two

And then I saw number three

I had an insect problem

That much was very clear

The question for the moment

Is where do I go from here?

Just what should I be doing?

And who should I call over?

That’s when I remembered

My friend Buppy McRover

Buppy is the best one

That I have ever found

He’s a Bug-stompin’, Spider-squishin’

Fly-swattin’, Waffle-eatin’ Hound

Buppy arrived just in time

At my home location

He took one look around

Said, “It’s an infestation!”

He looked really really close

At the bugs that were little

Said, “It’s a 9-legged Lopsided

4-winged Stink Beetle!”

Then out came an 8-pound

Sledge in my main hall

And Buppy started smashing holes

In each and every wall

He swung the sledge hammer

As he said, “Y’all take this!”

Next I heard the sound

Of the fly swatter swish

Then Stomp! Stomp! Stomp!

Went Buppy’s left paw

Smash! Crash! Bang!

Another hole in the wall!

And once Buppy got started

There was just no missin’

With his stompin’, swattin’

Or creepy spider-squishin’

When the carnage was over

Not a bug was found alive

The bees even moved from

Their backyard bee hive

Buppy told me that my problem

Had been extremely awful

And he was going to bill me

One hundred twenty waffles

And as he started leaving

He couldn’t walk out of the door

Because doorframe and all

Was lying flat upon the floor

All my walls were destroyed

And my furniture broken up

But I still had one fork

And one ceramic coffee cup

He was thorough for sure

That much I’ll have to say

Cause I haven’t seen a beetle

Since that very memorable day

So if you find some insects

In your house or on your grounds

Be sure to call Buppy the Bug-stompin’

Spider-squishin’, Fly-swattin’

Waffle-eatin’ Hound

Over On The Campus

Over on the campus

In the bright summer sun

Stood Mo from security

And his hungry freshman one

Eat pizza said Mo

I’m eating said the one

So he ate pizza all day

In the bright summer sun

Over on the campus

In the early morning dew

Stood Mo from security

And his groovy sophomores two

Drink coffee said Mo

We’re drinking said the two

So they drank coffee all day

In the early morning dew

Over on the campus

Under an old oak tree

Stood Mo from security

And his sleepy juniors three

Need sleep asked Mo

We need sleep said the three

So they slept all day

Under an old oak tree

Over on the campus

In the great outdoors

Stood Mo from security

And his mighty seniors four

Have you studied asked Mo

We’ve studied said the four

So the studied all day

In the great outdoors

Over on the campus

Near Dondlinger Drive

Stood Mo from security

And his softball players five

Play catch said Mo

We catch said the five

So they played catch all day

Near Dondlinger Drive

Over on the campus

By the wildflower mix

Stood Mo from security

And his b-ball players six

Shoot threes said Mo

We shoot said the six

So they shot all day

By the wildflower mix

Over on the campus

Where the pavement’s even

Stood Mo from security

And his cool bowlers seven

Get strikes said Mo

We strike said the seven

So they bowled strikes all day

Where the pavement’s even

Over on the campus

Where there used to be a gate

Stood Mo from security

And his Tri-athletes eight

Run, swim, bike said Mo

We run, swim, bike said the eight

So they ran, swam, and biked all day

Where there used to be a gate

Over on the campus

By a tall green pine

Stood Mo from security

And his soccer players nine

Shoot goals said Mo

We shoot said the nine

So they shot goals all day

By a tall green pine

Over on the campus

When we opened up again

Stood Mo from security

And his awesome Jets ten

Go learn said Mo

We learn said the ten

So they learned all day

When we opened up again

On The Island of Mungo

‘Twas on the Island of Mungo

Under a Peppalump tree

There sat a beautiful maiden

And she was just staring at me

Of course she must reckon me handsome

And rugged and manly man built

I’m sure it took her only one look

And quickly her insides did melt

I strutted and walked round about her

Like a peacock with feathers sublime

I knew without doubt I had won her

And she would surely be mine

I circled her two or three more times

Fueling her innermost fire

Knowing that at any moment

I would be her only desire

I finally stopped right there before her

To let her gaze upon me once more

I flexed and I posed and I postured

Never expecting just what was in store

With the stealth of a tiger I moved in

Expecting surrender at last

But all I got were some “tee-hees”

As she pointed her finger and laughed

It’s right at this time I discovered

Just why she was staring at me

I looked at my blue jeans and shuddered

My fly was wide open, you see

My Bellybutton Moved On Me

My bellybutton moved on me

One dark and stormy night

And when I woke you can be sure

I really was a sight

I looked down at my middle part

It was smooth as it could be

My bellybutton flew the coop

It’s now on my left knee

Well this is odd I told myself

As I checked my body over

I wondered if there were other things

Or was this the only rover

My eyes and ears were still in place

Five fingers on each hand

My elbows were right where they should be

And my feet on which to stand

Just when I thought that nothing else

Could happen to my parts

I had a feeling it was not over

That this was just the start

I began to feel a sense of relief

But you know how it goes

I scratched my shoulder absently

And there I found my nose