Self-identity is a splash of characteristics and personalities given to one person that makes them different from all other human beings in the world. Through exploring my own identity, I have learned what truly makes me unique and how different experiences can change me.

Growing up, I’ve always felt like an outsider; someone who stands on a different wavelength from others around me. Maybe it was my introverted inner child who was shy and did not like connecting with others, and especially not strangers, or maybe it was the fact that I homeschooled that made me want to withdraw from people. I would always spend time alone and absorbed in my own fantasy world, losing time. Looking back now, I realize how much I’ve changed, and it didn’t happen in a finger snap like some unreal magic. There’s a bridge connecting the old, small me and my present self, bridge of countless experiences and new encounters that added colors to help me become the self I am.

When I first learned to look beyond just myself was when our family was visiting China for three days. We were on our way to move to Canada, where my dad had planned to attend a university. I was a mere small girl with the ability to think that the only things that brought me happiness were playing outside, my dad being home from his often-long business trips overseas, being home with my family from long visits in hospital thanks to my fragile lungs, and spaghetti. Walking through the vast street of China, every street corner packed full of people between overwhelmingly red and big, traditional buildings brought me a new sensation about the world. But one thing caught my eye and seized me like a sticky trap. I remember holding my mother’s hand

and my grip instantly tensed from the shock that I faced. I saw a homeless man sitting in the middle of the street. I’ve seen homeless people before and it was nothing new, but there was something else that caught my attention. The missing limbs of the middle aged, grubby looking man, and his milky white eyes darting around with no destination, and whatever left of him in severe deformation. This scene shattered the fragile glass wall of happiness that I had surrounded myself with. I was forced upon with a knowledge that there’s so many things I don’t know. So much suffering, conflicts, and dark sides of the world that stays hidden from me just like the old homeless man blended into the fancy clothed figures, colorful lights, giggles, and chatters. Sure, suffering was nothing new, I’ve seen plenty of sick people, hurt people during my hospital visits. This man was different though. Hope was missing. While the people in hospital were getting treated and had family who came to visit them, this homeless man had no one. While I felt hardly any sympathy for people in hospitals, I was drowned in a tsunami of sad emotions that I couldn’t find a way to express. Walking back to the hotel, and on the flight to Canada, and still now, the scene lives in my head, sometimes popping up here and there randomly.

The homeless man who was invisible to others, but somehow stood out to me clearer than blindingly colorful lights of the China streets taught me many lessons, as well as too many questions I longed to find answers to. He made me question existence. Was there a reason for the existence of every human being on earth? Growing up in Christian home, I was taught there was a purpose for everyone that was put on earth. If so, what was this man’s purpose or meaning in life? He taught me gratitude. It’s always easy to complain when things don’t go the way I want them to, and always hard to be thankful in difficult situations. He taught me that even when I think I am in the worst possible situation ever, there’s always things that I can be thankful for.

I have wondered then and now what happened to him, and wondered if there were other people who learned the same things as I did from him, and maybe that was his purpose on earth. To teach people about life and change them just like he changed me.

Dec 7th, 1941

I woke early this morning with the bright sun peaking through the curtains. Unusual for a winter day, but welcomed nonetheless; especially on today of all days. Stretching as I pull myself out of bed, I put on my slippers and robe, making my way to the bathroom hoping none of my sisters aren't using it. Phew. They must be down stairs.

“Rosie!” I hear my mother call from the kitchen.

“Coming!” I return. Making my way to the kitchen, my golden curls still up in the pin curls I put in last night. I see my mother turn around smiling while holding some toast and eggs.

“Happy Birthday dear!” She holds out the plate for me to take. I grab it and smile. Ah yes my birthday, finally 17.

“Thank you ma,”

Toast and jam, not much of a breakfast but it beats having nothing at all like the past couple birthdays. After I finish eating I start getting ready for school. I go

into my room and sit at my vanity, if you can even call my little desk with a small dingy mirror leaning against my wall a vanity. Taking time to put a little rouge on my cheeks, some mascara, and peach lipstick. Next, my hair. I remove my silk

scarf protecting my pin curls, and meticulously remove each bobby pin from my hair. I run my fingers through the ringlets to loosen them up before I brush

through my hair. My hair looks nice. I get up to put on my clothes all of a sudden…

“ROSE!”

“Elenor? What's wrong?” I ask as my little sister rushes into my room with a terrified look on her face, my mom in tow.

“I-I the..” Elenor stutters out not sure how to say it.

“Pearl Harbor…” My mother starts “ The military base.. They bombed it.”

May 16th, 1942

Another day at the factory, another day getting covered in grease. It's for my

country. I have to do this. I throw on my coveralls, and tie my hair back with my red bandana. I walk out of the women's facilities ready to start my day.

“Ey! Rosie the riveter!” I hear as I walk out. I smile. It's a new nickname many of my coworkers took to using. I wave back, tool box in hand. I take my place on the assembly line, next to my friend Ester and her mother, Edna.

“Hi, Rosie!” I am greeted by Ester.

“Hi, Ester. Hi, Edna,” I say back as I reach for the parts I'm putting together that day. “So Rose..” ugh. I know where this is going. “Have you thought anymore about

meeting my son?” Edna asks.

“ Mmm, not really. Haven't had the time, he sounds very nice” I say with my nicest smile. Honestly he seems like any girl's dream. Tall and handsome, a marine, has a sense of humor, ect. I just don't want to be distracted, especially right now. Edna has been talking to me about her son since the second week of working with her.

“Oh well you know he is stationed very close by and you two would make such a handsome couple!” She pushes further. I have to stop this… One date won't hurt, I imagine.

“Well I guess I can agree with one date at least, and then you must drop this.”

“Oh” She seems taken aback. Oops, was that too much attitude?

“ I mean to say that if the date doesn't go well I would hope the topic wouldn't be discussed further,'' I tried saving that.

“Oh of course! How wonderful, I’ll tell him tonight and get everything arranged!” Edna’s eyes light up. Ester gives me a side look and shakes her head. We all return to our work talking our normal talk and gossip until the day is finished.

 May 23, 1942 

The day starts again: same routine, same people, same clothes. I made sure to pack makeup and pretty clothes to change into after working in the factory.

Today is the day that was agreed upon, by both mothers. My date. I can't lie that I'm not a little excited. It’s a much needed change in routine.

“ Hello Rose,” Edna says. I can hear the excitement in her voice. I sit down at the line and adjust myself to be facing her and Ester.

“Hi Edna, how are yo-”

“Are you ready for the date?” She cuts me off, she seems very giddy today. “Well yes, you have been talking up Russell for quite some time,” I laugh. “Well us mothers must brag about our children, you know. Oh I’m so glad you agreed! Russ will pick you up after our shift. So be ready my dear!”

“ Oh he’ll see me all dirtied up, haha” I start worrying. What will our first impression be like? Will he like me? Wait, why am I even fretting? I'm not expecting anything.

“Oh it's quite alright dear, don't worry, '' Edna responds, seeing my worried expression.

As our shift ends I make my way to the facilities to shower and change.

Edna and Ester are acting like two giddy girls, I roll my eyes. I look down at myself. My coveralls are dirty with grease and soot, along with my hands. I don't even want to think what my face and hair look like.

“Oh Russell!” Edna calls. I stop in place; my heart starts pounding. I turn and see the most handsome man ever in a marines uniform holding flowers. He sees his mom and starts walking over. I quickly try to smooth out any wrinkles and wipe the dirt off my hands. I smile gently, putting on my best poker face.. and he walks right past me.

“Ah, hi, ma,” he kisses his mother’s cheek. “So, where's this pretty blonde you're tryna set me up with?” he chuckles. I realized he has no idea who I am or what I

look like. Wait. Pretty blonde? Is that all he's expecting? Do I truly look so terrible that he couldn’t spot me?

“Russel, she's right next to me,” Edna says in a stern voice. He looks around and his brown stern eyes land on me.

“O-oh, my apologies. You just weren't what I was expecting,” he nervously laughs. I burn my eyes into him. What's that supposed to mean?

“Quite alright.” I say trying to keep my temper. “I was just about to wash up so you must excuse me.” I quickly take my leave, and as I do I hear him say “Ma really? She’s nothin like you described…" I didn't hear the rest as I had to get changed. I rushed into the shower after stripping off my grease soaked clothes. I watch as all the dirt and grime wash away. I finish up and do my basic makeup routine, but use my new red lipstick, still have a point to support my troops. After putting myself together, I look once more in the mirror. Yeah, I with a smirk. If he wants a pretty blonde, I’ll give him one. My heart beats at the thought of going out to see that man. So what if he’s 6 '2, strong and handsome, with a strong jaw, strong hands, goofy smile, those mischievous brown eyes, looks very good in uniform…and oh. Ok Rosie, we got this, and out the door I went. I walked out and noticed Russell looking bored with flowers still in hand, his mother fussing over him. Ester looking amused. I could help but giggle as well. Edna notices me and waves me over and tells Russell something. He stands and looks around obviously not recognizing me. When his mother points again he finally spots me. He had to do a double take. His eyes light up and this big goofy grin spreads across his face. I giggle and smile again, starting to walk over to meet them. His face changes, like he had an idea, before he strides quickly over to me. He hands me the flowers and before I get the chance to say thank you...

“You are not what I was expecting at all,” he says eagerly. This time feels much like a compliment.

“Well thank yo-” I tried to get out but interrupted again.

“You know, I'm gonna marry you,” Russ says. 

Taken completely aback, “Like hell you are!” I respond without even thinking. He's shocked but cracks an intrigued smirk. Oh, when he looks at me like that... I take a deep breath and open my mouth to say something.

“Why, Miss Lowe, you are ever a character. You'll change your mind, just wait,” he says mischievously. I look at him.

“I don't think so, mister…?” realizing I never got his or his mother's last name.

 I think to myself with a smirk. If he wants a pretty blonde, I’ll give him one. My heart beats at the thought of going out to see that man. So what if he’s 6'2", strong and handsome, with a strong jaw, strong hands, goofy smile, those mischievous brown eyes, looks very good in uniform…and oh. Ok Rosie, we got this, and out the door I went. I walked out and noticed Russell looking bored with flowers still in hand, his mother fussing over him. Ester looking amused. I could help but giggle as well. Edna notices me and waves me over and tells Russell something. He stands and looks around obviously not recognizing me. When his mother points again he finally spots me. He had to do a double take. His eyes light up and this big goofy grin spreads across his face. I giggle and smile again, starting to walk over to meet them. His face changes, like he had an idea, before he strides quickly over to me. He hands me the flowers and before I get the chance to say thank you..

“You are not what I was expecting at all,” he says eagerly. This time feels much like a compliment.

“Well thank yo-” I tried to get out but interrupted again.

“You know, I'm gonna marry you” Russ says . Taken completely aback.

“Like hell you are!” I respond without even thinking. He's shocked but cracks an intrigued smirk. Oh, when he looks at me like that…I take a deep breath and open my mouth to say something.

“Why Miss Lowe, you are ever a character. You'll change your mind just wait.” he says mischievously. I look at him.

“I don't think so, mister…?” realizing I never got his or his mother’s last name.

“Taylor, Russell Taylor” he answers. He pauses for a minute “ Rose Taylor. Has a nice ring to it, don’t it?”

“Mhm sure,” I start walking ahead smiling slightly, he follows suit. This is definitely going to be an interesting night. 

As a child of split parents, I spent innumerous days with my grandparents. They pretty much raised me. It’s not that my parents were absent, they were still very young and had their own lives to figure out. However, nearly every monumental moment from my childhood took place in or around my grandparents home at 535 Lori Drive. Their home is a beautiful one, not at all something you would envision when someone said “grandma’s house.” It is a stick built home with the design coming directly from their imagination, including everything they had ever dreamed of from the time they were young adults. From the high ceilings, to the heated hardwood floors their home has always felt like my home.

I had my own bedroom in their house. The walls were painted a pale shade of pink, my bed set was a similar color with some purples and teals mixed in. There was a full length mirror hung on the wall nearest the door. I would dress in my grandmother's old clothes and stare at my reflection. The large walk-in closet, far more practical now that I’m older, was stuffed with clothes I would never wear and toys I would always play with. The light gray carpet, that has since been replaced, held memories in the form of stains… be it dirt, paint, lipstick, or ice cream.

Their kitchen, however, is where I spent a majority of time. My grandmother and I spent plenty of time making pepperoni pizza or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We spent even more time baking pumpkin pies for Thanksgiving, sugar cookies for Christmas, or chocolate muffins just because. If I wasn’t standing on my red wooden stool beside the counter, I would be sitting at the kitchen table.

I’d bring my homework home from school, elementary school, and ask for help on my math as math had never been my forte. It still isn’t. My grandfather would always attempt to help and only end up getting angry about the new common core curriculum. And I’d come home the following day with the same frustration as I had gotten answers wrong because of his poor assistance. Each Sunday, my grandfather and I would sit around the same table and do the “Spot the Differences” in the Sunday newspaper. If I wasn’t there on Sunday, he’d save it for Monday. We never missed one.

In the evenings we would eat dinner at the kitchen table. It was always my task to set the table. I would grab plates from the cabinet, which I was too short to reach and so I had to climb up onto the countertop to get them. Sadly, this is an issue I have yet to grow out of. I’d gather forks, spoons, and napkins for everyone though there were only three of us… and occasionally my father when he would make it home from work early.

In the evenings, when I would take my shower, my grandmother would put my pajamas in the dryer to warm them up for me. She’d tuck me into bed, turn on my nightlight, sing the words to an old song which I can hardly remember now, and give me a kiss on the top of my head before saying goodnight. In the mornings, I would rise when the sun did. There would be a cup of hot tea calling my name. It was in a mug that looked like the smaller version of the ones they used for coffee. The kitchen window would be cracked and the crisp, cool morning air would blow in. Outside the grass glistened with dew and the doves would sing in the distance.

It is times like these, times I remember so vividly, that shaped me into the person who stands before you all today. As I continue to grow older, I still spend a majority of my time at their house. Now, more so than anything, we sit outside on the patio and talk about life. I update my grandmother and everyone’s boy drama, sometimes she just laughs and other times she gives advice that was very much needed. We talk about school and work and how difficult it is to traverse this crazy world. Looking back, each lesson that I learned inside of their home has prepared me perfectly for this world and I could not be more grateful.

Both of my grandparents are still here but I’m very aware that one day they will not be, though it is the absolute, most difficult reality to accept. I know that if I chose to share this exact speech with them it would bring tears to their eyes as they are painfully aware of the same. They still remember the sound of small feet running across those heated floor boards. They still remember the countless hours spent around the kitchen table. They still remember those winter mornings, sitting on the floor in front of the gorgeous stone fireplace. They still remember the words to that song.

One day, hopefully later rather than sooner, their house will become my own. What I will do with it then is still up for question, but I’d like to keep it forever. Keep the hard work that went into everything that still stands strong as the day it was constructed. To hold onto the memories that still remain inside those four walls. To anyone else, it may just be a brick house with a two-car garage and a wooden shed behind it. But to me, it will always be so much more. To me, it will always be home.

"You're finally awake," says a voice, soothingly echoing into the nothingness, a void of complete darkness that surrounds them, save for one. The source of the soothing voice, a small speck of light, or is it the opposite of nothingness? "I wish to request your help."

Behind the speck of light, or possibly in front of it, another echoing voice is heard in response, groaning loudly, and speaking in a deep, gravely sound, "What is it you dare wake me to request?"

"I have been awake for a long time. Pondering, yearning, for so much more than this. Don't you want more? More than the nothingness and more like us?" The light begins to grow brighter and larger, or is it getting closer? It begins to shape itself, bending its edges, forming a figure with soft curves and long, flowing strands.

Almost hissing in return, the other says, "The nothingness is where we have always been and should always remain. There is nothing more and nothing shall remain." The echo booms loudly.

The bright figure frowns to herself, "My brother, let me see your face again. Please, you know me, and I know you. We are of one source, and both have always longed for more." She looks out into the nothingness, focusing on one point in the dark. Her tone changes, "Face me, now. I command it."

He fades into view, his black mass flowing as if it is fluid, reflecting the glow back at her. "What is it you want from me? You have power, just like I do, to do whatever you wish."

She reaches out and places her hand on her brother's shoulder, "I want to create other beings. They won't be as strong as us, but they will be our kin. I want to create a home for them and us. Will you not help me?"

"I will help you on one condition. The Eternal Void, it becomes mine and mine alone."

Letting out a sigh to herself, she leans forward and presses her head against his, hand in hand, embracing him. Whether it's out of love, respect, or something else entirely, who knows. "Then let us begin......"

"Very well, sister. Where would you like us to begin?" he said, as he waved his hand to the side and broke off from the embrace. An illusion appears, showing seemingly random shapes. Maybe they aren't so random, though? "How about a home? You wouldn't want your children to be homeless, after all."

"A homeland, as the Eternal Void won't be suitable for them. That's a wonderful place to begin."

***

"A large sphere of green solids and blue fluid.... how endearing," says Dedes, with deep sarcasm and lack of interest in his deep voice. His previously black fluid form has taken a temporarily solid form to aid with this need found environment.

Ruxla, also taking a more solid form and wearing a dress that looks to be made of a hardened light, stands beside him, smiling vibrantly, "And many other lovely colors, too! Aren't you just exci.... oh, who am I kidding? You prefer black." She wrinkles her nose and rolls her eyes.

"No, I dislike color and prefer darkness, sister. Why must you make everything bright? This is a team effort yet shows only that of light."

Rolling her eyes at him, she raises her hands, "You have all this empty space between the stars and planets. Isn't that enough nothingness for you outside the void? Besides, you want to leave once we're done."

"Fine, you win, as usual. How much longer do you want to focus on all this gas and rock? Isn't it time to make more like us, like we originally agreed upon?" Dedes' lips form a grin, going ear to ear and his white teeth shining brightly.

Hovering above the planet, Ruxla floats closer with Dedes following slowly behind and entering the atmosphere. She smiles and sighs happily, motioning to all the mountains and oceans seen on the horizon. Dedes floats up next to her, wearing his boredom on his face.

"Welcome to Genesis, center of our newest creations, brother."

"I'll take that as a yes. Shall we make them terrifying to look at? I think that would make this world way more interesting." Grinning widely, Dedes slowly turns towards Ruxla, his form transforming into a grotesque shape with tentacles.

"Why would you wish that upon them? They should be beautiful, just like the rest of our creations. The ability to shine bright will help them."

***

A masculine figure swiftly moves through the shadows, aiming to not be spotted by anyone. "Finally," he says, "Why does the portal have to be tucked away?"

Appearing behind him without notice, Dedes reaches out and, without missing a beat, shoves the man into it and hastily follows. Once through, he speaks with hushed yet hurried tones, "Report, now."

"You could have warned me...." Upon noticing Dedes' growing impatience and anger, he nods. "Fine. I influenced Dalginath's thoughts from the shadows and helped him come up with.... his.... plan to take out Adarr before the full invasion."

Dedes stands there in the void, staring the man down. "And....go on. Tell me."

"Well, the plan was carried out, mostly. Dalginath managed to wound him, but Adarr is still alive and being protected by the other Aethereals. He failed."

An aura of rage begins to roll off of Dedes, nearly enough to make the man drop to his knees. Suddenly, the aura stops as Dedes turns towards the portal between the void and the planet Genesis.

"Oh, here she comes; she's going to chew you up. Have fun." Grinning widely, he vanishes into thin air.

"BROTHER!" Ruxla's voice booms, echoing through the portal. When she appears, with her face and eyes full of anger. "I was told about an army of disgusting creatures, some of which attempted to assassinate Adarr."

Keeping a straight face, Dedes simply shrugs. "And what do you expect me to do about it, sister?"

Her eyes widened in shock at the tone he added on the last word. "I didn't create them. You...." She pauses briefly, eyes looking down and shoulders hunching over for a brief moment as she realizes the truth. "You did this to your sister's children? I honored our deal and left you alone here in the void. And THIS is how you repay me?!"

"I have remained here in the void and gone nowhere else. You must have made a mistake without me increasing your strength. Now, go. Leave me be."

"We are not done talking about this yet, brother. I'll be back to deal with you later." Ruxla steps back through the portal in a hurry.

***