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June is Pride month!
Supporting Black LGBTQ Youth
Supporting Black LGBTQ Youth
By: Tia Dole, Ph.D., Chief Clinical Operations Officer, The Trevor Project
Over the last several days, The Trevor Project has been supporting Black LGBTQ youth in crisis expressing a wide range of emotions over the senseless and unjust violence against Black Americans. No matter where you’re located, it’s possible that these current events are impacting your mental health in ways you might not realize.
Black LGBTQ young people hold multiple marginalized identities. Under the minority stress model, experiences of discrimination, rejection, threats, and violence are compounded, and can lead to negative mental health outcomes. In addition, we know from our research that despite Black LGBTQ youth having similar rates of mental health disparities to all LGBTQ youth, they are significantly less likely to receive professional care.
Common Feelings
Common Feelings
The LGBTQ youth reaching out over the last few days have expressed a variety of feelings as they try to process current events. While The Trevor Project will always be here to support you, we also want to provide you with some ways to understand and cope with the anxiety and stress that has come up consistently across our phone, chat, and text crisis services. It’s important to normalize and acknowledge that you may be experiencing some or all of the following feelings.
- Grief. You may experience sorrow because of the senseless deaths of so many Black Americans, including numerous Black trans women over many years. This grief isn’t simply about recent events. For many, this grief has compounded over time. Working through this feeling is an ongoing process–one that may result in many conflicting desires.
- Sense of helplessness. You might feel like there’s nothing you can do because you’re only one person. This helplessness can be rooted in the sense that you are a single person, with a single voice. We want to emphasize many people are feeling this as well. Being open and candid about it can make you feel vulnerable. This is something we understand very well.
- Sense of hopelessness. It’s possible that the long history of systemic racism can make you feel as though things will never change. As a person who may hold multiple identities, sometimes it seems like we as a country may not do the work that needs to happen for there to be equality.
- Disconnecting from white allies. You may distance yourself from white allies who are supportive of the Black community. This may be because it can seem burdensome to share your experience or put your complex thoughts into words. Or it may be that you are feeling anger towards people who share that identity, in this moment.
- Rage. On social media and in the news, people are seeing coverage of Black Americans who were unjustly killed, and it can leave you feeling rage. This rage could be directed towards individuals or to institutions.
- Desire to escape. As certain towns experience unrest and protests, it’s possible you may feel a desire to leave your area or change your life completely. We hear a lot of people talking about going to another country simply because circumstances here have become unbearable.
- Fear. You may be experiencing a great deal of fear. The things that are happening right now are scary. Fear is a normal reaction to these events; in fact, fear is a protective emotion that is your body’s warning symptom that something is dangerous. Based on what is happening in the world right now, if you are feeling fear, that means that your body’s warning system is working.
- Numbness. You may be feeling nothing. For some people, feeling nothing is worse than feeling intense emotions. The events of recent months and years may be too much to process. Numbness can be your body’s reactions to being overwhelmed.
I want you to know that all of these experiences are valid. All of them. I also want to emphasize that whatever you are feeling is true to your experience. I ask that you do not judge your own experience (or others!) and try to find some support in your community.
What Can I Do to Take Care of Myself?
What Can I Do to Take Care of Myself?
The biggest question on many minds is “what can I do to take care of myself?” Discovering what helps you feel cared for and relaxed can help people cope with everything that’s going on, and centers you.
- Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgement. This is probably the most challenging one, because it can be difficult to not be judgemental towards oneself but also because of a lack of space and time to do so. You may have obligations that do not allow you to process all of your emotions, prohibiting them from decreasing on their own.
- Work to decrease your emotional intensity. Some people may not have the space or time to allow these intense emotions to run rampant. You can use some tools to decrease your intensity so you can simply make it through the day. When you have more time, you can process some of the recent events.
- Pivot to action. Feeling out of control or feeling a lack of control can lead to negative emotions. If you engage in action you will likely experience a decrease in negative emotions. These actions could involve activism, donating to organizations, lending an ear to others or simply being helpful to someone else.
- Seek support. We also want to emphasize that we at The Trevor Project are here for you, 24/7 and for free. Visit TheTrevorProject.org/Help to connect to a trained crisis counselor.
Teens around the world get their COVID-19 questions answered by a Harvard professor!
Teens around the world get their COVID-19 questions answered by a Harvard professor!
THINGS YOU CAN DO NOW
Creating Routines
Routines and schedules help reduce stress! (REALLY, they do)! Work and school provide this automatically, but now we need to figure out how to do this for ourselves (which isn’t easy): Here are some ways to help you navigate through this.
Time Management
Managing your time could be a DRAG but some of you might REALLY need this right now! Even if you're an "A+" student, you may find that organizing your day could create stress. Take the time to put a weekly/daily calendar together so you know when you will be doing the things you NEED to get done and doing the things you WANT to get done and doing the things that you LIKE!
Other resources will be available in the resource page!
Scheduling time for the things that matter to you or give you a sense of purpose will help your day go by!
Scheduling time for the things that matter to you or give you a sense of purpose will help your day go by!
Geocaching is an outdoor recreational activity, in which participants use a Global Positioning System receiver or mobile device and other navigational techniques to hide and seek containers, called "geocaches" or "caches", at specific locations marked by coordinates all over the world. Make history by planting some in your neighborhoods for people to find years from now!
Start a flower or vegetable garden and reap the benefits of your work!
Go on a scavenger hunt! You can do this inside your home or better yet, take a walk and find your treasures!!
FIND A SENSE OF PURPOSE!
FIND A SENSE OF PURPOSE!
Here’s some REALLY great ideas!
During times of crisis, you often see people reaching out and finding ways to help those that are in need. This can be done even with social/physical distancing. When you feel that your world is so out of control, find a way to control something you can! There are many ways you can help! Below are just some suggestions. Use your imagination and heart and find something that will make you feel good!
Our health care providers, store clerks, truck drivers and other essential staff are struggling with supplies! If you are creative and have a sewing machine, how about making some masks and donating them to your local hospital, Walmart, Shoprite, etc
Write letters to the healthcare providers who are working endless hours in the ER’s and makeshift hospitals. Also consider writing letters to the elderly in nursing homes, as they have no one to visit them!
YOU NEED TO MOVE!
YOU NEED TO MOVE!
Exercise is extremely important! Looking at the same four walls ALL day will help support complacency and mood swings! Exercise is extremely important for helping to manage depression. Exercise releases endorphins, which naturally helps improve your mood. This looks different for everyone; it can be going for a run, a walk, lifting weights or doing yoga. Taking your furry sibling out for a walk/run is beneficial for all! You get to bond with your pet and they think they are living in heaven getting long walks every day!
REMEMBER...PRACTICE SOCIAL and PHYSICAL DISTANCING!
Don’t forget to EAT!!
Don’t forget to EAT!!
Eating healthy is important during this stressful time! Boredom and stagnation can lead to stress eating or not eating at all in fear of weight gain!
Eat foods rich in protein and limit your carbs! Find healthier snack options that you can pick on while working on school assignments.
FIND A SAFE SPACE!
For some of you, this could be a difficult time to find a safe space for yourself! We will supply you with phone numbers and chat rooms for you!
IF YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU ARE NOT SAFE IN YOUR HOME, CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY!
Areas of your home that should be safe for you are:
BATHROOMS
YOUR ROOM IF IT LOCKS
YOUR YARD
TAKE A WALK!
PHONE A SAFE RELATIVE
PHONE A FRIEND’S PARENT
How Are You Feeling?
How Are You Feeling?
You may be experiencing some physical and/or emotional symptoms that you can’t quite put your finger on why your experiencing them!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Some include:
An increase or decrease in your energy and activity levels
An increase in your alcohol, tobacco use, or use of illegal drugs
An increase in irritability, with outbursts of anger and frequent arguing
Trouble relaxing or sleeping
Crying frequently
Worrying excessively
Wanting to be alone most of the time
Blaming other people for everything
Having difficulty communicating or listening
Having difficulty giving or accepting help
Inability to feel pleasure or have fun
Is what you’re feeling GRIEF?
Is what you’re feeling GRIEF?
Could be!! According to David Kessler, one of the leading experts on grief: “we’re feeling a number of different griefs. We feel the world has changed, and it has. We know this is temporary, but it doesn’t feel that way, and we realize things will be different."
The loss of normalcy; the fear of economic toll; the loss of connection. This is hitting us and we’re grieving.
What can you do to manage all this grief?
Grief has stages! It’s important to understand that we don’t necessarily go through the stages in order. It helps provide us a better understanding of what why we are experiencing some emotions we can’t quite understand.
They look like this: Let me reiterate that they do NOT always happen in this order!
DENIAL: This virus won’t affect us.
ANGER: This virus is making me stay home and taking away my activities.
BARGAINING: Okay, if I social distance for two weeks, then we’ll all go back to school and everything will be normal again!
SADNESS:: I don’t know when this will end.
And finally there’s ACCEPTANCE. This is happening; I have to figure out how to deal with this. I only have today!
Anticipatory grief is also more broadly imagined and very confusing to us. We know this virus exists but we really can’t see it! If we knew a tornado was coming we could prepare but with this, you can’t see it. This threatens our sense of safety. We’re feeling that loss of safety on a number of levels!
Here’s where we begin to feel our anxiety rise! You begin to think the worst! Will I get the virus? Will my parents? What if we never get through this?
Here are some helpful tips to help you through this?
Here are some helpful tips to help you through this?
- Come into the present. This will be familiar advice to anyone who has meditated or practiced mindfulness
- Let go of what you can’t control and focus on what you can. Washing your hands, practicing social distancing, taking your vitamins, doing your coursework are all areas you CAN control!
- Find compassion. Know that everyone around you will be dealing with this in their own way. Some will appear “different” than you may know them. They might be short fused, get angry at the little things, ignore you! If you can find compassion in understanding their way of thinking, you will be less anxious.
More resources on this topic will be included!
HOW ABOUT THAT RELATIONSHIP YOU’RE IN?
With the nationwide call to sequester at home, feelings of isolation during the coronavirus may seem magnified! You’re cut off from school, extracurricular activities, social events, and part-time jobs and are struggling to accept this new, if temporary, way of life.
With these feelings of isolation it is understandable that symptoms of depression may emerge. While you may enjoy spending time with your family members playing board games, watching movies together, making dinner, as a teen, this could get old. Taking walks with mom and/or dad, brother, sister is all good but this too is impinging on your feelings of independence. Family members can’t agree on which shows to watch on TV and cabin fever—along with annoyance—is escalating.
You want to be able to see your boy/girlfriends but your parents absolutely forbid you to do so because of the mandate to social/physical distancing!
SO WHAT’S A TEEN TO DO?
No F.O.M.O. One of the stressors associated with social media is the idea that you may feel you’re missing out on some fun social event, thus the term Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO). Because the coronavirus has imposed isolation on everybody, there is nothing going on anyway, so therefore no FOMO.
Visual platforms. Utilizing communication platforms that provide visual feeds, such as Zoom or FaceTime, is an excellent stand in! Of course, texting and Instagram are also good platforms, FaceTime and Zoom offer a more realistic social exchange, where you can see facial expressions, laugh with each other, and share stories in real time. And let’s not forget TikTok!!
Explore passions. Regular life is so busy and full of distractions that it is easy to backburner hobbies and interests.
The forced isolation at home may help you slow down and focus on the activities you always wished you had time for. Take up painting, drawing, photography, writing, or cooking during this hiatus from normal life. Do a blog!! Get followed!
Commiserate with each other! Many of you are feeling significant feelings of loss due to this enforced isolation. Some of you were due to attend your senior prom or to even graduate this spring. Some athletes look forward to be scouted by coaches in the late spring in hopes of obtaining a scholarship for college ball. Some had big plans for Spring Break or a cool summer vacation. All of these plans have been either canceled or postponed. Share your disappointments with each other. Lean on one another to get through this!
Remember your autonomy. The norm for school has always meant sitting in classrooms and receiving direct instruction from teachers. Organize your priorities and complete assignments on time. This will instill feelings of confidence and a sense of accomplishment. This may not work for all of you, but for those who take their academics seriously this could be an opportunity for personal growth.
LGBTQ Community
LGBTQ Community
These are trying times for EVERYONE! I If you are a member of the LGBTQ community, social isolation can be very challenging. If you are a student who’s sexuality is NOT discussed in your household, your feelings of isolation and loneliness can be debilitating! If you’re” talking” with someone and your parents don’t approve, your feelings of isolation and frustration are even more magnified!
HANG IN THERE! This too will pass! You may not feel this way at the moment, but it will!
Some tips to stay connected
- Organize a group chat with friends
- Text, Snapchat, facetime, zoom, your “significant” other but be sure to keep your conversations light if you fear your parents would listen to your conversations or be able to read your texts.
- Outreach to a virtual counselor. Resources will be provided!
- Journal your feelings
- Do things that make you happy! Keeping yourself occupied is a big help!
SUBSTANCE USE AND ABUSE
This is a trying time to navigate your emotions. Some of you may think that this is an opportunity to engage in behavior that will be detrimental to your health and well-being. If you are a student who does NOT use substances to help cope with your emotional issues, GOOD FOR YOU!!! STAY CLEAN AND HEALTHY!!! However, if you are a student who is currently using alcohol, vaping nicotine or smoking marijuana (THERE WILL BE NO JUDGEMENT) it may benefit you to listen up! You may feel the only way to cope with this crisis is to use. This is actually your opportunity to begin the recovery process!
Some information from the experts!
When asked in an interview why the United States has such a high number of young people who have contracted COVID-19, the Surgeon General, Jerome Adams, indicated that vaping may be a potential reason. Additionally, Dr. Nora Volkow, the Director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, flagged the potential increased risks of contracting COVID-19 for people who vape nicotine or marijuana
“As people across the U.S. and the rest of the world contend with coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19), the research community should be alert to the possibility that it could hit some populations with substance use disorders (SUDs) particularly hard. Because it attacks the lungs, the coronavirus that causes COVID-19 could be an especially serious threat to those who smoke tobacco or marijuana or who vape. ..evidence suggests that exposure to aerosols from e-cigarettes harms the cells of the lung and diminishes the ability to respond to infection.”
Alcohol is another key factor in the role of dealing with your emotions. Boredom is the classic "excuse" to use!
Some ways to help you get and/or stay sober
(From those battling sobriety!)
- Every morning, remind yourself that alcohol, vaping or using marijuana are guaranteed to make problems worse!
- Call old friends you haven’t spoken to in a while and catch up on life. It’s a great distraction from everything going on right now and the perfect opportunity to rekindle friendships.
- I’m getting through this with the help of prayer. I’m glad to have a higher power to give me strength during this time.
- Binge-watch Netflix, Hulu or YouTube! It's a great break from reality.
- Declutter your room. Who knew finally cleaning out your closet could be so rewarding?
- Attend a virtual meeting.
- Spend quality time with your family or pup!
- Find ways to be creative to distract you from the news. Draw, paint, do woodworking!
- Read a good book or listen to a good podcast
- Give yourself at-home mani/pedis.
- Do at-home-workouts! It's as great way to manage anxiety.
- Try cooking for the family! Look up a recipe and give it a whirl!
- Start your morning by focusing on the positive and start a gratitude journal.
- Do puzzles either by yourself or with your siblings, mom,dad, grandparent, etc.
- Being in nature is a very important part of recovery so start your mornings by taking a walk.
- Listen to podcasts and snuggle with your four legged sibling!
- This WILL be challenging! REMEMBER...ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!
- It may sound silly but having a one-person dance party in your bedroom every night is a good way to find joy even in dark times.
- Take an online class to learn another language - could be fun!
- LET ME SAY IT AGAIN....Take it one day at a time is all we have! It is important to remember that practicing social distancing doesn’t have to mean that you cut yourself off from the world. While you may need to physically isolate yourself from others, there are plenty of ways for you to remain connected to the greater community. Know that you are never alone, so don’t be afraid to speak out and reach out?
RESOURCES WILL BE PROVIDED IN THE RESOURCE SECTION
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