The Platinum Rule

Many of us, especially those raised in Christian-centered cultures, are familiar with The Golden Rule:

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

In other words, treat people the way you would want to be treated.

The general sentiment is common in many cultures and faiths. If you know that something would do harm to you, you should not do it to someone else.

But we all have different needs...

While this guiding principle can prevent us from doing harm to others in many cases, its limitations become clear when we consider that people are different. We come from different cultures, our brains process things in different ways, we have different life experiences, and how we react to things will not be universal.

This leads us to The Platinum Rule:

Treat people the way they want to be treated

For instance, if you have fond memories of grownups tossing you in the air and catching you when you were a child, that doesn't mean all children enjoy the experience. Some children will probably react the way you did, but others might find the experience terrifying.

When in doubt, ask

We can sometimes gather enough information from observing someone else's words and behaviors to deduce how they would want to be treated in a particular situation. But it's important to remember that none of us are mind readers and assumptions can steer us wrong.

The most reliable way to know how someone wants to be treated is to ask them.

This is important in your role as a Computer Science TA, especially given the neurodiversity and proportion of international students in most CS programs. A difference in culture or a difference in cognitive functioning can significantly change how someone will experience something, particularly social cues. Eye contact, hand gestures, physical proximity, the sound we make when we are trying to think of a word, and so many other things we might take for granted can actually be experienced in many different ways.