How to Receive Feedback

In additional to giving feedback to students, you will probably receive feedback on your job performance.

That feedback might not always be delivered in a way that's easy to hear, especially when it is coming from students who see you as an authority figure and who are more focused on their own outcomes.

The Feelings Are Real

Some people have a hard time receiving critical feedback, especially if it's delivered in a way that feels like a personal attack. Even when feedback is delivered in a thoughtful way, it doesn't always feed good.

When you receive criticism that hurts, allow yourself to have your feelings. Rather than shutting down or lashing out, try to notice what those feelings are and think about where they might be coming from. Take the space you need to process the feelings before you try to process the feedback itself.

Keeping Perspective

As we know from the discussion of Learning and Vulnerability, feelings of shame shut down learning. Regardless of how the feedback was framed, try to hear it as feedback on a behavior rather than feedback on who you are as a person.

It can also help to focus on the larger goals, such as a desire to succeed at your job, gain new skills, or support other students. Try to tap into a Growth Mindset and look for information in the feedback that can give you clues about ways that you can improve.

Realistically, you might encounter students who are looking for any opportunity to be critical of you. This behavior is probably a sign that they are struggling with insecurities of their own and are trying to make themselves feel better by tearing you down. Rather than letting them set the terms of evaluating your job performance, you can try modeling more supportive interactions to show that you are not trying to tear them down in return. Of course, modeling healthy boundaries is also an important part of teaching. If someone is being cruel or abusive, you have every right to remove yourself from the situation and report it to your supervisor. While it might not feel like it to either of you at the time, making it clear that it is unacceptable to treat you badly is yet another way you can teach them something important.

If you don't see anything useful in the feedback and you feel comfortable doing so, ask clarifying questions to better understand what the person is trying to communicate. Sometimes asking follow up questions leads to a conversation that puts the feedback in an entirely different light.

It's also okay to ignore feedback that feels mean-spirited or seems to be coming from someone's biases. (We'll discuss more when we talk about Belonging.)

When the Feedback is Loaded

Some situations can feel particularly charged. It might feel like someone has just handed you a conversational bomb you don't know how to defuse. This can be particularly true when someone accuses you of bias or prejudice.

In these situations, the best immediate response is to acknowledge the feedback with a statement such as, "Thank you for being honest with me." This validates their feelings and encourages honest communication about difficult subjects, even when you don't necessarily agree with their perspective.

If you need time to process your own feelings before you can respond in a productive way, saying "I'd like to reflect on what you've said," signals that you take the person's feedback seriously but you're not ready to talk about it yet. We'll talk more in future modules about strategies for processing this sort of feedback and how to learn from it.