How Donald Stole America
Political Satire by Antonio Mankini (c) 2017
Every Wut down in Wutville liked Democracy a lot
But not Donald who lived in Mar-a-Lago, south of Wutville, he did not.
Donald hates democracy. The whole reason for freedom.
Now please don't ask why; no one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head isn’t screwed on just right.
It could be perhaps his butt is too tight.
But I think the most likely reason of all,
Is he's a fascist and his hands are two times too small.
But whatever the reason his hands or his butt,
He was there election eve hating the Wuts.
“They will be marking their ballots,” he snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is election day; it's practically here!”
Then he growled with his fascist fingers nervously drumming
“I must find a way to stop freedom from coming.”
For tomorrow he undoubtedly knew...
...The Wuts would wake up early and rush for the ballot box.
Then all the talks! all the talks! That's one thing he hated the talks
And then all the Wuts they did something he liked least of all,
Every Wut down in Wutville the tall and the small
Stood close together with election bells ringing
they'd stand in hand in hand and the Wuts would start singing!
They’d sing about freedom and elections for all
They’d sing about seat races, the small and the tall.
They’d sing and they’d sing! And they’d sing some more.
Donald thought this Wut election day singing: a bore!
Every time he heard just one more Wut song,
The more Donald thought, I must stop this, it’s wrong!
Why for 53 years I put up with it now
I must stop the election from coming... but how?”
Donald got an idea, an awful idea.
Donald got a wonderful, evil, awful idea!
“I know just what to do,” then he laughed in his throat
And he made a quick Uncle Sam hat and a coat.
And he chuckled and chuckled, “What a great Donald scam!”
With his hat and his coat he looked like an orange Uncle Sam!
“All I need is fake news!” Donald looked all around,
But since fake news was scarce there was none to be found.
Not stopping he simply explicitly said,
“If I can't find fake news I’ll make my own instead!”
He looked in his Rolodex, absent of Wuts and Whos,
And called his good friends at the right wing Fox News!
Donald brainstormed a plan to do some ballot box lootin’,
He got on his cell phone and called his friend Vlad Putin.
He said, ”Vlad we've got to fool all these saps,
Get your ol’ KGB guys to write some election day apps!”
“I need some fake election day news,
That will rile my opponents and give them the blues.
Telling stories that target the poor and the left…
With tales that are truly, truth bereft.
With Bernie the socialist starting big - and not small,
An entitlement program offering free muffins for all!
Hillary making ridiculous demands
On men everywhere with gigantic hands...”
Then together they perpetrated that email scam
It actually worked- it fooled Uncle Sam.
James Comey, Donald’s homey, spread the timely news
Which absolutely gave Wut Hillary the blues.
He created such a, enormous ridiculous fervor
Over Hillary's private, careless email server
But in the end, the truth would be known
It was much more secure than those the government owned.
Donald was serious about his backward plans
To bring back coal and blacken the lands
He wanted to build a tall wall to keep out those Whos
Those murderous Whos away from the sacred Red, White, and Blues.
Donald cried, “They will take all our jobs and welfare too!
We must keep Wutville safe from the criminal Who’!”
ELECTION DAY
When the Electoral College counted their votes, Donald had won,
He’d won not by much but a “wink and a thumb.”
There would be no feasting, no election day cheer,
For every Wut down in Wutville, the straight and the queer,
Got down on one knee to protest and sneer.
Donald had won, the Wuts couldn’t believe it was true,
The DemoRats and RepubliCan’ts had lost their precious red, white, and blue.
The RepubliCan’ts were arguing within their own ranks
To determine if they could deregulate more banks.
The DemoRats were still selling out their supporters
And moving their money outside of Wut borders.
Donald sat alone in his room wondering what could be his afternoon treat.
Three Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fish, large fries and a sweet.
He’d have to prepare a speech to proclaim his victorious feat...
“I’ll make America great! I’ll shout and I’ll Tweet!
How great I am and how wonderful it will be.
With me at the helm, the Whos will all flee!
I’ll disprove modern science with my secret plan
I’ll start dropping Nukes on North Korea’s Rocketman!
A nuclear winter will stop global warming
and prove burning coal doesn’t cause environmental harming.
With oil pipelines and coal how great it will be…
Just like the good ol’ days of 1953!”
The rest of this story is up to you to write,
With your Wut intellect and your constitutional right.
So don’t sit in the dark, get up and fight!
It’s not too late to show them we Wuts do have might!