Choose Your Own Adventure
LBCC Edition

By Christopher and Beth Lyons


You chose to go with Cliff's idea...

“I like Cliff's idea,” you exclaim. “Alright, let's get it done,” Cliff says, grabbing his jacket and throwing it on. All three of you walk outside, cross West Way, and approach the gym entrance. “Okay, Adam, you watch the door for movement, while we head over to take the volleyball net down and bring it back here,” says Cliff quietly. “Don't take all night,” retorts Adam. Cliff and you waste no time taking one of the volleyball nets down on the sand courts and return to the gym door. “Anything new?,” you ask Adam. “Nothing at all. Not even a sound,” Adam answers, “it doesn't look like it's in the gym, but let's take a quick look to be sure.” “Agreed,” says Cliff, slowly and cautiously opening the gym door, then peering his head around. “I don't see or hear anything,” Cliff observes. “Good,” you say, “then let's get in there and setup.

Quietly, all three of you step into the gym. Cliff motions his hand in front of you in the direction of the bleachers, and all of you take cover under them. “Hopefully, these bleachers will offer some protection if we get caught off-guard,” says Cliff, “but I'm hoping that won't be necessary. Where are the basketballs again?” You motion towards a corner where a rack of basketballs is clearly visible. “Right, I'll go get a few,” says Adam. “Take care to not make too much noise just yet,” remarks Cliff. Adam nods and makes his way along the gym wall to collect the balls. Adam brings three balls back to the bleachers without incident. “Excellent,” says Cliff. “What's next?,” you ask. “Well, the whole idea is to use these basketballs not only to lure the bird in here but also to provide a distraction for us to capture it. If this bird truly was bio-engineered and trained to play basketball, then this should give us a good opportunity,” answers Cliff.

“Um, gentlemen, we may want to move Andrew, Mark, and whoever that scientist guy is over there, out of the way first, don't you think?,” you remark quietly. “Yeah, that would be a good idea,” replies Adam. Each one of you grabs the arms of one the folks laying on the floor and moves them under the bleachers with you for safety sake. “Okay, that's done,” says Adam, unraveling the volleyball net, “I think it's show time, Cliff.” “Right,” Cliff says, looking directly at you, “you ready?” “Ready for what?,” you ask nervously. “Why, it's your job to dribble the basketball out on the court to draw the bird in here so Adam and I can throw this net over it, and then you can whomp it on the head with your bat to knock it unconscious, so keep it nearby where you can get to it quickly,” answers Cliff.

“Ok-a-a-a-y,” you exclaim under your breath, grabbing up two basketballs under one arm and gripping the bat firmly in the other. You then come out from underneath the bleachers and walk towards one of the free throw lines. You set the bat on the end of the bottom row of the bleachers along the way. When you reach the free throw line, you place one ball down on the ground by your side and prepare to dribble the other, but not before glancing behind you at your 'cheerleaders' under the bleachers. You take a deep breath and release the ball from you hand. The thunk of the basketball against the floor in the quiet gym jars you for a moment, but you bounce it rhythmically, expecting to see the feathery offender at any moment. A couple minutes pass and nothing is happening. Frustrated, you bounce the ball harder on the ground. Then you hear it.

That oh so distinct sound of talons scraping across a slick floor graces your ears. Your breathe quickens, your pulse rises, and you're about to bolt back to the bleachers, but you hear Cliff's voice to remain calm and everything will turn out. You remember that you're not alone, and you strengthen your resolve. Moments later, you witness a large slender blue head peer around the door into the gym. You stop bouncing the ball for a moment. You hear behind you in low but very audible voices, “Whoa, look at the size of that thing, wasn't something like that in Jurassic Park?” “No, I don't remember anything like that being in those movies.” “No really, isn't that a dilophosaurus, a velociraptor, a pterodactyl, or something like that?” “The last giant bird I've seen was at the Portland Zoo..it was a ostrich...now focus!”

You grin and resume dribbling. The large bird casually enters the gym and trots towards you in a nonthreatening manner. You pull some simple tricks by bouncing the ball between your legs and passing the ball between your hands behind your back. The bird seems very interested in your movements. You then turn and shoot the ball towards the backboard, and prepare to pick up the other ball, but to your surprise the bird bursts into action. In one graceful motion, the avian leaps into the air to catch the ball in its beak and returns to the ground. Dropping the ball from its beak onto the ground, the ball returns high into the air. It first uses its head to bounce the ball a couple of times before switching to its large feet. The bird can dribble. After a moment, it uses its large talons to grab the ball mid-bounce and then passes it to you. You grab the ball as it impacts your chest in complete surprise. You hear behind you, “That's the most awesome thing I've seen all week. I want one.” “You want a giant bird living at your home to play basketball with?!” “Yep...in fact, I'll take two.”

You are quite amused yourself, but have a job to do. You dribble a couple times and then quickly pass the ball with all your strength straight into the bird's head. The bird is stunned. Cliff and Adam charge from behind the bleachers with the volleyball net stretched between them and tackle the bird straight on. The bird lets out a frustrated series of squawks as they wrap the net over the bird's head, legs, and body. The bird is quickly entangled in the net, but is fighting furiously to escape. You dash back to the bleachers and grab the bat. Looking back, the bird is now on its side on the gym floor. Cliff has himself wrapped around the roadrunner's legs to keep them from tearing him or Adam apart, while Adam is doing his best to keep the bird's head under control while avoiding getting speared by its large beak. “Anytime would be fantastic!!!,” yells Cliff. You run over to the bird's head. Adam drops his full body weight onto the upper portion of the bird's neck, dropping it's head onto the floor. “Now!,” Adam yells.

With the skill of a professional golfer, you feel an urge to belt out “Fore!” (but resist the urge to do so), and whomp the giant bird across the top of the head. After a moment, the bird becomes still. “You didn't kill it did you?,” asks Adam. “Nah, I can see it breathing,” retorts Cliff. You breathe a sigh of relief and say, “We did it. Now where are we gonna put it?” Adam smiles and says, “We can always put it in the marketing office, so they can experience first hand what we all went through tonight.” “Good idea, but no,” said Cliff, “I think we can use your idea about the cages in the surplus building to contain it for the night.” You all nod in agreement, and then spend the next hour or so transporting the bird to the cages. Afterwards, Adam stays near the surplus building for the remainder of the night, while Cliff continues to patrol campus, and you climb into your car and head home. “What a night,” you say to yourself, and snap on the radio.

THE END

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