Descriptive words to endow a tone:
Confronting
Scarring
Vulnerable
Alone- isolated,
Unsettling
Freezing- Frost Bitten, Bone chattering,
phantasmal- ghostly
Dark - Macabre
Foreboding
Scary- terrifying, frightening, eerie
Apprehensive
Tone: Dark, Dangerous, Mysterious
If the image could be a metaphor /symbolise an idea- what would it be?
A light in the darkness - hope
Stranger Danger- wariness
A deer in the headlights - shock
The turning of the wheel - change
Write the opening line to a story using the stimulus provided.
The wait (weight), the cry, the wet, the bitter confront of saviour touching my heart.
The boy, solitary in the commanding glow of headlights invading the darkness.
Grinding to a halt next to me, the car, the dark encapturing tint of the windows drawing me in as they fall to reveal who is behind the wheel.
The dark tint encaptured me, the fall of the window drew me to the void as the inline 4 fell, breathless, to a stop.
Teri the arachnid, disheartened by the loss of Sean, tore one of its limbs free as it sat bereft on the desk. Grasped now in my palm, I wondered at its fragility as it jerked like a metronome stuck in double time.
When you are lost in the darkness, look for the light.
Sucked into the bitter darkness, breaking the solitude of frosty wind, lights flare, you are never alone.
The lonesome silhouette breaks the vast spread of light beams.
The Pedestrian
By Ray Bradbury
To enter out into that silence that was the city at eight o'clock of a misty evening in November, to put your feet upon that buckling concrete walk, to step over grassy seams and make your way, hands in pockets, through the silences, that was what Mr Leonard Mead most dearly loved to do. He would stand upon the corner of an intersection and peer down long moonlit avenues of sidewalk in four directions, deciding which way to go, but it really made no difference; he was alone in this world of 2053 A.D., or as good as alone, and with a final decision made, a path selected, he would stride off, sending patterns of frosty air before him like the smoke of a cigar.
Sometimes he would walk for hours and miles and return only at midnight to his house. And on his way he would see the cottages and homes with their dark windows, and it was not unequal to walking through a graveyard where only the faintest glimmers of firefly light appeared in flickers behind the windows. Sudden gray phantoms seemed to manifest upon inner room walls where a curtain was still undrawn against the night, or there were whisperings and murmurs where a window in a tomb-like building was still open.
Mr Leonard Mead would pause, cock his head, listen, look, and march on, his feet making no noise on the lumpy walk. For long ago he had wisely changed to sneakers when strolling at night, because the dogs in intermittent squads would parallel his journey with barkings if he wore hard heels, and lights might click on and faces appear and an entire street be startled by the passing of a lone figure, himself, in the early November evening.
On this particular evening he began his journey in a westerly direction, toward the hidden sea. There was a good crystal frost in the air; it cut the nose and made the lungs blaze like a Christmas tree inside; you could feel the cold light going on and off, all the branches filled with invisible snow. He listened to the faint push of his soft shoes through autumn leaves with satisfaction, and whistled a cold quiet whistle between his teeth, occasionally picking up a leaf as he passed, examining its skeletal pattern in the infrequent lamplights as he went on, smelling its rusty smell.
'Hello, in there,' he whispered to every house on every side as he moved. 'What's up tonight on Channel 4, Channel 7, Channel 9? Where are the cowboys rushing, and do I see the United States Cavalry over the next hill to the rescue?'
The street was silent and long and empty, with only his shadow moving like the shadow of a hawk in mid-country. If he closed his eyes and stood very still, frozen, he could imagine himself upon the center of a plain, a wintry, windless Arizona desert with no house in a thousand miles, and only dry river beds, the street, for company.
'What is it now?' he asked the houses, noticing his wrist watch. Eight-thirty P.M.? Time for a dozen assorted murders? A quiz? A revue? A comedian falling off the stage?'
Was that a murmur of laughter from within a moon-white house? He hesitated, but went on when nothing more happened. He stumbled over a particularly uneven section of sidewalk. The cement was vanishing under flowers and grass. In ten years of walking by night or day, for thousands of miles, he had never met another person walking, not one in all that time.
He came to a cloverleaf intersection which stood silent where two main highways crossed the town. During the day it was a thunderous surge of cars, the gas stations open, a great insect rustling and a ceaseless jockeying for position as the scarab-beetles, a faint incense puttering from their exhausts, skimmed homeward to the far directions. But now these highways, too, were like streams in a dry season, all stone and bed and moon radiance.
He turned back on a side street, circling around toward his home. He was within a block of his destination when the lone car turned a corner quite suddenly and flashed a fierce white cone of light upon him. He stood entranced, not unlike a night moth, stunned by the illumination, and then drawn toward it.
A metallic voice called to him:
'Stand still. Stay where you are! Don't move!'
He halted.
'Put up your hands!'
'But-' he said.
'Your hands up! Or we'll shoot!'
The police, of course, but what a rare, incredible thing; in a city of three million, there was only one police car left, wasn't that correct? Ever since a year ago, 2052, the election year, the force had been cut down from three cars to one. Crime was ebbing; there was no need now for the police, save for this one lone car wandering and wandering the empty streets.
'Your name?' said the police car in a metallic whisper. He couldn't see the men in it for the bright light in his eyes.
'Leonard Mead,' he said.
'Speak up!'
'Leonard Mead!'
Business or profession?'
'I guess you'd call me a writer.'
No profession,' said the police car, as if talking to itself. The light held him fixed, like a museum specimen, needle thrust through chest.
'You might say that,' said Mr Mead.
He hadn't written in years. Magazines and books didn't sell anymore. Everything went on in the tomb-like houses at night now, he thought, continuing his fancy. The tombs, ill-lit by television light, where the people sat like the dead, the gray or multi-colored lights touching their faces, but never really touching them.
'No profession,' said the phonograph voice, hissing. 'What are you doing out?'
'Walking,' said Leonard Mead.
'Walking!'
'Just walking,' he said simply, but his face felt cold.
'Walking, just walking, walking?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Walking where? For what?'
'Walking for air. Walking to see.'
'Your address!'
'Eleven South Saint James Street.'
'And there is air in your house, you have an air conditioner, Mr Mead?'
Yes.'
'And you have a viewing screen in your house to see with?'
'No.
'No?' There was a crackling quiet that in itself was an accusation.
'Are you married, Mr Mead?'
'No.'
'Not married,' said the police voice behind the fiery beam. The moon was high and dear among the stars and the houses were gray and silent.
'Nobody wanted me,' said Leonard Mead with a smile.
'Don't speak unless you're spoken to!'
Leonard Mead waited in the cold night.
'Just walking; Mr Mead?'
'Yes.'
But you haven't explained for what purpose.'
'I explained; for air, and to see, and just to walk.'
'Have you done this often?'
Every night for years.'
The police car sat in the center of the street with its radio throat faintly humming.
'Well, Mr Mead', it said.
''s that all?' he asked politely.
'Yes,' said the voice. 'Here.' There was a sigh, a pop. The back door of the police car sprang wide. 'Get in.'
'Wait a minute, I haven't done anything!'
'Get in.'
'I protest!'
'Mr Mead.'
He walked like a man suddenly drunk. As he passed the front window of the car he looked in. As he had expected, there was no one in the front seat, no one in the car at all.
'Get in.'
He put his hand to the door and peered into the back seat, which was a little cell, a little black jail with bars. It smelled of riveted steel. It smelled of harsh antiseptic; it smelled too clean and hard and metallic. There was nothing soft there.
'Now if you had a wife to give you an alibi,' said the iron voice. 'But-'
‘Where are you taking me?'
The car hesitated, or rather gave a faint whirring click, as if information, somewhere, was dropping card by punch- slotted card under electric eyes. 'To the Psychiatric Center for Research on Regressive Tendencies.'
He got in. The door shut with a soft thud. The police car rolled through the night avenues, flashing its dim lights ahead.
They passed one house on one street a moment later, one house in an entire city of houses that were dark, but this one particular house had all of its electric lights brightly lit, every window a loud yellow illumination, square and warm in the cool darkness.
'That's my house,' said Leonard Mead.
No one answered him.
The car moved down the empty riverbed streets and off away, leaving the empty streets with the empty sidewalks, and no sound and no motion all the rest of the chill November night.
In a near-future dystopia, a man takes his nightly walk, stopping in front of houses to look at them. He wears soft-soled shoes to avoid being heard by the dog patrols. The air is cold, and the man reflects that he has never encountered another person in the ten years he has been going for these walks.
A police car flashes its lights at him – it is the only one in the town, as the crime rate has decreased so immensely. A voice from the car asks the man for his name – “Leonard Mead.” When he states his profession as “writer,” the car records it as “no profession.” The car orders him to enter it when he explains that he is just walking.
Upon entering the car, Mead realises that it was the car itself talking, and not someone inside it. He is told that he will be sent to the “Psychiatric Centre for Research on Regressive Tendencies,” and as the car drives through the night, Mead recognises his house from the distinctive glow of the lights inside.
Bradbury’s text engages with the concept of humanity’s disconnection from the natural world and itself as a result of the proliferation of humanity. Specifically, Bradbury raises concerns with the growing role of the media in creating a culture of isolation and loneliness.
The dominance of technology is reflected through the symbol of the police car, which represents how technology has become an authoritative force. Moreover, the descriptive imagery used as Mead describes the houses as “tombs, ill-lit by television light,” emphasises the role of the media in creating a culture of docile alienation. However, the potential for the world to resist that power is reflected through the imagery “The cement was vanishing under flowers and grass.” Further, the moon is raised as an object of hope, suggested through the clarity with which it appears: “The moon was high and clear among the stars and the houses were gray and silent.
Questions
1. Describe the atmosphere in the city which Leonard is walking through.
2. Character-Why do you think is Leonard different from most of the other citizens?
3. Plot- Why was 'crime ebbing'?
4. Setting- What is life like in the city described and what circumstances might have led to such a situation?
Write- Add to your short story - Using your hook sentence, write an expositional paragraph which describes the setting in "loaded" detail and craft using a definitive tone.
Must use the following:
All five senses- visual, auditory, olfactory (smell), gustatory (taste), tactile (touch) imagery
2 pieces of figurative language- metaphor, simile, personification, onomatopoeia, alliteration, assonance, hyperbole
a symbol- or a motif (a recurring symbol) - this can also be weather, which if tied to the atmosphere or character's emotions is called pathetic fallacy
use varied syntax- elongated sentences- or alternatively short and long ones to modulate the tone.
use a lexical chain to enhance the tone and create atmosphere- use 5-10 words from the list above (or craft your own). A lexical chain is a selection of words when placed together enhance the emotional or thematic ideas of a piece.
Justify- Write a paragraph on how have you emulated Bradbury's style to craft your own piece's setting and atmosphere. Use the justification scaffold below.
Sample 1: This sample analysis highlights the connectives and conjunctions used to increase the flow and cohesion of the analysis.
In the opening exposition, Bradbury alternates phrases of urban and natural imagery such as “Bulking concrete walk” and “grassy seams” repeatedly to mimic the alternating footsteps of Lenard Mead, whilst simultaneously echoing Bradbury’s dystopic concern of humanity’s shifting priorities between the natural and urban world. Furthering this, the smoke of a cigar” presents an interesting simile whereby Bradbury conflates the natural environment, the tobacco, being consumed by man for pleasure, which in turn, destroys him. Therefore, the highly descriptive opening provides a sense of foreshadowing, that Mead alone is the sole witness to the external world and, thus reveals the isolating impact of humans on their environment. The opening provides status elevation to Mead, who becomes a symbol of the "perverse" minority, whilst also providing the audience with a means to perceive the dystopic city of 2053 AD
Sample 2: This sample focuses on the "power packing" of techniques and evidence and opens with a strong point. Note the two ways one can "power pack", with one quote containing many techniques, or below, which "slams" two short quotes and techniques together, reinforcing them with "supplementary" quotes in the analysis to highlight to the marker that you understand the idea/text inherently (deeply), whilst also providing further context to the evidence provided. Supplementary quotes are great for describing characters, setting- notice how I have paraphrased the original in "not unequal to a graveyard" to reinforce the death motif.
See below the amount of purple in the paragraphs- you want to aim for this in effective evidence analysis.
New vocab: posits - positions, or proposes- use for purpose.
Bradbury's concern that humans will become like the living dead due to technology is highly evident in his dark, haunting descriptions which create a visceral motif throughout the narrative . Here the, atmospheric audible imagery, the “whisperings and murmurs” coupled with the metaphorical “tomb-like” buildings and Mead’s walk not unequal to “a graveyard” provide the reader with a sense the future of our world will descent into a living, urbanised “death” whereby houses will hold the humans captive in front of screens, and cities will be “silent at 8 o’clock”. The perverse unnaturalness of a silent city juxtaposes Bradbury’s overt visceral attention to the natural world overriding it “cement vanishing under flowers and grass”, the word “vanishing” conjuring an absence of humans inhabiting the natural world, preferring instead the ill lit “tomb” where “people sat like the dead”. The simile here reveals Bradbury’s concern that humans too preoccupied with technology and passive living, become trapped by their urban environment. He posits that for a human to do a natural pursuit such as walking, in this future, would be deemed “unnatural”. This would unfortunately lead to Mead’s incarceration in a mental institution for his perversion, with Bradbury alluding to the centre’s “research” into “regressing tendencies” as darkly ominous.
Sample 3: Note the lack of quotation limits the effectiveness of this paragraph's analysis. Whilst the analysis of the effect is strong, and it evaluates well, the lack of evidence leads to a weak argument, a brevity in depth, and reveals a lack of knowledge of the text.
Through frequent accumulative listing, the unusual shortness of the phrases during the walk alludes to the tension Mead feels in the outside environment. There is a distinct tonal shift between the elongated sentences in the beginning of the story to the middle, where the audience sense an underlying tension behind Mead’s previous composure, and suggests that Mead, a complex individual is not revealing his true motive or if he indeed, is aware of the inherent danger behind his seemingly innocuous actions. Bradbury plays with ambiguity in the portrayal of his protagonist, which elevates the engagement with the story’s mysterious setting and world development.