Tips for Powerful, Peaceful Parenting

"Peace begins with your response.

It is a choice.

Choose the energy you contribute

to the circumstance.

It is an opportunity to grow and learn,

give and receive."

__Rita Jenkines

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Building Blocks for Peaceful Parenting:

1. Commit to building powerful and peaceful relationships by learning and consistently utilizing skills and techniques within a solid structure that provides safety and growth.

2. Acknowledge and practice respect for self and others. Remember, the ability to detach and come from a calm place within one's self is the foundation all relationships.

3. Learn and consistently utilize the structure and skills to empower yourself and your children.

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Begin with Respect....

__Discuss what behaviors do and do not look like, feel like, and sound like respect.

__Have your child identify what their specific behavior looks like, feels like, and sounds like to them and to others.

__Talk about and have them process and verbalize what the "Expected response" in comparison to the their "Unexpected response/behavior".

__Next address how both the expected and unexpected responses make them feel and make others feel.

__The last step is to have your child think about and verbalize how the different responses make them think about them selves and also, what thoughts others will likely have about them.

This is a powerful way to help your child internally process their feelings and take responsibility for their actions. This simple process can be used over and over to change behaviors and support your child's growth in a peaceful and empowering manner.

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Helpful Tips & Phrases: This is about a paradigm shift from telling, lecturing, and correcting to stating boundaries and asking questions. The goal is to teach our children self-responsibility and self-regulation. To be effective, always communicate in a calm, kind, firm, respectful manner. Lowering your voice and speaking slower is very powerful.... this brings the energy down, helps to ground you and helps the other person calm.

Boundary: Take a break first if needed before addressing the situation.... set a timer, say "I am not willing to be disrespectful of you and I am not willing for you to be disrespectful of me. Right now, I am feeling upset and need to self-calm before we talk, so I am taking a break first and setting the timer for ____minutes, then we will problem solve.

How do you feel?

Is this how you want to feel?

How do you want to feel?

What were you thinking when you _____?

How is that working for you?

You want to try that again with respect?

How about a "do-over"?

Boundary: I am not willing ...

.....for you to pretend .... you are unable/weak/powerless/not smart enough.

.....for you to be less than who you really are!

.....to be disrespectful of you, and I am not willing for you to be disrespectful of me (or name of other person).

What do you want?

What do you think will work?

What is your decision?

What do you think will happen next?

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Example of how to peacefully and powerfully set boundaries:

"By your actions/behaviors you are showing me that you do not understand .... (respect, respect of yourself, others, and things.) [Fill in whatever the problem is.]

It is ok if you have not learned about ....(respect, responsibility, etc.) yet. But this means you are not ready to ....(play with others, have a toy, phone, go somewhere, wear something, to choose for yourself, etc.)

It is my job as your parent to make sure you understand many things so you can have a good life. One of the things I am responsible for making sure you understand is .... (respect, etc.).

We all have to learn ....(to be respectful of others, ourselves, and property, etc.).

So, when you show me by your behaviors, that you understand (respect), then I will know you are ready and you will be ready to play with others (...go on play dates, etc.)

Respect start with our family and those we love the most. So, first you behaviors need to show me you have learned about respect at home.