Parent / Guardian Information & Useful Contact Page

Compiled from the Department of Education and Skills NEPS Guidelines for Schools

Q. How can I help my child? 

A. You are the natural support for your child. He/she may want to discuss their feelings and thoughts with you. You can help by listening carefully. You should tell them it is ok to feel the way they do, that people react in many different ways and that they should talk rather than bottle things up. Advise on and monitor safe use of social media. 

Q. How long will the grief last? 

A. There is no quick answer to this. It varies from individual to individual and according to circumstances. It will also be affected by the closeness of the child to the event or to person who died. Memories of other bereavements may also be brought up by the incident. Be patient and understanding. It can take time. 

Q. Since the incident occurred my child has difficulty in sleeping, complains of headaches etc. Can I be sure these are related to the incident? 

A. Grief can affect one physically as well as emotionally and these and other symptoms may be part of a grief reaction. If they persist, consult a doctor for a check-up. 

Q. If my child remains very upset what should I do? 

A. If your child remains distressed after a period of six weeks or so, he/she may need additional support, but there is no fixed rule about the length of the grieving process. If you are very concerned at any point, it is best to seek more help through your GP/HSE Services. 

Q. In what ways are adolescents different from other children? 

A. During adolescence there are a lot of changes going on for young people and some may feel confused about themselves and the world around them. Grief tends to heighten these feelings and increase the confusion. At this time, too, the individual may look more to friends than to family for support and comfort. Don’t feel rejected by this. Just be available to listen when they need to talk and make sure they know you are there for them when they need you.

An tSeirbhís Náisiúnta Síceolaíochta Oideachais

National Educational Psychological Service (NEPS)

Ways to help your child through this difficult time.

Children do not need to be taught how to grieve. They will do it naturally and in healthy ways if we allow them and if we provide a safe atmosphere, permission and example to do so.

• Listen carefully. Let them tell their story. Tell them that the reactions they are having are normal.

• Pay extra attention, spend extra time with them, be more nurturing and comforting.

• Reassure them that they are safe.

• Don’t tell them that they are “lucky it wasn’t worse”. People are not consoled by such statements.

• Instead, tell them that you are sorry such an event has occurred and you want to understand and help them.

• Do not be surprised by changes in behaviour or personality. They will return to their usual selves in time.

• Don’t take their anger or other feelings personally. Help them to understand the relationship between anger and trauma. Help them find safe ways to express their feelings e.g. by drawing, taking exercise, or talking.

• Understand that there is a wide range of emotions associated with grief and that some children and young people may be more likely to express emotions like anger rather than sadness. Recognise that displays of risky behaviour, defiance or aggression may be your child’s way to avoid feeling the pain, hurt and/or fear they are experiencing. Notice their emotional state, help them label what they are feeling, and show empathy and understanding so they feel less alone with their emotions.

• When going out, let them know where you are going and when you will be back. If you are out for a long time, telephone and reassure them.

• Tolerate regressive behaviour such as nail biting, thumb sucking, or the need for a night light

• Share your own experience of being frightened of something and getting through it.

• If they are feeling guilt or shame, emphasise that they did not choose for this to happen and that they are not to blame. Even if they were angry with the person who died, or had been mean to them, this did not make it happen.

• Work with the school support services and other available services.

• As well as advising your child about appropriate use of social media, monitor their use, particularly during this vulnerable time. Useful website: www.webwise.ie

Coping with the aftermath of a Critical Incident 

Normal feelings and thoughts at this time

Coping with a Critical Incident can be difficult and stressful. It can affect the way we feel, think and behave. The following information will help parents/guardians and students understand some of the feelings and reactions they may experience within hours, days or weeks after an event. There are also some suggestions on what may help them during this time. 

Shock

Shock at what has happened. Things may feel unreal. Shock sometimes causes people to deny what has happened. This does not mean you do not care. You may feel like withdrawing, crying or becoming hysterical. 

Fear

Fear about the unpredictability of everything especially life, of a similar incident happening again, of breaking down or losing control, of being alone. 

Guilt

Feeling responsible in some way for what has happened even though you are being told you could not be, for not being able to make things better or not being able to help others, for being alive or better off than others. 

Shame 

Shame for not reacting as you thought you thought you should, for needing support from others. 

Anger 

Anger at someone or something, wanting to blame, wanting to blame for the injustice of the event. 

Confusion 

Confusion about the event, about how you should react, about having mixed feelings about everything. 

Pain 

Pain at the loss of the person, of associating this with other incidents, bereavements or losses that you may have experienced before. 

Left out by People 

People not acknowledging your involvement in the incident or your relationship with by people the person who is injured or deceased. 

None of the Above

It may be because the student is not known to you.

Physical and behavioural reactions

It is quite normal to experience tiredness, sleeplessness, nightmares, headaches, loss behavioural or increase of appetite, bowel/bladder problems, loss of concentration, irritability.  Sometimes people feel generally unwell. 

Bereavement supports and services

In early grief many people have strong feelings such as loneliness, worry and upset. But most people find their way through their grief with the support of friends and family.

If you need more support, there are organisations that provide:

• helplines

• bereavement self-help resources and support

• support for people bereaved by suicide

• counselling

You can continue to get support in a way that you are comfortable with. Many organisations offer both online and in-person support.

Helplines that offer bereavement support

Irish Hospice Foundation Bereavement Support Line

A confidential space for people to speak about their experience or to ask questions relating to the death of someone.

Freephone 1800 807 077 — Monday to Friday, 10am to 1pm

hospicefoundation.ie

Barnardos Helpline

Bereavement information and support for children and families.

Phone 01 473 2110 — Monday to Thursday, 10am to 12pm

barnardos.ie

Childline (ISPCC)

Ireland's 24-hour national listening service for young people up to the age of 18. Calls and messages are answered by staff and volunteers who are trained to listen to children and young people.

Freephone 1800 666 666 any time

Text 50101 — 10am to 4pm every day

Chat online anytime at childline.ie

Pieta

Free individual counselling, therapy and support for people who have been bereaved by suicide and for people who are thinking about suicide.

Freephone 1800 247 247 any time

Text HELP to 51444 — standard message rates apply

pieta.ie

Samaritans

Emotional support for anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to listen without judgement or pressure.

Freephone 116 123 any time

jo@samaritans.ie

samaritans.org

Text About It

Text About It is a free, 24/7 service, providing everything from a calming chat to immediate support for your mental health and emotional wellbeing.

Free-text HELLO to 50808 for an anonymous chat with a trained volunteer, any time.

textaboutit.ie

Organisations that offer bereavement resources and support

The ‘Bereavement: When someone close dies’ booklet describes practical and emotional issues that you may face when someone close dies.

Bereavement: When someone close dies (PDF, 3.4 MB, 57 pages)

This booklet and other free leaflets on grief from the HSE and the Irish Hospice Foundation are available to order or download:

1. Visit healthpromotion.ie

2. From the Search by topic list, select 'Bereavement'.

The Irish Hospice Foundation

Information and resources for coping with grief in children, adolescents and families, including:

• podcasts on grief and loss

• guided practices on grief

• videos on understanding loss and grief

hospicefoundation.ie

Widow.ie

Provides information and self-help resources for widows, widowers and bereaved life partners.

widow.ie

Organisations for bereaved parents and families

Anam Cara

Supports parents after bereavement by signposting to services and providing information evenings in the community throughout the country.

anamcara.ie

Féileacáin

Provides support to anyone affected by the death of a baby during or after pregnancy.

feileacain.ie

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Ireland

Provides information for bereaved parents and healthcare staff about pregnancy and infant loss.

pregnancyandinfantloss.ie

FirstLight

Provides crisis intervention and free professional counselling services to bereaved parents and family members who have suddenly lost a child up to 18 years.

firstlight.ie

A Little Lifetime Foundation

Provides information and support to bereaved parents and families.

alittlelifetime.ie

Organisations for bereaved children

Barnardos

Specialist bereavement service where children and young people are supported to grieve. Provides information on grief in children, adolescents and families and free e-books.

barnardos.ie

The Irish Childhood Bereavement Network

Information and resources for coping with grief in children, adolescents and families.

childhoodbereavement.ie

Rainbows

Supports children and young people with bereavement or parental separation.

rainbowsireland.ie

Supports for people bereaved by suicide

HUGG

Information and support groups for anyone over 18 years who has lost a loved one to suicide. Services are provided by people who have been bereaved by suicide.

hugg.ie

Pieta

Free individual counselling, therapy and support for people who have been bereaved by suicide and for people who are thinking about suicide.

Freephone 1800 247 247 any time

Text HELP to 51444 — standard message rates apply

pieta.ie

The Suicide Bereavement Liaison Service

Free, confidential service that provides assistance and support after the loss of a loved one to suicide. The liaison officer can meet with a bereaved family as a group or individually.

They can answer questions about some of the difficult practical issues following a death by suicide. They also provide guidance or assistance in accessing a therapeutic service, or even just to talk with someone locally about what has happened.

This service is provided by these agencies:

• pieta.ie (nationwide)

• vitahouse.org (Roscommon)

• thefamilycentre.com (Mayo)

Clare Suicide Bereavement Support

Support for individuals, families and communities in Clare who are bereaved by suicide.

claresuicidebereavementsupport.com

Counselling services

Talk to your GP about counselling services.

If you are over 18 years of age and have a medical card, they can refer you for free counselling through the National Counselling Service (NCS).

You can also access counselling privately.

You can find qualified counsellors who specialise in bereavement, loss and grief through:

• The Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (IACP)

• The Irish Association of Humanistic and Integrative Psychotherapy

• The Psychological Society of Ireland (PSI)

Related content

Coping with grief after bereavement or loss

Children and bereavement

Supporting someone who is grieving