58. Little Kid: Push and Pull. Cody writes an entry about another story Sophie tells him—but this time, it’s not about Bompie. Cody had asked her if she could remember what her life was like when she was little, and she replies: “Why do people always ask that?” She then starts to tell a story about the little kid again. The little kid, she says, has no idea what’s going on—but the kid is cold, hungry, and/or scared and wants Mommy and Daddy. Other people, however, tell the little kid that her parents have gone to heaven—which is a magnificent place—and so the little kid feels bad, wondering why her parents didn’t take her to such a nice place. Everywhere the little kid goes, people always ask if the kid can remember her parents, but the little kid doesn’t want to think about it—it’s too painful. The little kid just wants to be focused on the present; but no matter what the little kid may want, the she always feels like something propels her forward while something else draws her back to the past.
Sophie’s question—why everyone always asks her whether she has any recollection of her early childhood—signals that at the level of her conscious mind, she really is clueless as to why people are so interested in her past. She does not think her past is interesting, because she has blocked out the memory of her parents’ death. By telling the story of the little kid, she tells the story of herself—the story that she does not want to claim as her own.In this way she describes the pain of not knowing where her parents went, feeling abandoned by them, and constantly trying to move on from losing them, despite constantly being asked about them. The little kid, like Sophie herself, wants to try and live in the present moment.