Fish Out of Water

Fish out of Water

by Will Harrigan

It’s Monday morning. No Tuesday. I’m not sure. It all seems to blur together at this point. I have been glued to my bed for the past hour and probably should get my day started. But then again, there’s no class today so why does it matter? As I finally crawl out of bed I pull on my grey sweatpants and my grey sweatshirt.

This has been my outfit for the past couple months. It’s functional. There is no longer a need to impress the opposite sex, so it works. I often think back on how much my life used to revolve around the need to prove my quality as a mate to the opposite sex. Like a peacock fanning out his feathers to a female suitor, I wore clean white shoes, tight chinos and always made sure there was not a hair on my head out of place. I create a persona that I think will be the most effective in attracting a mate. In bowerbirds, some males choose to build their arena to attract females using twigs, some use berries and others use bottle caps. In male humans, some males build their attractiveness using slicked back hair, clean white shoes or the aura that you do not care about anything.

Attitude in humans may also be relatable to some bird species. Manakin birds in particular. During courtship behavior, males often dance, sing and perform for the female in a competitive atmosphere to gain mating privileges. However, each individual Manakin bird performs a similar show to its cousins with only a few succeeding. Just like in humans, some guys are really good at attracting mates, while other guys equally fit, cannot seem to be as successful. In both humans and Manakin birds, I imagine this is because of an indescribable quality that makes for a charismatic mate. The males that radiate a sense of bravado or confidence are the strong competitors in these systems.

There are other ways than good style and a confident personality to attract a mate. For me, I believe a strong portion of attraction between a male and female derives from physical attraction. For me, my physical stature stems from exercise and diet. Being active keeps my body in healthy shape, indicating to females I physically am a strong quality mate for them. Interestingly enough, male blue jays employ the same mechanism for attracting a mate as I do. In male bluebirds, a high quality diet will allow the bird to grow bluer feathers and females are attracted to males with the bluest feathers. The high quality diet of the blue birds allows them to have characteristics that indicate they are a high quality match for the opposite sex. In humans, the males with the best abs have the highest probability of attracting a female.

I slowly make my way from the bed to my kitchen and realize my motivations to attract a mate have decreased dramatically. Without sexually viable candidates around me, I struggle to find the motivations to consume a high quality diet and adjust my physical appearance. I now can put my energy towards my important things like playing XBOX or learning the guitar.

Today is just another day of convincing myself to spend an hour of work, while I spend the rest of my time doing anything else.

As I stand in the kitchen I pop two Eggo toaster waffles into the toaster and begin to wait for them to cook. I would not say by any means Peirce is an exceptional dining hall, but they do provide variety. My breakfast at home for the past 2 months has consisted of Eggo waffles and Frosted Flakes. Between the semi-fresh spinach, assortment of eggs or yogurt bar, there is no amount of Eggo waffles that could satisfy the void that Peirce filled in my life.

Today, the waffles cannot even make a dent in the void in my stomach. Feeling sluggish on a morning like this, is not out of the ordinary however. It is interesting how my life has changed during quarantine, it almost feels like I am a guinea pig in an experiment to test how I would react completely out of my natural environment. Considering my new environment is a cozy bed surrounded by family, I would say I am doing pretty well in this experiment.