My struggle of going to school with grief:

During the summer, my brother Gideon passed away while I was in Oregon. Many things happened too fast and school started only about a month later. I had to go to school carrying so much weight on me, I was going home early a lot because of grief, and I didn't have as much fun as I hoped for. Some examples were leaving the rope course early and not going on the beginnings trip. Grief did so much to me, I barely cried for many things unless it was his death or it was after I lost his bracelet in the garden one day.

Grief also helped me in a way. I got more work done and I was doing better in things than I did before. But I also had to face conflicts along the way, like moving while going to school. But I made my way through school to where I am now and I have proven growth in this year since last year. Even though I may still be going through grief and going into summer will be hard, I'll get through it together with my family by my side. I even made a to-do list to help me do stuff to take my mind off of things that aren't related to his death.

There were many things that I would have wished to be different and I wished I didn't go home a lot during this school year. I even grew a fear of being far from home which is why I left the rope course early and was one of the reasons I didn't go on the beginnings trip. But I overcame that fear by taking a class called Praire Dog Paradise where we would go to South Dakota. I wanted to leave after the first day but I didn't, and I made it through. I even had a fun time on the trip. Then near the end of April, I took another trip called Wellness Retreat and that was to help with my anxiety and my grief, which helped me a lot and I really enjoyed the trip.

Even life outside of school was a struggle for me too, I didn't do well. I lived in my Grandparent's house because no one really had the heart to stay at our old house because of my brother's death. Then I lost the bracelet that he used to own. The reason I lost it was because I was working in the garden and when I got home I realized that the bracelet wasn't on my wrist and it was nowhere to be seen. Though that was fixed when my Mom found a different one that looked the same as the old one, it just wasn't used yet.

There were many things that I wished I had done differently. I wish I spoke out more about my grief to someone even if it was just my mom. I didn't really like talking about things that are very upsetting to me but I felt that if I talked more about it I can maybe do better in school. But I overall feel proud of myself for getting through this year with grief, I overcame challenges and found new things that I like. I had my struggles but all I knew was that I wasn't the only one with them, but now I can look at the summer with a brighter hope.