Queso is ordinarily used to amp up one’s Taco Tuesday, or heat up some Chili, or whip up some Skillet Nachos. Mild Dead Man Queso is a variation of traditional queso, however. This flavorfully complex recipe yields one woman who cheated on her husband with a coworker, one said third wheel that knew the adulteress’s crime, blackmail potential, one dead coworker, one free adulteress, no closure, and no justice.

Yield: [1 Deceased Man + 1 Free Bitch + No Closure + No Justice for Timothy + 1 Majorly Depressed Best Friend and Only Family Member]

Prep time: [3 days]

Total time (Prep + Cook) time: [3 days + 3 hours]

Ingredients

[Adulteress Whore] | [1 Cup]

[Lonely Soul] | [1 Cup]

[Post Office Clerks] | [2 Cups]

[Admiral Grey Envoy] | [1 Stick]

[Bag of Zip Ties] | [1 Bag]

[Duct Tape] | [1 Roll]

[Handcuffs] | [1 Pair]

[iPhones] | [2 Cups]

[.45 Automatic Pistol] | [1 Cup]

[Ammunition] | [1 Box]

[Crimes] | [As Desiderated]

[Lies] | [As Desiderated]

[Secrets] | [As Desiderated]

[Playful Ribbing Gone Wrong] | [1 Level Cup]

[Child of God] | [1 Heaping Cup]

[Glass Mild Queso Jar] | [1 Jar]

[Money Orders] | [10 Sticks]

[Walmart Receipt] | [1 Stick]

[Comic Caricature of Coworker] | [Until Overplayed]

[Amo Receipt] | [1 Stick]

[Pawn Shop Receipt] | [1 Stick]

[Face Mask] | [1 Generous Scoop]

[Pennies] | [2 Teaspoons]

[Eviction Notice] | [1 Heaping Cup]

[Pliers] | [1 Set]

[Pens] | [5 Teaspoons]

[Sharpie Markers] | [1 Tablespoon]

[Tire Gage] | [1 Tablespoon]

[Anger] | [1/2 Cup]

[Lust] | [2 Heaping Cups]

[Infatuation] | [1 Cup]

[No Boundaries] | [2 Level Cups]

[Laughter] | [1/3 Cup]

[Homeless] | [1 Cup]

[Depression] | [1 Heaping Cup]

[Dissatisfying Marriage] | [1 Heaping Cup]

[Curiosity] | [1/4 Cup]

[Rejection] | [1 Heaping Cup]

[Tears] | [1 Heaping Cup]

[Blackmail] | [1 Heaping Cup]

[Hopelessness] | [1/2 Cup]

Directions

1. In one Admiral Grey Envoy, mix together the dissatisfying marriage, adulteress whore, lonely soul, post office clerks (Federal Employees, mind you), homeless individual, no boundaries, iPhones, comic caricature of coworker, crimes, and secrets.

2. Stir intensely until mixture becomes too thick to even consider breathing. 

3. Add the playful ribbing gone wrong, Child of God, lust, curiosity, laughter, lies, blackmail, infatuation, anger, rejection, hopelessness, and depression.

4. Place mixture onto the cold, damp morning of October 08, 2022, before the light of dawn. 

5. Remove the Lonely Soul from his post at work.

6. Deceive him coyly with Blackmail.

7. Zip tie the mixture’s neck to the head rest of the Envoy’s seat. 

8. Duct tape the mixture’s mouth shut—can’t have him out you for your federal crimes.

9. Handcuff his hands behind the vehicle seat.

10. Remove the .45 automatic pistol and ammunition from the Envoy dish. 

11. Shoot the mixture until dead.

12. Play the victim

13. Change the entire story.

14. Leave the cleaned glass—mild queso jar with the money order stubs, Walmart receipt, ammo receipt (that all but screamed he was going to kill himself soon if you didn’t anyway), pawn shop receipt, face mask, pennies, eviction notice (proof of long term homelessness) (also the only trace of his handwriting, his signature, the only personal belonging I wanted out of all the little that remained), pliers, pens, sharpie markers, and tire gage in the front passenger seat—the last place he sat before you took him out and killed him; so that his best friend—the only kind of family he had, could claim this pauper’s personal effects. 

15. Combine until recipe yields: 1 Deceased Man, 1 Free Roaming Bitch, No Closure, No Justice for Timothy, 1 Majorly Depressed Best Friend and Only Family Member.

16.  Serve chilled with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depression Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, insomnia, insufferable denial, grief, survivor’s guilt, police department cover-up, doubt in his God, and endless questions.

Recipe makes 1 batch of Mild Dead Man Queso.

Special Diet Information

[Not diabetic friendly—diabetic deadly, in fact.]

I’m so sorry, Timothy. May you rest in peace. 

Abigail Rose Bingaman Racop is a second year student at Ivy Tech. Gail is studying elementary education, and is looking forward to teaching first graders. Outside of school, she loves to write, draw, sing, and color. Ms. Racop also enjoys working at Fiberglass Freaks, the 1966 Batmobile Factory in Logansport, Indiana. 

A Week Later

A woman wearing a black dress is sitting on the floor in a disheveled room. Tears running down her face as she grasps onto what used to be a teddy bear. Pieces of the bear were falling apart, and stuffing was coming out of both sides of the toy bear’s body. The smell of lavender became stronger the longer she held onto the bear. The woman gets up and walks around the room, still holding the bear, looking at pictures of her son who had passed one week ago. A man enters the room, “Hi, Heather.” he speaks. The man notices she is holding their son’s bear. He looks at the bear and a tear rolls down his cheek as his says, “Remember when we first gave Anthony this bear?” The two of them look at the bear and recall the day they gave their son this bear.

It was a cool October afternoon, and the leaves were falling off the trees so beautifully when the wind would hit them just right. The woman and man had just arrived at the hospital for an appointment that day to find out if they were pregnant with a boy or a girl. They walked into the empty hospital and checked in with the front desk and were immediately called back into the exam room. As they walked back into the exam room, the hospital was extra cold and eerie that day. The man helped the woman into the exam chair and the doctor began the exam. The two smiled at each other with so much love because they were about to find out the gender of their second child. The cold feeling of the ultrasonic gel chilled the woman. Goosebumps began to form on her arms and legs. The doctor began the ultrasound and did not say a word. She continued to move the ultrasound wand around and failed to find a heartbeat. “Is everything okay, Doctor?” said the man. The doctor helped the woman wipe the gel off of her stomach and turned off the screen. With a broken look on her face, she turned to the couple and had to tell them that they had lost their baby. Silence filled the room. The room began to feel even colder. The doctor continued to talk about what the next steps for the family would be, but the woman and man could not hear a single word she was saying. They were heartbroken.

The two walked out of the room with sadness in their hearts and on their faces. As they were leaving the hospital, they walked by the gift shop that was located right next to the exit door. The woman stops walking. “What are we going to tell Anthony? He was so excited.” says the woman with heartbreak in her voice. Anthony was eight at the time and was ecstatic from the day he heard the news he was going to be a big brother. The man suggested that they should get him a teddy bear to have and to hold for when he received the news.  They walked out of the gift shop with a teddy bear that said, “You are My Sunshine,” on the stomach and smelled like lavender. The sun was behind the clouds as they were leaving the hospital and the wind became stronger. The two took the long way home that afternoon to collect their thoughts before arriving home.

As they pulled up to their house, they saw Anthony and his babysitter playing baseball in the front yard. The woman pulled the babysitter aside, told her the news and asked politely if they could have the rest of the evening alone with Anthony. Anthony ran up to the woman with the happiest tone in his voice, “So am I going to have a baby brother or sister?” The three of them walked inside and the man delivered the news to Anthony. Anthony took the bear into his arms and laid his head onto the woman’s lap. The woman ran her fingers through the boy’s curly blonde hair and told him how much she loved him as she felt his tears sinking into her pant leg. This heartbreak broke all of their hearts and their family.

The man and woman, still in Anthony’s room, look up at the bear and look into each other’s eyes. “Why do bad things keep happening to us?” Says the woman. After the loss of their second child, the man developed a serious drinking problem which caused him and the woman to split up. That loss tore their family into pieces. Anthony was a week shy of turning nine when the man and woman had gotten divorced. Through the divorce the woman had gotten a lot closer with Anthony, because she had full custody over him. The two of them moved into a smaller house that was closer to Anthony’s school. The woman could not endure staying in that house that reeked of heartbreak and bourbon. As Anthony got older, he wished to spend more time with the man. When Anthony turned eighteen, he asked the woman if he could start seeing the man more frequently than one supervised visit a month. The man had since then gotten sober. Although the woman was not too keen on this idea, she wanted to make her only son happy. So, she found a family lawyer and got everything sorted out so Anthony could create a relationship with his father again.

Months go by and Anthony has now spent every night with the man for the last two weeks. This made the woman sad because she felt all alone. The woman was fast asleep in Anthony’s messy room one Friday night when she was awoken by her phone ringing. She wiped her eyes and looked at her phone. She did not recognize the number, but she answered it anyway because it was one in the morning. “Is this Heather Mills?” says the voice over the phone. The woman tells them yes and the caller continues to speak. “You son was found unresponsive on the floor at 1547 Cherry Lane.” The woman’s phone dropped out of her hand. That was the man’s address. She jumped out of bed and ran outside to her car and sped out of her driveway. She had hit every red light on the way to the man’s house. The woman was shaking with anger and sadness. Tears were running down her face faster and faster by the second. Twenty minutes later she had arrived at the house. She first noticed that only Anthony’s car was in the driveway. “Where the hell is Luca??” The woman yells to herself in the car. She jumps out of her car and runs into the house. She sees the boy laying and feels her throat closing up. The woman collapses on the floor right next to Anthony. “How could this happen to me? How could I lose another child?” The woman was hysterical. Heartbreak seemed to follow the woman everywhere she went.

An hour goes by and the woman had called the man, forty times. The forty first time she called he had finally answered, and he sounded intoxicated when he picked up the phone. You could smell the alcohol through the phone. “Our son is dead, Luca. Our son is dead, and you are drinking again!!” The woman yelled into her phone as she began to choke on her tears. That night tore the two of them even farther apart. A couple days go by, and the woman finds out that her son had passed away from alcohol poisoning. Anthony had gotten into the man’s liquor cabinet while he was out. This broke the woman’s heart. The two men that she loved most in her life had both left her because of alcohol.

The day of the funeral was extremely hard for the woman. She woke up that morning and slowly got ready for the day ahead of her. She got out of bed, brushed her hair, and slipped her black dress on. Time felt slow for the woman that morning. How was she supposed to attend her own son’s funeral? As friends and family gathered at the house for the service, she slipped away into Anthony’s room. She sat on the floor and noticed the teddy bear that her and the man had given Anthony years ago. The woman picked up the bear and held it close and noticed that it still smelled like the boy. She felt numb inside and her body was cold. The woman heard slow footsteps approaching the door and began to sob. The man had found his way back into Anthony’s room.

Lauren Elizabeth Barnett says this about her story: It is a short story about a mother who struggles with loss and heartbreak throughout the story. She loses her second pregnancy, her husband through divorce, and her teenage son to alcohol.