There is always this feeling of guilt that creeps up when I hand my young children a device. There are stigmas about kids and devices that cause me to feel this way, even if I know that my children are using technology in a way that is developmentally appropriate. Sometimes my guilty feelings are warranted, as I sheepishly use a device as a convenient and temporary distraction while I try to accomplish something without interruption. More often than not, my children are using devices for amazing learning and exploration, and I fear the judgement of others more than anything else. My heart always swells with pride when my six-year-old rattles off facts at dinner about exoplanet Kepler 452b after watching a segment on YouTube Kids. When I see my son learning while using a device, I am reassured that my methods are justifiable. As parents, we’re constantly worried about being judged, and it can be difficult to endure withering stares from other adults as your child is seen holding a device in public.

Recommendations for technology use in a child's earliest years of life typically contradict one another and leave parents with more questions than answers. Some advocate for a complete and total avoidance of all technology prior to age two. Others promote a more reasonable and balanced approach to early technology use. Believe it or not, there is a happy medium here. Technology is not the villain it is often portrayed to be. Kids can still play outside and be proficient in the use of technology. Anytime we go to extremes in any topic, bad things can happen. The purpose of this article is to provide parents with some guidance where early technology use is concerned.

Children are growing up at a time where technology is everywhere. At this point, it becomes difficult to put the genie back into the bottle. The lines that have been drawn between playtime, learning time, and screen time have blurred, and we cannot continue to lump them together as they are not all created equal. Instead of fighting a battle of complete and total restriction, why not explore ways where we can help young children become literate across all kinds of media? The solution to this issue doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Adults and children can learn and grow together while using technology.

I’d like to take a step back and introduce myself to you. I am a mother of two young children, ages three and six. I also serve as our district’s technology innovation specialist. An important part of my job is helping teachers to select developmentally appropriate technology to integrate into their lessons, and to provide support and guidance along the way. Our goal is never to use technology for the sake of using technology, nor do we advocate for prioritizing technology use above good teaching. Education is deeply personal, and we seek to promote relationships above anything else. That being said, we do feel that it is critical for our students to be introduced to the ways that technology can help them learn. While technology can be used for entertainment, we don’t want students to view it only in this way. If my son looks at an iPad and all he sees is a way to watch Netflix, then I’ve failed him. My goal as a mom is to provide a balanced approach to device use at home. We set time limits and boundaries. If it’s nice outside, you better believe we’re out there enjoying the day. We love to play legos, barbies, and read together out loud. Our home technology use does not interfere with these important tasks.

Both my son and daughter have been exposed to a variety of personal technology. We have an iPad at home that both kids know how to use and navigate, as well as a Kindle and our personal cell phones which are typically off limits to our kids. I’ve done my best to select apps for the iPad that will help them learn, but some apps are also meant for entertainment. I love an app called “Yum Yum Letters” for my daughter as she learns to write her upper and lowercase letters. She also enjoys the “My Town” apps, which help to empower her imagination and creativity, and “Musical Paint,” which plays a variety of musical instruments as she paints a picture. When my daughter is using these apps on the iPad, she is far more focused when I am next to her. I can help to provide context, guide her through the use of an app, provide assistance when she gets stuck, and model proper methods. That’s not to say that I am always right there while she is exploring, but if there is a new app, I always go through it with her first. I feel that I set her up for success and greater learning if we do it together.

Think about this in terms of handing your child a book when they don’t know how to read fluently. They may open it, check out the pictures, or scan the text for familiar words, but chances are that they will lose interest quickly and not gain much from the experience. If a parent were to sit down with the child and that same book and read it with them, the experience becomes a hundred times more meaningful. You are able to have conversations about what you read, put scenes into context, ask follow up questions, and allow your child to experience the book without fear of failure.

If you replace the word “book” with “tablet,” and the word “read” with “navigate,” the power of being a guide on the side begins to take shape. Children do not automatically know how to navigate technology in a meaningful way. We often hear adults marvel that kids are so much better at using technology than they are, but what they are often witnessing is superficial, base level usage. This brings me to my next point. There is a huge difference between passive consumption of content, and active creation of content. It’s the difference between reading a book and writing your own. When we are passive consumers of technology, we often develop that glazed over look that is the cause for so much concern today. When we are creating content with technology, the glazed over look is replaced with one of active concentration and excitement.

Pay close attention to your kids the next time they are using technology, and see if you can spot the difference. As a teacher, I see this difference in the classroom as well. When students are using their devices to read an article, they are passively consuming content. The room is typically quiet, and students are concentrating on the task at hand. When students are using their devices for content creation, I witness a very different environment. Kids are typically lit up with excitement, asking questions of their teacher or peers, and empowered to share their knowledge in new and interesting ways.

The key to setting up our littlest learners for success with technology is dependent on five key points:

1. DO guide your child through the use of technology by exploring content alongside them.

Explore new apps together first. Ask questions, model the appropriate use of the app, and help them understand what they are seeing. Show them how to click on elements, and what happens when they do. Make sure that the noise is not too loud or too quiet, and be their biggest cheerleader.

2. DO set boundaries and time limits for passive technology use, but DO NOT restrict creative technology use.

Passive technology use is equivalent to zoning out in front of a television screen. Think about how you place guidelines for television watching at home, and place passive screen time in this same category. As for creative technology use, use your judgement, but keep in mind that this type of use is incredible for learning! If my son wants to use the “Chatterpix” app to talk about what he wants to be when he grows up, I’m not going to sit there on a timer and yank it away before he’s done. When Jack was four, he used the “My Story” app to create his own book. He started by typing his name, age and a smiley face emoji "because I'm happy,” as he told me. He proceeded to make a book about planets and aliens by dragging and dropping story elements onto the page. When this kind of learning and exploration is happening, I’d rather sit next to him and watch the magic happen than to limit his creativity. Trust me, at four years old he wasn’t going to be doing this for hours. I think we lasted about 20 minutes. It was such a magical experience for me to witness as a parent, though. He asked me to help him type words onto each page according to what he wanted, then we recorded our voices reading the words together.

3. DO NOT use technology as a pacifier.

Your child’s future teachers will thank you! Does this mean that you can’t quiet your screaming toddler in Target while you check out? Not necessarily. It does, however, mean that doing something like that consistently is going to lead to the exact same battle playing out between your child and their teacher in school, especially when it’s time to put the technology away. Does your child throw a fit when you try to take away the tablet? Mine sometimes do. I cringe at this, and hope that the same scenario doesn’t play out when my children are at school. I actively work to prevent this at home by not backing down with my expectations, not giving in to tantrums, and avoiding the knee jerk reaction to quiet my children with technology.

4. DO model the responsible use of technology.

Show your kids how technology can be used to help them find answers to their questions and solve problems. On the flip side of that coin, practice what you preach in setting down devices while driving, during dinner, or during family time. Kids are sponges and they tend to pick up habits from what they’ve seen mom or dad do. Set a positive example for your children.

5. DO your due diligence when selecting digital content.

When searching for apps that are appropriate for your child, beware those that make too much noise or contain advertising on the side. This can lead to distraction, and your child could click on something that is not appropriate. Some apps are marketed as educational, but this is not always the case. Even “top” free and paid apps in the educational section have not been properly vetted by educators. Common Sense Media does a phenomenal job of reviewing free and paid apps for content, and are a great place to start when looking for apps to download. Also, chat with your child’s teacher to discover the apps that are valued by educators in our schools. Finally, be sure to set passcode locks on anything for purchase. I handed my daughter our Kindle while we were trying to get out the door to soccer practice. In the span of 3 unsupervised minutes, she managed to spend $30 on Amazon after purchasing Beauty and the Beast and Brave. She was on her way to buying a third movie when I caught her. She’s three years old, and she had no idea that opening those movies in the Amazon app equated to purchasing them. I certainly learned my lesson there!

We may never have a clear and defined path to follow regarding children and technology, but the most important thing is to find a balance that works for your family’s needs. Every family will manage technology differently, and that’s okay. Focus on making sure your kids are doing a variety of activities that amount to a healthy childhood, including time to play, create, and use their imaginations. Take some time to recognize and understand the difference between passive and creative screen time, and explore some creative apps alongside your child to see learning in action. If parents can share what has worked or doesn’t work with other parents without fear of judgment, we can learn, grow and move forward together.