Alternative

June 2046, the morning after our big fight, me and my best friend Camilla had a huge, dramatic conflict about such an unimportant thing. It’s really unfortunate, because we are supposed to dance a duo at the biggest dance competition of our lives. It’s just three days away.

I wake up, eyes swollen from all the crying last night, my body is sore from all the energy I gave this fight and my mind is stressed. The entire morning, I’m thinking about Camilla and how I should’ve just apologized to her, instead of fighting. That’s when I get an idea. I need to go out and unwind a little bit. I’ll visit our favorite place. Everytime she sleeps at my house, we go to the woods, near a beautiful green lake. This lake carries all of our laughter and cry, our happy and sad memories. We’ve been going there since forever. 

I take my jacket and I head out. I walk for about 5 minutes, the temperature is abnormally hot today and the sun is frying me. This weather is not usual for this time of the year.. My jacket gets soaking wet from all my sweat, so I take it off and put it over my head, so I don’t feel sick later. The entire walk, I have this ugly feeling in my stomach, regretting everything I’ve said. As I’ve almost arrived, I get another ugly feeling, but not in my stomach this time. I begin to slow down, the world around me starts to spin. My legs get weaker as my head gets heavier. And then, I stop walking.

I wake up in the hospital. I see Camilla sitting by me, staring to the ground. She looks worried. “Cam?” I say quietly, because that’s all sound I can produce right now. She begins to explain everything that has happened. Apparently, she went to the lake, hoping she would see me there and we could talk it out. And yes, she did see me there. I was lying, passed out on the grass. Not exactly the best position to chat. She quickly called an ambulance and luckily they saved me early. 

Two days until the competition. They have let me out of the hospital, but told me to be more careful, that this mistake of mine has done some damage to my heart. I’m not worried about what has happened yesterday, I’m actually glad, because Camilla saving me yesterday reconciled us again. Her taking care of me like that showed me what a true friend she really is and without her, I would probably still be laying there. We decided to meet at the studio today, so we could train our duo to the highest level. I’m feeling a little light-headed while dancing, but I don’t really think much of it. The gym is hot again, so we set up some fans but it doesn’t help much. We rather don’t dance full out. It’s harsh, we feel tired and burnt out, but we have to train and train. This is our biggest dream. The nerves are getting more uncomfortable every day and I want to give it my all, but I’m starting to lose energy. Maybe I should get some rest before the competition.

One day until the competition. Camilla and I agreed that we would rest today. We’ve done more than enough, we’ve put all our time and effort into this dance. The whole day I’m lying in bed, surrounded by fans, so I don’t sweat to death. The heat is still really high, so it’s hard to function. 

The day is here. I wake up, pack my things and my dad gives me a ride to the bus stop. Then, the bus picks us up. I feel a nice light breeze coming from the air conditioning above me, it is really refreshing. 

We’re driving for about 5 hours, we’re having lots of fun with Camilla and the other girls. We’re playing multiple games and singing our favorite songs. I’m grateful. 

We’re about to perform in two minutes. We are trying to take deep breaths to calm ourselves down, but it isn’t really working. My stomach is completely clenched and I feel a little nauseous. I think Cam feels likewise.

We step on the stage. This is the moment we’ve been training our whole lives for. We started dancing, and at first it went well. So far I’ve turned every pirouette without falling, and did every move without forgetting. As I am dancing at the very front of the stage, I start to feel this extreme pressure in my head, I get really dizzy and all of a sudden, I fall off the high stage.

I don’t remember anything else. 

And unfortunately, I’m in the hospital again. I don’t know how I fell, all I know is that my right leg is mutilated and my left one is broken. This is probably the point where you feel like you want to die, but no. I feel nothing. I am totally numb, no emotions. Maybe it’s from all the painkillers they’ve given me, but also, I’m still in shock. I don't want to admit that this happened to me, I just don't.

A week goes by, I’m starting to feel. I feel the coldness and sadness of the hospital. The emptiness and loneliness of my room. I don’t feel my right leg though. I’ve cried for the first time today, realizing what has happened. Camilla comes here everyday to visit me. She tries to cheer me up, making herself look like she’s okay, but what she doesn’t realize is that I hear her crying in the hallway before she walks in. I wonder what my life's gonna be like, how am I gonna survive without my favorite thing in the world, dancing.

As I wonder, I come up with a plan- I could be a choreographer! Since I love it so much, I could just create dances and watch other people having fun with them. Maybe that could fill me with joy.

I’ve asked my dear best friend if she wants to be my assistant and show others the moves I create, since I can’t. I’ve watched disabled choreographers in the world and they inspire me so much. 

Three months are gone. I’m in a wheelchair and I’m starting to learn how to live with myself. The hot weather is finally decreasing a little, and I can go outside without worrying about passing out again. But I don’t think I’ll be spending time there. I’ve started to hate summer.

Also, my plan is working. Being disabled actually brings some unexpected advantages—people feel bad for you, and suddenly doors open. That’s how my classes started selling out. But I hope people come for my choreography too, I’m a little insecure about that. Am I successful only because of pity?

But after teaching many classes, seeing amazing dancers, and meeting wonderful souls, my doubts fade. Everyone has been so sweet, complimenting my choreographies. My heart is full. I’m starting to enjoy my new life.

But in the back of my mind I still wonder. What if we never fought?