Songs and Script

“Joust! A Mighty Medieval Musical” Script

Questions: Remind app @tpejoust or E-mail cassie.walker@ironmail.org

Please have your lines AND CUES memorized before January 12th. Thank you!

Merlin (Gracie): Once upon a medieval time, in a land far away, unless, of course, you are in England, then it’s not so far away at all!  There lived a mighty King, who had a son by the name of Arthur. The King needed to hide and protect his son, so he gave him away to his mystical advisor, Merlin. That’s me. And I, in turn, gave the King’s son to serve the good knight Sir Hector, as his lowly squire. Sir Hector and Arthur lived in a place crowded with the most rowdy, bawdy, unruly, untidy, yet… MIGHTY MEDIEVAL MEN!

Song: Mighty Medieval Men

Knights:  Oh, look and you shall see how mighty all are we.A finer team of men you’ll never find.

Noble, brave, and bold, with hearts as pure as gold, you can see we’re odd and yet refined!

We are awesome!  We are daring, and we know we can fight anything!

We are the lords of chivalry! We are mighty medieval men!

We are the lords of chivalry! We are mighty medieval men!

Knights and Squires:
Oh, once or twice a day, a dragon we will slay! Our armor is of fine quality tin. (Jesters: Clang, clang!)

A damsel in distress can toss away her stress, for every battle we will certainly win!

We are awesome!  We are daring, and we know we can fight anything!

We are the lords of chivalry! We are mighty medieval men!

We are the lords of chivalry! We are mighty medieval men!

All: Mighty medieval, mighty medieval, mighty medieval men!

Mighty medieval, mighty medieval, mighty medieval men!

Mighty medieval, mighty medieval, mighty medieval men!

Mighty medieval, mighty medieval, mighty medieval men!

Knights and Squires: 

We are the lords of chivalry! We are mighty medieval men!

We are the lords of chivalry! We are mighty medieval men!

Damsels and Jesters:  

They think they’re mighty hot, but somehow they forgot, the women are the ones who rule the day!

No damsels in distress as we (they) clean up their mess, and yet we have to hear as they proclaim!

All:  We are awesome! Damsels/Jesters: They are flighty! All: And we know we (they) can fight anything!

Damsels/Jesters: They are the lords of chivalry! All:  We (They) are mighty medieval men!

Damsels/Jesters: They are the lords of chivalry! All:  We (They) are mighty medieval men!

Mighty medieval, mighty medieval, mighty medieval men! (Knights/Squires: HOT!)

Mighty medieval, mighty medieval, mighty medieval men! (Damsels: NOT!)

Mighty medieval, mighty medieval, mighty medieval men! (Jesters: NICE!)

Mighty medieval, mighty medieval, mighty medieval men!

We are the lords of chivalry! (Damsels: Lords of Chivalry!) We (They) are mighty medieval men!

We are the lords of chivalry! (Damsels: Lords of Chivalry!) We (They) are mighty medieval men!

Mighty medieval men!

Scene 1

(Jesters tease Merlin by pretending to dramatically narrate the story like him)

Merlin (Gracie): Very nice….very nice...ok...ok...we get it! WE GET IT! You all know the King Arthur legend. If not, let me tell it to you…

All Damsels: Oh, Merlin! (annoyed)

Lady Madi Headlee: Let us tell it. You’ll go on for days!

Merlin (Gracie): Well, I guess that would be all right. But I…

Lady Korlee Wood: It was the day of the big joust. All of the knights were gathered in the roped-off area, with their armor, horses, weapons…

Lady Ivy Lopez:  And attended by their young squires.

Lady Dakotah Webster: Squires are the young men who hope one day to be knights themselves.

Lady Tinsley Veater: The squires do everything for the knights, including getting them ready for the joust.

Merlin (Gracie): Remember, Arthur was the squire for Sir Hector.

Lady Genesis Angel: Everyone is gathered for the biggest joust of the year!

Lady Livie Holm: It’s like the World Series of all Jousts!

Lady Ashlynn Leavitt: The Stanley Cup!

Lady Athena Trujillo: The Super Bowl!

Lady Swayze Logan: The Olympics of the jousting world!

Merlin (Gracie): Enough already!  Let’s have a song!

Song: Joust

All:  In the very month of May from near and far away, the ladies and the noble knights make this a special day.

Come and see the sport of kings, of gallant offerings. We try to knock one off his horse, then everybody sings!

With a hey and a ho and a nonny no, every knight can play!

With a hey and a ho and a nonny no, on this jousting day!

With a hey and a ho and a nonny no, Racing to and fro!

With a hey and a ho and a nonny no, a jousting we will, we will go!

Every lord so brave and strong, they battle all day long. The horses set a mighty pace; we sing a jousting song!

Every knight will have a chance to fight with sword and lance. And when the victory is won, we’ll do a jousting dance!

With a hey and a ho and a nonny no, every knight can play!

With a hey and a ho and a nonny no, on this jousting day!

With a hey and a ho and a nonny no, Racing to and fro!

With a hey and a ho and a nonny no, a jousting we will, we will go!

Hey!  Ho!  Hey!  Jousting, we will go!

Hey!  Ho!  Hey!  Jousting, we will go!

Everyone so bright and brave, not a one a lowly knave. The squire dreams of that fine day:

Squire Jackson Stephens:  When he’s old enough to shave!

All: With a hey and a ho and a nonny no, every knight can play!

With a hey and a ho and a nonny no, on this jousting day!

With a hey and a ho and a nonny no, Racing to and fro!

With a hey and a ho and a nonny no, a jousting we will, we will, we will, we will go!  On guard!

Scene 2

(Jesters tease Merlin again)

Merlin (Gracie): Not you again! Enough already! Stop! Now where was I? Oh yes. It was the squire’s job to serve his knight! So what happens when the knight forgets his most important weapon?  

Arthur (Madsen): The squire has to get it!

Lady Aurelia Jensen: Sir Hector forgot his sword at home.

Lady Charlotte Swan: Not good for a knight who is next at the joust.

Merlin (Gracie): So, Arthur takes off as fast as his squire-y legs will take him.

Lady Shiloh Herring: He runs through the streets of town, past the castle moat!

Lady Jade Pryor: Past the church and several fine dining establishments!

Lady Lydia Benson: Past the market and the soldiers’ garrison!

Lady Briggs Barnes: By the time he reaches the town square, he realizes he is only half way home.

Lady Braylee Williams: He knows he will never make it all the way home, get Sir Hector’s sword and then get back to the Joust in time for Sir Hector to participate!

Merlin (Gracie): Now, this is where I have to remind you of the legend of King Arthur. You will recall from your lessons that when the King, Arthur’s father, died, there was no heir to the throne. 

Lady Madison Sanders: No one knew Arthur was the prince: not even Arthur!

Merlin (Gracie): So the royal court had a sword placed in a stone in the town square.

(Sir Trevor Spencer, Sir Remintgon Kunz, and Sir Sterling Slade bring the stone out. Sir Reese Burton is supervising/leading, and Sir Trystin Church is walking behind them doing nothing)

Sir Reese Burton: (construction worker) Stand aside there, magical stone coming through.

Sir Deklen Carlson: The legend says that whomever could pull that sword out of the stone would be the rightful heir to the throne.

Sir Jaxton Mitchell: They would become king!

Sir Deklen Carlson: I just said that.

Sir Trevor Spencer: Whew, that stone was heavy!

Sir Trystin Church: Yep, good job, team. (they give him a look) What?

Sir Remington Kunz: So either the sword or this colorful tube can decide the rightful king?

Sir Sterling Slade: That’s right. Legends say this tube is a musical instrument, but nobody knows how to play it. But who would ever choose a musical instrument instead of a sword?

(Sirs Trevor, Remington, Sterling, Reese, and Trystin laugh)

Sir Tayizlee Metcalf: I’m the strongest knight in the order! I bet I can pull that sword out of the stone. (tries and fails)

Sir Tyler Myers: You call that strength? I’ll show you real strength. (tries and fails)

Sir Easton Veater: Move over, pipsqueaks! (tries and fails) Heh heh, yeah, I didn’t want to be king anyway.

Merlin (Gracie): It is in front of this sword-stabbed stone that Squire Arthur finds himself, as he’s racing home to retrieve Sir Hector’s sword.

Arthur (Madsen): Hmmm. Two interesting objects, protruding from this magical stone. I only have time to choose one and get back to the Joust. Hmmm. Well, this one is most certainly a sword and seems the logical choice.  But this one is much more colorful and seems full of many fantastic possibilities. Hmmmm. I’m taking this one! 

All: (angelic singing) “Aaaaaah!”

Merlin (Gracie): Does this sound at all familiar to you? Well, watch what happens next. 

Arthur (Madsen): My lord, my lord!  I have brought you the best instrument that I could find! Isn’t it colorful?!?

Sir Hector (Harper Hooper): What?!?  What is this?

Arthur (Madsen): I have no idea, but isn’t it beautiful?

Sir Hector (Harper Hooper): Beautiful indeed, but what can it do?

Sir Gwen Summy: it is the strange tube that was sticking out of the stone in the town square.  Everyone knows that whomever pulls it out is the rightful heir to the throne! 

Sir Ben Terry: Meaning...they would be king!

Sir Gwen Summy: Uh, I just said that.

Sir Riker Taylor: Wait a minute.  I thought that was the sword?

Sir Aiden Ascensio: Duh!  It works for both!

(Sir Aiden crowns King Arthur. Everyone kneels)

All: All hail the king!  All hail King Arthur!

Arthur (Madsen): Wow!  Am I really the new King?  Can it really be?

Sir Alexa Oliver: You’re it, your Majesty!  Now what will be your first decree?

Arthur (Madsen): You mean, anything???

Sir Sutton Maher: Sure! You’re the king.

Arthur (Madsen): Well, then I decree from now on in this kingdom, there will be no more use for swords or weapons of any sort, except this marvelous colorful instrument.

All Knights and Squires: WHAT?!?!  You can’t be serious!

Lady Madi Headlee: I think it’s a marvelous idea.  (damsels nod)

Lady Korlee Wood: And until you men get used to the idea, none of us Damsels are going to be friendly to you at all.

Lady Ivy Lopez: Or wash your clothes…

Lady Dakotah Webster: Or cook your meals…

Lady Tinsley Veater: Or cheer your jousting…

Lady Genesis Angel:  King Arthur says “no more swords.”

All Damsels: And that’s the way it’s going to be!

All Knights and Squires: (grumbling) All hail the king.

Song: That’s the Way it’s Going to Be

Damsels:  Every man from far and near, there’s gonna be some change around here.

If you want your just rewards, store your shield, put down your swords.

Time to grow up, show your stuff. Livin’ in peace is not so tough!

That’s the way it’s gonna be, if you want some help from me!

That’s the way it’s gonna be! Mark my words and you will see: That’s the way it’s gonna be!

Sir Presley Matthews: But wait a minute. You mean, after I come home from a long day of lording over the serfs, you’re not going to have a hot meal waiting for me?
Lady Livie Holm: Not if you’re “lording” with anything but that! (pointing to instrument)

Sir Grace Dorris: You mean, I’m going to have to wash my own clothes, every year?

Lady Ashlynn Leavit: Or wear them dirty.

Sir Bryson Sidwell: You mean, I have to milk my own cow?

Lady Athena Trujillo: From now on, unless you pick up that Boomwhacker instead of a sword, if you want milk, you get mooooo-ving!
Arthur (Madsen): Boomwhacker? What a fantastic name!

All Knights and Squires: Argh!!!!

Sir Hayzlee Quintanilla: Come on, we’ve got to get this sword out of here! (tries and fails)

Sir Charlie Brooks: Here, let me try! (tries and fails) Ohh, I think I pulled something.

Time to grow up, show your stuff. Livin’ in peace is not so tough!

That’s the way it’s gonna be, if you want some help from me!

That’s the way it’s gonna be! Mark my words and you will see: That’s the way it’s gonna be!

That’s the way it’s gonna be!

Scene 3

Merlin (Gracie): Now it all seemed fine until, rumor has it, there was an attack coming from France. 

Messenger (Tessa): (running in) Your Majesty!  Rumor has it, there is an attack coming from France. 

Merlin (Gracie): I just said that.

Arthur (Madsen): An attack from France?  Oh no!

Sir Kyson Peterson: And all we have to fight with are these colorful boomwhackers! 

(Knights and squires begin arguing and discussing fearfully)

Arthur (Madsen): Stop! Silence! We must keep sound heads or we will surely go down in defeat!

Squire Lacey Broadbent: But, Your Majesty, what are we to do?

Arthur (Madsen): I think we should sing… a round.

All: What?!?

Arthur (Madsen): I mean, rounds are good. Here, gather ‘round my round table and I’ll show you what I mean.

(Mrs. Walker’s note: If you’ve found another script online or are listening to the songs, there is another song here. We are skipping the song “Round of the Round Table.” Instead, Arthur will sing part of “All I Ever Wanted” here.)

Arthur (Madsen): (sings) Peace on earth.

Knights and Squires: (try to sing, but are shy and hesitant) Peace…on…earth?

Sir Jaxon Warren: Why would we want peace? Knights are fighters!

Arthur (Madsen): Just trust me. (sings) Right makes might.

Knights and Squires: (try to sing, a little bit louder) Right… makes…might?

Arthur (Madsen): (sings) Love for all, all around the world.

Knights and Squires: (try to sing, almost like the words have a bad taste) Love…for… all…all around…the world… (mumble in disagreement)

Arthur (Madsen): There. Wasn’t that nice? (Jesters and Damsels clap, encouraging. Jesters whisper to each other and exit into the aisles of the audience)

Sir Asher Roberts: Okay, Your Majesty, we’re doing our best, but we still don’t know what to do with these musical instruments.

Arthur (Madsen): I know! Let’s call in the smartest advisors we know. They’ll know what to do.

Merlin (Gracie): I naturally thought the king was referring to me. But as I stepped forward I heard…

Squire Peyton Sawyer: Yes! Call in the court jesters! They always know what to do.

Squire Blakley Bulloch: IF you can get past their silly jokes and ridiculous songs!

Squire Darrel Jessop: Look! I see one now...a fool on the hill!

Squire Avril Napier: Not just one, but a whole cast of them!

Song: Nobody’s Fool

All:  The smartest dudes inside the court; they’re cute and kinda cool.

They’re always called as last resort, ‘cause they did well in school.

Never dull, never cruel, they’re nobody’s fool!  No, no, no! They’re nobody’s fool!

Be careful who you call a fool, they may be sly like a fox.

With no exception to the rule, they think outside the box.

Never dull, never cruel, they’re nobody’s fool!  No, no, no! They’re nobody’s fool!

Jester Brynlee Bodily: If you wonder ‘bout yourself; what kind of fool am I?

Jester Kinlee Wendt: Or, why do fools fall in love; did you ever wonder why?

Jester Ashlyn Jimenez: If you want to give yourself a silly little thrill,

Jester Anniston Shumway: Do your best with all the rest, play the fool up on the hill!

(Gymnastics)

All:  From Liverpool to Istanbul, they’re nobody’s fool!  No, no, no!

They’re nobody’s fool!  No, no, no! They’re nobody’s…

Jester Stevee Adams: No one but a fool is always right!

All:  Fool!  Nobody’s fool!

Scene 4

Jester M’Lee Davis: Your Majesty, we hear you have a problem.

Arthur (Madsen): Yes, my friend. I have made the decision that we will be a peace-loving nation; that we will turn our swords into musical instruments and live side by side with our neighbors in friendship. 

Lady Swayze Logan: And we damsels are backing him up by not being nice to the men until they go along with the king.

All Damsels: And that’s the way it’s going to be.

Jester Molly Egan: I think that sounds like a great idea!

Sir Hector (Harper Hooper): The problem is...we have just been told that the French are on their way to attack us, and I don’t think they are going to be armed with only musical instruments.

Jester Ella James: Speaking of musical instruments, how about a joke?
Jester Sagan Kinkade Sesma: How do you fix a broken tuba?
Jester Brynlee Rynearson: With a tuba glue!

(All except Merlin, Arthur, and Messenger laugh)

Merlin (Gracie): Now is really not the time for -

Jester Ivy Miller: Oh, just one more, pleeeease!

Jester Amber Schmidt: What do you call a group of musical whales?

Jester Emily Hugie: An orca-stra!

(All except Merlin, Arthur, and Messenger laugh)

Merlin (Gracie): Yes, ha ha, very funny, now please -

Jester Rylee Sidwell: Okay, okay, last one, we promise!

Jester Carlee: We really mean it this time!

Jester Lydia Burke: What do you call a fungus that makes music?

Jester Trigg Bullard: A decomposer!

(All except Merlin, Arthur, and Messenger laugh)

Merlin (Gracie): Enough! We have an emergency here! The French are coming to fight us, and we have no weapons, just musical instruments!

Arthur (Madsen): It’s all my fault. I truly believed we wouldn’t need weapons if we always did the right thing, and worked for a land filled with harmony. And now, I’ve put my entire kingdom at risk. 

Song: All I Ever Wanted

Arthur (Madsen): All I ever wanted was music, all I ever wanted was song.

All I ever wanted was harmony, and all to get along.

In my mind I hear our sweet symphony; everybody playing in tune. (All others: Ooooh)

In my heart I know between you and me, that we can get there soon. (All others: Ooooh)

Peace on earth. Right makes might. Love for all; all around the world. (Damsels sing the harmony)

All I ever wanted was music, all I ever wanted was song.

All I ever wanted was harmony, and all to get along.

In my mind I hear our sweet symphony; everybody playing in tune.

In my heart I know between you and me, that we can get there soon.

All: Peace on earth. Right makes might. Love for all; all around the world,  (Damsels sing the harmony)

Around the world, around the world!

Scene 5

Merlin (Gracie): The French soldiers landed on the shore of the kingdom.

Messenger (Tessa): The French are coming! The French are coming!

Merlin (Gracie): I just said that!

All Knights and Squires: *panic* (You choose what to say. (ad lib) Some examples could be, “What are we going to do?” “All we have are musical instruments!” “We’re doomed!”)

(The French arrive, playing recorders) 

Arthur (Madsen): What? Can this really be?  Did you really arrive with only those instruments and no weapons?

French King Reese Burton: Oui, monsieur. There was one of these sticking out of a rock in the middle of Paris, and now our ladies have insisted that we turn our swords into these or they will not be nice to us.

French Lady Ivy Lopez: Or wash your clothes…

French Lady Dakotah Webster: Or cook your meals…

French Lady Tinsley Veater: Or cheer your jousting…

French Sir Deklen Carlson: I see you have your own problems to worry about (points to boomwhacker)

French Sir Jaxton Mitchell: They are colorful, though!

Squire Ella Lloyd: Well, what are we going to do?

Arthur (Madsen): Think! I have to think! (He starts tapping his Boomwhacker)

Merlin (Gracie): And then something very special began to happen. 

Song: We’re Makin’ Music

Arthur (Madsen): Yes! Yes! My countrymen! My friends! Lend me your ears! This is what I was talking about! Music!  Harmony! Having might by being right! Being in tune! I knew that if we all just tried a little harder, we could put away our weapons forever and make beautiful music! Listen! Listen! We are doing it!  We are making music together! And it is beautiful!  My people, from this day forward, let us never forget this sound and this moment! The moment when men and women put down their swords and shields, picked up a somewhat musical instrument, raised their voices and sang!  Sing, everyone, sing!

All: One by one, we’re making music! One by one, we’re making music!

One by one, we’re making music! One by one, we’re making music!

English: One by one, we’re making music! French: Nah nah nah nah nah nonny nonny no!

English: One by one, we’re making music! French: Nah nah nah nah nah nonny nonny no!

English: One by one, we’re making music! French: Nah nah nah nah nah nonny nonny no!

English: One by one, we’re making music! French: We’re making music!

Messenger (Tessa): Your Majesty! Your Majesty! I have terrible news! The men of Scotland are invading from the north and are sure to overrun us all!

All: GASP!

The Scottish play bagpipes off stage

All: Bagpipes? No problem!!!

English: One by one, we’re making music! French: Nah nah nah nah nah nonny nonny no!

English: One by one, we’re making music! French: Nah nah nah nah nah nonny nonny no!

English: One by one, we’re making music! French: Nah nah nah nah nah nonny nonny no!

English: One by one, we’re making music! French: We’re-

All: One by one, we’re making music! Music! Music!

Bows

(French bow, then go back up to the top step, front of the stage platform)

(Squires bow, then go back up to the middle step)

(Jesters bow, then go stand on the bottom step)

(Knights bow, then go back and kneel on the floor in front of the Jesters)

(Damsels bow, then go back and sit in front of the knights)

(Merlin and Arthur bow)

All: We are the lords of chivalry! (Damsels: Lords of Chivalry!)

We (They) are mighty medieval men!

We are the lords of chivalry! (Damsels: Lords of Chivalry!)

We (They) are mighty medieval

Merlin: And really quite musical!

All: Men!

Mighty medieval men!

Please practice these songs at home. Thank you!

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZOCcUKxnSFHF3mvY9S16HKLcUa7E_Cj3&si=gpiUkb2BzZFyjHRF