Things to do when someone say that they've been a victim of sexual violence
Things to do when someone say that they've been a victim of sexual violence
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1. Listen.
Be silent and just listen. It may be uncomfortable for her, but being sympathetic to that discomfort, believing what is said and showing your support is much more powerful than asking questions or trying to fix the problem.
2. Don't try to solve the problem.
We often ask questions because we are trying to understand what happened in order to find a solution or digest the trauma.
3. Ask about her mental / health state.
Talking to her about how she feels or what stage she is in her healing process can be helpful. And if she doesn't want to talk, it's okay to be silent.
4. Refrain from minimizing the survivor's experience.
A survivor's suffering - regardless of severity - is enough to justify counseling and support.
5. Don't make comments that indirectly blame the survivor.
Questions like "what were you using?" or "are you sure you weren't interested", can make survivors blame themselves, and therefore make them more confused and isolated.
6. The person who is telling the story may not be very close. Listen anyway.
Sometimes, the survivors reach a point where they have been keeping the suffering for so long that they open up to anyone who is there, even if the person is not close to them. In this case, it is crucial to remain silent and be a source of support.
7. Denial can aggravate the suffering.
If the person who abused the women is someone you know, a common reaction is to enter a denial process. By denying the facts, you certify that the survivor is making things up, which can further perpetuate her suffering. It is important to understand that anyone is capable of committing sexual violence, be it a family member, friend or community leader.
8. Making violent statements does not help. This applies mainly to men.
Anger arises from a source of love, but when the survivor is saying something serious and emotionally draining, an angry/ anxious reaction does not help her to process the trauma at all.
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