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Welcome to the Holy Cross Counsellors' Blog
REMEMBER & LEVEL UP
REMEMBER & LEVEL UP
There’s a print hanging in my counselling office that catches the attention of many who step into the office. The print is called ‘Auschwitz Warning’ & is a simple, powerful image of a single braid. A former Literature 12 student kindly gave it to me after we read an essay by Abba Eban about the 1961 trial of Nazi official Adolf Eichmann.
During the Holocaust, forcing prisoners to shave their heads was a deliberate move to strip away identity, individuality & basic human dignity.
The artist print is a quiet, heavy reminder of how hate can spiral—how people can learn to exclude, diminish, and eventually destroy millions of people simply because they were labeled as "different" or "inferior" (Jews, racial minorities, protesters, people with disabilities, religious groups, including Catholics & LGBTQ+ individuals)
How do totally normal people end up becoming so cold-hearted & immoral?
It’s easy to look back at World War II and think, “we’re way more ‘civilized’ now”
Before getting too comfortable, it’s worth asking yourself some honest questions:
Have I ever stayed silent while someone was being picked on, excluded, or put down? Have I ever gone along with making someone an outsider?
Have I ever treated someone cruelly?
Have I ever not cared about those who are suffering?
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
George Santayana
Beyond the Poppy... It’s tempting to treat history like old news and just move on,
but remembering is the only real way to stop repeating the same mistakes.
Brutality isn't just something that happened in far-away countries.
Here in BC, back in 1997, 14-year-old Reena Virk was swarmed, severely beaten & murdered in Victoria by a group of her peers. None of those teenagers were born evil. They were regular kids who let hate & group mentality convince them that Reena (a shy, isolated teenager who deeply craved peer acceptance) was irrelevant & worthless. Reena was targeted by her peers as an outsider, a visible minority, for her weight & her insecurities. The more popular teenagers felt she was "less than” & her life didn’t matter.
It’s not just in history—it’s happening on your feed right now. Scroll through TikTok, YouTube, Insta, or Snapchat and it doesn't take long to see people dropping slurs, hating on immigrants, or spreading straight-up toxicity.
And it’s not just online. From casual microaggressions in the hallway to targeted cruel comments, people are still getting singled out & pushed around just for who they are – lets be a school, a generation that fights against hate!
There’s an Indigenous story about a grandfather telling his grandson about a battle going on inside all of us. It’s a battle of two wolves — one is light (kindness, empathy, peace, love, gratitude, joy) and one dark (hate, fear, jealousy, greed, arrogance, anger). The grandson asks his grandfather, “which one wins?” & the grandfather wisely responds:
“the one you feed”
If you ever catch yourself thinking someone is "lame," "weird," or just doesn't fit in, switch it up and feed your light wolf by seeing them through God’s eyes. If you see someone getting messed with or treated like trash, speak up. Don't be part of a Silent Generation that stands by & says nothing
If you ever catch yourself thinking someone is "lame," "weird," or just doesn't fit in, switch it up and feed your light wolf by seeing them through God’s eyes. If you see someone getting messed with or treated like trash, speak up. Don't be part of a Silent Generation that stands by & says nothing
BE THE LIGHT
BE THE LIGHT
November is all about
remembering & reflecting,
take a moment each day to check in with yourself.
We are all capable of prejudice & cruelty (intentional or not)
Notice which wolf you're fueling & find ways to feed your light wolf,
so we all can be more kind & compassionate
Everyone deserve to feel safe & respected. If you are getting targeted or having trouble fitting in, HC counsellors are always here to listen and help - we are in your corner.
Mrs M. Parker Registered Clinical Counsellor
Ghosting Is for Halloween 👻
Ghosting Is for Halloween 👻
Ever ghosted someone because the situation felt way too awkward? You’re definitely not alone—studies suggest that over half of teens have ghosted someone before. It’s super common, but that doesn’t mean it’s the best move.
Learning to feel comfortable, in the uncomfortable is where personal growth happens. When younger you wanted to ask a server to change your order, it may have felt *’traumatizing’, but the older, wiser you knows it’s ‘no big deal’.
When we dodge uncomfortable stuff, we’re telling our brain it's dangerous & then we start treating basic awkwardness like a major threat; avoidance feeds anxiety. Ghosting can feel like a quick escape, but over time it may lead to more avoidance, guilt, stress, low self-esteem & unhealthy relationships.
Why do we ghost?
Usually, fear or anxiety takes the steering wheel. Fear says, “Run.” Anxiety says, “Avoid it.” Shame says, “Shut down.” Poofing out of existence gives you quick relief, but it teaches us to dodge conflict - instead of learning how to handle tough stuff & build healthy relationships.
For seniors contemplating Psychology majors or those interested in how our minds work:
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.”
—Carl Jung
Between a trigger (something that makes us sad, angry…) and your response (ghosting) there can be a space, a pause. That pause is your power to choose your next move instead of going with a knee-jerk reaction.
—Inspired by Viktor E. Frankl (psychiatrist & Holocaust survivor)
So how to level up when feeling triggered? First PAUSE before you react.
Before you hit block, delete… take a breath, a quick self-check, "What am I avoiding or afraid of? Are we kind, compassionate & able to deal with hard stuff?” Everyone has fears and messy feelings they would rather avoid, but practise dealing with hard stuff makes us stronger.
Ghosting might soften discomfort, but honest reflection helps us face the truth and see people as more than a harmful, faulty, insulting label (*toxic, *narcissist, *delulu…). The small pause gives you control over your next move, so you can be the best version of yourself. Then choose calm, kind communication with ourselves & others.
Not all relationships are meant to be, but how we end a relationship, speaks about who we are. Kindness keeps us human—and helps us handle real-life awkwardness without disappearing.
Hard conversations build skills that carry into other relationship. Avoid them, and our connections stay shallow. Face them with honesty and respect, and we grow stronger. So when things get tough, do not ghost—pause, talk, and choose growth.
*Be safe & kind & avoid labelling people.
*The misuse & "stickiness" of a social label trivializes the deeply debilitating, real-world challenges faced by those who actually live with these conditions. Avoid casually tossing around terms like "PTSD" "bipolar," "OCD", "narcissist"…
*If you are genuinely feeling unsafe or having trouble with someone, then it may be best to talk to a professional such as a counsellor, a teacher or parent.
Maureen Parker * Registered Clinical Counsellor
We’ve all heard it: “You should be grateful.” It usually drops right before an adult hits you with a lecture about how they had to walk 10 miles uphill (both ways) in a blizzard just to get to school.
But before you zone out - gratitude isn’t some forced manners routine. It’s a brain hack that lowers your stress levels & makes you happier.
Let’s face it, it’s incredibly easy to throw yourself a pity party. We’ve all been there — feeling like everything is unfair, everyone else has a better life & you got a raw deal. This happens because of something called " negativity bias”. Your brain is basically hardwired to give way more weight, attention, and memory to bad stuff than good stuff. Think about it: losing $20 ruins your day way more than finding $20 lifts it. You can get five compliments but spend all night obsessing over one insult. Bad news just grabs our attention faster.
When your brain's logic center (the prefrontal cortex) gets totally overridden by negative stuff, your amygdala—the brain’s emergency alarm system—starts firing as if you are in actual danger, even when you're just sitting in class.
Befriending the "thought spiral”, when you replay a bad moment over & over, escalates the loop of overthinking. It triggers cognitive distortions (fancy way of saying your brain glitches & lets one bad thought send your whole day into a nose-dive). You start assuming the absolute worst-case scenario or falling into "all-or-nothing" thinking. This “non-stop overthinking” pumps cortisol (the stress hormone) through your body, keeping you on high alert & messes with your sleep & physical health.
Think of gratitude as the emergency brake for that thought spiral. You physically cannot spin out on negative thoughts while your brain is genuinely focusing on something you appreciate. It interrupts the loop.
Gratitude isn’t about faking a smile or ignoring your problems. It’s just about noticing what is actually going right. Life throws curveballs; people aren't perfect. But you can still appreciate your life, your friends, a cool teacher, or your family without needing them to be flawless.
Here is your manual for rewiring your brain:
1. Catch & challenge the thought: Notice when your brain starts spinning a negative story & call it out.
2. Collect "Micro-Evidence": Spot 3 tiny things that went right today (did you slip into class right before the attendance bell? was the Wi-Fi actually fast?). Finding micro-wins trains your brain to look for the good stuff.
3. Choose a Radical Mindset: Accept the things you can’t change, find the courage to fix what you can't accept & learn to spot the difference (serenity prayer). You can't control everything, but you completely control YOUR responses & your choices.
4. Pause for the "Glimmers": Take a second to appreciate the good stuff—a great song, a random act of kindness, a cool sunset, or a good laugh. This physically builds new, healthier neural pathways in your brain.
BRAIN REWIRING:
just 10 seconds savoring a positive moment is a neurotransmitter boost (immediately triggers the release of dopamine and serotonin, which boost mood & pleasure). A nervous system shift is a brief mental reset which activates the nervous system & quiets the amygdala, shifting the brain out of threat or "alarm" mode.
3 to 15 minutes a day is enough to activate the prefrontal cortex & hippocampus, reinforcing positive neural loops to reduce stress and improve emotions
2 to 4 weeks of daily habits, helps rewire automatic thought patterns & 2 - 3 months helps permanent structural changes in the brain! Consistency matters
5. Record It: Make a habit of writing down or taking a mental note of what went right.
6. Reset Your System: If you feel overwhelmed, use grounding exercises & deep slow breathing to calm your nervous system. Prioritize your sleep (a sleep-deprived brain is a stressed brain).
And remember—if the spiral feels too heavy to fix on your own, counselors are available to help you reset.
Feeling grateful for you!
Maureen Parker *Registered Clinical Counsellor
10 Ways to Start the Year Off Right:
10 Ways to Start the Year Off Right:
GET INVOLVED in clubs, activities, sports, etc.
Set specific, realistic GOALS:
Break down big goals into actionable smaller REALISTIC steps; COMMIT to WORKING HARD!
POSITIVE, GROWTH MINDSET
Stretch your comfort zone & learn from setbacks. Perfection is not realistic.
TIME MANAGEMENT – PLAN AHEAD; ORGANIZE. Set up a STUDY AREA.
Bring what you need to class & bring home notebooks, texts, pens, calculator. Take good notes
Set up a SCHEDULE /CALENDAR
Consciously schedule time! Identify things that distract you (eliminate or decrease). Use planners, wall calendars, or app (Todoist Microsoft To Do. Calendly iStudiez Pro myHomework Power Planner.ClickUp)
*See a counsellor to help with time management & stress
See homework as a priority; decide how much time you are willing to allot for homework & studying; effort correlates to success. *don’t let procrastination tell you that avoiding is a good thing
SLEEP, HEALTHY EATING, EXERCISE, HEALTHY SOCIAL LIFE (limit screen time)
PAUSE to make smart decisions. Don’t put anything on SOCIAL MEDIA that is potentially embarrassing, harmful or mean (grandma check).
UTILIZE SUPPORT early before falling behind.
Teachers, Grade Level Advisers, tutorials or tutors can help with academics
Manage ANXIETY & STRESS by giving your nervous system tiny "safety signals" throughout the day (build calm-under-pressure, resilience).
Physiological Sigh: Deep breath through your nose, followed by long, slow exhale out your mouth
Simple stretches or “Shake it off": Shrug your shoulders, roll your neck, stretch or shake it off to physically release trapped adrenaline and tension.
Sensory grounding: Look around & name objects to bring your mind back to the present or think of a person, place or thing that brings you comfort (in as much detail as possible).
Panoramic Vision: Keep your head still and slowly sweep your eyes side to side. Widening your view signals to your brain that you're safe and out of danger.
Hum a low tune for a few seconds. The vibrations in your throat activate your vagus nerve to kick off your body's "rest" mode.
Appreciate something / someone in your life
Small daily habits add up to calm & resilience because your nervous system loves small, consistent signals that it’s safe!
COUNSELLORS can help with emotional (anxiety…) or social issues & work with you on skills to help you succeed both academically & emotionally.
Be the best version of yourself & good vibes to your peers, your teachers, your parents… !
Signs of Problematic Gaming:
Signs of Problematic Gaming:
Does someone you know have any of these signs that might indicate problematic VIDEO GAMING?
Playing more than 1-2 hrs a day of video games?
Spending so much time playing video games that it causes problems with home, school and extracurricular activities?
Neglecting sleep, physical activity, and other basic needs in order to spend time playing video games?
Gets upset or irritable when it is time to stop playing, or when asked to stop playing?
CHECK OUT THGIS LINK for more info https://tinyurl.com/2wusjwpf
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