March 2026 

Volume 4, Issue 5

THE SPRING EQUINOX

By: Liv Braaten

The Spring Equinox (also called the vernal or March equinox) happens when the Earth is tilted neither away from or towards the Sun. This means that the Sun shines almost directly onto the equator, resulting in nearly equal hours of daylight and darkness worldwide. It marks the beginning of Spring in the Northern Hemisphere and Fall in the Southern Hemisphere. Equinoxes occur once in the Summer and once in the Fall each year, with the Fall equinox occurring on September 22nd and the Spring one on March 21st, although the dates can vary a day from year to year. The Spring Equinox is significant to many cultures. It often celebrates renewal and the beginning of spring, or is marked because of its timing in relation to agriculture. Monuments such as Chichen Itza and Stonehenge are aligned to mark this day. Many cultures across the world have celebrations around this time. Some European countries celebrate the coming of spring by burning or “drowning” effigies meant to represent winter-related goddesses. In Japan, both the Spring and Fall Equinoxes are spent visiting and tending to the graves of loved ones  as well as holding family reunions, in a Buddhist holiday called Shunbun no Hi. 

ICE INFORMATION

By: Vynn Ghergich

Unfortunately, in this day and age, Immigration and Custom Enforcement (or ICE) is a thing that most adults and kids need to worry about. Here are some ways to protect yourself from sketchy situations 

1. Avoid areas if you hear a repetitive whistle sound, there is a community in Minnesota who will blow whistles in a repetitive pattern to signal ICE is nearby, and if they are actively detaining someone, will gather in a large group around them blowing whistles nonstop.

2. Check iceout.org, this is a free to use website with no sign in required that actively monitors ICE via the community, people report and will upload pictures of ICE spottings, and put the location they were in.

3. KNOW. YOUR. RIGHTS. If an ICE agent approaches your door, you can LEGALLY say this, “I do not give you permission to enter my home based on my 4th Amendment rights under the United States COnstitution unless you have a warrant to enter, signed by a judge or magistrate with my name on it that you slide under the door”

4. If you are near/approached by ICE… Do. Not. Lash. Out. ICE has been proven to be violent and should be treated as such, as satisfying as it would be to tell them exactly what you think of them, it is dangerous, do not run, raise your voice, and if you can avoid it, don't cry. Keep a clear tone and only reply with legally safe things (these statements are in strips on the HCIS bulletin board)

5. If you see ice in the area, report it to iceout.org if it is safe, and then get out of there. 

Please note, ICE has not been confirmed to be in the Duluth area, focusing more in Minneapolis but continue to stay vigilant.

MARCH EVENTS!

By Evelyn Maloney

As the cold months start coming to an end, and march is near, you may be wondering “What are some activities that I can do with my friends this month?” Get excited, because the activities everyone is wondering about is what I am about to tell you. 

Coming up on March 20th, bright and early at 7am, if you're interested in doing a sunrise hike before school starts on a Friday, you can go to the Duluth Lakewalk where the group hosting it encourages you to bring a hot beverage and wake up with Spring as it starts to come near! There is no entry fee for this activity, since this would be something you could choose to do on your own or now join the welcoming people who host it! 

Next up we’ve got more of the Nice Girls marketplace! They are having another Marketplace on Saturday March 14th at Spirit of the Lake Community Arts. (5401 E Superior St, Duluth MN.) If you happened to be at the last one they hosted in February I’m sure you would enjoy going to the one in March. 

If you have a sibling who loves having stories read to them, and hearing others sing songs, and they happen to be 12 or older, go to the Duluth Public Library on Thursday March 19th after school at 3:30! Your siblings or just you, have the chance to listen to a storyteller and someone who will be singing songs about past history. You have the opportunity to learn something new, have knowledge you already knew about described in a way that comes out of a book while being able to ask the questions you wonder about in the end! Just remember if you are interested in this activity, stop by at the Duluth Public Library on March 19th at 3:30.

If you have to babysit your siblings after school, and it happens to be on March 2nd, and you want them to have something to stay busy for a couple of hours so you can finally text the friend that has been sending you a nonestop flow of texts, you can stop by at the Superior Public Library and have your younger sibling play with legos from 4pm-6pm. Sounds perfect right? It’s after school and it doesn’t go that late either. Two hours for your younger sibling to tire themselves out. If you're interested just remember that it takes place on Monday March 2nd from 4pm-6pm at the Superior Public Library.

On March 1st, if you have nothing to do on Sunday, bring your friends/family or go by yourself to the Essentia Duluth Heritage Center (120 S 30th Ave W) for an open skate from 3pm-5pm. They do have an entry fee of $5 and they allow you to pay either online or at the door when you arrive. You don’t have to have experience with skating, you can show up to the rink and have no idea what you're doing. This is an activity for any age where you can have 2 hours to skate, learn new tricks, or just learn how to skate in general. 

Usually all of the local events do not require you or anyone to have experience. It’s supposed to be something fun to do and nothing more than that. So if you're interested in any of these events that were listed and want more info then just the date, time and location you will be able to find more information and details on the events on several different websites that contain the local events that take place during March.

HAS THE PRICES OF GAMES REALLY INCREASED?

By Zenon Iwen

Nintendo’s recent games have had a price increase, like $79.99 for Mario Kart World,

but something is missing. Let's take a look at the Nintendo 64, with The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time costing 60 dollars. The thing we have to look at is the value of a dollar.

A dollar at the time the Nintendo 64 came out is worth double what it is today, so that’s around 120 dollars today. So why is it that people don't want to buy the new games? The price of everyday life just gets more and more expensive. What are two things that were not around in 1996? People didn't really have streaming services, especially how many people have now. Wifi is one of the three things that are needed in your house, the others are electricity and water. You might think people would get paid more, but small businesses can't afford to pay workers more, and big companies have no reason to. The economy was not built with wifi in mind; so it doesn't work, and probably won’t for a while.

IRON LUNG AND THE APOCALYPSE

By [DATA EXPUNGED]

Recently (as of writing this, it’ll be a month behind me once this paper comes out) I watched Iron Lung on opening night at Marcus Theaters. If you haven’t seen it, some spoilers ahead. It was absolutely incredible, especially for being Markiplier’s first foray onto the big screen. Something about it reminded me of a concept I’ve thought about for a while, but never really had the motivation to write down. Specifically, the event known as The Quiet Rapture really got me thinking about how we see different portrayals of the end of the world. 

Despite a topic like the apocalypse being so all-encompassing, the way we see it and the interpretations we gravitate towards are so incredibly personal. Depending who you are, the type of world ending catastrophe that scares you might differ a lot. Is it scarier for the world to go out with a bang or a whimper? A spectacle of a finale, causing panic and the complete breakdown of communication, or a slow, crawling end that erases at such a slow rate as to be all but unnoticeable? Do you fear the end, or is there a strange comfort in it?

Also uhhh if you really like the first one and want a game built around the complete upheaval of your life, and finding a new routine and meaning after the world falls down around you, play Look Outside! It’s incredible.

[EXPUNGED]’s Song of the Month: Still by Jayden Wark

IMPORTANCE OF SHARING ART TO OTHERS: THE ARTIST’S VIEW

By: Aaliyah Kennebeck

Being an artist revolves around deep challenges, perspective, and even feeling fulfilled. As for most art, artists have some form of meaning within their artwork—whether it's personal by creating connections, or expressing anything overall.

Although many people believe art is pure talent or luck; every artist knows how it isn't simply luck. Art comes with an overweighing journey through the process of trying and failing to develop the skills suited: while finding the technique for you whether it's signature or not. Although, the journey of discovering your skill would seem simple enough; as you only have to practice to improve— right? But the continued burnouts and impatiences is what truly gets to every single artist, as it takes a lot of planning into the portrayed feelings that are soon put into the art work. However, it compounds with consistent burnouts, self doubt, criticism, and pressure from others and our own expectations.

 Artists often get overlooked for their style or artwork, it's never easy to be an artist. As for the highly famous ones: they truly built their own success by hand. And with the artist they will have their work on display or through a presentation/speech, as they truly have to dig deep into the meaning behind it. With the main factor of capturing the audience's attention but including getting their whole process along with meaning stated that's intriguing for the audience, but is able to share the work.

However, some people truly take it to heart and truly find that meaning against others' simple swift glance; not to understand, but to watch. 

As for sharing, the artwork can tell stories, beliefs, experiences, and history which brings more meaning to people or may even be relatable in a way. Many say it brings hope and the feeling as if they're not alone along with feeling heard and seen, bringing awareness for the idea into their life, and giving them a better meaning behind the idea. Some include that art brings stories, beliefs, experiences, and history all to life–showing what others felt, what it looked like, or what other perspectives are like. Things people bring by understanding and connecting with such meaning. For most, the meaning or relations can leave a print in their brain or heart, as some artwork can be expressions of what's meant to be remembered and is always forgotten. Art can show you that, it’s not just something with colors on a paper, but through music, poems, stories, and so on. 

And as for most artists, art is a way that expresses creativity, identity, feelings through experiences, and a release for most. As for the listeners or viewers: it builds empathy, understanding, it can build social change by allowing communication of complex emotions, understanding diverse perspectives, reflection on our world, and even connection. Art can form bonds and help people understand intense emotions felt. Art has and always will be equally important for others and the artists.

REALITY

By: Evelyn Maloney

Do you ever think about your life being a reality show? It could show how chaotic your little siblings act, how your parents try to stay organized but fail dramatically trying to control the little ones. If you had a chance to be put onto a reality show, where they would film your life everyday for a whole week, what parts of your life would you want to leave out? What parts would you want to have stand out to the viewers? Would you still want the show to be about your whole family, or would you want it to be based off of your perspective and how you survive through the craziness everyday. Not sure how you do it? Neither am I! I have a 9 year old sister I have to deal with everyday, she is very noisy and loves to annoy me. A great thing for her, but not so much for me is that her best friend lives in the house right behind us! So she likes to show up to our house at random times, I’ll tell you they are way louder when they're together. They eat as much sugar that we have around the house and then will be bouncing off the walls for HOURS. It’s a lot I’ll tell you, but she is my sister and I love her very much. She can be fun to hangout with sometimes, especially when she wants me to teach her some new soccer drills. Could you imagine a week by yourself? No siblings that are running around and being too loud, and no parents to tell you exactly what to do, even if you're already doing it! Wouldn’t that be a little peaceful? I would enjoy it for a day or two, but then it would feel weird not having them all around. I love my family a lot, even though all of them in one bunch are very chaotic and can be very tiring, they're still pretty awesome. I don’t think that I could ever randomly just start living without everyone around me, it would be quiet and boring. I like having my little sister around since she's always up for playing board games, drawing and making jewelry or pearler beads with me. My favorite thing about having a sister is that we both play soccer, so whenever one or the other wants to practice more we like to go together, and she gets the chance to learn more skills that she would be taught years later if she kept playing soccer. I know for a fact that all of us who have siblings have thought about how nice it would be to not have our little siblings screaming in our faces everyday, but when you think of it it’s something you’ve gotten used to. If that part in your day was taken away it would be weird, right? I would feel uncomfortable with how quiet it would be if my little sister wasn’t around. Our siblings all have their moments and we do too, but again, in the end they are family and I don’t think I would not like it if my little sister wasn’t around to run around the house screaming and acting like a crazy person, that’s something I would not be able to get used to. 

DULUTH’S TRAILS

By: Liv Braaten

Today, Duluth is known as a destination for hikers, mountain bikers, and trail users of all kinds for its extensive trail systems and scenic views of the harbor and lakeshore. The trails allow people to access the natural beauty that Duluth is so known for and are a huge part of the city’s identity, as well as its history. One of the oldest trails near Duluth (about 20 minutes north of downtown), is the Old Vermillion Trail, which dates back to the 1860s. Closer to Duluth, the Superior Hiking Trial, a continuous trail from the Canadian to Wisconsin border, was constructed in the mid 1980s and 90s. The Duluth Traverse, which connects over 100 miles of trail and several major trail hubs, was developed in partnership with the Cyclists of Gitchee Gumee Shores (COGGS). The Duluth Lakewalk is arguably the most well known trail, since it is near canal park and more tourist oriented parts of the city. In addition to these well maintained trails, there is a network of older, more rugged trails as well as a good mix of handbuilt and machine built trails, making for a trail system that has something for everyone no matter their skill level.

MADLIBS

By: Olivianna O’Leary

___________ the Monster was late for his first day of school! He ___________ out of 

his _________ bed, and rubbed the sleep out of his _________ eyes. As ________ as 

he could, He pulled his socks onto all _______ of his feet, then he ran downstairs and 

shoveled some ________ Into his _________. His mom yelled _________ !! you will 

miss the ________ bus! He grabbed his __________- ology textbook, Threw some 

__________  ___________ into his lunchbox and ________ out the door. His neighbor 

waved his ________ at him, and said ___________! _________ tried to wave back but 

tripped over his __________ __________. He got up just in time to see _________ the 

bus driver open the __________ Doors to the bus, ________ squeezed all ______ of 

his spines through a seat and breathed a sigh of ________ FINALLY, He was on his 

way to another school! Where he could meet many _________ and have a great 

_________ for his first time at a new school!

STUDENT ARTIST OF THE  MONTH: LILLY BRANDT

By Vynn Ghergich

Q: Why did you choose Harbor City?

A: I wasn't originally going to public school and was homeschooled, but then Poppy Soderlind (8) switched to go here, and her dad works here, and I really like the accommodations they have here.

Q: What is your favorite class or subject?

A: FLEX, can I say that? (yeah) Flex.

Q:What do you like to do in your free time?

A: Read, watch YouTube, draw, and make cardboard sculptures.

Q: What is your favorite thing to draw?

A: Teens, Men, 2000s style clothing, evil men, bald men, devilish men. 

Looking for a super cool Survival Minecraft server?
(yes)

You’re in luck! Join the Harbor City Minecraft server today!

IP: Chickenjockey67.exaroton.me

PORT: 63565

Bedrock and Java compatible!

Easy Difficulty

Mob Griefing off

5 IDEAS TO PUT THE ‘SPIRIT’ IN SPIRIT WEEK 

By Mr. “Back from the Dead” Cornsweat

After the past 3 months of travelling through the primordial soup, and encountering many wandering ghosts, I have uncovered the true meaning of the term ‘spirit’, and I must say; 

HCIS’s interpretation of ‘spirit’ week misses the mark by a wide margin. I have compiled this list as the definitive guide for what a ‘spirit’ week should look like. 

1): Invisible day

Go to school without anyone seeing or hearing you. I’ll leave it up to you to figure out how that works. How will we know if you actually show up? Greegraw. Greegraw knows everything. 

2): School uniform day! Yaaayyy!

Red, white, blue, and khaki only. Individualism is NOT ALLOWED. If you violate the guidelines we will send you to the scary room. Tough luck, bud. 

3): BALD

Go bald. Go on, do it. You have to go bald. For the sake of humanity, please, go bald. 

4): Steal his look: average Minnesotan man

Black and blue plaid, khaki pants, brown work, and a fish. If you say any word but ‘ope’ or ‘you betcha’ throughout the day we will also send you to the scary room. 

5): Celebrity dress-up day, and by celebrity I mean Mapple. 

I was going to include a comment about sending you to the scary room again if you’re not Mapple, but then again, no one is a celebrity compared to the omniversal fame Mapple has attained. So why would you? Go ahead. Try.

ALLERGY-FREE CAKE

Ingredients 

1 1/2 cups flour*

3 tablespoons cocoa powder (optional)**

1 cup sugar

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon vinegar (do not omit)

5 tablespoons oil

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup water

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350°F. In a mixing bowl, combine dry ingredients and mix. In a separate bowl, mix wet ingredients. Stir to combine. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and mix until smooth. 

Pour into a greased cake pan. Bake for 35 minutes for cake.

*Gluten-free option: Substitute 1 3/4 cups gluten-free flour mix for wheat flour

TAHINI CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

Makes ~18 sandwich cookies

Ingredients

Cookies:

2 c all-purpose flour

1 c unsweetened cocoa powder, plus more for dusting*

3/4 tsp kosher salt

1 1/4 c unsalted butter, softened

3/4 c sugar

1 tsp vanilla extract 

filling:

1/2 c unsalted butter, softened

1/4 c tahini

1 1/2 c powdered sugar

1 tsp vanilla bean paste or extract

a pinch of ground cinnamon

a pinch of kosher salt

Preheat the oven to 325ºF. Line two baking sheets with parchment and set them aside. In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, cocoa powder, and salt. In another bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until it’s light and fluffy. Mix in the vanilla. Slowly add the dry ingredient mixture and beat until just combined. It will still be a bit crumbly. Pour the mixture out onto your work surface and give it a few kneads to bring it all together. Dust your surface with cocoa powder and/or powdered sugar, roll out your dough, and cut out 2-inch circles. Transfer them to your baking sheet at about an inch apart (using a small offset spatula really helps with this step). Re-roll scraps and cut out remaining circles.

Bake the cookies for about 20 minutes, or until the tops are no longer shiny. Cool on the pans on a rack for 5 minutes and then remove to the rack to cool completely.

Filling:

In a bowl, beat together the butter and tahini until creamy. Gradually add the powdered sugar. Add the vanilla, cinnamon, and salt and beat to combine. 

Assemble:

Fill a piping bag with the filling and pipe a blob onto the center of half the cookies. Top them with the rest of the cookies to make little sandwiches. Store in the fridge.

Enjoy!

CREAMY CAVATAPPI

Prep time 7 mins

Cook 15 mins

Ingredients

Step One: 8 ounces (1/2 pound) cavatappi pasta

Step Two: 1 tablespoon unsalted butter

Step Three: 2 cloves of garlic, minced

Step Four: 3/4 cup heavy cream

Step Five: 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more for the pasta water

Step 6: 1/2 teaspoon finely ground black pepper

Step Seven: 1/2 cup (1.3 ounces) finely grated Parmesan cheese, plus more for garnish

Step Eight: 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

Step Nine: 1 cup frozen peas, optional

Step Ten: 1/4 cup to 1/2 cup reserved pasta cooking water

Instructions

Put a large pot of water on to boil over high heat. Season generously with salt.

Once the water is boiling, add the pasta and stir. Cook until just short of al dente, according to the package directions.

Meanwhile, make the sauce.

While the pasta cooks, add the butter to a large skillet over medium heat. Once melted, add the garlic and cook just until fragrant but not browned, about 30 seconds. 

Slowly add the cream while stirring and season with salt and pepper. Bring to a simmer, reducing the heat if needed to maintain a simmer. Cook, while stirring, until slightly thickened, about 3 minutes.

Add the Parmesan a small handful at a time, sprinkling it over the top and stirring each time until melted. Add the lemon juice and stir. Turn the heat as low as it’ll go until the pasta is ready, stirring occasionally. Drain the pasta and thaw the peas:

Reserve 1/2 cup of the pasta water. Add the frozen peas to a colander.

Drain the pasta over the frozen peas (the hot pasta will help defrost the peas)

If your skillet is big enough, add the pasta and peas to the sauce. Otherwise, add the pasta and peas back to the pasta pot and pour the sauce over the top.

Add 1/4 cup of the reserved pasta water and turn the heat to medium. Toss constantly until you have a creamy sauce that coats the noodles, 3 to 5 minutes.

COOKIE RECIPE 

Doubletooth Grizzly 

I recently baked some cookies that were quite delicious. Good old chocolate chip cookies, but with oats! And milk chocolate chips instead of semisweet. I had a lot of fun baking them! It was actually one of the few times I have ever tried baking. But they turned out perfect! They were very good with a glass of milk! They didn’t last more than 2 days. 

Yield: 36 cookies Prep time: 25 Mins 12 Mins

Ingredients 

• 1 cup (227g) butter (Salted), softened 

• 1 cup (212g) packed light brown sugar 

• ¾ cup (159g) granulated sugar

• 1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon baking powder 

• ¾ teaspoon salt

• 2 large eggs (100g out of shell) 

• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 

• 1 ½ cups (150 g) old-fashioned rolled oats

• 2 ¼ cups (320g) all-purpose flour 

• 2 cups (340g) milk chocolate chips 

Instructions 

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line baking sheets with parchment paper. 

2. In a large bowl with a handheld electric mixer or in a stand mixer fitted with paddle attachment (or I just used a whisk), add the butter, brown sugar, granulated sugar, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Mix well until light and fluffy, 1-2 minutes, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed. 

3. Add the eggs and vanilla. Mix until well-combined, scraping down the sides as needed. 

4. Measure the oats into a blender or a food processor and process until the oats are blended into a coarse powder. (I didn’t blend them, I think they were better not blended). 

5. Add the oats and flour to the bowl and mix until a few dry streaks remain. Add the chocolate chips and mix until evenly combined. (I used my hands to mix them, worked pretty well). 

6. Scoop the cookie onto the prepared baking sheets, spacing them a few inches apart. Whatever side you want. 

7. Bake for 10-12 minutes until just lightly golden around the edges but not too dark. Remove to a cooling rack and let cool completely. (I think I ended up baking them a bit longer, all ovens are different).

 WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH

By: Sonam Choetso

March 1st marks the month of Women’s History. This month is to honor and celebrate the contributions of women in American history and society. It initially started off as National Women’s Day in 1909. It then became a national week in 1981, and ultimately a full month in 1987. This celebration was created to counter the historical neglect of the achievements of women in curriculum and culture. People take this month to acknowledge the accomplishments of women throughout history, like their roles as leaders, teachers, and innovators. You can celebrate Women’s History Month by taking time to learn about women throughout history, support women-owned businesses, and support and volunteer at women’s organizations.

HOW TO TEXT SOMEONE COOL (INCORRECTLY)

By Someone

Step One: Procrastinate

Why would you text someone when you have a Steam account? Hello?? Terraria just got a final update again!!! You need to play that for the next eight hours!!!!

Step Two: Pretend

You have played Terraria from the moment you woke up and are now lying on your bedroom floor like a starfish. You have not accomplished anything, both in the game and in real life. You definitely haven’t texted either. Nothing wrong with that, though. You can imagine you talked to the cool person instead. Full control of both sides of the conversion. No stress. You are a god at socializing.

Step Three: Act normal act normal act normal

The cool person is nearby. Stare at the floor like that’s something you’ve been training to do since birth. Stare like it kicked your dog over and you’re trying to activate laser eyes. While trying to act normal, you’ve forgotten how. Eat french toast sticks with a spork. Notice a packet of syrup on your tray after you're done eating. Drink.

Step Four: Bargain

Play a game with your sibling. Make sure it's a game they aren't good at. Tell them that if they win, you’ll text the cool person. They enthusiastically agree because they’ve been invested in your state of limbo for months. You joke between turns about what you’ll say. The thought of saying anything your sibling suggests makes you want to cut your fingernails painfully short.

They win.

Step Five: Impending doom approaches…

Hype yourself up for ten minutes straight. You choose to not say anything and instead send a smear frame from an animated series you’ve been trying really hard to keep enjoying despite the rapidly decomposing writing quality. Your sibling is against this plan, but you remind them it was either this or “heyyyyyyyyyy”.

The message fails to send.

Step Six: oh

You’re not sure how you feel. Your sibling encourages you to call the person instead. You immediately refuse and try texting again. It fails again, surprisingly.

Slam your head against the wall. Regret that decision and slam your head against a pillow instead. Tell yourself this is a good thing for reasons you haven't made up yet. Eat a chocolate chip. Drink a little cup of syrup, if you're feeling crazy.

Final Step: Repeat The First Three Steps

Terraria just got updated again.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Aries, the prairie dogs. They’re on their way. Prepare. Run, hide, do what you must.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)      

Taurus, work on broadening your horizons in the world of cuisine. I’ve heard globes have plenty of nutrients!

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Gemini, I would tell you to keep being yourself, but no. Be someone else. Identity theft, schmidentity schmeft.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Cancer, you will be spoken to in your dreams by something resembling a groundhog. They want you to go after Aries. Trust them with your life.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

Leo, have you heard of therapy? You should look into that. Just a thought.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

Do you hear them? In the forest? You know what you have to do. Maybe you can save them this time.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

Taurus is gonna have a nice snack, you should go ahead and try it with them!

  Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

Scorpio, you might wanna make sure nobody’s stealing your identity. Just a precaution.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

Sagittarius, have you seen prairie dogs recently? We’re in Minnesota, what are they doing here?

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

THE DOOR HAS BEEN OPENED. IT CANNOT BE CLOSED. THE LOST ARE SINGING, PULL BACK THOSE WHO HEAR THEIR CALL.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Aquarius, I heard that Leo’s trying out therapy, and Gemini’s… stealing someone’s identity, I think? Cringe. You would never. You’re perfect. Don’t change a thing.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20) 

Pisces, Capricorn’s been acting panicked recently. You should go on vacation with them, I’m sure they don’t have anything planned.