Midterm Reflection

Writing for a reader differs significantly from writing for a listener. The language used in a persuasive speech is vastly different, or at least should be compared to the word choice in an argumentative essay because hearing and reading are separate. To craft a story that can be read and read aloud can be difficult, leading me to make important decisions stylistically. My initial goal was vocabulary, but that didn't fit with the story's personal nature, which implored me to use a first-person perspective. A third-person perspective may have been useful had I wanted to elaborate on my mom's perspective a little more. Also, I wrote with an almost "lame" tone for a majority of the story to add to the fact that the character felt stuck in a stalemate, drudging along with her life. These minor details were made and changed over time, so I needed to get over my biggest hurdle with writing (and really anything)- starting. Being given so much time for this assignment, I'm surprised I didn't push it off. I think this resulted from smaller assignments leading up to it, but also because I created a method that works for me- kindergarten stories. I started my draft by writing a ten-sentence story similar to one that a five-year-old could, which helped me figure out flaws/holes in the plot easier than pouring my heart out into a full-fledged draft and then having to delete entire sections that no longer made sense in the flow. 

Another challenge I faced while writing was portraying the tensions between my Mom and me in a way that wouldn't be misunderstood. There are a lot of stereotypes involving Indian parents, and while I understand where they stem from, many parents aren't like that. I knew that the second I introduced a conflict between my parents and me, the reader would immediately think of "Indian parents." It was difficult to combat this in my story. I attempted to balance it by showing the tensions between my Mom and me while also acknowledging that she was my motivation to choose a path, showing that she was okay with any I chose. I was so caught up in this dynamic of choosing versus not that I hadn't stopped to consider that choosing is a luxury not everyone has. By incorporating this idea that my teacher commented about (thank you), I was able to have a broader impact on the audience as the story reached out to people like me and also those who aren't. Due to this new spin, the reaction the piece evoked was motivational: take control of your life because you have opportunities that not everyone has. I hope to awaken others from what I now call the "stalemate."

While that new perspective was a breakthrough in my creative process, as I was word vomit drafting, I started getting great ideas. However, I've always been overwhelmed when I think too far into the future, so I created a system while word vomiting where whenever I thought of a new idea, I'd stop, write a note to myself, and highlight it in bright yellow to draw attention. This led to beetroot somehow becoming a core symbol of the entire story. I had started to write about my experiences with beetroot as a way to introduce the coin and knew that it would be cool if I could somehow tie things back to it, writing a note to myself with a bunch of ideas for how it could tie back in the future- many ideas of which I used in the final draft. One of the most major notes I made was when I was writing about the coin flip. While my initial idea was for it to land on neither side- not only was that an unrealistic possibility, but it also started to feel like a continuation of the stalemate. It felt like in real life, as the author, I was afraid to admit to myself which side I wanted it to land on, which is dissatisfying as a writer and reader. I decided to make the coin land on heads and have the character reject that, showing growth. When that decision was made, the outcome changed, but in a strange way, so did the outcome of my life. I'm aware I sound dramatic, but rather than learning about how to write or learning new bizarre words, I learned a lesson about myself. This story is based on my life, and before writing, I was between law and medicine. The second I realized what I was escaping by making the coin land on nothing, I realized it wasn't because I wanted a mysterious ending, but because, in my heart, I was avoiding choosing one. Now that I've chosen, I feel a sense of relief along with panic because I just realized that I don't know the first thing about being a lawyer- it's like taking a dime, throwing it into a mound of quarters, and then trying to find it. 

Perhaps that could be my next story...but before looking ahead, I see value in learning from past mistakes. While I think my narration was fine, and I didn't have any major anxiety about recording, save for trying to imitate my Mom's voice, there are many things I would do differently. While I loved beetroot being a connecting point, I like starting and ending with the same thing, but I failed to connect back to physics, which would have played a pivotal role in bringing the attention back to the opposing forces in life. Whatever you do in life will have an equal and opposite reaction. The lack of such made the work feel slightly incomplete, so I want to work on pulling the end and beginning together moving forward. Also, I could have played more into emotion. There are so many more feelings behind why I feel the pressure, yet they were not highlighted. Although the tension in the story was clear, the motives behind that stress were not explicitly stated, resulting in a loss of pathos. Overall, I'd say this was my best work all year, and I hope to grow upward with the lessons I've learned...and maybe show my Mom one day.