Scene 1
Mistletoe: Welcome to Elflandia - a land of joy and mirth!
Jazzy: Welcome to Elflandia - the most wonderful place on Earth!
Sparkle: Elflandia is a land of big dreams and curly toes.
Dash: But exactly where it is.....
All: Shhh!
Dash: Nobody really knows!
Song 1 - Elflandia
Scene 2
Jangle: Hey Jingle, what are you reading? Is it fiction or is it fact?
Jingle: Oh, it's a book about human beings, and about the way they act.
Jangle: Oh it really must be fiction then. Real humans are inconceivable.
Jingle: No human could actually exist. The things they do are unbelievable!
Pixie: I'm telling you, I think they are real! I heard their song and cheers! I heard them singing holiday songs with my very own pointed ears!
Sleigher: But have you actually ever seen a real human being? It's hard to believe in anything that you are not really seeing.
Twinkle: Once I saw some tracks in the snow that must have been 10 inches long!
Merry: And I heard a giant person singing a totally human song.
Trinket: Really? What did it sound like?
Merry: It was a little bit scary, but it went something like this (very loudly) DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY! FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!
Nougat: YIKES! That IS scary! No elf would ever make a sound like that. Are you sure it wasn't the wail of a cat?
Glitter: No! No! He's right. I heard it too. And I was so frightened, I didn't know what to do!
Pixie: Well, enough about humans and enough about a cat. We have lots of work to do, so let's cut the chat!
Sleigher: We've got to make toys and presents and stuff. No matter how much we make, it never seems enough.
Twinkle: I hate to be a downer and I hate to disappoint, But if humans aren't real creatures, then what is the point?
Merry: Ours is not to wonder why. Ours is just to make or buy.
Trinket: Well, elves have very little money, so we better bet busy. The list that Santa left for us is enough to make me dizzy!
Song 2 - Making Toys
Scene 3
Jolly: But wait a minute! Wait a minute! I can't make one more. Besides, if humans aren't real, who are we making these presents for?
Tinsel: But they are real! They are as real as you and me. Sometimes you have to believe in things that you can't see.
Blizzard: One time, this really spooky thing happened and I heard this huge human snoring. It sounded like a lion that was growling and roaring!
All: Noooooooo!
Blizzard: Yes. It sounded like this! (snores)
(all gasp)
Scout: You mean like this? (snores)
Jangle: Or this? (snores)
(soon are all saying “like this?” randomly and making hilarious snoring sounds)
Jingle: Exactly! No elf could make a sound like that. Humans are real or I'll eat my hat!
Spice: What would you do if you ever met a real one?
Eggnogger: I'd duck into the woods and run, run, run!
Jolly: I hear they are mean when they wake from a rest.
Tinsel: I hear they are often grumpy and stressed.
Blizzard: They can't all be mean and grumpy and stressed; But at holiday time, I hear some get depressed!
All: Depressed? – at the happiest time of year?
Scout: Yeah, I hear they go around huffin' and puffin'.
Jangle: I heard they eat mountains of turkey and stuffin'!
All: Ew! Gross!
Jingle: I can just see them going around like “Bah Humbug!”
Spice: Or “grrrrrrr!”
Eggnogger: Or “Mind your own business!”
Jolly: I hear they are big and loud and hairy!
Tinsel: Let's face it! If humans are real, they sure are scary!
Song 3 - Silly Humans
Scene 4
Mistletoe: Hey everybody, we just heard from Santa. He's coming in late from a day in Atlanta!
Jazzy: He said he's bringing a human along. He wants us to greet them both with a song.
Sparkle: A human? A real live human is coming? We better get moving, let's get this place humming.
Dash: Santa wants us to show them what it is we do. All his note said was “I'm counting on you!"
Garland: We can't let him down, so everyone in their place. And put on you cheeriest, bright elfin' face!
Gifty: Here he comes! Here he comes – with a human down the luge! Oh my! Oh my! That human is HUGE!!! (Santa enters with a normal human)
Santa: Ho! Ho! Ho! Hello, everyone! Sorry to be late. I've been circling the sun!
Marzipan: Welcome home, Santa! We're so glad you're here! Now, it is truly the best time of year!
Santa: And look, I've brought along a dear friend; The finest of teachers I'd like to commend.
Scout: Santa, we are so excited for you to arrive, but this human being - is he really alive?
(elves go up to human and lift up his arm and look under it, walk around him, knock on him etc)
Santa: Oh yes! He's real and the cream of the crop! What he does for children is right up on top.
Jazzy: Oh, I think we love children!
Santa: And so does he!
Jazzy: He seems almost real, but can that be?
Santa: He's real, all right, but he's having his doubts. He's worried that Happy Holidays are on their way out!
Dash: What? What? He can't be serious! He's just overworked! He must be delirious!
Mistletoe: Happy Holidays are still as real as can be! And the best thing about happiness is that it's totally free!
Santa: I know, you're right! I know this is true. If anyone can show him, I know that it's you.
Sparkle: Sir, let me see if I can speak like a human and help you understand. You see, Mr. Human sir, here in Elflandia we spend the whole year wondering if human beings really even exist. But every year, Santa comes home from his trip around the world and tells us of the amazing things he sees.
Gifty: He sees human beings of every shape and size, helping others and being nice.
Garland: He sees people going out of their way to be kind and generous, honest and good to one another.
Marzipan: Then he comes home and tells us about it, and it seems to make all our hard work worthwhile.
Song 4 - All A Part Of The Story
Scene 5
Pixie: So even if you're the only human being we've ever actually laid eyes on, Santa tells us that most of you are really wonderful and that we should be glad to reward you once a year at Christmas time.
Sleigher: If Santa says humans are great, then it must be true- It's time to celebrate!
Trinket: Well, now that we know humans are real, there is only one thing left to do.
Merry: (to audience) We'd like to take a picture with every one of you!
Nougat: So clear the way and watch your feet; elves are coming down the aisle!
Glitter: Sit up nice and straight my friends and put on a happy smile.
Song 5 - Elfie Selfie!
Scene 6
Jolly: So, I guess human beings really do exist, and there is something very nice about them that we can't resist.
Tinsel: Thank you for being so kind to each other at this special time of year, and for sharing all of your happiness and all your holiday cheer.
Spice: We hope you have a healthy year and take care of yourselves.
Eggnogger: And remember us here in Elflandia, your favourite place for elves!
All: Happy Holidays!
Reprise - Elflandia