I-Messages are a positive way to help families communicate strong emotions. During conversations or conflicts with others, we can use I-Messages to express how we are feeling and what we want to see happen.

You-messages make the other person feel like they are being blamed or accused of something (ex: “you are always arguing with your sibling”) which can lead to an argument. I-messages state the problem without blaming and people more open to solving the problem. You-messages can stop the problem solving in its tracks. It is important to keep the lines of communication open.

I-Message Template

• I feel - State the feeling

• When - Why do you feel that way?

• I would like - What would you like the person to do differently? What do you need?

• Example: Instead of saying “you are always arguing with your sibling!”, try:

• “I feel frustrated when you and your sister are arguing, I would like you to talk calmly to each other.”

We can do this!

In previous weeks, we introduced our plan to teach important Social and Emotional skills to our students. We have talked about self-awareness, self-management, and this week we are introducing self-efficacy. Perseverance is a much easier way to understand its meaning. For us to navigate the hard lessons in life, and achieve our goals, our toolbox needs to be filled with the skills needed for future successes. Self-motivation, good communication, overcoming mistakes, patience and a “don’t give up” attitude are all qualities of a successful and confident human being.

On the other hand, without building these important skills, there is danger lurking. People who have trouble persevering may feel less confident, struggle with self-esteem and may avoid hard challenges. Does your child give up too soon when learning to ride a bike or learning a new sport?

According to AboutKidsHealth, “One of the biggest mistakes adults make is preventing a child from experiencing failure. As parents we want to protect our child from experiencing disappointment. But a child who never learns to face obstacles does not learn how to rely on internal strategies to cope with them. As a result, you weaken your child’s ability to handle life’s disappointments.

Instead, teach your child how to fail better. A child learns persistence when, after experiencing a setback, they continue to try again. When facing a setback, tell your child each failed attempt is a learning experience. It is a 'step' to get to where they want. This helps redirect focus from the failed result to a more constructive question, like "What can I do differently next time I study for this test?" This way your child learns to adapt to failure or disappointment, not succumb to it.

They listen and watch what you say and do. Parents are a child’s primary role models. Share your own disappointments and willingness to work towards a goal. Continually express your belief in your own success. Watching you persevere to achieve a goal or overcome an obstacle tells a child they too can successfully manage their own environment.”

Click for more from AboutKidsHealth.

Click below to see a short video on perseverance.

https://resilienceguide.org/

Remember that learning is all around us. You might not know this but what you’re already doing throughout your day is providing your child with learning experiences. What you are doing is enough! The visual on the right (16 Everyday Activities That Count as Learning) will provide you with some examples of how your everyday activities are supporting your child’s development.

Students have been out of school for five weeks now and I’m sure there have been times that you reacted too quickly or in a way that you didn’t mean to. During these stressful times, it’s important that we practice self-management to show our kids how to manage their emotions. This week we are focusing on the Social Emotional Standard of self-management.

Module 1:

Putting an End to Arguing, Back Talk and Begging

Module 2:

Teaching Responsibility Without Losing Their Love

Module 3:

Setting Limits Without Waging War

Module 4:

Avoiding Power-Struggles

Module 5:

Guiding Kids to Own and Solve Their Problems

Module 6:

Teaching Kids to Complete Chores…Without Reminders and Without Pay

Why am I having such strong feelings with this Pandemic?

As hard as we may try, we can’t avoid what is happening all over the world. At first, Covid 19 seemed like a distant problem, but now we have all been affected. We now know that this isn’t a sprint, but rather a marathon.

In school, we teach children math, reading and writing, but social emotional learning holds as much importance when we are working to become productive and giving human beings. The Renton School District is integrating these very important skills throughout the school day. This week’s message is about self-awareness. It is important to understand ourselves before we can understand and give to others.

Grief is a natural response to the losses we experience. This loss can feel overwhelming. We feel the world has changed, and it has. You may experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from anger to shock, guilt, and sadness. We know this is temporary, but it doesn’t feel that way. This can affect your health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think clearly. These are normal reactions, and you can have a wide range of feelings. All feelings are O.K.

We have a “new normal”; worries about finances and less connection with others. We are experiencing this grief together. You or someone you know may be going through these stages of grief. Understanding the stages of grief is a start.

Stages of Grief, as identified by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross:

· Denial This virus won’t affect us.

· Anger You’re making me stay home and taking away my activities.

· Bargaining Okay, if I social distance for two weeks everything will be better, right?

· Sadness I don’t know when this will end.

· Acceptance This is happening; I have to figure out how to proceed.

Acceptance is where the power lies. We feel more empowered when we focus on the things that are within our control.

· I can wash my hands.

· I can keep a safe distance.

· I can learn how to work virtually.

· I can journal.

· I can stay socially connected.

· I can take a walk in my neighborhood.

If we’re feeling overwhelmed with grief, there is something powerful about naming it. It helps us feel what’s inside of us and helps us acknowledge what we’re going through. It is O.K. to feel your sadness, fear and anger. If we allow the feelings to happen, it empowers us. Once we practice self-awareness, we become more aware of other’s needs. Please see the info-graphic to the side for further tips.

Dear Families,

Welcome to another week of virtual learning! Each week we’ll take a closer look at one of the social emotional learning standards. One of the core components of social emotional learning is self-awareness. This skill gives us the ability to focus on ourselves and how our actions, thoughts, and emotions affect others. Just as we teach reading, writing, and math, social emotional learning is valuable and necessary to further student growth.

Many classrooms in our district have spaces for our students to take a break, calm down, and re-focus. These spaces are called many different things, so maybe you’ve heard your student call it a calm down corner, zen zone, peace area, or quiet/safe place. Students know that utilizing this space in their classroom is a non-punitive strategy to self-regulate and continue learning as quickly as possible. This space is a comfortable and calming area for students to go when they need some space to calm their bodies and minds, or reflect on their big feelings. This week we’d like to share how to create a similar space in their home. This may look different for every family and you know what will be realistic and work best for your child. It can be an actual corner that you create, a discussion of where your child feels safe and calm at home, creating a container with tools to help your child self-regulate (squeeze ball, blanket, stuffed animal, play-doh, coloring materials, etc).

Click on the video about the value in having this space in a classroom and it also discusses ways you can create one yourself. The most important part is to include your student in its creation.

Questions to ask your student:

-Where do you think would be a good quiet, peace area at home?

-What tools would you like to use there? Where can we find these tools within our home?

-When are good times to use this space?

In Partnership,

Rachel Larson

Counselor

Rachel.larson@rentonschools.us