Active Listening

Active listening is a set of techniques designed to help you hear and understand what someone else is saying and to help the speaker express him/herself clearly. Active listening focuses on both facts and feelings, reduces tension and defensiveness, and allows conflicts to be resolved more effectively.

  • Encourage

    • To show verbal or nonverbal signs of interest and to encourage the person to continue talking.

  • Question

    • To ask the speaker questions and to gather more information.

  • Restate

    • To repeat in your own words the main facts and issues and to show you have heard and understood.

  • Reflect

    • To feed back the emotional part of the message and to show you understand the feelings behind what is being expressed.

  • Summarize

    • To make a brief but complete statement that captures the essence of the speaker's perspective.

  • Validate

    • To acknowledge a person's worth, effort and feelings and to recognize the value of the person's perspective and feelings.


Pointers for Active Listening

  1. To be effective in active listening, you must genuinely want to hear and help the other person.

  2. It takes a lot of energy to actively listen, and we need to focus our energy on the speaker.

  3. Try to avoid making assumptions about how the speaker feels or what he/she might say.

  4. Try to empathize with the other person and understand what they are feeling.

  5. Show understanding, interest and no blame by nonverbal behaviors such as:

  • Posture

  • Tone of voice

  • Facial expressions

  • Gestures, body movements

  • Eye contact (depending on culture)

  1. Restate or paraphrase in your own words the person’s most important thoughts and feelings.

  2. In general, avoid “why” questions, which can sound biased or accusatory.

  3. Do not interrupt, offer advice or give suggestions. Do not bring up similar situations from your own experience.

  4. Remember that active listening does not mean that you agree with what has been said.

Blocks to Active Listening

A number of habits prevent us from truly listening to the other person.

  • Rehearsing:

    • Preparing what you are going to say when the speaker finishes.

  • Day Dreaming:

    • Letting your mind wander.

  • Judging:

    • Labeling the speaker (as stupid, a jerk, racist, etc.).

  • Filtering:

    • Picking up only on certain information and disregarding the rest.

  • Second Guessing:

    • Jumping in before the speaker has finished because you think you’ve figured out what he/she is going to say.

  • Mind Reading:

    • Trying to figure out what the other person is saying without asking for clarification; assuming you know what he/she means without finding out