From Frenemies to Fixing Conflicts

Erikk Henderson-Hood

Education Content Manager Common Sense Media

posted 1/27/2026

"Don't call me. Don't come by my house. We're done." 

If you're a librarian or middle school teacher, you're likely familiar with the popular book, film, and TV series Diary of a Wimpy Kid. The character Rowley says the line above as he ends his friendship with main character Greg, after incidents that many would consider evidence of a toxic relationship. So why would Rowley ever want to repair his friendship with Greg? 🧐

When we think of harm, we often think of bullies, both online and offline. But so much drama comes from another source: friends. No matter the grade level(s) you teach, surely you've seen inside jokes that go too far, battles about where to sit, ruthless team selection, belittling others to get a laugh, etc. And the drama doesn't necessarily take place in person: It can start or continue in online spaces, too. Often, it hurts more when harm comes from our friends, sometimes resulting in a new status: frenemies. 

Research tells us that "frenemies" is definitely a thing. If I had to pair Diary of a Wimpy Kid with a research article, I would select "With Friends Like These: Aggression from Amity and Equivalence," which has become a seminal work on middle schoolers and bullying. The researchers found that:

• Friendship is complicated: "...it seems likely that the friendship simultaneously contains both positive and negative elements…"

• Toxic friendships impact mental health: "...we find that teens who are betrayed and attacked by their friends experience significant increases in anxiety and depression and significant declines in their attachments to school."

• Maintaining friendships strengthens life goals: "...youths who retain more friends over time develop stronger life goals and deprioritize status..."

• Talking about repairing friendships is important: "Our friends change us, aid and sustain us—indeed, they keep us alive. But they also hurt and betray us, at higher rates than others, and their cuts are deep."

These complicated dynamics—especially as kids learn social skills—require us to think about repair. 🛠 So in addition to preventing and de-escalating harm, we can also help kids make things right when they sometimes go wrong. 

This is text from an article I received from Common Sense Media, aligned with the Common Sense Education web resource www.commonsense.org

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