Lesson 2 - Building our writer's palette (1)

Defying the Doctor

A LOUD SHATTERING sound, almost like a small explosion, rocked through the dome.

Colvin stared up at the rainforest when he heard the sound. He was perched high in a redwood tree near the centre of the dome, but the trees at the edge of the rainforest towered above him. Most were over two hundred metres tall.

As Colvin watched, one of the trees edging the rainforest trembled. Its broad branches shook, sending a rain of leaves and twigs and debris down to the damp ground far below.

‘Part of it’s going to fall,’ Mellie called out to him. She was perched in a gum tree at the edge of the dome, her tail wrapped around a sturdy branch for support. Her fingers pressed up against the perspex of the dome as she gazed out. ‘That was cracking wood for sure.’

Colvin nodded. He ran along a pine branch and launched himself into the air. He arced across a dozen metres of open space, and expertly grabbed at a sturdy branch in Mellie’s gum tree. He danced through the foliage until he was nearing her; then he perched on a slender branch, his lengthy toes gripping the wood firmly. He smiled at Mellie, but before either of them could say a word, Doctor Dross called from below:

‘Down here, children. At once! We have guests, recently arrived from Earth.’

Colvin and Mellie scampered down the gum tree without hesitation. The younger children automatically hurried down from their perches in various parts of the grove as well. It was an instinctive reaction. Whenever the doctor gave an order, that order was followed at once. No-one dared to defy him.

They crouched before Doctor Dross in a nervous little group. They stared apprehensively at a cluster of strangers standing near the entrance to the dome. Colvin stepped forward to greet them. It was his duty, for he was the oldest.

There were three men, one woman and two children. The children, a girl and a boy, were roughly his age. The girl giggled when she caught his gaze. The boy smirked.

Colvin bowed politely. ‘My name is Colvin, and I welcome you to the doctor’s dome.’

The girl laughed. ‘They’ve got tails!’

‘They’re monkey kids,’ said the boy. Colvin chewed his lip as he stared at the pair. He wanted to explain that he wasn’t a monkey kid. He wanted to explain that he was as human as they were. He wanted to explain that his genes had been altered to give him a tail and lengthy toes and several other modifications that would help him to survive in the rainforest. But he didn’t say a word about the process that had brought him into being. Doctor Dross had long forbidden such talk. And there was no defying the doctor.

‘I hope you enjoy your visit to the largest rainforest known to humankind,’ Colvin said. He ran his gaze over the fine clothing worn by the guests. It made him feel rather ashamed of the plain singlet and shorts he wore.

The woman smiled at Colvin. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘You’re a polite boy.’

‘They’re well-trained,’ the eldest of the men said to Doctor Dross. ‘That’s a good sign. Hopefully our investment will pay a handsome dividend.’

‘We’re going to make a fortune,’ said the doctor. ‘In a year, Colvin will turn thirteen. He’ll be old enough to—’

He was cut off by an unexpected cracking sound. Everyone turned and looked out of the dome, staring at the edge of the rainforest.

‘What—what’s that?’ asked one of the guests.

‘It’s nothing to worry about,’ Doctor Dross said soothingly. ‘A large branch is readying to fall from one of those monstrous trees out there. That’s all.’

‘Is the dome secure, doctor?’

Doctor Dross smiled at his guests. ‘The dome has been hit several times by branches weighing many tonnes. It has suffered no real damage. You are quite safe in here.’

‘Good.’ The eldest of the guests turned to the huddled group of children before him. He pointed at Mellie. ‘Surely she will soon be old enough to work too?’

‘In eighteen months,’ said Doctor Dross. ‘In five years, all of them will be working out in the rainforest, hunting for fire-fruit.’ He smiled. ‘We’ll make an easy fortune. Hundreds of millions of dollars a year.’

‘How will you make sure they do as they’re told?’ asked the eldest man.

‘What if they don’t hunt for fire-fruit? What if they don’t return from the rainforest? Our money will have been wasted.’

‘They’ll come back,’ the doctor said with a smile. ‘They’ll be wearing automated choke-collars out there.’

Colvin held a hand to his throat when he heard this. His heart thumped. Twice he’d been fitted with an automated choke-collar—for failing to respond to commands quickly enough. It was awful. He wouldn’t wish it on anybody.

Doctor Dross clapped his hands three times. Colvin, Mellie and the younger kids quickly lined up, from oldest to youngest. Colvin breathed a sigh as they did so. He knew what was coming.

‘You’re going to perform for our guests,’ said the doctor. ‘You remember the performance. You have practised it many times.’

That was true enough. Doctor Dross had dreamed up a treetop dance involving all his mutant children. It went on for ages, and they were embarrassed by it. But they performed it whenever ordered to do so, for there was no defying the doctor.

The guests gazed curiously at the row of children. Doctor Dross raised his right arm, readying to give the signal to begin. But before he could do so, another explosive cracking sound filled the dome. Everyone turned to the rainforest, the performance forgotten.

For a few seconds, they noticed nothing out of the ordinary. Then they realised that an entire tree was beginning to topple. It fell slowly at first, then faster, arcing down towards the dome, giving off a whole series of explosive cracks as it fell.

Some of the guests screamed.

‘Don’t worry,’ said Doctor Dross. ‘The dome will hold up.’

Down came the giant tree, hundreds of tonnes of trunk and branches and foliage, squeaking and groaning as it plummeted. It hit the dome with such force that the ground beneath them shook. Then it slid off to the side, falling down the curve of the dome and crashing to the ground.

Amazingly, the dome did not disintegrate. The doctor was right. Though the perspex cracked a little, and a half-metre-wide fragment of the stuff fell from the impact point, the dome held its own against a tree many hundreds of tonnes in weight.

Everyone was silent afterwards. They all looked upwards with wonder. Some of the guests breathed long sighs of relief.

The doctor then turned to the children. ‘To your cages! I need to organise repairs. The performance will be delayed.’

‘Yes, Doctor Dross.’ Colvin began to lead the others toward their confinement cages. He didn’t like being locked up during the day—it was bad enough at night. But there was no defying the doctor.

Or—or was there?

Colvin looked up at the crown of the dome, nearly fifty metres above. The hole punched in the perspex by the falling tree was small, but he realised it was big enough for a child to get through. And it wasn’t all that far from the tall redwood tree growing at the centre of the dome.

‘I could make that jump,’ he murmured to himself. His insides twisted with excitement. ‘We all could.’

He considered this, his heart thumping wildly. Then he turned to the younger kids behind him. ‘We … we’re going to climb,’ he told them. He swallowed, hardly able to believe what he was saying. ‘We’re going to walk close to the redwood tree, and then we’re going to climb.’

‘That’s right,’ said Mellie, who could see his plan at once. ‘And we’re going to keep climbing, no matter what the doctor says.’

Colvin felt sick at the thought of defying the doctor. But before long, he found himself scampering up the redwood tree, leading the others higher and higher.

‘Come back!’ cried Doctor Dross, his voice filled with rage. ‘How dare you! Come back immediately!’

Once in the crown of the redwood tree, Colvin ran along a high branch, launching himself into the air with all his strength. He arced out towards the dome and his fingers gripped the edge of the hole in the perspex. He climbed through it. Then he reached in and helped each of the others out.

‘Come back inside!’ The doctor was using the loudspeaker now, and his voice boomed up from below. ‘Come down here at once!’

But Colvin ignored the commands. He ran across the top of the dome, the others close behind. They leapt for the branch of an overhanging tree, and were soon climbing up into the rainforest canopy.

All around them were the delightful sights, sounds and smells of a wonderfully alien forest. Higher and higher they climbed, until mottled sunlight shining through the upper branches began to warm their skin.

They could still hear the doctor, though his voice was faint now. ‘You must come back, children. There will be no punishment. Come back to me and all will be forgiven!’

But they didn’t listen. They kept going, higher still, travelling further and further into the rainforest, and eventually the dome was swallowed up in the deep-green foliage behind them.

Outcomes

EN4 – 3B uses and describes language forms, features and structures of texts appropriate to a range of purposes, audiences and contexts

Develop and apply contextual knowledge

• analyse and examine how effective authors control and use a variety of clause structures, including clauses embedded within the structure of a noun group/phrase or clause(ACELA1534, ACELA1545)

Understand and apply knowledge of language forms and features

• interpret and analyse language choices, including sentence patterns, dialogue, imagery and other language features, in short stories, literary essays and plays(ACELT1767)

EN4 – 5C thinks imaginatively, creatively, interpretively and critically about information, ideas and arguments to respond to and compose texts.

Develop and apply contextual knowledge

• explore the ways individual interpretations of texts are influenced by students' own knowledge, values and cultural assumptions

• critically consider the ways in which meaning is shaped by context, purpose, form, structure, style, content, language choices and their own personal perspective

Literacy Progression links:

GrA6

Sentence level

• selects simple, compound and complex sentences to express and connect ideas, occasionally manipulating the structure for emphasis, clarity or effect

• uses at least one subordinate clause in a complex sentence

• Uses subordinating conjunctions ('even though' in 'Even though a storm was predicted, the search and rescue mission still went ahead.)

GrA7

Sentence level

• crafts both compact and lengthy sentences with challenging structures, such as embedded/relative clauses, non-finite clauses, interrupting clauses, nominalisations, passive voice • makes more sophisticated connections between ideas by creating complex sentence

Creating Texts 8-10 Generic Indicators

CrT8

• tense mostly correct throughout text (see Grammar)

• consistently writes compound sentences correctly and uses a greater range of complex sentences (see Grammar)

• uses a variety of sentence structures and sentence beginnings

CrT9

• maintains appropriate tense throughout the text (see Grammar)

• uses a range of sentences including correctly structured complex sentences (see Grammar)

• • uses complex punctuation correctly (apostrophes of possession) (see Punctuation)

CrT10

• uses a range of complex punctuation flexibly and correctly (see Punctuation)

• uses a range of sentence types for effect