Poetry

|. The rebirth of your personal history

Pandemics are caused by movement and

Communication. Consultant Corporations

For dexterity in disastrous days, teach

Us how to buy property when we hear

Coughing through the shared wall,

Multitasking in biohazard suits, the

End of all birds, spreading their seeds via

Pilotless planes, zoo’s animatronics,

The life insurance windfall and

Investing in funeral homes and

Tombstone cutters, distance learning.

These rooms were empty long before the pandemic.

Such clean floors, secure storage,

And everyone left can have a penthouse.

||. The wave

A hand wave moves along coughs

Drawn from the chest to the cafe

Tabletop and into cooling tea

From the stomach along the

Hospital bed, the feeding

Parakeets drinking milk from

Leftover cups, flying by ponds,

The ducks brushed by the geese,

Migrating from Asia to the Americas,

Over fishing boats, specialist

Catchers for specialist restaurants in

Los Angeles, fifty flights a day to

Fifty different cities.

Whoever doesn't get the flu,

Already has the flu.

|||. Mors Omnia

During disaster movies, people cheer for every quake,

Laugh at the lava melting cars into cars,

Applaud at the oncoming deadly fog and its acidic loveliness.

Educational television sends dollars to experts,

Their studies of possible dooms funded by their fear of possibilities,

Long shots of the sky,

Its protective bits are alarmingly invisible.

But unlike the twister debris,

Barnwood shot through trees,

These small viruses work indoors,

Make us sleepy,

Empty the contents of buildings,

While leaving the lights working well

And the walls ready for new photographs.

sometimes I don’t know why my spirit chose for me to go through certain things to fall in love and get heartbroken

to run so hard that I fall and scrape my knee

to find my world and have it slip away

and I’ve gotten so used to this heartbreak

I expect it

I stop myself from moving on

because I’m scared I’ll lose the progress again

I stunt my own growth, trip myself, and break my own heart before it loves why do we not even allow ourselves to try

because, my god, there is something so beautiful about dancing barefoot in the rain there’s something so wonderful about bathing in moonlight

there is something so beautiful about purposely messing up what’s expected from you there’s a reason breakfast for dinner is so popular

once you are able to

laugh at yourself dancing in the mirror

hold yourself like a lover would

stroke your own cheek

kiss your own palm

then it falls into place

why you had to cocoon yourself

why you had to lose every person

why you had to choose darkness

over. and. over. again.

to get better.

to stumble upon the right ones.

to be better.

it’s a beautiful butterfly effect as every

domino falls into place

for you are every bit of magick imaginable

you are nothing but pure light in human form

you are the way the ocean touches the shoreline you are the moon going through every phase again and again you are the aspen tree with millions of roots

you are the way fire curves and sputters and spits you are the reckless nights of chaos

you are the wolves howl

you are divine

you are heaven on earth

you are the universe experiencing itself

every part of itself

all at once

and forever apart

you are the universe experiencing itself

My skin, magnificent skin.

The color of love, power, and royalty.

My skin, loved by some and hated by others.

My skin, the road map to my life.

My skin, the story that is heard and not told.

My skin, the evidence of my parents, grandparents, and more.

My skin, a passage, a story, a truth.

My skin is elegant, my skin is extraordinary, my skin is more beautiful today than yesterday.

With every day, my skin grows, my skin evolves, my skin becomes the best it can be in the Lord's eyes.

My skin is a blessing.

My skin is wise.

My skin is intelligent.

My skin is specific and distinct.

My skin is me.

Endless

Moments

Overflowing

Tornados

Inevitably

Obeying the

Never ending

Skeptical

Be careful with me, for my shell is brittle

Cracking like a smear of mud upon my skin

Drying, hardening under the brutal sun

Smear on more, no one can get through then

But my cracking carapace sloughs off

Revealing my soft underbelly

Please, be careful with me, for my shell has been violated

They’ve chiseled away at the once solid clay

I thought my armor was of steel

Yet I have felt the jagged edges of a chisel tap away

Breaking off my shell and leaving it to turn to dust

I let them do it, I want them to

The drying shell hurts as it pulls at my skin

I want it gone, but the consequences are dire

Please, for the love of god, just be careful with me

It takes so very long to make a new shell

Day and night, days, months, years

But as it wears thin, gaping holes reveal all

They dig their chisels in, making more

Or grasp at the edges tear them painfully away

“Shoosh, it’s all right, I just wish to see you”

In my naked glory I stand before them praying to what I don’t believe

Christ, please, don’t you fucking dare, I can’t

They lied, they always do

Whispering kind words into the welcoming night

Telling me to fall, to trust

I’m left gasping and choking, clawing at the discarded chunks

I wet the dirt, the cool, comforting spread along my skin heals

It will harden, I will build it back again, I’ll fill all the holes

But there will always be someone willing to stab and chisel through

"Goodbye"

She said this knowing she couldn't heal herself

"Sorry it won't stop raining. I can't stop feeling"

"Tell me, can they see you, like I can?

Even in your darkest shadows

I always see you, I always believe you

Could they take the innocent blames

The draining of life slowly like a malignant tumor

You know, you make me want to hug the darkness

Why though?

The bullets never made me run

The typing down like you were my kite never made me leave

But the light has left my eyes

How could I defend a serial villain

How did I boast about an unfeeling raven.

"I promise I will always stay"

You said.

First snows, catching fallen maple leaves

Promises of a long lasting love

But realities of sacred lies

Your fake smiles made my life brighter.

All your untruths became the only truth I knew.

"Tell me, Tell me why you are as far as the sun

Tell me why I wanted to to reach you

Even clearly knowing I'd burn.

Please make it known to me, Why I still wanted to stay with you."

Paint the real you for me, show me you."

Understanding you was always the goal

Studying all your laughs especially the sincere fake ones

Reading your every movement, and how you always created distance

Scrutinizing your forced sarcasm and dry jokes

Still oblivious to the obvious

That you were a fake

That you enjoyed slowly drying me of any love

That you anticipated the moment

The light in my eyes would dim

Like a melting candle

But now I can't see Myself

And I don't know if I'll ever be able to let go.

Tell it as a lie if it was

How could I give you the keys to my world?

I have slaved myself for you

All your thoughts have become my own.

It was never about first snows and fallen maple leaves

Never about tying the fisherman's knot

But about how I became your scapegoat

How I never questioned the isolation and manipulation

How I never found amethyst iris

Even though I begged and pleaded

The lies you told made you my world

The lies you told made my lose my being

You are a blackhole that should never come close to any light

You draw and absorb until there's nothing left

Sometimes love doesn't heal, it kills instead.

With the moon looking down

Cratered eyes spying through the clouds Reflecting light brightens the soft air Turning structures and trees to silhouettes Like beneath breaking waves

The clouds appear to roll

And into the reef I slam

Just as they began to dissipate

I try my best to swim to the break The tides refuse

Letting down his light upon the shore A beached dream

Embedded coral and bloody salt They close again, those cratered eyes Deep as the ocean he controls

He tucks himself away behind the vapor To hide from me

I call to him

I shout with my palms to the north A challenge he accepts

From his rapture he appears

With the slightest beam of his smile I am laid to the sand

White light and goosebumps

Carved against my features

Cheekbones, nose, and Cupid’s bow Sucking and kissing on my neck Biting across my shoulders

His moonlit tongue glides

From breast to belly

Drowning in sensation

It’s high tide, Rising

And rising

I feel it first at my toes

Curling like the waves

He leans in, whispers

Crashing waves in my ear

There I am again beneath him

Beneath the waves

The current currently pulling me out Farther and farther to sea

Under the surface, glistening with his light Spooned

By the man in the moon